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Nicodemon's Lies?

...Science calls our lies denial.  Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism - just below the surface - for resolving the emotional conflict and anxieties that naturally arise from living in a permanent state of self-destructive chemical bondage. Nicodemon's Lies? by John R. Polito
Nicotine Cessation Educator https://whyquit.com/whyquit/A_NicodemonsLies.html   Why a question mark behind "Nicodemon's Lies"? Because there is no Nicodemon. Because there are zero monsters or demons within us. It's just another lie, our lie, as dependency ignorance tried to make sense of continued smoking.   As teenagers, what most of us thought would be a brief rebellious experiment was quickly transformed into a powerful lifelong chemical addiction as regular nicotine feedings soon became mandatory.  Research confirms that for many, it only took a couple of nicotine laden cigarettes before the shackles of slavery started to close.    What seemed innocent soon resulted in a brain wanting disorder. Without us realizing it, nicotine was activating, saturating, de-sensitizing and up-regulating dopamine pathway receptors, as our brain's priorities teaching circuitry was taken hostage. Two, five, eight nicotine fixes a day. When will enough be enough?  "I'll quit tomorrow" or "I love smoking" became our cry!  Welcome to the realities of true chemical dependency.  A world built upon lies.   Science calls our lies denial.  Denial is an unconscious defense mechanism - just below the surface - for resolving the emotional conflict and anxieties that naturally arise from living in a permanent state of self-destructive chemical bondage.  Three primary areas of denial relied upon by nicotine addicts are dependency denial, cost denial and recovery denial.  Truth is sacrificed for peace of mind, to remain hostage in an artificial world of "nicotine normal," or to justify relapse.   Most nicotine addicts we'll see today are fully insulated by a thick blanket of unconscious denial rationalizations, minimization's, fault projections, escapes, intellectualizations and delusions that hide the pain of captivity or create the illusion that the problem is somehow being solved.   The average addict musters the courage to say "no" to the wanting for that next fix about once every 2.5 years. It's then that roughly 1 in 20 will succeed in breaking free for an entire year.  These horrible recovery statistics eventually result in half of us dying by our own hand, with male smokers losing an average of 13 years of life expectancy, while females lose 14.  Our intentional self-destruction is undeniable evidence of the depths of denial. Denial insulates us from the extreme price paid with each and every puff - a little more of life itself.  It doesn't have to be.   Welcome to WhyQuit, we've been waiting on you!  Aside from this article, we've put together a vast array of quality recovery tools to aid you in becoming far smarter than your addiction is strong. They include mind-expanding motivational pages, the Net's largest collection of original quitting articles, quitting tip lists, two free quitting e-books ("Never Take Another Puff" and   "Freedom from Nicotine - The Journey Home"), more than 400 free video lessons, and highly focused group support at Turkeyville, our Facebook group.   According to the World Health Organization, the next three years will cost 15 million of our brother and sister addicts their lives. Once residing here on Easy Street with us, we hope you'll share what you've learned as failure to either self-discover or be taught the "Law of Addiction" is a horrible reason to die.   OUR LIE:  My cigarettes are my friend. THE TRUTH:  Friend or master?  What kind of "friend" would deprive us of oxygen, take away our ability to smell, burn our clothes, destroy our teeth, harden our arteries, elevate our blood pressure, daily feed us 4,000+ chemical compounds that include arsenic, ammonia, acetone, formaldehyde, butane, massive doses of carbon monoxide, hydrogen cyanide, methane, stearic acid, vinyl chloride, mercury, and lead, together with 81 known cancer causing agents (one of which is created when nicotine breaks down - NNK), before finally killing you with cancer, a stroke, a heart attack or emphysema?  Imagine seeing your executioner as a friend.  Imagine residing inside a mind that is so sick it is willing to trade 13 years of life for one chemical.   OUR LIE:  I enjoy smoking. THE TRUTH:  This may be the most deeply ingrained rationalization of all as it has a solid basis in the following flawed denial logic.  "I don't do things that I don't like to do." "I smoke lots and lots of cigarettes." "Therefore, I must really enjoy smoking," instead of the correct conclusion, "therefore, I must really be chemically addicted to smoking nicotine."  Did you enjoy being the unaddicted "you" or have you forgotten what it was like to live comfortably inside a mind that does not crave for nicotine?  If you cannot remember what it was like being "you" then what basis do you have for honest comparison?  If you truly enjoyed being addicted to nicotine then why are you here reading these words?  Is it that you liked smoking or that you liked not having to experience what occurred when you didn't smoke - withdrawal?  Studies have long ranked nicotine as a more addictive substance than either heroin or cocaine.  In fact, cocaine's generally recognized addiction rate among regular users is 15% while nicotine's addiction rate of over 70% is at least five times as great.  Imagine convincing your mind that it " likes " being addicted to the drug that addiction scientists now rank as the most addictive substance on all of planet earth.  We are nicotine addicts .  A pack a day smoker smokes 7,300 cigarettes each and every year.  How many of your last 7,300 nicotine fixes did you really enjoy ?  How many of the next 7,300 will bring tremendous joy to your life?  Isn't it time to be honest?   OUR LIE:  My spouse, close friend or family member smokes.  I'm waiting for them to quit with me. THE TRUTH:  Procrastination recovery denial makes the next puff of toxins easier to suck down.  Nicotine tells this junkie that they cannot quit until their friend or loved one quits too as they're around their smoke, smells, cigarettes, breath and ashtrays, and quitting is thus impossible.  It's pure denial and often both friends or loved ones use the other as their excuse to remain enslaved.  How long will you continue to destroy your body while waiting for someone else to quit with you?  A lifetime?  If and when they do quit with you, what will you do if they relapse?  Will "love" cause you to do the same?  One of you needs to stand tall and lead the way.  It's okay to have hope for a loved one but you must quit for "you" or it's doomed from the very start.   Why make your freedom, health or life dependent upon another person's decision.  As for being around smokers, it's unavoidable.  Should we expect planet earth's 1.2 billion nicotine addicts to disappear once we commence recovery?  Won't we still see them and smell their smoke at restaurants, as they stand around outside stores or even hospitals, or as they puff away in the car beside us?  Will all the stores pull-down their cigarette displays or move them from arm's reach just because we're trying to reclaim our mind and life?  Why live the lie that "I smoke for love!"   OUR LIE:  It reduces my stress and helps calm me down. THE TRUTH:  This stress buster rationalization is false.  The body's pH balance is delicate.  Nicotine is an alkaloid and stress an acid producing event.  The more stressful the event, the quicker the body's remaining nicotine reserves are neutralized (in the same manner as pouring a baking soda solution on an acid covered car battery terminal).  The stressed smoker is thrown into early chemical withdrawal adding additional anxiety to the underlying original stressful event.  