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Stomach issues got me down

Haven't written anything in a while about two months ago started having a weird pressure in my lower abdomen. Not like the pains I've had previously when my stomach acted up. Thankfully no where near that pain however this strange constant pressure hasn't let up. So far seen my regular doctor who rushed me off for a CT scan with contrast he was thinking a diverticulitis attach and that wasn't it sent me to my GI doctor who sent me off for a colonoscopy Well that shit was not fun I wasn't due for one of those suckers until I hit the big Five O (50) nothing showed Crohns, or a blockage is what he was thinking. Gave me a medicine to help regulate things so to speak. Well two weeks on that was enough now we are off to the GYN for a sonogram then back for another CT scan nobody can figure out what is going on. Me I just want to feel better not liking any of this. Quit smoking eating healthier than I ever did, no artificial anything lots of water exercising 3-4 times I just don't get it It really sucks.... Was trying to get off these stupid extra pounds now I feel like I swallowed a bowling ball. Bummed to the max and hoping one of my doctors figures what is going on. I shouldn't complain after what my mom and friend are going through and what they have gone through with their Cancers this is nothing but I still want to feel better want to feel like my old self again. I always think Health and feeling good is everything nothing else is really really important compared to that. Well lets see what they find out.

Dee

Dee

 

Day 3

I attended my first community support class last night. We introduced ourselves and told why we wanted to quit smoking and why we are taking the class. It was interesting hearing everyone's story. I was concerned for a few people who stated how much they enjoy smoking. I think this will be really hard for them unless they start looking at it differently. I too enjoyed smoking but I know there is nothing enjoyable about what smoking does to you. Keeping those things in mind, I don't enjoy smoking anymore.   Another thing I noted was that out of nine people I was the only one going cold turkey. The rest are all using gum, patches, Chantix, etc. The instructor said that cold turkey was the least successful method of quitting. I only know that I do not want to use those products. For me, I think they would only prolong the withdrawal from nicotine and cause me other issues along the way. I have to do what's right for me and stay committed.   I believe its all in the right attitude and doing everything you can to stay on the right path.   Oh, and 3rd day is going okay. My homework for today is to list my triggers and different ways of handling them.

Breathless57

Breathless57

 

Day 2

Well I am doing ok. I thought waking up without a cig would be bad but it's ok. I just keep having a positive attitude and it helps. I have removed any smoking stuff totally so there is no temptation. Also, started cleaning to keep busy and remove any lingering smoke smells. I have my first community support group class tonight. I am not sure what to expect there but I am keeping an open mind.

Breathless57

Breathless57

 

Today is the First Day

My quit date was originally last Friday and today is Tuesday, so I am already behind the ball. The reason I didn't start last Friday is because I was reading the EasyWay to Quit by Allen Carr and he said to keep smoking until I finished the entire book. Also, I have joined a community quit smoking group which meets tomorrow night. I guess it meets once a week and you can continue as long as you want.   So I just finished my last cigarette and I am looking forward to starting my new life. Yesterday, I totally cleaned and defumed my car so I would not have to bear that smell anymore. That's my first happy step in this journey. Today I plan to remove all ashtrays, butts, lighters, and anything else related in my house. It's trash pick up day so perfect timing.   I have been smoking for almost 40 years so I know this will be rough at times, but I also know I am a strong person and I just have to keep my eye on the ball and keep reminding myself that I made the right decision. My go to's will be this forum group, my Allen Carr book, and my community support group. I have always had trouble asking others for help so I need to remind myself that its okay to ask.   I am going to get started now. Wishing everybody a smoke free day!

Breathless57

Breathless57

 

Day 4

8am. So i hope i dont have to start over again because of my slip yeaterday. Y was i thinking so stupidly. More importantly, y was my boyfriend being stupid? He had almost a month of not smoking, and he gave away his quit for somewhere around 3 cigarettes from what i counted, provably more after i left. And he knew i was on my 3rd day, it seemed dickish of him to just leave me inside and go smoke with his friends. Im boiling with anger. But fr me at least it is a new day, i cant let all of that hinder today.   12pm. Busy day cooking food going to work later, and just keeping things on track. School starts up again next week so i gotta make sure i am prepared for that.   10pm, finished with work, no real bad cravings today, i think the worst is behind me? Maybe

Kellemae

Kellemae

 

Quitting.. Again!

