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"But I enjoyed smoking!" I hear that again and again from folks struggling to quit. (I've heard my own inner addict's voice whisper it a thousand times.) And so I ask this question: Was smoking ever REALLY enjoyable? One of the keys to my success this time around has been to remind myself that smoking was never really something I enjoyed. Not really. Remember that very first cigarette--the burning sensation in your throat, the acrid smell of the smoke, the cough following that first hit? I still remember it. Why did I continue to smoke? It wasn't because I enjoyed it. It was because the nicotine receptors in my brain woke up after my FIRST puff and immediately began screaming for more. I was hooked from the get-go. Smoking wasn't something I enjoyed. When I really think about it, smoking was something I hated. I hated the guilt and shame. I hated sneaking around whilst trying to hide my habit from my disappointed loved ones. I hated the dirty looks I got from non-smokers when I lit up in public. I hated the smell that permeated my clothes, my skin, my hair, my car. I hated cleaning foul, dirty ashtrays. I hated spending money only to watch it burn up. I hated huddling on the porch in the cold and rain, trying to stay warm and dry while puffing away like some kind of fiend. I hated coughing every time I laughed. I hated wheezing every time I climbed even a short flight of stairs. I hated the ulcers in my nose that wouldn't heal. And I hated the fear that each cigarette brought me a little bit closer to death. So where does that sense of "enjoyment" come from? Because I thought for years that smoking was something I liked doing. That's why I threw away quits in the past--I thought I was missing out on something. But the more I learned about nicotine addiction, the more I began to realize the truth: smoking was something I did to fulfill a craving. That's it. That sense of enjoyment was actually my inner addict's sense of relief at getting another fix. Even that first cigarette of the day, which was always my "favorite," was not an enjoyable experience. It was simply providing a rush of nicotine after 8 hours of withdrawal. (Yes, even in sleep my body was always begging for another hit.) Ok, so maybe I enjoyed the lovely quiet mornings spent on my porch with a cup of coffee. Guess what? I can still enjoy those. And I can breathe in lots of fresh, clean air while I enjoy them. Because now I'm truly enjoying them. I'm not simply satisfying a need. A need I created when I took that very first puff. (Isn't that sad?) I didn't enjoy smoking. I do, however, enjoy being smoke free. Attitude is everything in a successful quit. Change your thoughts about the habit itself, and it will save you down the road. Trust me.

I think I've hit a breakthrough in my quit. I was thinking the other day about New Year's Eve and planning my adventures for the evening. (They involve pizza, pajamas, and The Twilight Zone marathon on Syfy.) I was remembering last New Year's Eve and recalling how I spent most of the day smoking as many cigarettes as I could in preparation for my quit the next day. I thought about how I spent the last moments of 2018 smoking my last cigarette, which I extinguished at 11:59pm just as the fireworks were starting in my neighborhood. And I realized something... For the first time, I didn't feel any type of nostalgia for my former habit. All I felt was relief that I don't have to deal with it this year! I won't spend the entire day running outside (into the freezing cold) to light up every 15-30 minutes. I will be able to watch an entire episode of The Twilight Zone without taking a smoke break. My pizza will taste SO much better now that my taste buds aren't dulled by smoking. My pajamas will smell like fabric softener rather than a dirty ashtray. I won't feel the rising panic as the day winds down and my quit day draws closer. I won't have a literal panic attack as I stub out my very last cigarette. I will be with my husband at midnight instead of outside on my porch. (And I'll get a New Year's kiss this year, because my breath won't stink like cigarettes.) In short, this New Year's Eve will be something to look forward to rather than to dread. Isn't that wonderful? I don't miss smoking. Not at all! I love being a non-smoker!

babs609 Posted February 13, 2015 Quitting smoking is often referred to a roller coaster ride, and with good reason. While one minute you are feeling confident and strong that you finally "beat" that sucker. Thinking.."Yes! I'm doing it..I'm gonna make it"..only to be followed by feelings of doubt, fear, anger, frustration, sadness, lonliness..and these feelings can change within just moments. This is the part that would beat me down in prior attempts. I just was tired of the ups and downs. I think having the "ups" was actually a deterrent to my quit because it would set me up...when I would feel restless...it would piss me off because I thought I was done with all that. Please please please...keep in mind...these thoughts that just pop up out of nowhere are not YOU. Any thoughts that pop in our heads are not actually us. We aren't controlling them...we are just going about our business and them BAM! there's a thought. Now....you have a decision to make. If you are someone who normally runs with their thoughts...this could be trouble for you. You actually may believe these thoughts to be true without question. You give these thoughts power by believing they are true when in fact.....they are a complete lie all made up in your head. Being an ex-smoker in the early days or weeks of quitting without truly grasping the reality that your thoughts are not true...then you may be not only heading for relapse but are in danger of becoming a chronic relapser until you change your thought patterns. No matter what...don't believe you are a weak person. This kind of thinking re-enforces to your subconcious that other quitters are stronger and you are weaker and therefore....quitting is harder or even impossible for you. That's total BULL$HIT. That just gives the addiction more power. It's already powerful...more powerful than you. Otherwise..you would have quit long ago or maybe not even started. Although the addiction is stronger than you....it's not smarter. "Keep your friends close and your enemy's closer"....that saying couldn't be further from the truth when referring to the addiction. Learn all you can about the addiction. Don't just read....absorb it...live it...taste it....feel it...and most of all...believe it. Learn all the tricks it will try to play on you...learn what fellow quitters have done when faced with these challenges. Believe with your whole heart that you are no different than anyone else. You are not weaker than us...your addiction is not stronger than ours... Until you understand that...you will either struggle and continue this fight and give up quitting altogether until illness or death forces you to quit....OR..you will struggle and fight and relapse after relapse after relapse until you either finally absorb the teachings of fellow quitters...wasting months or years in the meantime and just making it harder for yourself than it really has to be. I wish this could be a post where a lightbulb goes off in your head and you say "aha! I got it!!! I finally got it" But that lightbulb moment is different for everyone and that's why I just ask everyone lurking and reading and contemplating quitting...to just keep coming back here...keep reading...keep reading...keep reading. Lots of posts and video's to help you "undo the brainwashing" that has been planted in your head from the years of being a smoker. It takes time......it takes patience..it takes re-enforcement... In short, it takes work...but it is sooooooo worth it. When you finally are ready...and you put down your final cigarette... Keep your arms and legs in at all times...put your buckle on...and enjoy the ride. You might as well because even though we enjoy when we feel good...it's the hard times that strengthens you. ONE DAY AT A TIME>>>ONE MOMENT AT A TIME Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/4460-the-roller-coaster-ride/

My dad died of lung cancer in September of 2006. I took care of him. I watched the horrors of the disease take over his mind and body. He was diagnosed at the end of April and it took just 5 short months to take his life. And in those 5 months, we LIVED at the doctor's office, hospital, chemo office, radiation office, emergency room - you name it, we were always there. Hardly ever at home until it came time for hospice to step in. You'd think that would have been enough for me to put the cigarettes down, but no. At least I am doing it today, I figure. I think he would at least be proud of that. My doctor harped on me endlessly about quitting because of my family history - stating how much more likely I am to get cancer because my immediate family member passed from it. You'd think that would also be enough for me to quit, hearing that every single time I go to the doctor! Doctors are smart, they know you, they care. right? My dad has just been on my mind a lot more lately than usual (he always is, but more lately) The pic is of my daddy holding me right after I was born. It's my favorite picture of me & him, always has been. Look for more blogs from me - y'all are gonna get to know me lol.. I am a very open & honest person, maybe too much so. But it is what it is ...