It's why the anxiety associated with a flat tire causes smokers to reach for a cigarette while the non-smoker reaches for a jack.  The anxieties build until the doubly stressed smoker cries out "I NEED A CIGARETTE!"  Within eight seconds of the first puff, the smoker's nicotine blood serum nicotine level rises and their withdrawal anxieties subside.  The addict is left with the false impression that smoking cured the underlying stressful event when in fact the tire is still flat.   All non-smokers experience stress too.  The difference is that they don't add early nicotine withdrawal to it.  In truth, stress nicotine depletion causes smokers to experience far more anxiety than non-smokers.  In truth, it is much easier and calmer being the real "you" than it is living as a chemical slave.   OUR LIE:  My friends smoke, I'll lose them. THE TRUTH:  The nicotine smoker's mind has been conditioned to believe, through association, that smoking is central to their entire life.  Telephone calls, computer time, work, meals, driving, talking, walking, stress, joy, sorrow, and even romance, may have developed a subconscious association with smoking.  The truth is that none of these activities will be altered whatsoever by the absence of tobacco.  The truth is that quitting smoking will not deprive you of even a single friend or loved one.  The truth is that smoking is costing you new friends and possible relationships as fewer and fewer non-smokers are willing to tolerate being around the smell and the smoke.  Can you blame them?  With the exception of quitting, your current life doesn't need to change at all unless you want it to change.  It might be nice to enlarge your circle of friends to include those who don't stand around the community ashtray, but that's totally up to you.   OUR LIE:  It wakes me up and keeps me alert. THE TRUTH:  This dependency rationalization uses a basic truth (nicotine releases adrenaline and a host of other hormones) to hide the fact that nicotine deprives us of the ability to enjoy prolonged periods of deep conscious relaxation.  If always at the peak of alertness because we are addicted to and chemically dependent upon a central nervous system stimulant then when do we truly relax?  This dependency rationalization also subverts and ignores a host of natural alertness techniques ranging from a simple deep breath to brief periods of stretching or moderately exhilarating activity.  Instead of engaging life on life's terms, a powerful puff of nicotine starts a neurochemical chain-reaction that increases breathing rate, accelerates heart rate, constricts blood vessels, elevates blood pressure, causes the liver to release stored cholesterol into the blood stream, the adrenal gland to release glucocorticoids, the thyroid to release metabolism hormones, the hypothalamus to release corticotropin-releasing hormones, a decrease of progesterone levels in females and testosterone in males, digestive tract shut-down, a glucose release into the bloodstream followed by a boost in insulin to metabolize it, pupil dilation, and your blood to thicken.  Inside those highly constricted and over-pressurized blood vessels, carbon monoxide eats away at their teflon like lining (endothelium) while nicotine amazingly vascularizes fat buildups, causing arteries to harden.  More smokers die from circulatory disease each year than from lung cancer, yet denial kept almost all of them from wanting to know how or why.  What goes up must come down.  Once the hormones wear off and that drained feeling begins to arrive, a new puff of nicotine again whips every central nervous system neuron in a tired body like some overworked horse never allowed to rest.  Alert, yes, but somewhere in that endless cycle between alert and exhausted resides the "real" you.   OUR LIE:  My concentration is better. THE TRUTH:  Vast quantities of carbon monoxide do NOT improve concentration.  Although nicotine is a stimulant and does excite certain brain neurons, it also constricts all blood vessels.  Feel how cold your fingers and toes get when deprived of blood flow while smoking.  Imagine what's happening to the blood vessels in your brain.  If nicotine results in a stroke we probably won't need to worry much about concentration.  Fresh air and exercise are far healthier brain stimulants.  When quitting it's important that you understand the role that nicotine played in regulating blood sugar as its absence may cause the temporary impairment of concentration and clear thinking.  If you are experiencing any concentration problems be sure and drink plenty of fruit juice the first three days if your diet and health permit (cranberry is excellent), as it will help stabilize blood sugars.  Also don't skip meals!  Nicotine released stored fats into our blood and in a sense fed us with every puff, but not anymore.  Don't eat more food each day, just spread your normal intake out more over your entire day so that you keep fuel in your stomach and your blood sugar level.    OUR LIE:  It's something to do with my hands. THE TRUTH:  So is playing with a loaded gun and they both have the same potential for harm.  This weak addiction rationalization ignores that doodling with a pen, playing with coins, squeezing a ball or using strength grippers may be habit forming but are non-addictive.  You might get ink on yourself, rich or strong wrists but your chances of serious injury or death are almost zero.   OUR LIE:  My coffee won't be the same. THE TRUTH:  More junkie thinking!  Your coffee's flavor will remain identical.  In fact, it may even taste better once your taste buds heal after years of being numbed, coated and poisoned.  Your sense of smell may become so refined that you'll smell fresh coffee brewing more than one hundred feet away.  Although you don't need to give up your coffee or any thing else except nicotine during recovery, be aware that nicotine somehow doubles the rate ( 203%) by which caffeine is metabolized by the body. As a new ex-smoker you may only need half as much caffeine in order to obtain the same effect.  If you are a heavy caffeine user and find yourself experiencing increased anxiety during recovery, or encounter difficulty sleeping, try reducing your intake by roughly half.   OUR LIE:  There's lots of time left to quit. THE TRUTH:  This year tobacco will kill 5,000,000 humans. Roughly 1 in 4 smokers die in middle-age, each an average of 22.5 years early.  In order for 22.5 to be the average, how many hundreds of thousands had to die even younger?  Maybe you have plenty of time remaining and maybe not.  Dying in your thirties or forties is a powerful price to pay for guessing wrong.  The numbers above only reflect DEATH by tobacco.  You may be lucky enough to be among the millions of nicotine smokers each year who survive and "only" have a heart attack, a stroke, a lung removed, go onto oxygen, or who receive news of permanent lung disease as they for every breath.  Which puff, from which cigarette, in which pack, will pull the trigger that fires the gun?  The odds of a male smoker dying from lung cancer are 22 times greater than for a non-smoker.  His odds of dying from emphysema are ten times greater.  How much longer will your luck hold?   OUR LIE:  It's one of my few pleasures in life. THE TRUTH:  Does that mean that it's better than the pleasure of having a throat to deliver fresh air and great food, two lungs with which to laugh, a healthy heart to feel love, or an undamaged mind which dreams of wonderful tomorrows?  Pleasure from your addiction or pleasure in committing slow suicide at the hands of a mind that thinks it can only live with the aid of a powerful stimulant?  What do they call someone who derives pleasure from self-inflicted harm or who slowly puts themselves to death?  Pick your own label. Which nicotine fix out of the last 5,000 was the one that brought you tremendous pleasure?  