Ok, so I picked up my Chantix today! I'm ready! I quit about 10 years ago, after using patches for about a week! Unfortunately, I started back 3 months shy of 3 years!! So here I go again!   I'm dedicated... problem is -> my boyfriend smokes 2-3 packs a day.. he's had a box of Chantix (that he's not yet used) for a year!!! He also drinks pretty heavily, so I'm just going to have to change my routine around him! I'm only a social drinker, and declined his offers to have a beer, today!! (Go me!! :D ) Car's cleaned out (we've never smoked in the house), but there are ash trays in the garage, and on our back deck (we live on the lake!)... HIS truck is smoked in all the time.. maybe I'll just not go anywhere with him for the first few weeks.   So I'm gonna need extra reinforcement. :blink: :excl:   I'm taking my first one in the morning!! Let's get this going!! :yes:

flynurse33

flynurse33

 

Day 3- pain and refusal of suffering

7am up bright and early.... oww, cant move.... curse that physical trainer, im in pain, i got out of bed like im 80 yrs old. Took the dog outside, cant do stairs cuz my quads hurt from 30 squats.... ugh... ahh ha theres the purple monster in my head laughing at me and my pain.... he says he can take my pain away for 1 cigatette..... no thanks dude iv made it this far just fine.   11 am cooking forever it seems, made 3 complete meals because i want to eat better. And honestly it takes my mind off my pain and the purple monster in my head.   4pm at work now, bored the purple monster is trying to talk to me, been good about ignoring him even tho he is playing with the neurons in my brain, cuz just like me, he is bored too. Ill keep reading this book "Quit and Stay Quit" by Terry A Rustin MD.... it at least helps me pass the time and stay focused forward so i dont have to look at the purple monster.   11pm. Ugh i hate this... went out with my boyfriend and a few of his friends.... was fine until he went to join them to have a cigarette.... i was mad, hurt, and disappointed because he was supposed to have been quit for a few weeks at this point... i went outside and was going to join in, i took the cigatette someone handed me took 2 puffs and thought, this doent help me, im not getting bavk at him more then im throwing away my quit.... i handed my boyfriend the cigarette and went back into the bar.... i waited a little bit but gouldnt get over my frustration sovi glosed out my bar tab and left.... i csme home and im in bed now, im disappointed my boyfriend has not texted me back.... since i left the bar almost 2 hrs ago iv texted him a damn book explaining how i felt. Guess i just go to bed angry, confused, and maybe a little jealous.

Kellemae

Kellemae

 

Day 2- learning how to tame the monster

hours 1- 9 Sleeping 8:22AM I woke up and looked around, hey I'm still alive. Took one look at the clock, "crap I need to be at the gym at 8:30" ran out the house, did not brush my hair or take the dog out, "shit i wont be too long". Got to the gym and realized I did not have a craving yet.... probably because the trigger is taking the dog out. "huh that's interesting"   hour 11: 10:00AM- Got home, still no craving, took the dog out, still no craving. had a protein shake, small craving. spent the next 2 hrs playing with the dog, and cleaning my kitchen.   hour 14: 1pm - I feel fine. eat lunch, big salad with chicken and crutons and cheese.... for desert, a donut and glass of milk..... now im tired.   Hour 16: 3pm exhaustion leads to naps, naps ensure my quit, woke up from the nap and went to the grocery store, no major cravings yet.   Hour 18: 5pm cooking breakfasts for the next few days just to keep occupied.   Hour 21: 8pm. My boyfriend came to visit, watched a movie, ate some snacks, cuddled on the couch. Bo cravings at all while he was here.   Hour 23: 10 pm, what is it about this time of night that i always get a massive craving? Fought tooth and nail through the craving.... giving up and going to bed.....

Kellemae

Kellemae

 

Day 1

Hour 1-9: easy.... I was asleep through this part. Hour 10: 8AM I woke up and had the usual morning craving when I took my dog out for a walk, I actually went around the block instead of sitting on the step to have a smoke. Hour 12: 10AM cravings getting a little more intense now, but I read alot of information online about nicotine and what it really actually does to your body.   Hour 15: 1pm Had to go to the school for a program planning session, I had major road rage on the way there, so I stopped and got some food and ended up eatting more then normal which scared me a little, but then thought I had not eatten anything at all today.   Hour 17: 3pm Went to work right after my program planning session, I got there a full hour before I was scheduled to start, I was feeling pretty exhausted so I took a catnap in my car.   Hour 24: Through work I was absolutely fine, my exhaustion went away, I was left with a pretty minor headache...... When I left work I was hit with a massive craving..... if I closed my eyes I saw the little purple monster behind my eyelids playing with my nervous system begging for me to feed him. every time I came upon a gas station he would send his signals through my brain as hard as he could to cause me to stop and buy cigarettes, but I screamed louder reciting my nope pledge until he shut up. That was the most exhausting drive home ever.  