Nancy Quit Date: 07/07/2013 Posted April 7, 2014 · IP Bonnie, I looked and it did not originate there, so here it is... THE SMALL DARK ROOM; an analogy of a quit (Reposted from Laurap414 from The QuitNet ) Once, my existence was confined to a small, dark room. In the room was a button. When I pressed the button the room was filled with light. It was a warm, sunny light, which filled every crevice of the room with its brilliance. The light made me happy, and made me feel safe. The problem was, after a few minutes, the light would begin to fade. Soon the room would be completely dark again and I would have to press the button again. My life consisted of always getting to that button when the darkness began to fall. The darkness was scary. It was tiring getting to that button hour after hour. And in this life, it was always, always night. I heard people say that if you could endure one night in the dark, without pushing that button, you could experience Day. In Day, the button would not be needed. It would always be light, and there would be no dark to be afraid of. People said that when it was Day, you could actually leave the room. The button was still there, but you would not be reliant on it anymore. I remembered my life before the button, and looked at my friends who lived in the Day. And I knew that was what I wanted, more than anything. I hated it always being night; even though I had my button to light the world it was still depressing living from brightness to darkness, never being free, and never seeing the sun. And so one day I decided to stop pushing the button, to try and be free. At first, the darkness was a little uncomfortable. I could not see a thing, but then again the light had only been out for a short while. I knew what was in the room, no monsters there, right? Just the dark. But then, as the night progressed, scary things began to happen. I heard strange noises in the dark. Sometimes ghosts and apparitions would appear to me. And each time, no matter how much I wanted to be brave, something scared me so bad that I would reach for that button again. I never made it for more than a few hours in the dark. I would run screaming for the button, and give it a good smack. Thank God!!! The light would be warmer and more lovely than it had ever been. But then, as always, the light would begin to fade. And I would realize to my horror that it was midnight again. And I was even more afraid of the encroaching dark than ever. One day I heard of a group of people who had made it through to Day. I wanted to get out of my terrible night, and so I asked them how they made it to dawn, and then to sunrise and Day. And they told me some secrets. They told me how to deal with the ghosts who would appear in the dark, how the room would change and how all sorts of horrible things would happen. They warned me that it would be worse than a nightmare at times, but that I could do it. Best of all, they said they would help me make it through the night. This is the story of how it happened, one minute at a time. 11:59 pm. I push the button for the Very Last Time. I am very afraid.. 12:00 midnight. The room is dark. Not so bad. I can do this. 12:15 am Hearing scary noises. Scared, but Im ready for this. I can do it. 12:30 am A man appears out of nowhere. "Push the button!!!!" he screams. "Arent you afraid of the monsters? Arent you scared of the demons? Push the button! It will be light again!!!! Just do it!!!!". He is scaring me. I look at him fiercely. He goes away. He comes back many times during the night. 1:00 am The floor has turned to snakes. I am horrified. I can hear them slithering around. I want to turn on the light. I need to see them. I need them to go away. I ask my friends and they say this is normal, that it will get better. 1:30 am I can hear moans in the dark. The snakes are still here. I think this room is haunted. I am so scared of the dark. I want to push the button so the light will make the ghosts go away. I keep telling myself I am headed towards the dawn. 1:45 am Something cold and dead brushes my face. I scream. I reach for the button. My friends tell me Im doing a great job. They tell me the noises are just phantom noises. They tell me to think of the coming dawn. The snakes are still around my legs. I think the floor is getting wet and sticky, I cant tell. The noises are getting stranger. I am shivering with fear and revulsion. 2:00 am If it werent for my friends I would have gone insane or hit the button hours ago. I begin to think that the floor is wet and sticky with the blood of people who have killed themselves in here. My friends tell me its just my own sweat. I know that if I hit the button it will all go away. The noises are unbearable. My only comfort is knowing I have made it this far. I tell myself I can make it a little longer. I break down in tears from exhaustion. 2:15 am Its getting a little better now. The dark is still filled with bizarre monsters and strange sounds. 2:30 am I look out the window to see if the sun is coming up yet. It is still pitch dark. I cannot see a thing. 2:45 am The scariest part of night. I sense that I am surrounded by ghouls. I am trying to be strong even though I am beside myself with fright. Suddenly a woman appears in the room. She is holding a candle. She looks like a very competent lawyer or something, and looks very kind. I am so relieved to see her, and I invite her to sit down. She explains that she has contacted the owners of the room and that they have agreed to make an exception for me. Since I am experiencing so much fear, they will let me push the button once without setting the clock back to midnight (right back where I started). She said that they have been watching me, and since Ive been so brave, they will allow me a little bit of light to "get me through the night". "I thought that once I hit the button, I go right back to where I started no mater what", I say. "No, no, we have made a special exception in your case," she says, smiling. She looks so caring and professional. I begin to believe her. She seems completely trustworthy. I look over the contract she has brought. It all looks very legal and above-board. I get to push the button once, and the clock is not set back to midnight. It sounds extremely sensible. I am listening to the noises in the dark. There is a big bump from the darkest corner. "What was that?" I say. "That was a ghoul," she says pleasantly. "It will rip your throat out and kill you if it gets you. So not to rush things, but perhaps you want to sign the contract right NOW". I look into her eyes. I want to believe her. I reach for the pen. And then I see behind her smile, this evil green glimmer. And I smell death on her clothes. With horror, I realize that she has been sent by the Nicodemon. She is pure evil. She leans in closer, and hands me the pen. I pull back. "Get away!" I scream. "Get out of here at once!!!!". "Oh no, sweetie" she says in her pleasant voice of death. "You asked me to sit down. You read my contract. Im going to stay a while". I know she is in league with the Demon but I cant seem to move or scream. I am transfixed with her voice, her glinting eyes, her tempting smile. "Why dont we sit and chat awhile my dear?" she smiles sweetly. It seems like two hours pass. I cannot move. I have never been so scared. Crazily, I still think about signing the contract she is holding. I think of how hitting the button would make her go away. Finally I summon all of my strength, and with great effort I am able to make myself realize that she is evil and full of lies. Finally, when I admit this to myself, she stands up to leave . "Ill be back for you!!!!!!" she shrieks as she leaves. I smell her horrible stench after she goes and I want to vomit. I am shaking with the effort and terrified, but I realize I have won a battle. I am slightly proud. 3:00 am Still afraid but hanging in there. Telling myself Ive made it this far. Trying to ignore the snakes and ghouls. When I ignore them they are not so bad. 3:15 am The man keeps coming back. He is not as scary anymore. 4:00 am I think I can finally see the dawn rising in the far distance. I am completely exhausted. But I think , this is it! I have made it to Day! I am very excited. 4:15 am A little old lady appears. She is very sweet looking and gentle. "Hi honey!" she says. "Hi there" I say, glad for some company. "Rough night, huh?" she says. "Ill say", I agree. I feel relaxed, relieved, happy, so proud of myself. "And youve done such a great job," she says. I thank her for the compliment. "Such a great job, " she says, "that you deserve to hit that button one more time. Just to see it once before its gone. It was such a lovely light wasnt it?" she says sweetly. "It was a lovely light," I say. I look fondly at the button, and then look outside to the greying sky, which is filling with a dirty pale light. I think of my brilliant warm light and how it used to cheer me up instantly. "You do deserve it," she says. We chat for some time about what a great job Ive done getting through the night. She is a very sweet and understanding lady. We stroll around the room for a while, and then I look down. When I do, I realize my hand is on the button. I look into the nice ladys eyes, and suddenly I see the glint of evil green grinning back at me. "Why dont you push the button now?" she growls, in a voice that sounds like the grave. "AARGH!" I yell. I jerk my hand off the button. The lady vanishes in a puff of noxious fumes. But her words were powerful poison and it is a while before I can walk away from the button. I am terrified by the close call. 4:15 am Its getting brighter now. 5:00 am Things are going OK. I have survived a few more close calls. The old lady came back, and so did the lawyer lady, but I fought them off. The snakes and ghouls I realize were only in my head. Things are looking normal. I can see again! 6:00 am Sunrise! I never thought I would see it. Its only a matter of time before I get to see the Day. I realize I will never need my horrible button again. I am so relieved I could just cry. I am full of gratitude and thanks. I am so proud of myself, so humble. Ive come so far. And then I hear the voice. It is icy cold and gravelly, and sounds like a thousand monsters whispering together. It comes from everywhere and nowhere, it echoes through my brain. "There are monsters everywhere, my friend," it says. "There are monsters which can attack you in the grey light of dawn, monsters under the bed at sunrise, and monsters which will haunt you invisibly during the Day. These monsters can only be conquered by pressing that magic button. Did you think that daylight would protect you? Oh no. Never forget that the monsters are ALL AROUND, my friend. And the button is the only thing that will keep them away FOREVER. So watch out where you step, and listen wherever you go". I am chilled. I am terrified. I look to make sure the button is not far away. It is still there, and I am slightly comforted by this. The sunrise is not as safe as it seemed. 6:15 am I look around for day-monsters. Sometimes I can see them lurking under the bed. I had no idea that I would be afraid after sunrise. I miss my brilliant warm light. Just waiting for Day to come. 7:00 am. Sun keeps rising. Doing much better now. Monsters are less frightening. Really beginning to feel positive. 7:15 am Getting very bright. Feeling great. Knock at the door. Its the neighbour. "Hey lady," he says. "Howya doing in here? Listen, I dropped off because I noticed your light wasnt on. I just wanted to let you know that if you push that button over there, you can see a whole lot better!" "Yeah I know", I say, "but when you push the button, it stays night. The longer I leave it off, the brighter it gets, and eventually itll be as bright as Day." "Well, I hate to tell you this," he says, "but you know, it never really gets as bright in the Daytime as that light was. I mean, I tried that whole Day thing and it aint what its cracked up to be. Sure, the light gets kind of bright during the Day, but then there are cloudy days, and whatnot. And you can never really read a book with the same amount of clarity as you get with that button". "Really?" I say. "I did not know this. Because you know, I am a big reader". "Oh, yeah, that Day light, its never the same! You cant read by Day light!!! Not the way you can with this baby you got right here. I tell you what -if you want, I can jimmy this light so that it doesnt get dark at all! That way, itll be on all the time, and youll NEVER know its night outside. What do you think?" "You can do that?" I say. "I mean, I tried that before. I tried a LOT of different things to make it not seem so bad. But I still knew it was night. That light still kept going out." "No, no, no -- that was last time. I guarantee you I can fix it so that you will never feel scared that its night, and that light will always be on. Believe me, it beats the hell out of Day. I promise you. I mean look at this crappy light", he said, jerking his thumb towards the weak sunrise. "Well, OK" I said. "What do I have to do?" "Just push the button once, so I can get it going, then youll be all set," he said. "And if you dont like it, you can always try this Day thing another time, right?" He grinned pleasantly, and gave me a friendly wink. I looked him over to size him up. He was really a good-looking guy, so friendly and polite. It was obvious he knew what he was talking about, and he had a very honest face. Perhaps, I thought, my friends were wrong about this Day thing? I mean, here was a guy who could just rig up my button to fix it up just like that. And it sounded like he knew from experience that the button light was better and brighter than Day. Plus he had promised that it would work. Why would this guy lie to me? He was still standing there, smiling at me. "OK" I said, "What the heck". And I reached to shake his hand. "Excellent" he grinned. But as he smiled I got a glimpse of what was between his lips, and saw that his mouth was full of maggots. Suddenly I realized that he reeked of rotting corpses and death, and when I touched his hand, it felt like cold icy death. I looked into his eyes and saw that I was staring face-to-face with none other than the Nicodemon. "Nicodemon!!!" I shrieked. "Yes, my dear" he growled, and as he grinned at me, moving his face closer to mine, his breath smelled like ashes and cancer. "Just push that button and Ill fix that little button for you RIGHT AWAY". The maggots were still spilling out of his mouth, and to my horror I realized that his body was made up of decaying flesh. Every surface of his body was covered with sores, and from the sores leaked pus and phlegm. I looked down and saw that I was still clutching his rotting, deadened hand. "Argh!" I yelled. "You are a LIAR!!!!!! That stuff is not true! What you say is never true!!! You cant fix that button! If I push it Ill be back in the night! The button will not make the monsters go away! It never did! All it did was keep me in eternal night!!!!! NOW GO AWAY AND GET OUT OF HERE!!!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!!" And I kicked him right in the balls. "AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!" shrieked the Nicodemon. With a cloud of poisonous fumes and toxic gases he began to melt into a puddle of phlegm, until nothing was left of him except a small pile of ash. "Ha". I said. I swept up the ash and put it outside. I had won this battle, and I deserved to be proud. I had outwitted the most clever villain of all. And I had done it all by myself (with a little help from my friends). But I knew he would be back. Epilogue Sometime Around High Noon Well the sun has finally come up and its Day. Its everything my friends promised it would be. The sun is out, the birds are singing, and its simply glorious. Eventually, I even walked out of that small dark room, and left the button behind. The best part about it is, the sun never goes down here. It just stays high noon all day long, and the sun is shining almost all the time. My friends are here with me, and we never have to go back into that horrible night. The Demon came back a few more times, in a few more disguises. He almost fooled me that night that I went through the dark, and he might fool me again. But Ive got my friends behind me and they tell me about the different tricks he likes to use. He is a crafty, conniving, horrible, evil spirit, and I know that he will always do everything in his power to try and get me back. But I will be ready, and waiting. And God willing, Ill keep outwitting that son-of-a-bitch. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/343-the-dark-room/

Still winning Location: Aylesbury, Buckinghamshire, England Quit Date: 12th March 2014 Posted August 2, 2014 Hi Abby, I think if we don't understand it can be too daunting to quit. I, like many others, knew that times when we couldn't smoke were hard (train journey, plane, car etc). We were pretty desperate by the time we could smoke again. That's because after 20 minutes or so, the nicotine in a cig starts to come out of your blood stream - it creates a lack which grows and hey presto, you think about smoking and do so the next time you can. Hope this makes sense so far To not smoke is actually easier, really, I'm being straight with you. Yes initially, you get those cravings, but they are only thoughts and can only control us if we let them. After that you actually don't start to crave every 20 minutes or so, it just gets less and less. Hoping this still makes sense and trying to take you the science type route. Emotionally it's a journey. However there are literally millions of ex smokers, look at it logically, if it were that hard millions wouldn't be able todo it Allen Carr book called easy way to stop smoking works great for some folks. You can still smoke while you read it. Whyquit.com worked better for me as did reading all the info on this site that's pinned at the top of each forum. People say education is key and it's true. When we can start to change our mindset from we need to smoke to be ok it gets easier. And that's where the self education comes in, you basically read and get info that appeals to your personality but the end result is the same. We know smoking is bad for us, we choose to ignore it. Educating means we can stop ignoring it and realize some uncomfortable times and some fabulous times (honest there is both!!) mean nothing in the face of the freedom we all now feel. Better health, better finances but also self worth. Keep talking as something you say may trigger something in you that makes your mind start to work against the addiction and read up, it honestly does help. Worst case, it can't hurt to do some reading and some talking right. xx Link to original thread: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/8-posting-an-sos/

This post was written by a member of another forum by the name of jwg and brought over to preserve it. And although I never knew him his ability to write about his addiction and his approach to dying spoke to me. RIP jwg..... A lazy Texas river spanning form Kerr county Texas to the San Antonio bay on the Gulf of Mexico. If you ever need to find a place to relax enjoy the sunshine while refreshing from the hot Texas sun, nothing beats a lazy day tubing down the slow winding of deep greens and blue. Some place your arm able to reach down and feel the stones polished by the millenniums. Hiding secrets of the Alamo and days gone by. A sacred place, where no worries in the world can follow, No troubles from work are allowed to enter, only you and your desire to be at peace can break the waters edge. In my resent ventures over this past summer I had the opportunity to experience the river , its majesty and glory , Not only was I with the river I was with the finest people in the world to share the experience. By day floating lazily carefree and by night telling stories lounging about the cabin or sitting under the stars on the porch, cooking out burgers some night or fajita’s.. I often think of that trip and the fun we all had, to go back in time , even in memory can be so nice . Some days we would float solo or holding hands keeping close together. other days we banded are pack together by twine and traveled the river as one , like a Robin Hood and his merry men , or maybe Tom Sawyer and some of his boy hood chums. One particular day we were going solo , but I lashed the tube with the cooler to my rig 6 hours or so , surly you need some sort of refreshment and maybe even pull up on to a clear shore line for a bite to eat.. And so we did. After lunch two of are young explores Decided to forgo the tubes, swim a bit and comb the bottom of the river for secret hidden treasures,, Lost sunglass or the mother load a Iphone or other such valuable loot. Now with no use for there tubes , the young explores piled them on top of the cooler . So there I was, in my tube tied to a stack of three tubes and a cooler. To which the wind had greater strength to control then the slow easiness of the river current. Some times I would find the wind speeding me along , while others the wind dragging me back and my group of merry band of men flowing down the river far in front of me. While still enjoying the river the ride and the scenery I really had no control of the speed of my travel , to which side of the river I would coast. Sometimes the wind would bring me in to the tree line . Catching me on limbs and others casting me out into the deeper waters. Basicly I was at the mercy of powers much greater then myself.. As history repeats itself ,, this is where I find myself once more, only today laying in my hospital bed. With each day that passes more tubes are added to my burden, and now with each tube the wind carries me faster down the river then we could have ever imagined. Just a few hundred yards back the option of chemo loomed in the air to slow the winds and the current giving me more time to enjoy the river, but now once more due to powers beyond my control I find myself helpless. My illness grows faster then can be controlled. I am at peace, I am comfortable. I am in my tube enjoying every last minute of my ride Down the Guadalupe I can not see the end to the river nor do I look forward to its end.. I have my friends , I have my family , I have you all , and I have the love of a beautiful women , my angel, my everything to comfort and care for me I love you all And will to my best keep you posted In the mean time Don’t put things in your mouth and light them on fire !!