Which cigarette out of the next 5,000 may be the one that sparks permanent damage or disease, or that carries death's eternal flame? If bad news arrives tomorrow will "pleasure" cross your mind?  As for Newport type "pleasure," isn't the real pleasure in satisfying our brain's wanting for more? Now imagine the pleasure of going 72 hours without nicotine, the pride of once again residing inside a nicotine-free body and mind!   OUR LIE:  Dad just died, this isn't the time! THE TRUTH:  Smoking won't bring dad back nor cure any other ill in life.  Success in quitting during a period of high stress in life insures that future high stress situations will never again serve as the mind's excuse or justification for relapse.  If you think about it, if we continue to live we will all see someone we love die. Such is the cycle of life.  Sadly, serious illness, injury, or the death of a loved one are some of the most convincing relapse justifications, the best yet sickest excuses of all to get our drug back.  I mean, who would dare question our drug use upon our mother's death? There is no better time to quit than before your next mandatory feeding.  In fact, two recent studies found that unplanned quitting attempts are twice as likely to succeed as planned ones (picture quitting day anticipation anxieties slowly eating away and destroying resolve before quitting day ever arrives). Why allow finances, work, illness, education or relationships to serve as an excuse to remain an active addict?  Once free, there is no legitimate justification for ever putting nicotine back into our body - none, zero, never!   OUR LIE:  Lots of smokers live until ripe old age. THE TRUTH:  They are much rarer than you think.  Look around.  If you do find old nicotine smokers almost all are in poor health or in advanced stages of smoking related diseases, many with oxygen.  Laboring for every breath with lungs on their last leg, is that ripe enough for us?  Nicotine smokers tend to think only in terms of dying from lung cancer.  Tobacco kills in many ways.  For example, circulatory disease caused by smoking kills more smokers each year than lung cancer.  How long would George Burns have lived to be if he hadn't smoked cigars, 115, 125?  Click here to look at the " truth ".  What's wrong with dying healthy from natural causes!   OUR LIE:  I get bored.  It helps pass the time. THE TRUTH:  Tobacco does not control any clock on earth but it does control you .  For the pack a day nicotine smoker it takes about 30 minutes before their blood serum nicotine level drops to the point where their mind sends them an "urge" of discomfort to remind you that it's time for a feeding.  It doesn't matter where they are or what they're doing.  Depending upon your daily nicotine requirements, the voice inside your head will let you know when it's time.  All you're doing when bored is being alert to what lies ahead, so that you keep topping off your nicotine tank before the next urge arrives. Boredom is supposed to be a positive form of anxiety that motivates us to accomplish a task that hopefully helps preserve life, not destroy it.   OUR LIE:  It's my choice and I choose to smoke! THE TRUTH:  It's a lie and you know it!  We lost all "choice" and the ability to simply walk away the day that nicotine feedings became mandatory.  The only choices now are to either arrest our dependency or to decide how early and often we'll feed it. As harsh as this sounds, nicotine dependency is a brain wanting disorder, a true mental illness. But the ignorant nicotine addict still believes the "choice" myth pounded into their brain by an endless stream of highly effective tobacco company marketing. All the pretty colored boxes, the displays, the sea of store ads, they make it seem like we can't wait to wake-up each day and run down to the store and try a new brand. Although a well set trap for gullible children and teens who can't wait to become adults, it also makes quitting more challenging than need be. The uneducated smoker likely associates smoking with reading the newspaper, coffee, travel, stress, other smokers, telephone calls, meals, celebrations, romance, or even as a necessary step prior to walking into a store.  The educated nicotine addict sees all nicotine fixes as either mandatory, or an early feeding, in order to avoid the onset and discomfort of chemical withdrawal. We smoked after a meal because it was once again time for a nicotine feeding. We smoked before the meal because we didn't know how long eating would last and it isn't polite to eat and smoke at the same time.  If your regular feedings are spaced thirty minutes apart, at least every thirty minutes you're going to start sensing growing want for more nicotine regardless of the activity.   OUR LIE:  I'm only hurting me. THE TRUTH:  Have you stopped for even one moment to reflect upon the financial, physical or emotional pain that your needless dying and death will bring your loved ones?  Do we care that the deadly byproducts of our addiction have the potential to harm or kill family members, whose only crime was loving us?  According to the World Health Organization secondhand smoke contributes to causing lower respiratory tract infections such as pneumonia and bronchitis, colds, coughing, wheezing, worsening of asthma, middle ear disease, cardiovascular disease, and even neuro-behavioral impairment (especially in young children).  It also found that maternal smoking or exposure to second-hand smoke during pregnancy is a major cause of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), reduced birth weight and decreased lung function.  How much does it cost to attempt to cure mouth, throat or lung cancer?  $100,000?  $200,000?  $300,000?  What's the cost of a funeral today and which loved one have you designated to pay the emotional price of making arrangements for your early departure?  What about the loss to loved ones of our guidance, our help around the house or any income we contribute? Where will they turn?   OUR LIE:  A cure for cancer is coming soon. THE TRUTH:  Between Europe and North America tobacco will kill over one million this year.  How many of them thought that a cure was on the way?  Sadly, it was false hope.  As hopeless drug addicts they waited, and waited and waited. What type of lung cancer are hoping they'll cure - squamous cell, oat cell, adenocarcinoma, or one of the less common forms of lung cancer? Even if a cure is coming for all forms and types of cancer caused by tobacco (and there are many), what will be left of your lungs by the time it arrives?  If you're gambling on "how" tobacco will kill you, don't forget to consider heart attacks, strokes, and emphysema.  Which cure are you betting on?   OUR LIE:  I smoke lights and they're not as bad. THE TRUTH:  Lights, ultra-lights and milds are often capable of delivering the same amount of tar and nicotine as regular brands, depending on how they're smoked.  It's why use of those terms are being banned by governments. They do not reduce most health risks including the risk of heart disease or the risk of cancer.  In fact, their smokers often take longer drags which means more tar and more nicotine than advertised.  Others simply smoke a greater number of lights because they feel short changed.   OUR LIE:  It's my right to blow smoke! THE TRUTH:  And it's the right of non-smokers and ex-smokers to be free from your smoke too. Social controls to protect the rights of non-smokers are now sweeping the globe.  Can a dog's life-span be cut in half by a smoking master?  Would you intentionally double the risk of heart attack or triple the risk of lung cancer for a spouse or family member?  Why kill the innocent too?  Are non-smokers who get extremely upset at having to breathe side-stream smoke simply being obnoxious or are they fighting to protect themselves and those they love from the known harms generated from burning a plant that contains 44 known cancer causing agents and releases 4,000+ chemical compounds when burned?  