Kellemae

Kellemae

 

Weapons for the fight

I have been reading many excellent posts here, with a view to gathering weapons for the fight.   Here is what I have found so far :   1. Use NOPE one day at a time. Personally, I have never managed to kick any addiction by saying "Never again". One day at a time does it for me. The days turn into weeks, the weeks into months and the months into years. I know some people can make up their mind to not smoke and that does it. But I know myself well enough to know that my own brain is not that powerful. 2. This soon will pass. 3. HALT-an old friend and one which has worked for me before with other problems. Why not use it with smoking ?   These are all for me only. They may well drive someone else insane. I have read loads more, but these ones stick out.   What I am not seeing is some way to substitute or replace the act of smoking. I have tried eating in previous attempts and put on half a stone ( 7 lbs for the benefit of any Americans reading this) in one week that way. This prevented me from training, so.....I smoked.   Any suggestions or comments gratefully received.   Thank you.

georgen

georgen

 

So here I am, day 2

Here I am. Day 2 and I'm not gonna blow myself up. Just gonna write where I bump into, what triggers me, what helps.... etc.   I've found a big trigger. Which was already mentioned... Coffee, in my case too much coffee - I get all sparkly and hyper and my cravings become more intense. So - luckily I use instant coffee - I'm gonna be careful how strong I'm gonna make my coffee.   I'm gonna quit the friggin gum (not NRT gum I quit CT) because my stomach is killing me. Ugh. I felt like chewing a whole package a day - but my stomach isn't liking it... so into the trash.   In a year I want to be able to read back and say 'yeah I pulled it off', not by bluffing just by sticking with NOPE.   Evelyn

Evelyn

Evelyn

 

wordpress business plan was a waste of my time and money

Creative Commons License onthemark by quitsmokingsupportcommunity (qssc) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.   A special thanks to Pearlie for reaching out and being Pearlie. so i was doing totally the wrong thing yesterday wasting hundreds of dollars and not getting anywhere except an incomprehensible website about bbpress   i defnitely do not recommend the wordpress business plan to do what i am trying to accomplish. So I cancelled that after finding someone to chat who explained how i was wasting my money, and it is true i was. he was right.   I am not so happy with the rest of our chat and realize that the communication problem of needing to repeat the same thing over and over again even though i had already said it was important and getting runarounds instead of honest answers to my questions.   Main concern is security. Anyone who wants to help me right now and is an expert on security send me the best article you know of to maximize security in wordpress with least effort. I do want to understand security before putting up anything and getting blown off on a consult with a ridiculous answer to a security question made me realize i am not going with this guy but will pay him for his chat time on google.   this is the worldwide license for onthemark. there's a detailed discussion on the landscape of copyright and online forums in the private room "off the record". Make 20 posts here and you can read and contribute!   the website quitsmokingandcancer.com is under construction at the moment...       I can be reached by email at drbenwaynumber9@gmail.com

onthemark

onthemark

 

creative commons noncommercial-sharealike onthemark quitsmokingsupportcommunity

CREATIVE COMMONS LIC   onthemark by quitsmokingsupportcommunity (qssc) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.   this is the worldwide license for onthemark. there's a detailed discussion on the landscape of copyright and online forums in the private room "off the record". Make 20 posts here and you can read and contribute!   the website quitsmokingandcancer.com is under construction at the moment... please see my profile here if you want updates about onthemark and quitsmokingsupportcommunity

onthemark

onthemark

 

do i know what my legal rights and responsibilities are

I was planning to post here, but before getting access I had to check a box that says I have understood my rights and responsbilities, or something to that effect...   for instance not to post anything here whose copyright does not belong to me.. that is clear enough   but do I own the copyright of all the material i post here?   what does that entail. Do I have the right to store a copy only, or do I have the right to post it elsewhere as well.   also what does it mean to 'add a block'   All advise, comments and constructive remarks are welcome. I am looking for advise.

onthemark

onthemark

 

Inspiring Weekend.

