Kate18

Removed

I tried to enter my quit date and time, and it reads that I quit 8 hours earlier than now. Tried to adjust time, more inaccuracies. What am I doing wrong?

Renewed my effort to quit following more thoughtful watching of Allen Carr's video and mindfulness moments while I smoked. It is day five. Days one and two dragged, with many strong cravings. Days three through five passed by without too much trouble from cravings until late afternoon and this evening. I resorted to using a 14 mg patch -- I want to see how much of this is psychological for me and how much is physical craving. I'd say it is psychological, far and above physical. Today cravings were intense and I breathed and just sat mindfully through them. Perhaps four times I told myself that I was going to cave, so just go to the store and get it over with. I reminded myself of how nasty the cigarette would taste after nearly a week of not having one to blunt my taste buds. I reminded myself of the tangible harm I notice that is done -- irreparable, I think, though I am hoping for a little bit of healing. Day five is closing, I am going to sleep. I think tomorrow will be better than today because I have the practice of having worked through some strong urges to go and buy cigarettes. It's pouring rain right now (typical Seattle weather), and I like falling asleep to the sound of rain. Not ready to join the NOPE pledge yet. I want more time, more days, of being quit first. I have a lot of failures in my past and don't want to let myself down again. I feel hopeful, but I have been hopeful before. For now, I am just grateful to have succeeded for five days.

First craving of the day, with coffee. Was going to have green tea, but forgot to steep it in cold brew fashion last night. Coffee it is. Imagining smoking and how satisfying it would be to relieve the discomfort of this change in ritual and drug withdrawal. Continued with the imagery, though, on to having cataracts and being blind, losing my job and home, and dying young with my kids grieving. By the time I was finished imagining, the craving passed. Left me in a blue mood, though. Going to imagine something more uplifting next craving.

Now *there's a thought! Good idea, especially when I read the complaints online (on America's favorite online place) about various juggling ball sets. I want the kind that don't roll away. I have that kind, and spend more time searching out the balls under furniture than juggling. Thanks, Jillar, great idea.

Yes, and now, again. I just finished watching a charming movie before going to bed. Now is when I would have smoked. Instead, I practiced twirling my pen between my fingers for a minute or two. It's tougher than it looks. Started off with the pen as pseudo-cigarette. I think I'll order small bean bags online and learn to juggle through my cravings. It'll be a new skill. New neurons forming and old ones being pruned away.

Jillar, it feels so silly, the air cigarette smoking. Not as foolish as having a real cigarette between my fingers.

If the price of a pack of cigarettes suddenly doubled, I wonder how many people would quit. But when they creep up, the impact doesn't feel so great. "Hey, it's just another 50 cents." Or maybe that's just me. Because that's what I would think to myself.

Getting the urge again...still. Time to read some posts from other quitters Thanks, jillar, I will try it. Now, as I'm reading posts

The after-dinner craving has settled in. Had an ice cream bar as a reward for getting through it. That's a heavy one, after dinner. Made it, though. On to the next.

Only quit an hour ago, but moving forward as though this is my permanent quit. I weathered the first craving by making a pot of oatmeal with goji berries, flaxseed, chia seeds, and blackstrap molasses. Ate half. Craving has past. 8:54 am. Trying to figure out how to make a running list of cravings, not separate blog entries. Tried "add a message," and now "edit." Craving 3: passed by my cup of coffee remnants on the kitchen counter; immediate craving. Came back to QT to post the craving. Now getting ready to go to health supplement store to meet up with someone my gym trainer recommended. 3:45 pm. Ran errands. Every time I stopped the car, I had a craving. I used to smoke after I got somewhere and after I parked the car at home before I went in the house. Closed my eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, ran a litany of diseases through my imagination, and marched right on. (After opening my eyes)

Not today, an hour at a time. Will track my cravings on a note card, plus what I did to get through it. First one--I made healthy oatmeal and ate it. That's one for the cause of a healthier body. Each hour I get through, I will give myself a small reward. Don't know what, yet.

NOPE Read through my list of the many reasons to quit. Got to keep my motivation strong. Ready with cookies to stimulate those endorphins when a craving for nicotine hits. (Carrots just don't do it for me.)

My father was on hospice with smoking-caused emphysema for about four months. My weekly visits with him never lasted more than an hour at a time. I was a closet smoker. I'd make excuses to leave. I couldn't stand another minute without smoking.

It does boil down to commitment, I agree. I get where the folks who are struggling to keep a commitment. I felt as though I had two warring personalities, one that wanted to keep the commitment, the other easily overpowering it with the promise of easing the panic that something terrible was going to happen to my kids, or that I'd make a fatal mistake at work and lose my job. All that panic the result of craving nicotine, but my commitment wilted in the face of the anxiety. I can't count the times I threw away cigarettes and lighters, said, "that's it!" and hours, days, or weeks later I blithely and without a specific trigger trotted off to the store for cigarettes. I don't know what was wrong with me. There has to be motivation to state, "I'm committed," and ongoing motivation to keep that commitment. I tried vitamins, Tony Robbins, a book, "What to say when you talk to yourself," nicotine replacement, self-hypnosis/suggestion, meditation...I can't remember what else. It was all in the service of trying to stay committed. It was as though I was only reaching one aspect of my personality, with the addicted aspect unaffected. When I was successful for days or weeks, I don't really know where I found the motivation to stay abstinent for those periods of time, but made it only hours other times. I agree, it does boil down to commitment. It's been staying motivated that has been lacking for me to keep that commitment. I feel committed now because the specter of encroaching blindness looms on my horizon. In the mind of a person who keeps the commitment, is there perhaps a consciously or subconsciously held picture/sounds/feelings that are more powerful than addiction?