Do you know a child whose mother smoked while pregnant, who does not suffer from some form of impairment today?  Look closely.   OUR LIE:  Quitting causes weight gain and it's just as dangerous. THE TRUTH:  This intellectual denial pre-assumes a large weight gain and then makes an erroneous judgment regarding relative risks.  Quitting does not increase our weight, eating does.  Some assert that metabolic changes associated primarily with the heart not having to work as hard could account for a pound or two but as far as being " dangerous," you'd have to gain at least 75 additional pounds in order to equal the health risks associated with smoking one pack a day.  Keep in mind that your general health, physical abilities and lung capacity will all improve dramatically.  If patient, you will soon regain the ability to build cardiovascular endurance, and experience up to a 30% increase in overall lung function within 90 days. You'll be able to apply the same mental recovery tools needed to take control of your addiction in shedding any extra pounds, just one pound at a time.  Remember, smoking was your cue that a meal had ended.  Unless you develop a new healthy cue there may be fewer leftovers.  Also keep in mind how easy it would be for a drug addict to use intentional weight gain to a ploy to sabotage recovery. Additionally, nicotine stimulated brain dopamine pathways and so does food. Be careful not to use food as a destructive dopamine replacement crutch. If at all concerned, consider having a supply of fresh fruits and veggies cut up, handy and ready to eat during the 2-3 weeks it takes the brain to restore natural dopamine pathway sensitivities.   OUR LIE:  It's too late now to heal these lungs. THE TRUTH:  Nonsense!  While true that each and every puff destroyed more of each lung's roughly 300 million air sacs (alveoli), we were each blessed with millions more than needed to live a full and complete life. It's amazing how much damaged lungs can repair themselves unless disease or cancer has already arrived. Even with emphysema, although destroyed air sacks will never again function, quitting now will immediately halt the needless destruction of additional sacs.  You only have two options - decay or heal, including the possibility of experiencing up to a 30 percent increase in overall lung function within 90 days of quitting.  If continuing assault by the 81 cancer causing chemicals so far identified in cigarette smoke, which cigarette in which pack contains the spark that gives birth to that first cancerous cell?   OUR LIE:  I'd quit but withdrawal never ends! THE TRUTH:  Hogwash! If you remain 100% nicotine free for just 72 hours your blood will become nicotine free, your withdrawal anxieties will peak in intensity and the number of psychological craves will peak in number.  The greatest challenge will be over.  Actual physical withdrawal will be complete within 2-3 weeks as the brain re-sensitizes dopamine pathway receptors and down-regulates their numbers to levels seen in non-smokers. During that time you'll encounter and recondition (extinguish) all but remote or seasonal psychological habit crave triggers and begin to witness the gradually diminishing influence of thousands of nicotine replenishment memories, memories that belonged to an actively feeding addict who once again was in need of a fix. If you focus on taking recovery just one hour, challenge and day at a time, before you know it you'll experience your first day of total comfort, where never once do you think about wanting to smoke nicotine.  I call it a silent celebration because you probably won't even realize that it has happened until the next day.  After the first such day, they grow more and more frequent until they become your new sense of normal.  If just starting out, the rich and deep sense of comfort and calm that awaits you is beyond your enslaved mind's ability to comprehension.  Why? Because your dopamine pathways, your mind's priorities teacher, have been hijacked, making that next nicotine fix as important as eating food. Food craves, nicotine craves but with one critical difference. Without food we die. Without nicotine we thrive. It's why, although as real as your name, you cannot trust the nicotine wanting message that pounds inside your head, as it is false and is destroying you.   OUR LIE:  But the craves last for hours! THE TRUTH:  Just like the lingering thought of a nice juicy steak, lobster in butter sauce, or fresh baked hot apple pie, you can make yourself "think" about having a cigarette all day long, if that's what you really want to do.  Unlike fixating on a conscious thought about smoking, subconsciously cue triggered crave anxiety attacks almost always last for less than 3 minutes. But it's important that you look at a clock and time the crave episode as cessation time distortion (a normal and expected recovery symptom) can make minutes feel like hours.  The good news is that most of the anxiety surrounding crave episodes is self induced and thus controllable.  Key is in not trying to hide or run from your mind's junkie thinking but exposing it to honest analysis and positive thinking.  Strip away all the self-inflicted anxiety and at worst, what remains on quitting day 3 for the "average" quitter is just 18 minutes of true crave anxiety (an average of six craves, each less than three minutes in duration).   OUR LIE:  I'll quit after the next pack, next carton, next month, my next birthday or New Years. THE TRUTH:  Oh really? Can you count on both hands and all your toes how many times you've lied to yourself with such nonsense? And which pack, carton, month or birthday will give you the best chance for success?  Forget buying nicotine laden cigarettes by the pack or carton.  A case is even cheaper!  With the way that cigarette prices are shooting through the roof, you might as well calculate how many it will take to keep you in nicotine for life and buy them all now.  The only problem with that is in determining how long you have left to live.  How many more pack, carton, birthday and New Year's lies will you tell to yourself?  When will they stop?  If you continue on your present path, many Birthdays will likely be canceled by a rather early Deathday.  You are a true drug addict in every sense and the "wanting" inside your brain is as real as the greatest truth you know. What isn't true is the message, that that next fix is important. Truth is, everything now done under nicotine's influence can be done as well as or better without it.   OUR LIE:  I like to smoke when I drink and I find myself smoking even more. THE TRUTH:  The effects of drinking and stress upon our body's nicotine level are nearly the same.  You smoke more when you drink not because you "like" to but because you MUST. Like stress, alcohol is an acid producing event that causes urine to become more acidic.  The greater the acid level of urine, the quicker our kidneys remove and eliminate nicotine reserves from the bloodstream. Thus, the more you drink, the more nicotine you'll need to smoke or ingest in order to avoid sensing the onset of the anxiety of early withdrawal.  Although early alcohol use contributes to destroying a great many quit attempts, understanding the nicotine-acid relationship can be of benefit in accelerating physical nicotine withdrawal so that quitters can begin feeling relief sooner.  Acidic fruit juices, such as cranberry, may help reduce the normal 72 hours of withdrawal required to remove all nicotine from the blood.  In that roughly 50% of all relapses are associated with alcohol use, if at all possible don't drink during the first few days of recovery.  When you do decide to drink, consider drinking at home first without cigarettes around before testing your resolve around smokers.  By doing so you'll help to break the your mind's psychological links between smoking and drinking with as little risk as possible.  