Well it seems like I have been waiting for ever and finally the training has begun to become a Eucharistic Minister. What an exciting Sat. afternoon. I get to St. Agnes and realize WOW the parking lot is full. I sign in and grab a seat the priests and people in attendance were so interesting and inspiring. Next training will be for the homebound and nursing homes. This will mean so much as then when I visit with Granny and they need extra EM I will be able to provide this. I was kinda disappointed with my sisters response but I was going to let them dampen my mood. It is hard to believe we are all raised the same way all went to Church only to discover as adults how anti religious they are. I at least let them know they should be excited because it is important to me. My older sister did say she was happy as she knows the people I will be ministering to want Christ brought to them. My little sister not so much but oh well her loss. My friends have all told me they will proudly come to Church when I get commissioned in.

Dee

Dee

 

Thinking

The weather is finally getting nice it so strange trying to stay in the mind set of being a non-smoker. The warm weather makes the urge greater. Sat I spent the day exhausting myself with the thought that physical exhaustion would help. But it is strange the smokes I still miss the most are the ones when I have physically exhausted myself with exercise./activities/ cleaning or errands. I wonder how long before my brain will be re-trained for those moments. I haven't written much in these blogs. Never really got the whole Blog. I was a big journal keeper always was. But that is so much more private. It doesn't lay out there for others to see. Journaling helped me travel to where I am today. Journaled through the end of my terrible marriage journaled through my days in Al-non journaled through most all life struggles. Those memories are recorded and kept in a safe place. They all reside in a box a box of memories and tribulations. My sister also is a journaler we have an arrangement is something suddenly happens to either one of us the other knows where the box of journals are. And we are each charged with removing the box so nobody will ever peep into the most private parts of our life. So anyway Blogging seems similar to Journaling but one is for no one else to ever see the other seems like thoughts you wish to share with whom who knows maybe just yourself maybe with others. Spring is making me feel nostalgic and actually sad yesterday it made me sad. I couldn't put a finger on why the sadness but it was there under the surface. Maybe Spring starts the thinking process because after the sleep of nature during Winter everything is now waking and becoming new. Just a thought to think about.

Dee

Dee

 