Welp - I guess it's time to start the blog and not clog up the threads: This is my 2nd try but it doesn't seem to show up?? But anyhow!! TEAM DEADPOOL is officially GAME ON! Today was another good day! I'm 1/2 way through my radiation treatments with only 5 days to go (excluding weekends)! After this AM's treatment I met back with my radiation/oncology team. They have reduced my steroid intake to only 1 pill a day which means the treatments are doing their job. They plan to wait 60-90 days for my next MRI to make sure everything is A-OK and that is the best waiting time to get the best results. He knew they were waiting on that 'thumbprint' gene however had not known that it was confirmed and immediately ran out to check my files. When he came back he seemed as relieved as we did yesterday! He wanted to make sure I wasn't having any side effects or vision changes (which I haven't) and advised again that in the up-coming weeks I may start to see my hair falling out. Again - small potatoes but considering I have long thick hair and they keep looking at it like 'we just don't know' and I also feel they don't want me to 'lose' site of the fact that it may or will happen just so I'm prepared. But in all honesty I do expect to lose it - and that's OK and the least of my worries at this point. All my vitals were totally normal and now that I'm down to just the 1 steroid a day sleep should hopefully come a lot easier now and I'll be over the whole 'zinging' around with this unfiltered energy at odd hours of the night. Fingers crossed!! I made my 1st frozen fruit juice pops this AM and got to try them when we got back - I have to say I'm impressed with myself lol. My mom even liked them and said it took her sweet tooth edge away. Later on I cut up some kiwi and had her try it, she actually ended up stopping by the store on her way home to pick some up she liked it so much! You go mamma!! Tonight we dine on whole wheat spaghetti - this will be a 1st for me so we'll see how it goes. A nice fresh salad mix with berries, nuts, a tad of parm cheese and homemade dressing! MMMM - cant wait!! I'm just feeling really good!! I didn't push today and even rested and recharged which was what I needed as the last thing I need to do is burn myself out. All positive thoughts and trying to find that balance with everything seems to be pulling together at last. Gearing up for the next level so to speak. I hope everyone has a great night and no matter where you are in this battle never give up - never give in or Team Deadpool will come kick your ASS!!!!

I have so much blog material at the moment. But this is one I find myself going back to today. It is so hard to be honest about addiction, not just to the outside world, but to yourself. Being critical, not scared of the cold hard truth. The courage to look yourself in the eye and explore that impulse emotion when someone calls the addiction by it's name. I posted about my relapse last night. And I found the support overwhelming, and I thank all of you that had my back. I could've said nothing. I could've forgiven myself and just leave it at that. -Which is so not me btw- BUT I think it's REALLY important for people who are quitting and haven't experienced the crisis I had this weekend, to know about this, so they can come up with a plan! AND ! BE HONEST! I did have a plan for crisis situations, when the fish tank broke down and my living room was covered with an inch of water, I knew what to do, cause I have been in such a situation before. I posted a &^@^# on the forum and I called a few friends to help me through the chaos. This crash was a new experience all together. And for everyone that have no experience in that kind of crisis it's hard enough to keep your head together and come up with something on the spot. Autistic crisis means "new" = *flat-line*= no plan.. nothing besides the chaos and sounds, feelings, lights, voices (that you can't decipher while they are definitely speak the same language as you right?) and all are dumped on a brain that just cannot process it .. I had a complete meltdown on the street and the cops had to call my crisis coach who came but couldn't stay the night (which is understandable). In other somewhat similar crisis modes when I didn't have a coach yet or when I couldn't get in contact with my coach, I went over to my neighbour a few houses down the street. She is an autism coach - not mine- and knows how to calm me down. And her door is always open even if it's 5 am in the morning. Now on to the solution! Because all of the above is just background information and "the why" is not that important. The "How to move on" is. My first thought was: " I have to be honest about it. I have to confess, not sugarcoat it, not sweep it under the rug." This will prevent: Shame - I don't know about you guys, but I HATE lying, I can't even.. I will say the most stupid things to people, which are true, but not really appropriate at that time. I have tried to train this, but it gives me more stress than necessary. So it's what you see is what you get with me. So IF I decided to withhold this information, I will be ashamed and that would prevent me from getting the right help. So BE HONEST! Junky thoughts getting a hold on me - If I not fess up to this, my Junky-me will be stronger next time this presents it self. And not the relapse it self, but the chance to actually relapse becomes bigger. If I could lie then, why not..... BE HONEST! Putting a new plan into place: Make a list of every smoker I know and TELL them. Don't try to be the lone bad ass wolf that defies the nicotine on her own when being with these people. (And yes, I should've told her a few weeks back when I ran in to her at the grocery store that I quit smoking - that is all on me! ) Asking for help with this list cause this is all I can come up with now

Renewed my effort to quit following more thoughtful watching of Allen Carr's video and mindfulness moments while I smoked. It is day five. Days one and two dragged, with many strong cravings. Days three through five passed by without too much trouble from cravings until late afternoon and this evening. I resorted to using a 14 mg patch -- I want to see how much of this is psychological for me and how much is physical craving. I'd say it is psychological, far and above physical. Today cravings were intense and I breathed and just sat mindfully through them. Perhaps four times I told myself that I was going to cave, so just go to the store and get it over with. I reminded myself of how nasty the cigarette would taste after nearly a week of not having one to blunt my taste buds. I reminded myself of the tangible harm I notice that is done -- irreparable, I think, though I am hoping for a little bit of healing. Day five is closing, I am going to sleep. I think tomorrow will be better than today because I have the practice of having worked through some strong urges to go and buy cigarettes. It's pouring rain right now (typical Seattle weather), and I like falling asleep to the sound of rain. Not ready to join the NOPE pledge yet. I want more time, more days, of being quit first. I have a lot of failures in my past and don't want to let myself down again. I feel hopeful, but I have been hopeful before. For now, I am just grateful to have succeeded for five days.

Colleen Quit Date: 6/2/13 Posted June 13, 2015 I was scared too. Thought I had this super addictive personality and all those who had successfully quit before me weren't really addicted to smoking. Shortly after you quit, you are going to figure it out, but I'll let you in on the secret now...it's a bunch of baloney. Nobody is more addicted to smoking than anyone else. It's the monster otherwise known as nicotine playing tricks on you, kick his ass to the curb because once you let go of that illusion everything seems to fall into place. Remember sticking your toe in the pool and thinking it's much too cold to swim in? Do you also remember once you jumped in (or were pushed in) you realized it wasn't that bad at all? That is exactly what quitting smoking is like. It's 10 times more easier than you thought it was. Okay, so it's not always rainbows and unicorns, but it's nowhere as bad as you think it is. Trust me, this is coming from someone that couldn't go 3 hours without a cigarette. Or trust my ticker, it doesn't lie Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/5481-are-you-scared-to-quit-smoking/

cpk Quit Date: 02/04/2015 Posted July 1, 2015 I don't know if month 5 is like going around a big bend towards magical month 6, but the promise that "it gets better" is not just empty words. I still have anxiety, but not as much. There are actually some days when I don't think about smoking at all. When I go through rough patches of anxiety or a crummy day I remind myself, "Everything isn't always about quitting smoking." This is a really exciting journey. It has been hard, but SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO worth the effort. This post is for newbies, in the early days and weeks of quitting. It can be hard. But it gets easier. Sometimes it's hard to get through the hours. Then suddenly a whole day, or days go by in utter freedom. HANG ON. The promise is real. It DOES GET BETTER Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/5573-the-promise-is-real-wow/

When I was in the shower I started thinking about my history with the cigarette. And I thought it might be an interesting story to share as so many others have been through the same thing. I was introduced to the normality of tobacco when I was 4 years old. Every male member of my family was a smoker. My granddad on my dad's side was the king; He smoked every variation there was: cigarettes, pipe, cigars and even prune (of course that last one he did not light up :P) . My mom's dad smoked camels - oddly enough I have smoked that same brand for many many years. My dad made his own roll-ups, which I as a 4 year old could buy and roll for my dad. He loved that.. and I loved doing it, cause I was good at it. For many many years we, as kids, were surrounded by poison and it left an imprint. It was normal, it was your right as a human being, it was your own choice. I didn't even think it was cool as a teenager. It was just normal. A way to ease emotions, get through lunch breaks at school, a way to find new friends on the schoolyard. In the 90's the " anti-tobacco lobby" started to grow. We used to call it that because me and my alternative/grungy friends thought we were pushed into the boring bourgeois life and the whole cancer thing was overrated and just a way to scare us. At the beginning of the millennium the realization became real and the severity started to show. I didn't cough but the rest of my friends started to show cracks. So when I wanted to get pregnant in 2001 I stopped, without any hesitation. There was no doubt in my mind it was bad for a baby, and "it" didn't have that voice yet, so I had to be the voice of reason. Unfortunately I relapsed when Morrigun was 7 months old. I didn't feel bad about it. I didn't see the danger.. Now I know that I didn't see myself as a non smoker at that time, but as a smoker that temporarily did not smoke for good reasons. And then, there was the internet. Stuff got out, articles got published, facts started to emerge.. and it finally seeped in , slowly but surely - this is bad for me! Really bad! Looking back it's no wonder that I started smoking, it was such a normal thing - but I do regret every cig, every puff - and at the same time I do forgive myself for it. The only way to get where I want to be, is to "NOPE" every single day, every single moment - and come to terms with myself as a human being.

Third day... what to say what to say. I am okay during the day, I have no cravings until 4 pm, I wasn't a during-the-day smoker.. I hated that first cigarette in the morning. The whole head rush was something I wasn't into. But when the sun goes down my head goes in to a tale spin and I really have to focus on my quit and determination to be a happier and healthier person and give myself the gift of life. I avoid my friends at the moment. I know they will give me a cig when I ask for it. And I know I am not strong enough to go head to head with temptation yet. But eventually I have to face those demons too. But first things first, get through this night and work through all the feelings and emotions. Upside: Smell and taste are improving! The boyfriend unit is very proud of me, he watched some of the documentaries with me last night - he is sweet like that. Oh oh oh and! I have a pumpkin to carve!! Decided to go with Dragonball this year - I will keep you updated with pictures when I start carving

Soberjulie Posted April 23, 2014 Sometimes it takes every last bit of you to keep your balance and not do something self destructive. I'm not talking about willpower, I'm talking about something else. I'm not sure how to describe it. It's like the part of you that wants to live, the part of you that is committed to not smoking, is connected by only the most slender of threads to the part of you driving the car, making the decisions. Sometimes you just hang in there, a minute at a time. You ask for help, but you know if you choose to you can turn away from that pretty easily, or even accidentally on purpose. Sometimes not sliding backwards counts as moving forwards. Sometimes not actively trying to die is living large. Sometimes holding your ground is a fragile miracle. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/926-hey-my-fellow-newbies-hold-your-ground/

jillar Posted November 30 *A lifetime of freedom from nicotine. *Worldwide support from members in all phases of quitting and who know and can relate to what you may go through at any given time in your quit. *Tons of educational material about our addiction to nicotine. Be it by reading, watching videos or asking other members. We have it all So what do you have to lose by becoming a member? ACT NOW and you can go into the New Year COMPLETELY SMOKE FREE! You heard that right folks. No more burn holes everywhere No more stale smoke stink on you and all your stuff AND we already told you about all the extra CASH All this and there's STILL MORE! Yep, we've saved the best for last. Quit now and enjoy better health and less colds. Better circulation, pinker gums, the list goes on and on... So give yourself the ultimate gift this holiday season. You won't regret it Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/14789-free-to-all-new-members-who-register/

NADA Members Posted October 25, 2017 When I was thirteen years old this new kid, Nick, moved into my neighborhood. At first I didn’t like him at all. In fact, you could even say he made me sick. But after a few weeks he started to grow on me and before you knew it we were hanging out daily. Nick seemed like the coolest kid on the planet…so much more mature than my childish peers. And hanging out with him made me feel cool too. Before long I found that I couldn’t stand being away from Nick. Even for an hour. My other friends were not impressed by Nick in the least. They avoided me like the plague whenever he was around. Likewise, I found myself rejecting offers to do things with my friends because I didn’t want to be away from Nick for any extended period of time. I just got too agitated and anxious. As the years went by, I lived my life on Nick’s terms. Whatever he wanted to do we did. I no longer had any input. Nick always put me in extremely dangerous situations, but I felt powerless to contradict him. This twisted relationship went on for decades. I was allowing Nick to slowly, but inevitably, drag me to the precipice. One day I woke up hacking and coughing so violently I thought I was going to die. Nick stood by my side with a blank smirk on his face. I knew right then and there that he wasn’t going to help me. He would let me wither away without a second thought. Only I could help myself. So, on November 22, 2015 I kicked my friend Nick O. Demon to the curb and vowed never to hang out with him again. My life, health, relationships and sense of well being have shot through the roof since I dumped that “friend”. I do not miss him even one tiny bit. Good riddance! Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/9243-my-friend-nick/