As millions of ex-smokers can attest, your beer or drink will taste better than ever once your taste buds are allowed an opportunity to heal.   OUR LIE:  It's too painful to quit! THE TRUTH:  Compared to what?  Three days of physical withdrawal (just 72 hours) in no way compares to the pain of months of chemotherapy, lung removal surgery and a two foot scar, a losing battle with throat cancer, years of trying to recover from a serious stroke or massive heart attack, or fighting for every breath through emphysema riddled lungs as you drag oxygen around for the balance of life.  If you're really worried about hurt then why continue your daily destruction?   OUR LIE:  If I quit, I'll just start back again.  I always do. THE TRUTH:  The truth is that you do not have to relapse.  We relapse because we rewrite the Law of Addiction, we forget why we quit, or we invent lies and stupid excuses, such as those that fill this page.  Your next quit can be your last but you need to learn how to care for your recovery, while always applying the only rule that you'll ever need to obey - to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!   OUR LIE:  I'll cut down or quit and smoke just one now and then. THE TRUTH:  It's every addict's dream, to control the uncontrollable. You are addicted to a substance that is five times as addictive as powdered cocaine (15% vs. 75%).  You may be strong enough to cut back but so long as nicotine continues to arrive you'll remain hooked, the decay will continue, and as studies suggest, even though smoking less your health risks will remain almost unchanged. If you were a pack-a-day nicotine smoker and after quitting you decide to smoke just one cigarette, you might as well get ready to smoke the other 7,300 for the year too as full and complete relapse is virtually assured. The Law of Addiction is simple - just one puff of new nicotine and it's over. Brain scans show that up to 50% of dopamine pathway receptors become occupied by nicotine within eight seconds of the first puff. While roughly half walk away from relapse totally convinced that they've gotten away with smoking just once, they've saturated and de-sensitized dopamine pathway receptors and will soon find their brain begging for more.  You see, as permanent as alcoholism, once hooked we somehow stay hard wired for relapse for the balance of life. Although recovery allows the brain time to heal and function normally again the tracks of addiction remain. We cannot cure or kill our disease. Once free, we remain on probation for the balance of life.   OUR LIE:  I tried quitting but my family stopped supporting me or was giving me such a hard time that it caused me to throw in the towel. THE TRUTH:  It's a lie.  You gave up because you used your family as a cheap excuse to get your drug back.  You exaggerated everything they did or didn't do.  You were looking for any excuse.  You're the drug addict yet you expected them to understand the weakness and thinking of a drug addict's mind.  Maybe they didn't pat you on the back as often as you wanted, but is it really fair to expect them to appreciate the magnitude or duration of your challenge if they've never been through chemical withdrawal themselves?  They just want you to be normal.  They don't know how to react.  Do they pat you on the back and keep reminding you, or hope and pray that the worst has already passed?  Feeling unappreciated, picking fights and creating confrontation are tools of the addict's mind that are often used as weapons in order to reclaim their drug.  Some know that if they inflict tremendous stress on loved ones that they may even convince their loved one to beg them to start smoking nicotine again, or better yet, to go buy their relapse cigarettes for them.  That way, they can blame their relapse on their loved one. "They just couldn't handle my quitting." "Maybe next time!"  The lengths to which we'll go in order to feed our wanting are almost beyond belief.  Yes, some of us will even hurt those that love us most.   OUR LIE:  OK, I'm going to stop!  Now I can enjoy my smokes until then! THE TRUTH:  If you've done this more than once, isn't it just more junkie head games?  This addict wants to feel good about smoking nicotine and they've learned that by saying that they're going to quit, that they make themselves feel better even though deep down they know that it's probably just another lie!  Unless something awakens this addict, there may never be a serious quit in their future.    OUR LIE:  I've got to die of something! THE TRUTH:  True, but if you knew that tomorrow morning at 9:22 a.m. a massive smoking induced stroke would bring your life to an abrupt end, and you'd die on a cold floor with a cigarette beside you - just as tens of thousands of smokers are found each year? Would you light that last cigarette at 9:21 a.m. and pull the trigger that kills you?  Is this one of your primary use rationalizations?  Look around at all the smokers you see today.  The death certificates of half will read, "cause of death - smoking."  Yes, they had to die of something but not an average of more than 5,000 days early.  Have you met Noni, Bryan, Deb and Kim?  Would any non-addicted human spend each and every day of the remainder of their life intentionally destroying more of their body's ability to receive and transport life giving oxygen? Would they continue doing so until physical exercise was no longer an option, or until this mental illness called dependency forced others to begin caring for us, as they watch us struggle just to suck oxygen from tanks and machines?  Which family member have you prepared to be your care giver?  Try to imagine what it's like to breathe through a straw?  It's called emphysema.  Why not find a straw and give it a try. What has nicotine done for you lately?   OUR LIE:  I can't quit alone. I'll need nicotine gum, the patch, hypnosis, e-cigs, acupuncture, magic herbs or other wonder drugs! THE TRUTH:  Wrong!   The simple truth is that no magic cure has ever "made" any smoker quit smoking nicotine.  The key to immediate and lasting abstinence is education and understanding, in becoming vastly more dependency recovery savvy than our addiction is strong. Hypnosis and acupuncture teach us nothing, nor does use of nicotine replacement products that fail roughly 93% of users within 6 months of quitting, while making NRT slaves of a substantial percentage of those who actually quit smokings. What quitting product and procedure salesmen will never tell you is that each year cold turkey generates more successful long-term ex-users than all other quitting methods combined. Why? Because they want your money. Remember, should all else fail, you always have you!     OUR LIE:  It's all Nicodemon's fault, not mine! THE TRUTH:  There is no Nicodemon, no little monsters, no big monsters, no monsters at all.  None!  In fact, the title to this article, Nicodemon's Lies, is one of the biggest lies of all.  They were never Nicodemon's lies but our lies.  Nicotine is simply a chemical, a drug, an alkaloid known as C10H14N2. Its I.Q. is and always has been zero.  It does not think, plan, inflict punishment, nor will it conspire to make you relapse or die addicted to it.  The fact that it has zero intelligence has always been your greatest weapon.  Everything you see, feel, and sense during nicotine withdrawal and recovery will be grounded in chemical dependency, conditioning, reason, logic, emotion or science.  Any conspirators in any past attempts to make you relapse and destroy your recovery were always and only "you!"  Never once did you relapse due to external circumstances. It was 100% internal, once again you introduced nicotine into your bloodstream. The good news is that while each defeat was yours, so too will be the victory. Should you end nicotine's control of your brain's reward pathways the victory will belong only to you!  