The Legend

"My brother's wife's cousin's girlfriend's second uncle twice removed smoked four packs a day from the time he was seven and died of natural causes in his sleep at 95, right after he ran two back-to back-marathons with a lit cigarette dangling from his lips."   "My great-great-great-grandfather smoked all his life and never even got a cold. Not once. In fact, I think he's still alive! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!"   "My grandmother's best friend's mother lived to 102; ate only junk food, smoked like a chimney, and went ballroom dancing every Saturday right up until her very last day."   The Legend. That mythical, magical smoker who confidently marches through life enveloped by tendrils of deep blue smoke at all times and never, ever feels one single negative effect of it. The one who sucks deeply on those coffin nails and spits them triumphantly in the face of the Grim Reaper, if he ever dares wave his scythe in her direction. A marvel of existence, this smoker's story is told and re-told in hushed reverent tones, wherever other smokers huddle and shiver, pulling the acrid biting fumes deep into the soft fragile folds of their lungs. More than one smoker has bet his life on the existence of The Legend, with the hope of eventually becoming one himself.   And I'm here to tell you that The Legend...does in fact exist. Actually, she was my grandmother.   But, before you sigh in relief and rush off to light that cancer stick, STOP. Don't be hasty. Make a cup of tea. Get comfy. Hang in with me for a bit. You'll want to hear the rest of this.   Born in the early 1920's in Europe, my grandmother was not expected to survive for more than a couple of hours after her birth. Her parents prepared for a funeral, not a christening.   Yet, much to the surprise of the learned medical professionals of the time, survive she did. She was left with a weakened heart, but other than strict instructions to never do any vigorous exercise, she needed no other medication. I'm sure the advice would be different today, but at that time, in that place, it was considered a solid treatment plan.   In her teens and early 20's, she lived through the brutality of WWII, surviving regular bombings, violence and some of the worst that humanity could offer up, at times at point-blank range. My grandmother, as it turned out, was bullet-proof.   In her 30's, she was involved in a spectacular car crash, where she was ejected from the vehicle, pinned underneath it, and dragged through the city streets, past horrified onlookers, until the car mercifully, eventually slid to a protracted stop. The doctors told my grandfather to start making funeral arrangements. Your wife, they said, will not last through the night.   Not only did she last through the night, but a few weeks later, sporting the full body cast she was to be imprisoned in for nearly a year, she discharged herself from the hospital and arranged transportation to send her home for the rest of her recovery. She said she didn't care for hospitals.   After that, she endured communism. And food shortages. And political strife. Finally, she relocated her family overseas and began a new life.   Throughout most of that life, with all of its improbable twists and turns, she smoked. Her husband smoked. Her son smoked. As did her daughter, my mother. Her son-in-law smoked. Her daughter-in-law too. The neighbours. The cousins. The in-laws on all sides. Most of the friends, as well. Everyone except the family dogs! But that was only because they had no opposable thumbs and couldn't work the lighters; they had to make do with all the second-hand smoke instead.   Needles to say, most of my family memories were formed through a thick swirling haze.   The years went on. My grandmother, the legendary leader of us all, carried on puffing and laughing away, not a care in the world. And so it was until my other grandmother came for a visit from Europe. I was just a child when she showed up at the airport gasping for air, dragging an oxygen tank, and asking where she could light a smoke. She died soon after. COPD. She was in her 60's. And her illness and subsequent death started a chain of events that marked many of the milestones in my life.   A few years after that fateful visit, my father's only brother finally put out his last cigarette as he lay dying from throat cancer. In his 40's.   Then it was my uncle, my mom's brother - heart attack in his 40's. By an unlikely stroke of luck, he survived. The rest of the family cheered, celebrating the miracle out in the hospital parking lot, hidden from view by thick roiling clouds of smoke. But at least my uncle quit smoking after that health scare. Until he got discharged.   That stellar chapter in the family history was followed by my grandfather's unexpected and abrupt end - complications from prostate cancer surgery. Apparently they're not kidding when they say to quit smoking before all those procedures.   A few years later, it was my mom's turn to play cancer roulette - cervical cancer. In her 50's, a young, vibrant, full life ended in pain, suffering and despair within a year of diagnosis. She put out her last cigarette right before the ambulance took her away for the last time.   Yet my grandmother, by then in her 80's, kept smoking, not a hint of cough in sight. Nary a pill needed. Puffing away, enduring the unending, unrelenting misery of watching her loved ones suffer and die in agony, one after another in short succession, by the hand of an addiction she refused to leave behind.   The stale tendrils of smoke next reached out to my father, who, in his late 50's, consumed by grief after losing my mother, his childhood sweetheart, started a new life. One which did not include any part of his old one, save for smoking. We all cope in our own ways, I suppose. My last memory of him, likely the only one I'll have, is of a cigarette firmly clenched between his ruined teeth, wisps of smoke escaping through a crack in the car window, the sounds of a wracking cough slowly dying on the wind as he drove out of my life.   A few years later, still unbearably broken of heart over her daughter's (my mother's) early death, my grandmother, at 92, in good health and surrounded by swirls of smoke, caught a cold. And then she was gone.   My only comfort was that she was finally released from her grief. As it turned out, I had one other reason to be thankful, if you can call it that, a couple of years later. She didn't have to watch as her only surviving child, now in his 60's, having lived through that early heart attack, smoked his way through to a diagnosis of terminal lung cancer. And then he was gone too.   And me? Despite being witness to all of this, I had started smoking in my early 20's, and I kept right on doing it. After all, my grandmother lived to 92 and she had smoked all her life! She was never sick! She was MY legend. That mythical magical excuse I used to keep smoking, even as my family fell around me, one by one.   But, you see, my nicotine-addled brain only saw my grandmother - an active, shiny 92 - the blue smoke accenting the ice blue of her eyes. THE LEGEND. It didn't register that every single person I had loved had died, horribly, because of smoking. Smoking was either a strong contributing factor or a direct cause for every illness or ill effect that befell each of them. But I only saw THE LEGEND, so blinded was I by that smoky haze surrounding my brain.   By my late 30's, other than a few cousins and distant relatives I had no real contact with, my whole family, the ones I spent Christmas and Easter with, the ones I grew up with, the ones I called with news big and small, the ones I loved, were gone. An only child, I was the only one left standing. And smoking.   Yes, you build your own family with your partner, close friends also fill the gaps and life carries on. But it's never quite the same. There is always a sadness and an empty space that you can never fill in. I'm optimistic and happy-go-lucky by nature, but I've spent more nights sobbing into my pillow than I'd care to admit because of all I have lost. There is no one alive now who remembers my first steps, or who it was that got drunk on that trip to the cottage that year and went skinny dipping in the lake. There is no one I can phone if I forget how to bake my grandmother's famous apple cake. It's like a part of my life, of my memories, just disappeared into nothingness. I didn't have enough time to hear all the stories, to collect all the recipes and to share some of mine. And I never will. There have been so many moments that I wanted to pick up the phone and call them. But there will never again be anyone on the other end of those calls.   And I know that people die. And the younger generations are left with only memories and they move on, in turn raising younger generations. It's the natural order of things. But not this early. Not yet. I should have had another 30 years, maybe not with my grandparents, but with everyone else. So many memories that will never get made. Instead, where a family had once been, I just had a pack of smokes. Cold comfort, that, especially on those days. You know the ones. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Christmas, Easter, birthdays, Mondays; all are bittersweet.   Having somehow survived, mentally and physically intact thus far, into my early 40's, it was finally time for me to make a very important decision. Where am I going to place my bet?   Having seen what that one first puff of a cigarette, that each member of my family took at one point in their lives, amounted to, I saw what it meant to be a smoker. The odds of survival there, quite frankly, stunk!   But I didn't want to be a Legend either.   Because when you hear the stories of THE LEGEND, as told in that smoking huddle, you're not ever getting the full picture. My Legend, my grandmother, was an anomaly. The exception that proves the rule. Yes, she smoked right to the end. Yes, she lived to 92. No, she did not die of cancer or a heart attack or any of the other 100 diseases brought on by smoking. But in the end, legends don't get to escape smoking's wrath either; it just gets them in a different way. My grandmother may have had a long life, but her final chapters were just as touched by smoking's miserable effects as those who die of a smoking-related disease. Mental suffering can be just as much a prison as physical impairment, for those who have to endure it. She paid her smoking dues, my grandmother, with interest. Up close, legends are just sad addicts with nothing left to live for, the gift of time now a curse. How aspirational is that?   So, don't envy The Legends. Don't use them as an excuse to keep sucking on those refried butts. Don't romanticize them. And don't bet that you'll be one, either, if you're still so inclined. Legends are considered special and mythical for one main reason; there are so very, very few of them. Placing a bet here would just be foolish.   My decision was finally made. I put all my chips on being a free and happy Quitter. There are no guarantees, of course, but I really like my odds here.   And now that the smoke has cleared, and you too can see the true story behind THE LEGEND, it's your turn to bet. Choose wisely.