Jonny5 Quit Date: 2011-12-21 Posted April 28, 2014 We are all on board the quit train, chugging away to our destination, but where is that destination, when will you have arrived? the secret for me is that the train is very much like a child's train set, it has elaborate bridges, tunnels, stations etc, but ultimately the train is on a continuous loop. there are many stations where we pick up passengers, there's Cold Turkey Park, Patch Junction, E-cig Crossing, Grand Gum Central, and loads more that I've run out of names for but you get the point, we all start our journeys in different places. We all bring various amounts of baggage with us, sometimes our baggage takes up more room on the train than we do ourselves. this is often the case for a new passenger. The other occupants of the carriage are a little more experienced, and they soon help the new rider to pack away the baggage neatly, and in many cases the new rider realises that they have packed a whole load of junk that is weighing them down, so they toss it out the window, bit by bit. sometimes it's harder for folk to let go of certain belongings, items that they have held on to for years, often these false idols weigh down the passenger more than they can comprehend, but life without these false idols feels kind of raw, naked if you like, it can feel like you are loosing your very identity, until of course that you realise that your identity was one of addiction, not of choice. Along the journey, we pass through many seasons and triggers, some of us for the first time, and some of us for the hundredth time. they are frightening first time around, but we soon get used to them, and our companions comfort us and prepare us, and they warn us in advance. We soon get used to them. We pass through Cliche Canyon, here we stop for a while to stretch our legs, and to reaffirm the things we have learned along the way. we make up songs and rhymes, and acronyms for the newbies to sing, so that they remember that One Equals All, so that they know to Never Take Another Puff, and that Not One Puff Ever will keep them safe. The most treacherous part of the journey is Relapse Ravine, it lays just beyond Memory Lane, somewhere after passing through No man's Land. This can be the most lonely part of the journey, A passenger can be sitting in one of the quiet carriages, the newbie coach has gotten a bit too noisy for them, they sit and stare out of the window, gazing down memory lane, dreams of a long lost romance can fill their hearts and minds, and can drive them crazy. some of these passengers will go and chat to the newbies, they understand that they may need to be reminded of the early struggles, some of them ask the olde phartes what to do. But some unfortunately climb on the roof, bypassing the SOS safety rail, and throw themselves into relapse ravine, looking for their lost love. It is important to remember that when we are smokers, that was our comfort zone, It is not the zone that we have to live in if we wish to break free. Some of you won't like the way others will try to pull you out of that comfort zone, some of you will flourish upon it. some will take offence. There are many methods, and all of us are teachers and students when it comes to learning about how to get through to someone. However in the field of smoking cessation, and specifically of learning to be a happy non smoker, well it's like learning to read. you just do it, and then you know it, it doesn't take effort to remember how to do it, and no more learning will be needed to stop you from forgetting it. You just can, or you can not. My ability to read is not something I feel complacent about, it's something I feel confident about. there are some people on the train, who are really just riding it because they know that the train is run by volunteers, and they volunteer their time, and experience, to pay for the free ticket that was once passed to them by a friendly face many years before. Sometimes they challenge the distorted logic of the junkie, out of love and compassion for the person trapped inside, the person that reminds them of themselves, sometimes they get hugged, and sometimes they get shouted at. they know the risks of engaging the junkie, they were once the junkie too, they mostly say the things that are now so obvious to them, but once were not. They have ridden the train so much, that they know every single inch of track, they know it inside out. and they knew the moment they reached their destination. It was the same destination for all of them. it was the place where they found inner peace, no junkie chatter, no doubt, no desire or need to smoke, and no way on earth to return to smoking, without making a deliberate decision to sign up for slow suicide. I believe that is the destination that we are all trying to reach, regardless of where we boarded the train, and regardless of how rough or smooth, or long, or short our journey was. I sincerely look forward to welcoming you there, each and every last one of you. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/1045-where-does-the-train-go/

babs609 Quit Date: 07/13/2012 Posted September 20, 2016 · IP Life is really so simple...WE are the ones who make it complicated Because the truth is....if you BELIEVE the cigarette will give you any kind of comfort or joy...then you will suffer a great deal. Not just in the early part of your quit, but for YEARS after...if you can stay quit that long. This is where the education part comes in. If there is something you want that you believe will make you feel good...most people don't have the willpower to refrain from. Those that do...are miserable and live their life miserably always thinking they are being deprived. They aren't. It's all in their head. All about their belief system. I remember a show that was on...not sure if it still is but it was called 'My Strange Addiction. The people on that show had some of the strangest addictions I had ever heard of. I only watched 1 episode and on this episode..there was a couple who became addicted to coffee enemas. Their addiction became so bad that they took turns taking care of their kids so the other parent could spend 8 hours in the bathroom giving themselves an enema. That sounds crazy to you, right? Of course! But to them...it relieved them of their suffering. Well folks.....that is how non smokers look at smokers. With good reason....because after the initial physical withdrawal that only lasts a short while....that is exactly how it is. All in your head! You believe in it. Because you believe in it...you obsess over it. Because you obsess over it...you drive yourself crazy trying to convince yourself maybe this was a bad time to quit...maybe just one puff...maybe i'll just be a social smoker...maybe this..maybe that. There is no maybe. YOU STILL BELIEVE--and until you de-program your brain with constant reading, videos, repeating NOPE, mantras like 'there is no such thing as 1 cigarette" or just constantly remind yourself that you are a non smoker, that smoking a cigarette DOES NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING for you..until you reverse the programming that has been in your head for so long...you will always suffer, you will always be a minute away from relapse...you will always struggle. Even though there are thousands of "excuses" why people relapse or smoke...here are the most common BS lies. 1. Boredom--what's more boring than putting something in your mouth and lighting it on fire...really? I can think of a thousand more things to do with my time. 2. Anxiety--smoking increases your heart rate thus..increasing the anxiety (the only time smoking relieves you of any symptoms are when you are in the withdrawal period and it only gives you relief because you are feeding the addiction) 3. Help you concentrate--Really? again...an illusion (after the first few days) Smoking adds thousands of chemicals to the bloodstream and ultimately decreasing the oxygen to the brain. How does that really help?? We need oxygen to THINK...not jet fuel. 4. " I'm under too much stress right now" This is life, you will always have stress. The smoking trap was designed to hook you for life. The only 'good time to quit' is NOW. 5. ANY OTHER LAME EXCUSE ENTER HERE...cause that is what it is. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/7522-are-you-a-believer/

Sazerac Posted July 3, 2019 I think that as you gain confidence in your successful quit you will find that the skills used in quitting can be applied to other aspects in your life. For example, the notion of H.A.L.T. are you Hungry, Angry (which can be switched to emotional), Lonesome, Tired. To this day, I turn to this technique for a variety of reasons and situations. While it may not solve the underlying issue, it certainly alleviates compounding any distress by addressing these issues and I am better able to solve the problem if I am, at least, fed and well rested. Another example of using a quitting skill is deep breathing ! an excellent technique to calm myself and think more clearly. A conscious flow of Oxygen is a panacea, the handiest of magic elixirs ! Just knowing that we have the ability to change, and acknowledging the proof that we Have Changed, (we quit smoking!) gives us encouragement to change other things in our life. I know many of us have changed other aspects in our lives with 'quit smoking' skills. The self-confidence acquired in quitting, especially, encouraged me in any endeavor. What skills have you learned in quitting smoking and how have you applied them to your fabulous nicotine free life ? Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/12686-transferable-quit-skills/

El Bandito Posted April 14, 2014 Firstly - my apologies for a massive long post - but I kind of need to get this off my chest. I posted it in my blog - but then thought maybe it might be of use to someone here... Yesterday, my sister in law and her two sons came to visit. The plan is that the sister in law will stay with us for a couple of weeks - while the boys just came for the day. This is the first time that we have had houseguests since the house was refurbished before Christmas. It's quite exciting in a way. The day dawned warm and sunny - inspiring me to take the dog for a long walk and to venture into the garden for the first time this year. Lunch was eaten and wine was taken. A post prandial stroll somehow got diverted to the pub - where beer was drunk. Afternoon became evening with the help of several brandies. Long story short - I awoke this morning with a cracking hangover. Probably my first one since quitting smoking at the end of January. Conventional wisdom will tell you that hangovers are marginally better without the chemicals contained in cigarettes. I think perhaps that I am not convinced by conventional wisdom. This hangover feels pretty much the same as any other hangover that I recall. What has come as a complete surprise is that the hangover has triggered a massive craving for a cigarette. I have been awake for five and a half hours as I write this; and for every minute of those three hundred and thirty, I have been craving a cigarette. Now - I am not going to have one - I don't smoke. It is an obvious truth that non-smokers do not smoke - but it is a truth which I am having to remind myself of today. A lot. I have re-read many inspirational posts on the Quit Train.com and on Why Quit.com - determined to remove this illogical desire that I am harbouring for a cigarette. I am writing this blog post in an effort to reaffirm my determination to be a non-smoker. I can only suppose that for 30 years, I would have fought through any hangovers with the help of 'my little friend' the cigarette and that waking with a hangover this morning has re-triggered an old reaction. It does seem illogical - as if any condition illustrated how horrible it was to be a smoker - then the hangover was it. Hungover- I am always anxious, paranoid even. Two feelings that amplify the self-loathing that is never far away in any addict...but illogical or not - I cannot deny that all day today, I have wanted a cigarette. It could be that I am entering 'No Mans Land' which is how some people characterise a period where an addict moves from the "I'm quitting" period to the "Bored now". The logic is that family, friends and colleagues have become accustomed to the fact that the addict doesn't smoke anymore. Where in the early days everybody was a spectator, paying close attention to the addict and their struggle, now, it's old news. Never-smokers have no comprehension of the addiction, and smokers have conclusively decided that the addict was either never a 'proper' smoker or is miserable without their cigarettes. This last point is critical (I have just discovered!) because right now, I agree with the smoker. I am miserable. Right now - I can actually hear myself saying: "Yes, quitting smoking is tough, but it is doable. I quit for 77 days. But - at the end of the day, I enjoy it. Give me a cigarette please. I'll give you one back when I buy some in a minute. When I stop enjoying it - I'll quit again." I kid you not - I can actually hear myself saying that. I can picture myself reaching for the cigarette. I know which colleague I am asking for the cigarette... Here is the thing. I can picture myself doing it, I can hear myself doing it, but I am NOT doing it. Why am I not doing it? Really - why not? Well - there are several reasons. 1. I posted on a website that I visit this morning. I posted - NOPE. (So there must be something to this pledging :) ...) 2. I promised some people that I came to know is cyber space - that before smoking another cigarette I would post a SOS first. and I haven't. 3. If I did smoke - a lot of these people in Cyber space would be annoyed that I smoked, hurt that I did not post SOS and might even use my relapse as support for a relapse of their own. And while I know I can quit again - maybe that person couldn't. 4. Deep down - I know full well that I am hungover now. If I have a cigarette, I will still be hungover. And I will be incredibly annoyed with myself. So - I won't smoke. All of you - I am not naming names, because I would forget someone - but ALL of YOU saved my quit today. Thank you. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/611-cigarette-anyone/

intoxicated yoda 31 Posted yesterday at 07:35 PM honestly...even tho i've been quit for a few weeks, the cigs are still in control. I'm still an abstaining smoker. Most of my thoughts are dominated by the quit but that's okay. it has to be this way. my quit is a garden and right now it's full of weeds so it's going to take all my focus and effort to get all the weeds pulled. then once all the weeds are pulled it's going to take daily monitoring for new sprouts of weeds so i can dig down and find the roots. later it will take weekly monitoring for more weed sprouts so i can dig down further and get the rest of the roots. and then when i've gotten all the roots out and all the weeds are gone and there are only beautiful blooming flowers in my quit garden i still have to be vigilant in monitoring for weeds cause seeds will blow in on the wind from who knows where and they will pop up when and where i least expect them. but that is life. the garden, whatever it is be it quitting smoking or playing piano, must be tended. to do otherwise is to stop living. Link to original blog entry: Who's in Charge? https://www.quittrain.com/blogs/entry/1050-whos-in-charge/

