Quit Date: 28/11/2017
Posted October 9, 2018
Are you afraid to QUIT? ... I was.
Are you scared that you will fail or fail again? ... Yep, me too.
Is your fear that it will be too hard? .... kinda
Is your fear you just can't do it? ... that too
Is your fear quitting will make you sick? ... yep
Is your fear quitting will hasten you death? ... Absolutely petrified this would be the case and as irrational as it was it was the biggest fear I faced.
You know what I learnt when I quit? ..... I learnt fear is just a tool nicotine used to control me... it was irrational and built out of proportion. I have been quit for over 10 months now and if anything I am angry with myself that I wasted so many years smoking because I was scarred for all the reasons above.
Have I failed?.... not yet, and I wont, I have no intentions of failing, I feel comfortable saying this feels different than any previous quit. I'm an addict, I'll always be an addict, I'll always be one puff away from a pack a day... but I know that, I embrace that and I really don't want that one puff ever.
Was it too hard??? .... Hell no, it was actually easier than I thought it would be... not saying it wasn't hard my lovelies because it was... but it was nowhere near as hard as I had let fear build it up to in my mind. I've certainly done much harder things in my life but then again I've done much easier things too... facing my fears head on and not using them as an excuse to not try has made it easier than I thought it could ever be.
Could I do it??? ...... YES... I could and you can too... its simple, don't put anything in your mouth and set it on fire... after that first 24 hours, I know I could do a day without smoking, I'd done it... so I only have to last 24 hours... then when that's up I only have to last another one.... 10 months later people and here I am doing this every day... same way I'm going to be doing it for the rest of my days.
So did quitting make me sick???..... NOPE.... not one bit, didn't even get bronchitis this winter and its been a long time since that was the case. So if you have been lurking you might know I have some health issues that came to light after I quit but had I not quit it would have been too late to do anything to make me better... so no, quitting did not make me sick, it is helping to cure me.
Am I dead??? ......NOPE... obviously... and some of you may be scratching your heads at this one.... but for nearly a decade I was terrified to quit, I had worked the fear almost to the point of phobia, occasionally I still have nightmares that because I am not smoking I will die... Is this chick frickin' crazy? I hear you ask yourselves.... well yes, we all know that I am, but my brain and the hold I let nicotine have over it turned a failed quit attempt (that saw me end up in hospital in a coma post a PE from a DVT) into nearly a decade of 'certainty' that if I tried to quit again I would die. I mean break out in a sweat at the thought of it fear. Long story short, I used a quit method and had a bad reaction to it that caused a DVT that turned into a Pulmonary Embolism ... so 3 days in a coma, nearly 2 weeks in hospital and what was the first thing I did when I walked out the door... I lit up.... and then I convinced myself, or let my addiction convince me, that I should never try to quit again because next time I wouldn't be leaving the hospital.... BUT am I dead???? NOPE.... Will I die??... well of course I will, we all will, but what I can guarantee you 100% is that quitting will not be why I died.
So what did I have to Fear???.... NOTHING, my fears were all like wisps of smoke... I blew against them and they dispersed into the ether leaving me smoke free, nicotine free.... leaving me free.
And guess what, you too can face your fear.
Don't let a fear that has festered and grown because of an addiction's want of control over you be the thing that stops you from quitting. Use today, International Face Your Fears Day... to do just that, face your fear and take back your life. Just over 10 months ago I did and it was the best gift I have ever given myself.
Edited by jillar