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Death In The West - The Marlboro Story (Full Documentary)

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5 April - 21 days of FREEDOM

Considering the circumstances of us all, I am embarrassed (yet grateful) that I have had a fun pleasant connected day with my marvelous man (and cats).  I noticed a few weak cravings at expected times. Didn't even need to spend any energy pushing the smokey thought away.  It just quietly bowed out as I turned my attention to the next thing. Knowing the struggles, true deep struggles, I have had during previous quits...I can not express how dumbfounded I am at the grace and ease I am experie
darcy

darcy

0
dancing

4 April

Feeling   deeply off (collective grief, I think).  No off switch,  minimal awareness, and even less discipline around eating right now.  Considering it a great day if I manage to shower, dress and care for my teeth.    Pretty sure some of it is due to not being in the cigarette~task loop anymore.  HURRAY!  and of course some of it is due to Stay at Home/Covid-19 safety practices.                         To spend just a moment here... I used to punctuate my day with smoking.  Could measure m
darcy

darcy

0
dancing

2 April

Still delighted to be FREE.      Can't spend too much time pondering the choices of the past.  The  consequences and results of all my past choices will reveal or heal as I THRIVE on....with all the opportunities  life brings.   The teeth and gum pain is such that in normal times I would head to the dentist.  Being in far from normal times, I am choosing to self treat with many salt water rinses and using the water pik with hydrogen peroxide mix.  Cravings are few and vary in dura
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

1 April

Feeling odd and fine at the same time.  Pretty sure lots of folks are in this space. Had some sleep with out OTC assistance the last few nights.  Yay!   As this recovery from 38 plus years of addiction sails along ... my gums and teeth are sensitive and sore in places.   Hurray for blood flow!!  Appreciate the opportunity to lavish some fabulous oral care on myself.  I love my waterpik.  Had allowed the illusion of no pain to be the belief "I have healthy gums and teeth"
darcy

darcy

3
dancing

31 march 21 FREE days

It was a fine day filled with bird song.  ...and eagles circling above when walking with cat. Stress filled times, some cravings....and NOPE, I don't smoke.   Cravings seems to pull especially hard (which instantly translates to grumpy and whiny) when I get tired or scared.  So, when I am awake?  mirthful laugh   Really have been doing pretty well.  Grateful.    Have even felt a bit accomplished for a few brief moments.        
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

30 march

very tired. feeling thin and quick on the trigger. wish I could sleep during the day. do not want to utilize otc sleep stuff. do not feel like doing anything   woke alarmed in the middle of the night.            had spoken to my mom (celebrating her birthday) yesterday afternoon and she had a dry cough.  WORRIED.  she says she feels fine and it was a cough due to not speaking too often these days. managed not to call my mom in the middle of the night with
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

29 march

went to sleep last night feeling like I would get up today and go get cigarettes. woke with the same feeling.     still on the train.  almost late afternoon.   playing the mind games outsmarting myself.... you know you smoke...     yeah, but it's mom's birthday and she is so happy you quit.   you can smoke tomorrow....      nope     nope   nope      think again, get right with yourself, call an ally. post an sos    Do it!!!   sister's life derailing amidst the now normal
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

28 march

Scootin' down the track.  Grateful for the freedom and taking each day as a gift.   I really am concerned (yet, do not seem motivated to DO anything about it)  that my quit is only as good as my best day and  the choice to remain at home (vs. risking virus laden gas station).  I am not having deep overwhelming cravings, I am not roller-coastering on emotion,  for these gifts I am grateful.    The junkie thinking is here.       think again, get right with myself, call an ally, post
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

27 march ... riding the train

Spent most of yesterday reading aloud to my marvelous man.  We were tending to burn piles on the property.  Lovely spring day for it.  Saw a white squirrel. First time I have ever seen one.   I seem to be grumpy and dumpy... declaring aloud often , " I do not smoke."   Have stuck with exercise challenge (2 specific exercises) for 6 days.  Limiting news intake. Eating more than my share. Have had chronic pain in my neck for several months. It feels as if steel bands have
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

25 march - 14 days free

Wow! I really don't know how it's been 14 days already.   Body inventory: no pain in lungs when breathing taste and smell things  in  HD  - really enjoying the scent of woodlands in the rain ear and throat irritation - allergies, covid-19, healing -  may never know for certain tired - not sleeping too well lately, and hey, who is?   a bit more than a bit concerned that I am not doing the things that support a sturdy quit.... pre posting a current SOS for m
darcy

darcy

4
dancing

24 march

just staying connected. I have been grumpy and whiny....in my own head and to myself.    Yesterday was great.  Did some exercise. NOPEd when I craved.  Spoke with many people I care about. Today I am on an eating binge.  second breakfast anyone?  with a side of snacks.  Already prepping and planning dinner.  Didn't sleep well last night.  Up planning my outing outfit.  Not planning on going off property for the foreseeable future, but still getting some pleasure and laughs from pl
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