PixelSketch

PixelSketch

 

Scaffolding

Mr. Pixel quit smoking at the same time as I did. He was a little more of a casual smoker, and so far, the effects of quitting haven't hit him hard, at least physically. His Hell Week was just a normal week.   Once Week Two, aka Heck Week, rolled around, I was up and around, and ready to start rejoining the living again. I knew that it would be an adjustment to get back to my usual routines without a smoke at hand. I was prepared for that. I knew my brain would need to relearn a few things, and I was prepared to deal with some changes. But I never once thought that the way Mr. P and I related to each other would change as a result of stopping the cancer sticks as well. That was a bit of a shock at first.   When we'd get home from work, the first thing we would do is head outside for a smoke and discuss the day. Then we'd go in and start making dinner. The rest of the evening was punctuated by smoke breaks. Looking back, it's almost like smoking was the scaffolding on which we hung the rest of our lives; we fit in what we had to do, and what we wanted to do, between smokes. When we took that underlying structure away, we were both at a loss.   That led to some crankiness and some petty squabbling, which is usually not our style. There were times we would sit on the couch and uncomfortably stare at each other. Now what? And that's not us either. We've been together for over a decade and have never, ever been at a loss for conversation or activities. We're curious, and active and interested in so many things. We have a lot in common, and a lot of differences, so it's always an adventure. And it's good. There's always something going on around here. This was just weird.   But slowly, we came to realize that, even though we've been together a long time, and we knew each other really well, we've never known a time where we were together as non-smokers. Every single thing we've ever done over the course of 13 years has been punctuated in some way by a smoke; dates, trips, dinners, walks, parties, funerals, weddings, work, even workouts. Smoking was as deeply woven into the fabric of our relationship as our feelings for one another. It was a frightening realization. Could we make this better? How? Now what, indeed.   So we started by asking each other one question, "What do you need right now to feel 'normal', other than a smoke?"   Answering that proved to be the key. It turned out that it wasn't really the smoke itself that we missed, but rather the routine of heading outside, walking around a bit, talking about our day or the news or whatever. That particular smoke was actually a signal for us to shake the day off and ease into the evening. It was a bridge from crazy day to relaxing night. And without that signal, we were kind of lost. So, we took a walk. And we talked. And we didn't smoke. And it worked. After a few days, that became our new normal and we no longer missed having that after work smoke. We still had that thing that we actually needed - the reason for the smoke - without the smoke itself.   From that point on, anytime we felt 'off', we would go back to that question, "What do you need right now?". And it's working. I've come to realize that as we remove that scaffolding, we're revealing the beautiful structure underneath. We've been building it for over a decade, and it's solid. It can withstand much more than I thought it could, and, best of all, it's at the point where we can continue to build upon it, without all that messy, ugly scaffolding. After all, scaffolding is only ever meant to be temporary anyway. The building underneath? That's the real deal.