Jonny5 Quit Date: 2011-12-21 Posted April 10, 2014 I'm not afraid of relapse one single bit. It ain't ever gonna happen. Some of you are. And there's one huge reason for that.... You have not closed the doors on your smoking past and evolved into a never again smoker, you have a lingering belief that smoking does give you some benefits and are abstaining through many methods. Abstainance looks like my quit but it is fundamentally different. There is no reason I would smoke ever and I hate smoke being anywhere near me. I am repulsed by the poisonous stench. Abstainance is going without what you want. You can abstain all your life, but it will never be the same as the true desire to never smoke again, and by definition it is never going to be as comfortable. You must discect your quitting mindset and remove any weaknesses to make it relapse proof. Seriously you have to remove all justifications. Including death of a child. Murder of a spouse. Terrible awful situations that you may face, and you must know that you would not find smoking to be a comfort. Then, like me, you will be forever free. This is the power and strength behind NOPE...it is not just a bashing word from the hardcore ex smoking police, it is the source of their quit strength. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/490-removing-the-fear-of-relapse/

REZ Posted April 23, 2014 · IP I have tried many many times through out my smoking career to quit and have failed every single time except one!!!!! This one is different, One of the reasons why I think is " I was just tired of quitting!" :unsure: Tired of having to look those same people in the eyes every time and say, ya i started again. Tired of ignoring the side effects from smoking, the smell, the shortness of breath, ect! :wacko: Tired of of all the money and services i had to fork over on loosing bets! Tired of looking and feeling like a looser to my friends and family! :blink: Tired of trying to explain to others why i started smoking again! Tired of rationalizing to myself why i started smoking again! :huh: Just got tired of trying to quit smoking!(50+times) :( Now i'm not tired anymore! :) Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/912-just-got-tired-of-quitting-again-and-again-and-again/

My husband loves to tell anyone who will listen that I'm a quitter. I "quit" my twenty year professional cleaning service ( actually the high costs of Workers comp in the state at the time forced me to close). I quit my ice cream truck business (because it sucked watching everyone having a good time while I was out putting two steps forward and ending up one step back). I quit throwing shingles to him up on the roof ( that one was his own fault for being a jerk on the roof). And then I quit smoking... I've quit quitting many a time and never really called them relapses because quite honestly I never quit to begin with. I simply abstained for a while. I really had to work myself up to just doing it. I gave myself little pep talks for months leading up to my forever quit. Saying things like "all good(?) things must come to an end". Then I would remind myself of all the things I had outgrown and convinced myself that smoking would soon be one of them. So on Sunday May 29, 2016 around 5:00 pm I smoked the last cigarette in my pack and that was that. Or so I thought..... Over the next five or so hours I proceeded to smoke every butt in my ashtrays. You see, I didn't tell anyone I quit just in case I failed so I hadn't cleaned and put away the ashtrays. So on Sunday May 29, 2016 at 10:15 pm I quit. It wasn't always easy and some days were downright brutal for me but most of that was my own darn fault. I didn't embrace the beauty in being a quitter. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself for not " getting" to smoke like everyone else could. Looking back now i truly believe your mindset is what is going to dictate how hard or how easy your quit will be. Choose easy....

Hello Quit Train Riders, Just a momentary pause to say I am still on the train. Over 6 months, $2K dollars and 3k cigarettes away from slavery. Sailing through the highs and lows with very few thoughts of smoking at all. Had a momentary major desire for a smoke earlier today and just looked at it and wondered, what the heck is this? Oral surgery went....safely. Am deeply grateful for: acres and acres to roam in glorious autumn opportunities to work the gift of health - for myself and so many I hold dear, and you dear reader! relationships that nourish my heart, soul, mind and body skills and habits that co create harmony and laughter filled beings and environments the beautiful wedding to my marvelous man my delightful cats and their happy days and nights fit, flexible fully functioning body because I do and contribute easily in comfort and grace knowing things change....and I will smile and be light of heart again hope your day is easy and laughter filled.

Day one- I make a video of myself giving myself a pep-talk/lecture. My Pre-SOS if you will and in the middle of it I am about to light one up and I am in the middle of telling myself that we are in control. We get to decide if you smoke or not. That our addiction is not in control of me. I stop mid sentence to go light that cigarette up and I look at it break it in half and throw it in the ash tray and dump water in on top for good measure. I then finish my video and didn't smoke for the rest of the day. No issues yeah I had urges and craves nothing to bad. Would tell myself Nah we don't do that anymore and move on. Then I get woke up in the middle of the night. My 17 year old daughter had sneaked out of the house. Whats worse is my 22 year old son who just had a baby and is now living with us. allowed her to sneak out and then woke me up to tattle on her. So here I am at 2 am driving around looking for my daughter cigarette in hand. Then after that was all done with I went home and went to bed. Day One Re-do- Woke up and smoked a cigarette first thing like it was nothing. At 11:10 am I went to light up a cigarette and it made me feel so nauseous that I just couldn't do it. So I decided then and there that I was not going to smoke no more. So The rest of the day went fairly easy as it did the day before. Came here and posted a post about quitting. Carried on about my day getting through each and every urge and crave with a big deep breath and an exhale of We don't do that anymore. Went to bed feeling better about myself even though I was exhausted. Day Two- I wake up to a crave went to reach for my cigarettes (which my room was the only room I smoked in. I allowed myself my goodnight cigarette and my good morning cigarette. anyway I reached for my cigarettes and realize that there wasn't a pack there. I lean up on an elbow and sleepily look. Thinking I must of knocked them down at some point. Then as my brain is clearing as I am looking for my cigarettes. I realize I can't find them because I no longer smoke. So I get up I go to the bathroom, wash my face, brush my teeth. and then go make a pot of coffee. I then proceed to make breakfast so I can take my Chantix and to get my day started off right. All the while, I am chanting we no longer smoke. I will Never Take Another Puff again. I am pushing through the craves and urges fairly easy nothing to bad. I have made it through day one and am officially working my way through day 2. My quit smoking app now says 2 days. cool. I know it is correct because I downloaded and set up the app the day before to help me keep tabs on my quit, but I did this as I made the decision for the second day in a row to help me stay accountable for my quit. So here we are my app says 2 days smoke free and I decide it is time to let the kids in on my decision to quit smoking(they knew it was coming because I have been on the Chantix a week and I told them that was part of the plan prior to this.) My daughter decides she not only wants to get an attitude, but she is wanting to push so many buttons. I look around and see my husband standing there not saying a word. I see my son sitting beside her and his wife beside him and nobody is stepping up to get my back. I had just told everyone that I was quitting smoking and that I was officially on Day Two of not smoking and that I was going to be irritable and maybe a little short tempered and here is my daughter spewing out the mouth and not one person steps up to have my back. I go into a instant meltdown. I am talking full body crave, Full mental crave, Buttons pushed, anger is pulsing, hurt is flowing all the while I am screaming like a banshee about having my back, tears streaming down my face, My family is following me. Because quite honestly I looked like a hilarious lunatic raving about something crazy. Stomping out of the house. OUT of the yard. Down the road. I look back upset. My husband is standing there chuckling to himself, because I looked quite funny throwing my shirt on the ground(had my workout sports-bra on underneath) my fuzzy over-sized pajama pants on and barefoot. I am screaming I am done. I have Y'alls back all the time and you can't never have my back. I was yelling I'm done. Keep the house, keep the car, just a true and total melt-down. So after I very painfully step on a rock. I stop look down and realize that I look like a complete and utter fool. which in turn makes me laugh and cry harder all at the same time. I then turn around insistent I am getting my shirt and my flip flops and I am still leaving. as I am walking back I am taking deep breaths. Once I got back in the yard my husband looks at me and opens his arms. I collapse in his arms and just cry. He then carries me to bed all the while I am still complaining about him not having my back. He gets me tucked into bed and hands me my laptop after turning it on and pulling my favorites up and coming here. He hands it to me and says post help others talk to others and I will finish breakfast. So I did. After that I kept close to the train and stayed in bed for most of the day. Went to bed a winner. Day Three- Woke up easy, remembered right off the bat that I was no longer smoking, so I didn't have that where are my cigarettes feeling I had on day 2. I got up and made myself breakfast and basically had an easy care free day. The day was pretty easy going nothing major stood out, Day Four- Woke up no major craves. My sense of smell is coming back. Everything smells stronger, more vibrant, more pungent. Other than that all I basically did was clean. So that way I can get my house where I can handle it. didn't realize how nose blind I was. Or should I say how smoking killed my sense of smell. Man did it ever. Cravings lets just say this, I have noticed them, but they aren't physical feeling, these ones are mental. I can feel them physically, but they start out as mental, but they are definitely there, and definitely noticeable. I am pushing through, I came to the board and pledged NOPE today. Made it through the day as a winner. Day 5 Now that we are caught up on my quit. We can start the first post of my blog. Let me tell you, about this dream. Now this dream was so vivid, so real feeling, that I woke up b****ing(don't know if cursing is allowed or not so keeping it as pg as I can) my husband out... I mean I was laying into him. I dreamed that he was mad at me because none of his pants fit him. They were either to small, to big, skinny jeans, bell bottoms(doesn't even own a pair of bell bottoms, or skinny jeans) no matter what pair of jeans I washed there was something wrong with them. In my dream this had gone on for like a month. I then dreamed that we had gotten into the car and just out of habit I reached over grab a cigarette and lit the damn thing. I instantly knew I messed up and threw it out the window. I must of woken up then because I don't remember anything else about the dream. So as I am laying there waking up I realize I am have a full on waking crave at this moment. I am irritable as hell, and mad as hell at my husband. WHO I then proceed to wake up with "Baby wake up. I was laying here thinking which I had not been. You need to go through your pants. I am tired of listening to you b***h at me for not washing the pants that fit you. How the hell am I suppose to know which pants fit you this week. SO you have three choices. Go through your pants throw away the pants that don't fit you, forcing you to have to buy pants that fit you. 2) stop B****ing at me because I washed the wrong ones or 3) lose some f***ing weight. Those are your options. and Oh by the way also in my dream you had me so upset that I forgot that I was quitting and I dreamt that I had an oops in my dream. I then realized I woke my husband up B****ing him out for a dream. I also realized that my dreamt oops also what caused my waking crave. SO I have to apologize to my husband and do something to make it up to him. I don't know make him some nice meal or something. So here we are into day 5 I talked to my doctors office. WE had decided that once I hit my second Chantix if I was handling it okay, which I am. I get nauseous, but I know the triggers of my nausea and how to manage it. So we decided to also do the Burpropion also with the Chantix, to give the Chantix a boost, but to also have the other medication in my system for when it is time to stop the Chantix. because when I talked to her about doing the Chantix to quit smoking I told her the truth. That I have had success in quitting with the Chantix, but have not had success in keeping a quit coming off Chantix. So we decided to go the extra measure and also do the Burpropion(Wellbutrin, Zyban). I just know that I am done. I am just done... Well, until bedtime, Until I blog tonight and am ready to go to bed a winner.

Wow I am almost at the 1 month quit experience! And it is.. eh yeah.. eventful to say the least. My first week was an awesome high, my second week was a mix of coughs, colds, and mixed feelings.. Then the germany trip, week 3, that has set me back.. the ads and the availability got into my head, the romancing started again.. emotions flared up and I have been trapped inside my head. I couldn't stop crying two days ago.. I almost convinced myself this quiting thing was not something I was strong enough for (-yes *ding ding ding* all the red flags there) I had to force myself to pledge... but it got easier and I can actually socialize again and tell everyone I am sti here, on the train... The only by-product now is that I have been so tense that my muscles are hurting like mad.. so I need to go and get a massage... which my autistic brain hates! (Like dentists and hairdressers.. or shopping in general.... )

I've been sick a few days and today I feel much much better, but also home alone since Friday. And that gives me way too much time to think, ponder, over-analyse and lose myself in addiction thinking. So I hung on like a crazy woman. Reading a lot of this and watching a lot of that to keep my head clear in a very literal way. I also wrote down a lot of lies that my addiction keeps telling me in this quit. Time to address one and deal with it. "What does it matter anyway, you are not worth it... " This is a big red flag to me. I have been depressed in the past, and addiction is a mean s.o.b. I'll spare you the details, but I have been fighting and working real hard to be " just happy" from a real early age, and I am happier than I have ever been at the moment. Until that tiny moment I feel lonely or panicky or anything that even resembles that past feeling, my brain reverts back to suicidal tendencies. Not that I want to- but my brain is so programmed to have that way out, that it will go there without my consent. Like a tiny seed that will always be there and starts growing the moment you look away. And my addiction is using that to wiggle it's way in again. On one side - " The urge to find peace and quiet" . Because that's what I actually wanted.. not death, but I was so tired of fighting and surviving.. I just wanted some peace and quiet. And on the other side - "The need to stop fighting and let life go" - and the cig will make sure off that eventually. But I choose Life Every day Actively And I enjoy the heck out of it! I wanted to address the topic of depression and addiction, because I know many are struggling and are ashamed to go into these kinds of thoughts. I have learned to talk about them, openly. The thoughts and feelings are only a danger if I keep them in the shadows and hide them. And I don't want to be part of this statistic - I want to be the exception to the rule! NOPE!!