MarylandQuitter

MarylandQuitter

 

Watching Marie Kondo - Tidying Up & Craving

Craving a smoke badly. Not Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Thought about posting an SOS, but I asked myself, "Am I really that close to flipping mindsets and going out to buy cigarettes?" Nah. It's too cold outside. It's dark. I've eaten a light, healthy dinner. I walked about a mile today with my dog, so I feel pleasantly invigorated. Don't want to pollute my lungs or hand over any savings to tobacco magnates.  I was watching a series on Netflix about people tidying up their homes with Marie Kondo. As the families in each episode go through their "stuff" and decide what to keep or part with, I began remembering my former home and how much I have lost. The sadness made me teary for a few moments, but then I sat up straight and shook it off. I returned to present-oriented and forward-thinking. Shifting my focus triggered a powerful craving. This is the point where I would have celebrated the transition from gloom to acceptance by going outside to have a smoke.  And now I'm remembering my own post today about a bright line. Gloom is on the other side of the bright line. I am on this side, the right side. The bright line is inviolable.  Deep breaths. Craving is weakening. Another episode of exerting willpower, and now I can relax again. Not taking a chance of recurring cravings today, though. It's only 6:00-ish (pm), but I will go to bed early. I dreamed once, recently, that I was arguing about smoking with someone. I didn't want to, but he was strong and demanding. Other than that, no dreams about smoking or craving in my sleep.  One's willpower ebbs as the day progresses and by evening temptations can feel impossible to resist. A few dark chocolate chips for a dopamine hit. A mango. Then brush teeth and to sleep.

MindHacker

MindHacker

 

Feeling Proud

I am feeling very proud that I've started the new year as a non-smoker. This is my longest quit ever and I look forward to the additional days, weeks, months and eventual years of success. Even though I get a craving now and then, I am able to hold strong in my determination to have Not One Puff Ever (NOPE).    Thank you to Quit Train and all the other quitters who help me get off to a strong, successful quit.   Happy, successful New Year to us all!   Deanna

DragonsFancy

DragonsFancy

 

The journey only continued for some...

I've umm'ed and ahh'ed about writing another blog entry, I don't like to be rushed I guess. I thought I was in  a new year and heading for my 4th year quit but on perusing the site, transpires I'm heading for my 5th lol. Smoking is an enigma to me now but those who knew my habit 2+ packs a day for years can't believe I have stayed quit *cough, this site* and new friends can't imagine me as a smoker! The latter is a compliment for sure.   However when I quit it was with two others. My Mum and my then boyfriend, now just one of my best friends. Both relapsed. Chris, my friend, smokes heavily again and has done for 4 years, no quit in sight. Sadly my Mum damaged herself too heavily and last May, 1 day before her 70th birthday, I stood at her bedside after the awful news she wouldn't make it - to talk her over to the other side. Our relationship had been fairly strained but I'm pleased we had marginally reconnected for a few months before she died of multiple organ failure - drinking and smoking were at the heart of it all, quite literally. I have the most awful memories and photographic evidence of me holding her hand and cuddling in as I was telling her to look for our loved ones...when we should have been preparing for her birthday.    If you have children and are on the fence then please consider that it isn't just you who suffers. Get educated and be real.    The quit itself is effortless now. I remember at times that I would have smoked here and smile that it means absolutely nothing, it simply a memory. My children are level 4 and 5 (red and green belt) at mixed martial arts where I used the money from quitting to put them in a club to train. I should really go to that gym I pay for more, oops, but I can still run faaarrrr better than I ever could as a smoker, even with the gaps in training haha. The quit bought me strength, joy and healthier finances....I have never looked back. I completely retrained myself with a new career and am happily teaching both Reiki healing and Tarot Cards that I trained in.    My point is the quit bought me nothing but good and joy. Those who didn't commit have a painful story attached.    Love to all. Marti. xx

Marti

Marti

 

Counting backward

New delaying tactic... counting backward from 50, each number on inhalation or exhalation. Soon the tension will get too strong and an alarm in my head will sound. It'll be time to go to sleep, because if I stay up, I'm afraid I'll impulsively grab my purse and head to the gas station for cigarettes. I'd think that was impossible at this point, more than two weeks smoke-free,  but if there's anything uncounted relapses have taught me, it's that I should never underestimate my tendency to overestimate my self control.

MindHacker

MindHacker

 

Delaying, Hovering over a Relapse

When I was in the Forum this am, read Chrysalis's entry on relapse. Today was my first shopping day since I quit on 12/12/18 Traveled 20 miles south and I paid for my dog's boarding at the kennel, got gas for the car, and went grocery shopping. Normally, when I got gas (Costco), I'd get a hot dog and soda and smoke a cigarette. When I'd finish grocery shopping, I'd smoke a cigarette. Then when I got home, I'd take the dog out for a quick walk and then have a cigarette. Then I'd put away the groceries and have a cigarette. Grocery day was often cooking day (for lunches during the week, at work), so I'd start soup cooking and have a cigarette. Today there were no cigarettes, but there were many thoughts of cigarettes. I missed smoking, oh how I miss smoking.  I am romancing the cigarette. I SEE that it is a romance between some sociopathic tobacco ceo and me, and as long as I turned over my money to him/them, I'd get more drug and feel comforted. But romance is about FEELing, not seeing. Today I was feeling that quiet seduction. A sweet romance would involve loving letters penned on lovely paper and signed with passion. The closest thing to a letter is the empty cigarette packet on which is printed, I've seen some of the documentaries about the industry, from how tobacco is grown to how people are seduced into trying a cigarette, then kept addicted. (Swinging back now, no longer hovering over relapse.) Do I owe something to smokers who are still trapped? Do I have a responsibility to them to stay quit? Is it possible that one of the young people (all smokers) I used to work with, we'll chance-meet, and maybe s/he'll offer me a cigarette. I'll say, "no thanks, I finally quit." Who knows, maybe it will help that person quit. Or there could be some other event, and because I no longer smoke, it could affect the outcome in a better way than if I were still a smoker? A lot of ifs. The "IF" I don't want tonight is "If only I hadn't relapsed."  Deep breath, inhale, exhale. I don't know about responsibility to unknown other people, but I do have a responsibility to my children and theirs.  For the rest of today, I will not romance the cigarette. When an emotion arises, I'll switch to a visual mode and see the reality of the cigarette industry. Whew. Long craving has fizzled. I'm tired out.   