PixelSketch

PixelSketch

 

Scratch that Itch

Sadly, that's not a euphemism for anything fun. -_-   At the end of Day 3, and leading up into Day 6, I was itchy. Actually, literally, physically...itchy. It actually makes me itchy now, just thinking about it. :o   My upper chest, neck, face, especially around the jaw, and head came down with a serious case of THE ITCHES. It came out of the blue, it was sudden, and it was really annoying. Like dealing with multiple mosquito bites.   There were no bites, no bumps and not even a hint of a rash. The skin, unbroken, looked normal.   I went through a mental checklist. Did I change my shampoo, soap, laundry detergent, lotion, anything? No. Did I eat a food I've never eaten before? No. It wasn't cat allergies - those make my eyes red and itchy and they make me sneeze, but they also make me really red and blotchy. And that wasn't happening. Also, my cat allergies only get that bad when I groom the little buggers. So it wasn't that. I do shower regularly. LOL So...what changed?   The only thing that was different was that I quit smoking. And when the itching started, the nicotine was almost out of my system. Maybe my body was trying to expel some chemicals? I don't know. All I know is, I spent several days scratching. Ugh. Nothing helped. Not lotion, not Benadryl, not anything.   But I got through it. And by the middle of Day 6, it stopped, just as suddenly as it had started. Haven't had an issue since.   But now that experience serves as another great reason to NOPE. If I do, I will be right back to Hell Week, and THE ITCHES. No thanks. NOPE. That's not the kind of itch I want to scratch. Never again. :blink:

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PixelSketch

 

Hell Week Surprise

I was scared of Hell Week. I prepared myself as best I could. I took the week off. I stocked up on junk food, thinking I'd probably just eat my way through my first week.   I expected to be gorging on cookies, chips, chocolate - anything and everything that was probably not great for me in abnormally large doses. As long as it kept me from smoking, I was ok with it, figuring I could always ramp up my workouts when I was ready.   I was right about one thing. I ate. Though eating is probably a gross understatement of what I did. :lol: I ate constantly.   But, what really took me by surprise was, I didn't eat cookies, or chips or chocolate. I had absolutely no desire to touch any of it. I wanted tangerines. And snow peas. And sugar snap peas. And tuna. And chicken soup. Not one or two here or there either. Oh no! I ate three bags of tangerines that week. Three! Two bags of snow peas, three of sugar snap peas, SIX CANS OF TUNA! And bowl after bowl of chicken soup. I thought I would explode. :wacko: But I couldn't stop!! I generally eat a pretty healthy diet, but it's a far more balanced and moderate approach. This was so weird. But I figured my body must have some kind of a need for this stuff, so I went with it. Much of what I ate had a high Vitamin C content or other antioxidants. I also take a cranberry supplement with vitamins c and e, and I kept up with that.   At least I wasn't smoking, right?   I developed an aversion to my beloved coffee and drank cup after cup of green tea.   I drank so much water, I was sure I'd drown. Every time I had a craving, I would grab another handful of sugar snap peas. The crunch of these was somehow super satisfying. I watched a lot of Netflix. I read these forums and I ate.   My strongest cravings were near the end of Day 2. I came so close to going to the store to buy a pack. But, honestly, I was feeling way too full and, as a result, lazy, to bother going! I held on and I ate. I figured if I could just make it though three days. Just three. If I couldn't manage past that, I would get a pack.   On Day 4, I woke up and I didn't really want a smoke upon waking. Which was so strange to me. I think that was the moment that I really committed to my quit and realized that there could be life after smoking. Also, I really didn't want to go through the first three days again. I wanted to see what came next.   From that point on, there were some strong cravings for a cigarette. But none as strong as in the first three days. And they weren't constant. They felt more like "I could really go for some cake" type of thoughts. And, as long as I kept myself distracted, they went away.   By day 10, my food cravings went back to normal. I'm back to liking coffee, but I'm down to only one cup a day. Not my usual 5 or 6! I still drink green tea and a variety of different herbal teas, as well as a lot of water. I'm back to eating a normal, for me, diet that includes a wide variety of vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains. Also, chocolate. And cookies. And, while I still love tangerines and peas, I no longer eat double my body weight in them daily. :D Progress.