A blog post about a craving at this time*? That must be one serious craving. And it is! I know that I have gotten a pack in the middle of the night on more than one occasion. Get out of bed, put clothes on, get in the car and drive for 30 minutes to the nearest 24h gas station so I could smoke one and sometimes 2 before falling asleep without the thoughts of being out of cigs in the morning. Time to take a step back and analyse this craving: What I need right now: sleep What triggered the craving: pattern based, being tired and hyper at the same time. How I deal with it: analyse the hell oit of it, blog about it, breathe and do some relaxation exercises. Note to self: get some "goodnight" tea tomorrow *1:09 am

I couldn't postpone it any longer. I had to bring some stuff over to a friend, who smokes. I warned him ahead - do not feed my addiction and please keep the smoking paraphernalia out of sight. Unfortunately he forgot... so he lit one right up next to me. Asking me if I wanted one. "HELL NO! I quit remember?" He felt very embarrassed and took everything out of the room immediately while apologizing a lot. I went on and on about this forum, and about my pledge every day and how solid I feel in this quit. Which made me choose the right option and leave early. The smell was so bad, but it somehow crept up and fed my addiction voice. So I bolted after some hasty goodbye hugs. I have the need to thank you all again, you all make my quit so much brighter and funnier. It is so good to feel connected to a group of people that have the same state of mind: "NOPE!"

Ugh! I quit while I was off work (I work M-Th, 10+ hours per day) so I haven't been at work while I quit yet. Next week we are going back to a 5x8 (M-F) schedule. I will deeply miss my Fridays off! Deeply! Working on the assembly line is different from 'other' work. We have time to 'think' a lot, if you will. Our jobs are mindless, boring, repetitive, monotonous, you name it. I just hope I don't think about smoking! Last time I was ok, but last time I had the patch. This time I am going solo! Then again, I have to wait until each break to walk 80 miles to get to a door to the outside to go smoke ... I am actually looking forward to spending my breaks the way I want to, instead of the way I had to, smoking a damned cigarette! Plus I cannot write on the board here because it's an assembly line & I cannot assemble and write at the same time! That line gets to moving pretty quickly sometimes! I don't want anyone to think that I bailed. I will try to get on here if I can, but it might be hard with just my cell phone. Anyway, here is a picture of what I assemble all day. I think this one just rolled off today or yesterday.

Only quit an hour ago, but moving forward as though this is my permanent quit. I weathered the first craving by making a pot of oatmeal with goji berries, flaxseed, chia seeds, and blackstrap molasses. Ate half. Craving has past. 8:54 am. Trying to figure out how to make a running list of cravings, not separate blog entries. Tried "add a message," and now "edit." Craving 3: passed by my cup of coffee remnants on the kitchen counter; immediate craving. Came back to QT to post the craving. Now getting ready to go to health supplement store to meet up with someone my gym trainer recommended. 3:45 pm. Ran errands. Every time I stopped the car, I had a craving. I used to smoke after I got somewhere and after I parked the car at home before I went in the house. Closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, ran a litany of diseases through my imagination, and marched right on. (After opening my eyes)

Markus Members 644 Quit Date: 02-19-2008 Posted April 13, 2014 · IP Want to quit smoking? Good. That takes some nerve and that alone is enough to get it done. You don't have to be smart, you just need to use the courage and will that you have, in the right way, and get that brain of yours aligned to make it happen. Just quit. Do it now. There, you just quit. It's that easy. Now you are craving a smoke of course. It gets better, just as soon as you set your mind to being a non smoker and you free yourself from yourself, and from how you choose to live your life. This place cannot help you quit, it can't give you a quit, and it can't keep you quit. Only you can do that, and it's a choice. Either smoke. Or quit. The only thing that can happen to you here is to get encouragement and support. All that people here can do for you is to tell you how and to promise you that it can be done. You are absolutely going to have to hold yourself accountable and commit to staying quit, all on your own. This place can be effective in teaching you how to start walking after you've been crawling (quit) on your own, if you use it the right way. Understand that you are an addict first, and that's why you smoke because smoking is your answer to everything. If you are quitting you should realize that smoking is the answer to nothing. This also includes the journey ahead of you. A cigarette will never be the answer to anything you need. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/589-want-to-quit-smoking-consider-this/

Aine Quit Date: 2-26-2014 Posted May 4, 2019 The Law of Addiction Most quitting literature suggests that it normally takes multiple failed quitting attempts before the user self-discovers the key to success. What they fail to tell you is the lesson eventually learned, or that it can be learned and mastered during the very first try. Successful recovery isn't about strength or weakness. It's about a mental disorder where by chance our dopamine pathway receptors have eight times greater attraction to a nicotine molecule than to the receptor's own neurotransmitter. We call it the "Law of Addiction" and it states: "Administration of a drug to an addict will cause re-establishment of chemical dependence upon the addictive substance." Roughly half of relapsing quitters report thinking that they thought they could get away with using just once. The benefit of fully accepting that we have a true chemical dependency and permanent priorities disorder can't be overstated. It greatly simplifies recovery's rules while helping protect against relapse. Key to arresting our illness is obedience to one simple concept, that "one is too many and a thousand never enough." There was always only one rule, no nicotine just one hour, challenge and day at a time. Navigating Withdrawal and Reclaiming Hijacked Dopamine Pathways Like clockwork, constantly falling nicotine reserves soon had hostage dopamine pathways generating wanting for more. Sensing that "want" thousands of times per year, how could we not expect to equate quitting to starving ourselves to death? Again, the essence of drug addiction is about dependency quickly burying all memory of our pre-dependency self. Thus, the first step in coming home and again meeting the real us is emptying the body of nicotine. It's amazingly fast too. Cut by half every two hours, our mind and body become 100% nicotine-free within 72 hours of ending all use. Extraction complete, peak withdrawal now behind you, true healing can begin. While receptor sensitivities are quickly restored, down-regulation of the number of receptors to levels seen in never-users may take up to 21 days. But within two to three weeks your now arrested dependency is no longer doing the talking. Quitting fears and dread are gradually thawing and melting into "like" or even "love." You're beginning to sense the truth about where you've been. It's critical during early withdrawal to not skip meals, especially breakfast. Attempting to do so will likely cause blood sugar levels to plummet, making recovery far more challenging than need be. Why? A stimulant, nicotine activates the body's fight or flight response, feeding the addict instant energy by pumping stored fats and sugars into the bloodstream. It allowed us to skip breakfast and/or lunch without experiencing low blood sugar symptoms such as feeling nervous or jittery, trembling, irritability, anxiousness, anger, confusion, difficulty thinking or an inability to concentrate. Minimize or avoid those symptoms. Eat little, healthy and often. If your diet and health permit, drink some form of natural fruit juice for the first three days. Cranberry juice is excellent. It will aid in stabilizing blood sugar while accelerating removal of the alkaloid nicotine from your bloodstream. Also, heavy caffeine users need to know that (as strange as this sounds), nicotine doubles the rate by which the liver eliminates caffeine from the bloodstream. One cup of coffee, tea or one cola may now feel like two. While most caffeine users can handle a doubling of intake, consider a modest reduction of up to one-half if feeling anxious, irritable or unable to sleep following caffeine use. One caution. While we need not give-up any activity except nicotine use, use extreme caution with early alcohol use as it is associated with roughly 50% of all relapses. The above is an excerpt from John Polito's article, "Nicotine Addiction 101". It explains the science behind why it is so darn difficult to quit nicotine and to stay quit. The full article is here: https://whyquit.com/whyquit/LinksAAddiction.html Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/12338-the-true-nature-of-nicotine-addiction/

El Bandito Quit Date: 27/01/2014 Posted November 5, 2014 Now then, let's be perfectly clear My only expertise is a little experience in smoking and quitting smoking. I have watched some videos, read some books and shared with some fellow quitters. I have zero medical experience or expertise, in fact I look away when they show operations on medical dramas. No knowledge whatsoever of brain chemistry. There is some true expertise knocking around on the forum - and a lot of it is pinned to the top of the boards - this however is just me shooting the breeze, sharing some experience and some observations. People choose to quit smoking for a variety of reasons. Some of them are deeply tragic personal experiences. The loss or debilitation of a loved one for example. Some are scared into it. Some just make a rational decision. Some people quit Cold Turkey. Some use NRT. Some use acupuncture, hypnosis. Some use Vaping. Some read books. I believe that it matters not a jot why someone chooses to quit or how they quit. Allen Carr, Joel, all sort of people have said this many many times - I am amazed at how long it has taken me to truly understand it. (Quite a thick head :rolleyes: ) One thing matters. Understanding the con. Every single one of us believed that we enjoyed smoking, that smoking gave us a benefit of some kind. Allen Carr covers this in depth - he calls it the key. We spent years convincing ourselves that we liked stinking, liked poisoning ourselves and those around us, liked impoverishing ourselves, liked being slaves to a drug addiction. Even when we stop - we yearn for the 'carefree' cigarette. BOLLOCKS! The moment that one realises that smoking does not give us any benefit and NEVER did, that it was all an elaborate con trick, then the Quit is done. It sticks. The con has worked for decades. People have made millions, no billions, of Dollars - and they continue to do so in the developing world. Perhaps the strongest testament to the power of the con - is that they are doing it again - and new generations of people are falling for it. "Here, take a strange looking pen shaped object, suck it and enjoy some vapour. Yes! Vapour. It's cool. Look you can have coffee flavoured vapour! To make the vapour even better, we have added a special ingredient called nicotine - this nicotine is brilliant as an insecticide, at fooling receptors in your brain and here is the real kicker.....nicotine is an absolute superstar at addicting you - guaranteeing that you personally will pay US a fortune for the rest of your life. 10% off if you buy an extra pack!" People are queuing up to suck this stuff in. I see them interviewed on TV "why are you vaping?" "it's kinda cool yaknow? Relaxes me innit. I enjoy it" Really? Sucking a pen is cool? You enjoy it? What the flavour? The coffee flavour? Here's an idea - HAVE A COFFEE! A quit fails because a little part of us clings onto the idea (an idea being pushed all around us) that smoking was enjoyable. It wasn't. It is a con. Understand this, really understand it and come to rely on it when you feel the siren call of a cigarette - and whether your quit started a year ago, a month ago, yesterday, today or even tomorrow - your quit will stick. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/3345-why-a-quit-sticks/