22 March

Faking my way through the NOPE pledge this morning. Not even 5:30 a.m. and I am just winding down from tilt mode.....CRAVING firmly attached to tilt mode.   staring at screen feeling heart race and listening to head race        looking for good excuse,   ha ha ha   ANY excuse is the good one when you choose to pick up. NOPE  NOPE   NOPE   going to eat..  then  ...          Most of the day later.... Glad things calmed down in my head.  Glad I hav
darcy

darcy

2
dancing

21 March - over a week of Freedom

Grateful for the choice to quit smoking and the ease (99% of the time) of the transition.  In the past (many attempts over many years) this has not been my experience. Only one wildly out of control craving and I am still here....free. I am having trouble sleeping and the last few days more cravings than I have had. Circumstances of the world likely influencing my sleep. Hadn't been off property in over a week until today.  Went out to just ride around and see what the pulse
darcy

darcy

1
dancing

19 march

Attempting something new...starting a journal type blog...or something ...lol   Hello Everyone, Made it through yesterday with my seat on the train intact.  Wasn't sure that was going to be the case for awhile. Was in an emotional upheaval and down on myself for not showing up for people how I would hope to if being a kind thoughtful person.  I have a tendency toward self recrimination that is probably diagnosable somehow.  I lean toward hurting myself harder, if I perceive (
darcy

darcy

1
Abby's Quit

It's a Holiday Miracle!

I think I've hit a breakthrough in my quit.   I was thinking the other day about New Year's Eve and planning my adventures for the evening. (They involve pizza, pajamas, and The Twilight Zone marathon on Syfy.) I was remembering last New Year's Eve and recalling how I spent most of the day smoking as many cigarettes as I could in preparation for my quit the next day. I thought about how I spent the last moments of 2018 smoking my last cigarette, which I extinguished at 11:59pm just as
abbynormal

abbynormal

5
Viv's corner

The Policy of Truth

I have so much blog material at the moment. But this is one I find myself going back to today. It is so hard to be honest about addiction, not just to the outside world, but to yourself. Being critical, not scared of the cold hard truth. The courage to look yourself in the eye and explore that impulse emotion when someone calls the addiction by it's name. I posted about my relapse last night. And I found the support overwhelming, and I thank all of you that had my back. I could've said noth
Vivianne

Vivianne

6
Abby's Quit

"But I enjoyed smoking!"

"But I enjoyed smoking!"   I hear that again and again from folks struggling to quit. (I've heard my own inner addict's voice whisper it a thousand times.) And so I ask this question:   Was smoking ever REALLY enjoyable?   One of the keys to my success this time around has been to remind myself that smoking was never really something I enjoyed. Not really. Remember that very first cigarette--the burning sensation in your throat, the acrid smell of the smoke, the cou
abbynormal

abbynormal

12
Viv's corner

The history of an addict

When I was in the shower I started thinking about my history with the cigarette. And I thought it might be an interesting story to share as so many others have been through the same thing.    I was introduced to the normality of tobacco when I was 4 years old. Every male member of my family was a smoker. My granddad on my dad's side was the king; He smoked every variation there was: cigarettes, pipe, cigars and even prune (of course that last one he did not light up :P) . My mom's da
Vivianne

Vivianne

7
Viv's corner

Day eh 24!!!

Wow I am almost at the 1 month quit experience! And it is.. eh yeah.. eventful to say the least. My first week was an awesome high, my second week was a mix of coughs, colds, and mixed feelings.. Then the germany trip, week 3, that has set me back.. the ads and the availability got into my head, the romancing started again.. emotions flared up  and I have been trapped inside my head. I couldn't stop crying two days ago.. I almost convinced myself this quiting thing was not something I
Vivianne

Vivianne

2
Personal SOS Space

Made it five days

Renewed my effort to quit following more thoughtful watching of Allen Carr's video and mindfulness moments while I smoked. It is day five. Days one and two dragged, with many strong cravings. Days three through five passed by without too much trouble from cravings until late afternoon and this evening. I resorted to using a 14 mg patch -- I want to see how much of this is psychological for me and how much is physical craving. I'd say it is psychological, far and above physical.   Today
Kate18

Kate18

9

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