PixelSketch

PixelSketch

 

New Media

Absolutely loving my new art class having so much fun trying out new media's to work with. Its kinda of cool to be so excited by a hobby that you want rush home to work on it. Friday all I kept thinking about was what crappy weather I would much rather be home with my art. But I must say dinner with my girlfriend turned out to be very nice. Feeling very grateful for life and friends and family. Trying to remind myself to appreciate all the many wonderful aspects of my life....... Spent a great weekend and even having drinks with my friends I had no desire to smoke we are definitely getting used to be a non-smoker.

Dee

Dee

 

Somber St. Patricks Day

Today started out like any other put on my Green and beads even added my shamrock earning. I arrive at work to receive horrible horrible news. St Particks Day will never be the same a very good friend had a massive stroke last night. The girls all text back and forth that it was bad one by one we all tell our bosses and each other we are on the way. Went to the hospital to say good bye...... oh my God what a horrible horrible thing she was a single mom leaving four kids behind she was a single mom.... It is just so shocking I just can't believe it how could such a thing happen on such a beautiful day... Oh poor Donna she is now in Heaven....... It is still unreal.

Dee

Dee

 

March 17, 2017

Happy Friday and Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!!   Yesterday day go super busy so very little time to stay updated or blog about my life changing event. -- Smoke Free Freedom Bound.   I had class after school yesterday and I was so tempted to not go....I had not finished all of my assignments, which of course I was not the only one....actually most of the class had not. The instructor is (thankfully) to lenient on deadlines. However with that being said we are all teachers and have our cups are overrunning. Many of the teachers in the class are teacher at 4 of the schools that have been identified as turn around schools or at risk. Two of the schools are in jeopardy of having over 50% of their staff let go if their scores do not improve by next year. (Not sure where they would find the teachers to replace them, as we have a teacher shortage as it is) As for my school we are a D school trying to get to a B. So we all are under extreme press from the state as well as local level. I was very stressed...so at 2:30 I took a xanax and by 4:00 emotions ect. were under control and I went to class. I was late of course, but class was good.   In addition my student have two major project in the work......a promo video for our school system, which the student are working with our Central Office PR person, who is new, as no experience, but doing a wonderful job. Her only downfall is she does not know when enough is enough. She works with my students at lest 3 times a week weeding through footage she has taken and selecting for the promo video. The only problem is at this point we have 6.9 G's and I can not get our PR lady to realize that it is just to much for the students to sort through, and then every time she does meet with them she bring more video. UGH........these are high school students Lady not fulltime employees.   I am super proud of myself as I reminded smoke free, of course the xanax helped me push through as well as running late and knowing that taking the time to stop and by a pack would make me later, and when I walked into class I would smell like a smoke stack. I think it was more important to me to not smell like a smoke stack once I entered the room and that was my number one reason for not making a stop at the stress after such a stressful day. I wont even mention the HELL my DS is causing right now.   Sigh.....I am sure it is much worse than normally because of the withdrawal. Cravings are not to bad, but the stress and anxious, and brain fog is killing. But so does smoking.   ONWARD AND THROUGH

Cecilia

Cecilia

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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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