I started smoking when I was in my early teens and continued off and on for the next 28 years. During that period there were a couple of quits which lasted several years. My last major attempt at quitting smoking was in 2005 in which I was able to stay smoke-free for just under 6 years. In 2011, I made the decision to throw my quit away one evening when I was in a stressful situation and decided that smoking a cigarette would relax me. When I took my first puff that evening I felt like I was home. I wondered why I had even quit smoking at all in the first place. I thought I enjoyed it and even thought to myself that smoking was the greatest thing on earth. I had no regrets, only satisfaction. I didn’t know a single thing about nicotine addiction and ignorantly believed all the lies. I was a junkie. No, not some junkie out on the street begging and stealing to feed my addiction but rather a well dressed professional with a wife and three wonderful children. But make no mistake about it, I was a junkie just the same in need of a fix of nicotine to make everything better. This one cigarette woke up my nicotine addiction and I continued to smoke for ~2 years. In early December 2012 I went to see my Dr. about something unrelated and before I left I decided to mention that I wanted to quit smoking but enjoyed it too much. I told him that I could quit if I really wanted to, I just didn’t want to. I told him that I wanted to quit smoking for my family because they meant everything to me and I knew that the cigarettes would eventually catch up with me if I didn’t quit for good. In a nutshell, he told me I was full of shit. He told me that my family wasn’t the most important thing in my life, cigarettes were. He also went on to tell me that I was an addict to which I laughed and said “you’re telling me that I’m an addict because I’m smoking tobacco? It’s not like I’m shooting heroin or snorting cocaine.” He chuckled to himself and said “you’re the exact definition of an addict and the only reason why you’re not out on the streets stealing to feed your addiction is because cigarettes are legal.” I was mad as I sat there. How could this man say these things to me? I really do enjoy smoking. I sat and I listened. He gave me a prescription for Wellbutrin XL to help me quit smoking. I told him that I didn’t need any medication to quit smoking and he informed me that I had been smoking for nearly 28 years with several failed attempts at quitting and whatever I was doing was not working. After about 5 days the medication started to work to the point that after 2 or 3 pulls on a cigarette, I would get sick to my stomach and be on the verge of puking. Still, I lit one cigarette after another hoping that the nausea would not last, but it did and finally on December 17, 2012, I decided that I had enough and quit. This time I stayed nicotine free for 9 months and was sure I would never smoke again. I spent hour after hour, day after day reading everything I could about nicotine addiction. I watched the documentaries about the evil tobacco companies (which are on this website and very good I might add), joined a support group online and was sure I had all the answers to staying quit for good. But as things go, I relapsed again in September 2013 because of one reason; I still believed that the cigarette had something to offer me. After all of the reading and learning about nicotine addiction, none of it mattered because somewhere in the back of my mind I still believed in the cigarette. Thankfully, my relapse was short-lived and lasted only 1 week and 1 pack of cigarettes. What a shame it was to light the first of some 20 odd cigarettes after being smoke-free for ~9 months. Those 9 months prior that I speak of, although smoke-free, I was still believing somewhere in the back of my mind that cigarettes could offer me something because of my triumphant reunion with them nearly two years prior. It was all a big lie perpetuated by me. When I bought that pack in October I thought it would help. After reading Allen Carr’s book several times and being proactive for so many months, who was I kidding? The only thing I got from it was emptiness. It was at this moment and 19 cigarettes later that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that cigarettes could not do a damn thing for me. It took a one week relapse for me to 100% believe that no matter what happens in life, no matter how crappy I feel, cigarettes will not do anything. With each and every cigarette I analyzed how I felt. From the very first pull on that cigarette I was ultra aware of how I was feeling. I remembered Allen Carr. I remembered the lies. I remembered all the former smokers in the support group. I recalled all I had read about this addiction. I was still waiting for the enjoyment because I thought it really existed. Not only did I not get one bit of enjoyment from any of it, but I also found out the hard way that there isn’t a single thing enjoyable about smoking. It wasn’t until I truly understood that I got nothing from smoking that I willingly put the cigarettes down without any medication and without a second thought. However, close to the end of that week of smoking I could feel the addiction coming on strong. Had I not chosen to quit smoking on October 7th, 2013, I feel that I would have fallen back into a full blown nicotine addiction and smoking 30-40 cigarettes per day as that was my usual routine. I was probably just a few cigarettes away from this happening and it was scary to relive those feelings of being physically and mentally addicted to smoking constantly needing to feed the throngs of nicotine withdrawal. This is not a place that I ever want to revisit. If you think that you enjoy smoking or that is somehow relaxes you, then you still think that smoking cigarettes can still offer you something of benefit. This is romanticizing the cigarette, also known as junkie thinking, whether you want to believe it or not. Leaving this door open is dangerous because something will happen along the way that will allow the addiction to creep in and when you least expect it, you’ve relapsed. If you think that you enjoyed anything about smoking it means that you’re depriving yourself or giving up something that you enjoy when you quit smoking. The worst case scenario is a relapse and the next worse thing is a constant battle. Someone once used drugs and sex was as an analogy to quitting smoking. This is false and cannot be compared because sex and drugs such as heroin, are enjoyable the first time they are tried. The first time many heroin users shoot up they loved it. How many of us loved our first cigarette? None. Smoking is not enjoyable and so long as you believe that it is or was, you’re only making staying quit much harder than it needs to be. Actually, quitting smoking can be enjoyable if you’re able to focus on your body and how it’s repairing itself. Your lungs. Your skin. Your teeth. The newly learned discipline that you’ve used because you never thought you could quit smoking, much less even wanted to quit. Lastly, a relapse doesn’t happen without first romancing or allowing junkie thinking to creep in. No situation, as bad as it may be, will force you to smoke unless you’re still believing that you can get something from the cigarette. Quitting smoking takes no action, only non-action. Don’t ever take another puff. Remember “N.O.P.E.” each and every day and make it a priority over life and all of it’s ups and downs. Never smoke again. Not one puff, ever (N.O.P.E.). Copied from MarylandQuitters About Me

Still winning Quit Date: 12th March 2014 Posted October 29, 2015 It's been a while since I did a post as I don't ever want to take away from newer quits but I see a lot of triggers going around and some jumping off's. My way of speaking (writing) is to explain my experience and hopefully people can relate, or not and that's good if they can share their experience instead. Makes it much broader. I also have no intention of saying in one paragraph what can be said in 20, I ramble . So a trigger is simply your brain remembering "hey, we used to smoke now". I recently bumped a post called the Executive assistant, it's a great read! That's such a powerful realization to know that it is simply a thought and in reality, we have many thoughts within a day, some good some not. So the fact that I and others ran scared of quitting or staying quit (relapse queens take a bow!) was mainly due to the fear that I would always feel that I was missing something - once I found this support I quickly realized the thoughts would fade and it was worth holding on for the peace of mind later. So yes, at times it was uncomfortable mentally, but I never physically hurt, on the contrary, I actually physically started healing, we all do. I still love the stats about recovery times. Only 72 hours to get nicotine out is so fabulous really when you think of it, simply years of stuffing it in there and all gone in 3 days! I digress though. It often took me by surprise when a smoking thought would take a hold of my brain, what we refer to as romancing the smoke. I did quickly learn that I could distract my brain quite easily though. if the trigger was simply a thought, another thought could replace it. If the trigger was simply remembering we would smoke here, then a new and healthier habit would soon get rid of the trigger or I could simply answer the thought with "we don't do that anymore". I heard it described as a tool box and I like that analogy. A toolbox of ways to outwit our own thoughts. In any other scenario this might sound like we have a screw loose (Jury's out on some of us!) but actually it's quite sane. Get a plan of what you will do when you have your triggers and moving past it becomes easier. We berate ourselves when we're past the initial couple of weeks for still getting triggers. I wonder why we anticipate we should be over it so quickly? I've read powerful lines like quitting is a journey not an event, that makes sense. A change of season trigger is not nearly the same as week 1 unless you give it lots of head space, so don't do that. If you're finding yourself romancing, talk/post/pm someone, smoking is a lie and it never was the answer to any of life's problems. Reading up and educating yourself on how addiction works means you start to realize it's all a choice. That's where the answer is on triggers for me. If I "choose" to throw myself off the quit train, I will only have to start again, today or years later with more damage, may as well "get er done" today. I see others who continue to smoke and kid themselves. I've seen that journey on family ahead of me and trust me, it doesn't bear thinking about and I choose not to dwell on others who can't get real about this. So if ever a smoking thought flits through my mind now, it's easy to bat it away, like swatting a fly out of your face really. No it's nothing like the early thoughts. Actually I'll say that used to really worry me when 5 year veteran quitters said they still thought about smoking! Those people are abstaining, not quitting, there is a strong difference! The reason I think is I embraced every trigger (holiday/seasonal/milestones) and faced it down. It wasn't always an elegant face down. I still feel like I missed a trick not buying shares in a tissue company! But the triggers do all get faced if you want to be free and it's perfectly reasonable to feel mentally on edge sometimes, non smokers get that! Non smokers have stress without smoking. They go drinking without smoking too, if they choose too. "Choice"...isn't life all about choices. Quitting smoking is a good choice. Talking about struggling is another great choice, use the support here. We're here by choice, to help those who want it. So probably this whole post could have just been - Triggers are just thoughts of we could smoke here. but we don't smoke, so nope. However my inane drivel is far more fun and has filled your day with love and light I'm sure :wub: . Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/6195-thoughts-on-triggers/

Tink Quit Date: 22/11/2013 Posted April 13, 2014 I am not a social media buff, I only have facebook where its my family and friends, people I have known most my life or who I trust and feel comfortable around (I only have about 150 friends added) I was not good on computers, I can be a bit of a technology phobic - so why did I join a quit smoking forum? I really wanted to quit smoking is the answer and I did not feel that I could do it alone, I was looking for support, my whole family smoked and I needed support away from that environment, some place where I could just concentrate on me and my quit, no judgement, no keeping quiet about it and if I needed to moan or was going through a hard time, there was going to be someone looking out for me and keeping me on the straight and narrow when the going got tough because those people supporting had the same goal as me or had walked the path before me. As soon as I joined I was warmly welcomed and I felt apart of the place straight away I quickly learned that education, support and understanding played a huge part in me quitting smoking being around ex smokers who have no other interest but to help you quit smoking, no monies are to be made here, no corporate fog, no quit smoking tea is being sold here, its just truth and experiences and support and that gave me confidence and trust. Its just us ex smokers here, helping each other, educating each other and the thing I love the most is this forum is run by ex smokers I hope that if you are thinking about quitting or have quit and are looking for what I was to help you then please consider joining - I have not regretted one single second of my experience here on QuitTrain. Kind Regards Tracey Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/595-why-did-i-join-a-quit-smoking-forum/

c9jane29 Posted May 14 Thank you guys so much!! 5 years already?! I love it!! I look back on the last 5 years with so much joy in my heart... I'm glad I saw my quit as a celebration, it has always felt that way...never negative. It changed my life, my kids lives. I volunteer as a Girl Scout Troop Leader...before I would have never done anything like that. I had convinced myself I had too much anxiety or too introverted but all of that was my addiction getting me to fall out so I'd always have time to feed it. I still have my original "why I want to quit" list and my terrible Bob Ross paintings all around the house because my quit will always be a part of me. My husband quit a little after me and he finally had the courage to quit a kitchen job he had been at for 10 years for an accountant position and now he's the supervisor. Believe me when I saw anything is possible! Thanks Quittrain for always being here to celebrate with me... I'll even bring the balloons ❤ Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/calendar/event/729-c9jane29-anniversary/?do=findComment&comment=225

Tink Posted June 6, 2014 · IP The Comfort Zone By Unknown I used to have a comfort zone where I knew I wouldn’t fail. The same four walls and busywork were really more like jail. I longed so much to do the things I’d never done before, But stayed inside my comfort zone and paced the same old floor. I said it didn‘t matter that I wasn’t doing much. I said I didn’t care for things like commission checks and such. I claimed to be so busy with the things inside the zone, But deep inside I longed for something special of my own. I couldn’t let my life go by just watching others win. I held my breath; I stepped outside and let the change begin. I took a step and with new strength I’d never felt before, I kissed my comfort zone goodbye and closed and locked the door. If you’re in a comfort zone, afraid to venture out, Remember that all winners were at one time filled with doubt. A step or two and words of praise can make your dreams come true. Reach for your future with a smile; Success is there for you! Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/48-quit-motivationquotes-picturesfunny-or-not/#elControls_286_menu

jillar Quit Date: May 29, 2016 Posted May 28 As many of you know I was officially diagnosed with severe emphysema and COPD after I had respiratory failure in January of 2020. Most of you also know that for years I was struggling with breathing issues that I was told was asthma. In the two years leading up to my respiratory failure I went from 110 pounds on a 5'5" frame to just 79 when I was admitted into the ICU. My prognosis at that time was pretty grim, get better or go home on hospice. But either way I was also going home on oxygen. Since then I have put most of the weight back on and continue to feel myself get stronger each day. So then what's the point of this post you may be asking and its this.... I found a great group for people with COPD on Facebook which is ironic because I never used Facebook pre pandemic but the group is awesome. So many people that can relate and answer the many questions those of us newly diagnosed have. Much like our community does. Here's the sad part, I read post after post from members of that group still smoking. Some are on oxygen and still smoke! I of course pass our site on to them and I hope they find their way here. Its just really sad to see. There's even a few who's Drs have refused certain procedures because they're smoking. Life saving procedures too I might add. COPD is a progressive disease with no known cure. It can be slowed with proper medications and quitting smoking. Sadly we can have it for years and not even know it until we get an exacerbation. Mine was thought to be asthma. My day consists of trying to keep my 50' oxygen tubing out of the walkways and from getting caught in the doors. I'm embarrassed to go anywhere because people will be whispering things like "that's what happens when you smoke" etc. My poor dog and cat also have to dodge it while I'm walking down the hall to feed them. Its no way to live. I'm not looking for any sympathy I just want to put a brutal face to this terrible addiction in the hopes it helps someone quit or keep their quit..... Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/15648-copd-and-smoking/