MindHacker

MindHacker

 

Quiet corner for a private SOS

It's after 8 pm. I can see myself in my mind's eye, grabbing my purse and heading out the door to the gas station to get cigarettes. A sigh of relief when I get back, sit on the patio, and light one up. On the other hand.... I'm no longer insensitive to the actual taste of a cigarette. It would be unpleasant. I'm no longer accustomed to having nicotine in my brain, so I'd be dizzy, and I don't like that feeling. I'd have wasted $9.00. In future dollar terms, that's near $90. And that's the cost of living (more, actually) for a day in the future. I'd have added to the harm already done to my teeth and gums, and the veins in my legs. I'd return to the gray face and premature wrinkles. I'd have lost the 12 day stretch I achieved. I'd have lost the fragile sense of being able to trust myself again. Sigh. It's not worth it. Skip the smoke. Drink a glass of water, walk the dog, and go to sleep.

MindHacker

MindHacker

 

Depression.....

Everyone gets depressed sometime...….   I seem to be depressed all of the time, but I have this most wonderful mask that I made that hides it from everyone - we all have one - the one that we call our 'everyday face'.   My everyday face normally has a wide smile on it, one with crooked yellowing teeth that is just a silly grin, but it hided the real me that I almost never show to anyone.  Those closest to me are the only ones that see my real face more often than not, but even then, I have another mask that I try to keep in place to stop them from sharing as much of my pain as I can, because I love them deeply.   I'm here today because it's Christmas and just 3 years and 3 days since my mother died.   I had gone sick from work to live with her during her last 3 months of life.  She had dystonia from when she was 52 years old, which caused the muscles in her neck and one side of her back to pull her over until she was walking with her head down by her knees.  She needed elbow crutches to walk and a wheelchair if she needed to walk more than about 20 yards, but she remained a very strong woman until her death.   Those three months were the worst part of my life, but I kept one or other of my masks in place throughout it until the very end, when I could not hold them stable any more.  And after she finally died I just collapsed and kept myself numb for months...….   oh god, this is so very, very hard, but so very necessary for me to face up to right now.  Need to stop for a while.

Oldybutmouldy

Oldybutmouldy

 

Of Superheroes and Smoking

So yes, I know the first question that might pop up in your head is wait, what? Superheroes and smoking?   What kinda connection is that?   Well, I'm a huge nerd/geek/fangirl (whatever other fancy term you may want to use) and a big big follower of the comic book/superhero universe. And though I love both DC (Batman, Superman, Aquaman, Wonder Woman, The Flash, Green Lantern, Cyborg, Green Arrow etc) and Marvel (Ironman, Spiderman, Dr. Strange, Thor, Hulk, Hawkeye, Thanos, Loki etc) the one guy that stands above all for me is Batman.   Why him you may ask? Because Batman is amongst that rare breed of superheroes, who doesn't necessarily have any superpower, per se. He's not faster than a speeding bullet, webs don't shoot out of his hands, he doesn't have the strength of a God. In fact, he's a lot more human than any other superhero I know. What he has is grit and determination, to train better, have better gadgets, use technology and science to overcome superhuman challenges, and yes of course he's rich :p Point being, Batman grapples with his own self every single day, when confronted with the question: Why does he fight? Why not leave it to the others who have a lot of extra things going for them. Why put his mind and body through incessant beatings, efforts and still see himself come up short sometimes against people with higher abilities, and then why doesn’t he give up, but enter the foray again? And the answer he gets is because he can. Because it is possible to try and make his city (Gotham) safer. Because he can fight back, even if not win each time. Because the body may heal, but not acting when he could have, that scar the mind cannot get rid off. Day after day, he chooses to fight and each time he chooses not to bow down to his own fears, he wins.   That's where each of our battles with smoking come in. Nicotine addiction is a relentless foe. I have read so many posts here about people coming so close to smoking. Some in week 3, some in month 5, some even after a year or more. It sneaks up on you in your weakest moments, and makes you believe that lighting up will solve everything that is going on with you. And each of us fights that addiction, day in day out, incessantly.  Each one of us is a superhero. We’ve all got our weaknesses, our problems, but each one of us chooses to fight them rather than give in to the craving of smoking. It’s the easier bit, giving in. But keeping on fighting, now that is the stuff of legends. So kudos to each and every one of you. As Alfred Pennyworth (Batman’s Butler and confidante) once reminded him: Why do we fall sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.

Tammy

Tammy

 

The calm before the storm?

So I am in kind of a haze, certain things going on personally which make me question a lot of things I thought I knew. Long story short, if I ever had any excuse (that being the operative word here) it would be now.   However I don't want to, and I certainly don't feel like.  In fact, I'm almost disappointed since I realize that smoking won't help puff the problem away. There were times when stress at work or home equated to stepping out and lighting up. Absolutely sure that it never resolved the problem, but those 5 minutes were about romanticizing the damn thing. And right now, I'm in a mode where I'm seeing everything in black and white. No grays. So no escaping stuff, most certainly not with the nico stick in hand.   Strange how life can drag you down, and that's where you recognize or find the hard truths, the kind that stick with you. Sometimes you gotta get dragged through the mud for the dirt to wash off.   Maybe this is an important step in my quit, maybe it's just an indication of things getting better or worse (black or white remember). All I know is I am not going to make plans or guesses, all I know, whatever comes I will fight it head on.  And I won't fail.

Tammy

Tammy

 

Celebrating my first week without cigarettes !!

Its been a hell of week But i survived   Nicotine gums are  like my new best friend   I could not have done without it   Thanks to all the people who have supported me   I believe the ability to think is blessed. If you can think about a situation, you can deal with it. The big struggle is to keep your head clear enough to think. -  Richard Pryor

Redemption3

Redemption3

 

Cacophony and Silence (Tormented)

It seems like there's a fight going on inside,
Words going stark raving mad to take flight.
I hesitate, but they want a deluge
To hide is something they absolutely refuse.

I ponder, wait and consider all angles
They run unchecked, unhinged, untangled.
Do I open the gates, I wonder
Would the flood tear my life asunder?

They just want to be free, not like freedom today
In the true sense, totally uninhibited
No judging, no boundaries, no questions
Free to choose their destiny, their directions.

So I let them flow, crimson like the Nile millenia ago
They gush out, jump, and rush head on into the world.
They clash against stoic wills and egos, against logic and emotions,
Some get smashed to pieces, some hit hard, some get ignored, and some unleash the demons.

I feel empty inside, like suddenly the colors are gone
the world is bathed in pristine white.
The silence is deafening, maybe I'm not used to peace
For I know that like everything, peace comes at a price.

Tammy

Tammy

 

Tensile and Taut

A very reflective weekend this one, on the back of a semi-hectic week at work. On Saturday, watched a play related to the 26th November 2008 attacks on Mumbai (today is the 10th anniversary of those horrific attacks).  The play was a monologue of the man behind the attacks - David Coleman Headley, an American Pakistani who orchestrated these attacks and conducted the recce which was used to plan and map out where they would take place. The actor (someone I know personally) potrayed that part so well that I wanted to hit him at one point in time during the play. But more than anger, it left me in a very reflective state of mind. I started thinking about how each and every action we do has a reaction, has an effect, even though at times we may not see it or even be a party to it. Our actions have far reaching consequences that we don't think about.  Relating this to smoking, I was wondering how many of those cigarette butts I threw are currently polluting the ocean...they are the biggest polluters of our oceans and planet today.   Sunday, I went for my first drive with an organisation I work with here in Mumbai, an NGO which collects leftover food from events, marriages, restaurants and distributes it among the less fortunate. This was a drive where we also taught the kids alphabets and numbers. Sitting at home, being able to order food from an app or cook whatever we want, makes us forget what hunger is, and what appreciation for what we have on our table is. This Sunday morning reminded me of that, and I was more thankful for what I have than crib about what I don't.   I'm still thinking, today, of how much money I blew up in "smoke" which could have been put to better use.  How a troubled childhood caused a man to grow up and be responsible for 170 deaths, how hunger can make people do things they normally wouldn't.   Sorry if this is sobering or pensive, but just wanted to share.

Tammy

Tammy

 

Week Two

I sailed through the first week but this week has been a lot harder.   On Day 9 I became obsessed with the "have I quit too late" thought. I had read a few personal stories where people had got a smoking related health problem after they had quit, and the seed of fear spiralled out of control in my mind. I don't really regret anything in my life but I do regret relapsing so many times.    I don't think I can ignore the damage smoking does or that it is a killer. I do think though I need to start focusing on the other benefits to quitting besides health. Fear and sadness at what could happen, or that other people are going through can end up being quite destructive. Positivity is a big part of any success.    The rest of the week has been pretty tough going and it's as though my brain has split into two. Quit half is full of knowledge and knows that quitting is the best thing I have ever done. When this half is in charge I am at my happiest. Smoker half clearly still has a lot of catching up to do as it is constantly trying to justify why I should go and buy a packet of cigarettes. The internal debates are relentless and it has become quite overwhelming.     I love the Joel Spitzer quote below. This week it definitely would have been easy to go back. I'm extra proud I have got through smoke free as it has been challenging. I've needed friends to reassure me and hold me up but I'm walking into the third week.    The factor that really shows the addiction is not how hard or how easy it is to quit. What really shows the addiction is how universally easy it is to go back - Joel Spitzer    

Lilly

Lilly

 

Tranquil with a smattering of Tensile

Well, there are days when I feel like a hamster running in the wheel, huffing and puffing (figuratively, not literally), but getting nowhere.   Then there are days when the sun is shining, the colours are sharper, everyone I meet is smiling and everything is just right with the world. Then come the days of Grey. When it's neither dark nor light, the day is just there...like a blob of paint that falls on the floor.   I know I've got enough grit to get through the craves, and wherever I fall, there are amazing people (on this forum) that pick me up...but sometimes I'm tired of the vicious circle.  There is a term the French use:  l'appel du vide (Call of the void). This inexplicable feeling of jumping off a cliff, when you are standing at the edge, the sudden urge to steer into oncoming traffic. There are times when without any reason, my brain envisages me with a cigarette in my hand...and that moment I feel like my hand has a mind of it's own. I literally have to yank it off that thought...right now was one such moment.  The reason I say was is because typing this made that instinct go away.   So I live to fight another day. Would I term today Tranquil, Tensile or Tormented? I'd say tranquil with a smattering of tensile. 

Tammy

Tammy

 

Week One

Today I am celebrating my first week of freedom 😀   I have bought lots of great food and just plan on relaxing and enjoying the day (will obviously watch the Joel Spitzer videos for today at some point).   I thought about what reward I could give myself to mark this special day, then I realised I have already given myself the greatest gift of all .......... I quit smoking 😀  

Lilly

Lilly

 

Day 6

Day 6 is done.  As always I watched the Joel Spitzer videos for today and then was out for the rest of the day.   I am amazed by my stats. Look at all those cigarettes not smoked in 6 days 😮😮  I worked it out and I won't be setting alight £389.00 a month.   The benefits just keep coming 😀    

Lilly

Lilly

 

Day 5

I watched my Day 5 Joel Spitzer video today.   Had a few smoking thoughts but got through.    I am now in Day 6.

Lilly

Lilly

Day 4

Today I read my Day 4 material from Joel Spitzer as usual, but I also learnt something by myself.    The last three days were tough in places and if there was a day to throw in the towel it would have been yesterday. I woke up this morning and I realised I felt great.     If I had given up on this quit yesterday I wouldn't have experienced the great day I had today.    I am now in Day 5.

Lilly

Lilly

 

Day 3

Day 3 was difficult as I have been extremely emotional. I am not sure if I can explain my feelings in words but will try.    I was watching my Day 3 videos by Joel Spitzer and there was one that I had watched before. When I watched it the first time I felt sad but continued to smoke. When I watched it earlier it brought out feelings in me that I didn't even realise were there.    After watching it today I sobbed for hours for my own mum. I watched my mum die due to smoking and then I smoked my way through her death, her funeral and then during a very long period of grief.    Today I feel as though I am going through a second cycle of grief. My beautiful mum was taken from us because she was addicted to smoking. This thought has tortured me most of the day and my heart is breaking for her.    I'm seeing this addiction for what it really is and I'm angry. I'm keeping that anger for another day though as today I need to cry only for my mum.    I'm now in Day 4.

Lilly

Lilly

 

Hello my new world !!!!

This is one of those rare days where everything feels perfect and i do not even want to think about cigarettes anymore .   I have a million other things to think about   And i love this discussion group   I want to contribute something good to this forum    

Redemption3

Redemption3

About us

QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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