cpk Quit Date: 02/04/2015 Posted May 17, 2015 · IP It has taken me awhile to figure out that the anxiety I have been experiencing since week 6 of my quit (now in week 15) is not directly related to quitting. Not smoking is the peaceful part of my life. The anxiety was there before I quit. I probably used smoking to try to keep the anxiety in check. I don't recall having "anxiety attacks" when I smoked. I have opted to use natural supplements, which are helping. This weekend I picked up a workbook on using DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) to quell anxiety through cognitive and emotional restructuring --- that is, simply put, training my mind to not be anxious. I need to reprogram the software in my brain. I had gotten in the habit of being anxious. I now need to learn how to do life in a new way. I know that people sometimes relapse because they find they are more anxious not smoking and feel they can't cope. They think it is because they miss smoking. This was me in the past, before I joined QT and got educated. I never even considered that my anxiety had nothing to do with quitting smoking. I used smoking to try to calm myself, but that probably made everything worse! I certainly felt like a physical wreck, and it's pretty hard to cope when you have smoking related headaches, respiratory distress, fatigue and a host of other physical problems. Now I have none of these physical problems. The good people on this site prodded me a bit to look closer, and to observe what was going on with my life. That is the beauty of QT...that quitters know the journey of self-discovery takes time and patience. (I especially remember Tracey suggesting this in a very gentle way.) I was a little bummed out to realize this state of being anxious was something lurking beneath my smoking addiction. However, accepting that this is something I have to work on is far better than endlessly relapsing, which is very bad for self confidence. Strength to strength. I think I read that somewhere on this site. That's how I see the non smoking journey. Moving forward, growing, and evolving. Saying n.o.p.e. is the first step. Lurkers who may be reading this...there is great HOPE --- and the promise that you will never again have to experience a disappointing relapse. I know I was like many...feeling scared to try to quit again, just thinking it would end in relapse. There is a way...to never, never, never relapse again, and to forever embrace the freedom of not smoking. The way can be found right here, right now, on QT. QT helped me to see I never again have to think about relapse because I have the skills now to be a nonsmoker for life. I have freedom from smoking forever Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/5348-anxiety-antidote/

larklibby Quit Date: 8th March 2015 Posted April 18, 2015 · IP For me, the best things about not smoking, becoming a non smoker, are the small things. I have never been driven by 'how bad' smoking is for your health, of course, clearly, smoking is terrible for your well being. Somehow, my brain had learned to navigate around that fact, because of the nicotine, the drug; It was dismissed - 'it won't happen to me' attitude. So finding a driving factor for my quit has never been clear cut, until one day I had a moment of clarity. The day I threw away smoking out of my life, the day before I found this wonderful website, I saw sense. I had been thinking about quitting for about a month, but as ever with a quit 'it was never the right time'. So I had been soul searching for a reason that I know would help me achieve the quit. Of course I had the normal reasons: financial, health and 'you ain't getting any younger!' And then after 25 years of smoking, it hit me, it was obvious. I realised that nicotine had control over me. I was in every sense a 'slave' to a drug. A junkie. My day would be structured around smoking. Did I have enough smokes. When I would smoke. Do I have enough smokes for tomorrow? All this would go through my head first thing in the morning, sometimes even before bed the night before. It seemed normal. To not have that constraint on my thoughts and movements really is an indescribable euphoria. It's finding inner freedom, shaking off a dependency that gave me nothing. All the things I thought I couldn't do if I stopped smoking, I can, and better: Socialise, be creative, and concentrate. Yes the first two weeks were a bastard nightmare, but, I would do it again in a blink of an eye if I knew it would get me to where I am now. Even after just a month, I feel brilliant. A million times better than I did after having a smoke. I still have a journey I know, however whenever I now get the urge to smoke, I visualise a prison cell in my head, and say to myself if I smoke again I will be walking back into that cell. It works, it works for me - I will never want to lose this feeling I have. So anybody thinking about stopping smoking, not only look at the health and financial aspects of smoking, but see it as taking back control of your life, take the helm back - it's yours. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/5141-the-best-things-about-not-smoking/

JackiMac Posted March 17, 2015 · IP Nicotine is a monster that comes along and takes you captive, it entices you in with promises of a sweeter life, it promises to give you stress free moments, make you a more sociable likeable person, you want to be slim and look cool, nicotine says it can do that for you, you can be an it girl a man of the moment because you smoke. Errrm hang on a moment let reality have a second to speak to you, nicotine is a chain that wraps itself around you, it enslaves you with its addictive drugs, it pulls you in with it's lies, see all the stress that you think nicotine can solve, only you have control to deal with your stress, learn deep breathing (oh I forgot you can't because smoking has damaged your lungs). You think your an it girl, HA, it girls don't smell of smoke or have a face full of wrinkles and smokers lines, Man of the moment yeah whatever the smoking has dulled your senses, you can't run for that ball anymore. Your not a sociable person, are you really, everyone is looking out at you not wanting to join you but feeling sorry for you because you are a slave to the nicotine. If someone said to you see that cliff over there jump off it, would you? No I didn't think so, why would you answer No, because you are not stupid, are you, your in control of what you do, you know that if you jump of that cliff, you will probably die. So if I offer you a cigarette surely your answer should be the same, No thanks, why would you answer No, because your not stupid, you are in control of what you do, if you carry on smoking you will probably die. If you are a slave to the Nicotine, its time you broke free of the chains, take back control of your destiny, take back control of your life. Begin a new journey, one that leads to better times. The journey will test you at times, but isn't that what we call life, and last time I looked life was for living. Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/4800-are-you-a-slave-to-the-nicotine/

Markus Quit Date: 02-19-2008 Posted October 28, 2018 · IP (edited) I haven't been around that much but I was here yesterday and was glad to see all of the long quits. I haven't written in a few years but would like to post a few thoughts about the quit process. Looking at the new and young quits, and the never-ending fight to gain a foothold on the sticky quit, I just wanted to let the newer quits I see on the QT know, that you'll get there too, by sticking to your plan and what you will learn as you stay quit. This is only a mind game, where your self control is being tested constantly. It wears on you as you overcome the triggering of craves through attrition, trying to process them simply as your mind/body healing itself naturally through recognition and reaction. That someting so elementary is so taxing is hard to understand sometimes. It really requires no action other than acknowledgement of the particular craving and the processing of it. Repetition is the key. The first triggers and craves that you will defeat are the ones you encounter the most. The most infrequent ones are the last to fall, and they do, through repetition. If you will just keep doing your normal daily and nightly activities sans the nicotine delivery, eventually you'll roll over the addiction and leave it behind. Sounds overly simplistic reading this but remember that you will trigger and crave and try to understand what caused it. Don't be alarmed and dont make a hasty judgement, because sometimes you can't put your finger on the particular cause to your effect. Could be romancing the cigarette subconsciously and missing that old smoky life, since things have changed and you don't know who you are sometimes. I mean you were this... smoker... and now maybe scared and are wanting to go back to what you see as normal. That is when you get tough and remember that you control your own mind and heart and that you call the shots. It's okay to feel weak, but know that you didn't get this way in a few days so it will take a few months of honest work to get out of the hole. You will make it, even if you feel like you won't. This will not kill you but it will make you unbelievably strong if you'll just stick to your quit plan and your back up plan, and allow yourself some time to heal. So be militant anti smoking, and remember that you are in a fight and that you are unwinding your whole being from the addiction so walk like it and act like it. Once smoking and cigarettes were every part of you, and now...well now they are not. That hurts and that is painful, but it is the work you have to do, so let the process work. Pay it forward, and stay as strong as you can as you use what you have learned. And if you fall, it isn't the end. You start again. A dream becomes a wish, and that wish becomes your reality as you work the quit. Time is on your side now, so dont give that addiction any more of you. You're in control of your mind and body and you've taken the chains off. Don't put them back on. KTQ Link to original post: https://www.quittrain.com/topic/11327-the-rear-view-mirror-and-years-quit/

Just stopped by to learn, connect and share a bit. Best of everything to Boo. May your adventures bring many belly laughs and your love overflow and change the world! Quick acknowledgment of the gratitude for my non smoking life..... LOVING every minute of not arranging life around smoking grandkids coming to stay for a month...won't even have to THINK about what I am role modeling by smoking because I DON'T SMOKE!!! much laughter aloud at that truism....YAY my marvelous man is deeply grateful I am Free! I do not give a single thought to how I might smell when in public (although I am not often in public) I am wheeze free in breathing I choose where to sit and what to do not caring if people an see me or I am polluting their space...because I do not smoke I am more active and sometimes have more energy conscious and aware of cultivating true health and healing....step are taken...2 forward, 1 back and loop around the floor Quit Train and the dedicated people here .... THANK YOU for your giving and continuity....makes a world of change possible my life is truly being lived beyond my wildest dreams in many arenas... thank you, thank you, thank you... I have people coming to stay that are smokers. I've got this. I AM FREE!!

Feeling odd and fine at the same time. Pretty sure lots of folks are in this space. Had some sleep with out OTC assistance the last few nights. Yay! As this recovery from 38 plus years of addiction sails along ... my gums and teeth are sensitive and sore in places. Hurray for blood flow!! Appreciate the opportunity to lavish some fabulous oral care on myself. I love my waterpik. Had allowed the illusion of no pain to be the belief "I have healthy gums and teeth"... sad laughter ... the lies I told myself as I sucked in the poisons. Kind of funny (no, definitely not funny) in some sick ways ... there was never any doubt or clarity around being an addict. I knew that from pretty much the beginning ... definitely by 16 years old, that I was addicted to cigarettes. In the last ten years, a beloved colleague of mine and I would announce to our team mates that we were headed to the backyard to kill ourselves one breath at time. He passed away from lung cancer about 4 years ago. Many years (could be a lifetime) of trauma, depression, anxiety and seriously poor at best coping skills are evolving into many years of inner peace, learning to love and healing. Will have to see how the scars of smoking continue to impact life and find ways to use them to celebrate FREEDOM. FREEDOM gratitude list deeply grateful that: each day begins differently now ... weird due to covid-19 situation, but not with the immediate lurching out the door to light up. Sometimes to smoke up to 3 cigarettes before feeling prepared to do other things. after eating I clean up and stow food without having to smoke first breathing without wheezing is calming no arranging the day around smoking- currently not much arranging the day period, but I look forward to going places and not needing to scout a place to smoke where I won't be seen I get to hangout on the QT with fun folks, play games and learn, and be with people my hands and feet seem warmer I do not spend tons of time worrying about cancer -- still may happen, but for now my mind is at peace around it choosing to be free from slavery of nicotine, may be a sign that I really am able to love myself somehow... a true miracle, if you knew me and how I have been people who love me are glad for me to be quit I am not triggered by other people smoking -- I hear them light up while we talk on the phone and have no craving, used to be an autopilot response when on the phone. Yay freedom! Thank you, thank you, thank you for quitting smoking, Darcy.

Approaching 24 hours! Mood: Mostly positive and highly energetic with little swings towards the negative side and the " &#$^$ FYA!" thoughts But I am still standing! *yeah yeah yeah* Anyway, my mind is racing as is my body (I might need to up my adhd meds.. ) I tried naptime, but that didn't agree lol So here I am just rambling on and on and on.. I have nothing to tell, but time to kill I am pledging my NOPE again here for today - I have told my dad today about my pledge and my plan, and he was very proud. He suffered a stroke and had a double bypass this year... but he did quit immediately - he is one of my heroes. Gonna see the boyfriend unit this afternoon, he doesn't smoke, he never did. But he did a lot of research on the addiction topic and he is very understanding and supporting. Yeah this works! Deep Breaths, sip of water, music, singing, dancing... this moment will pass too!

Wow, it is day 7 already - time has went by fast, kinda . . .take a look at this mish mash I made up - in no particular order, just a jumbled mess! I have some thoughts to share: First - Everyone is so super helpful here and I am more appreciative than I could ever express. I'd like to mail you all $20 bills & (((hugs))), lol - really. Second - I am sick and tired of suckers. I am open to suggestions that don't involve candy. My mouth is literally sore and there are sores on the roof of my mouth and my tongue from the suckers/candy. Plus it can't be good for my teeth either. Obviously. Third - I am still reeling over the fact that I am nicotine-free! I am so proud I must be beaming! Doing this without NRT's has been a very, very wise choice IMO. Fourth - I still want to smoke But I remain determined NOT TO! NOT ONE MORE PUFF! Other things worth mentioning today I suppose: - I wake up a lot during the night, I never used to do that. A train could roll thru my room & I wouldn't budge. But now I am up every couple hours. - I smell things I never smelled before. My under-eye make-up actually has a scent! I never knew that. So crazy! - Speaking of the nose, mine runs constantly now. It ran a LOT before, but now it's constant, which is making my throat hurt as well. - I can't pretend like I am all happy & nice right now, because I am the opposite. I am quite miserable to be around right now. I snap at people for little reason, etc. I am a very huge bitch (excuse my French, but that's the only way I know how to put it!) - I got a new diamond painting I have been working on, (Jack & Sally) - I will post a pic when I am done. It definitely keeps my mind off smokes! Sorry for the silly pic ... I am a picture person! I think it is important to take lots of pictures for memories and I am a silly girl lol Sorry for the rambling as well! I at least tried to keep it orderly. I just wanted to document this nonsense somewhere.