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So very shocked and sad to read this ... thoughts and condolences to her family and to those of you who knew her far better than I

I'm actually enjoying this relaxation thing. My body can feel it and is saying 'UM HELLO - THANK YOU!!' I don't feel near as tense or amped up and my back has already loosened up from just a few hours of chilling. We just put an an oldie but goodie - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom! Some background noise to take a nice nap to. The pups are being sooo good. Definitely some rib bones coming out tonight when all is said and done. I did really well driving myself today, was a tad nervous but did just fine. I used to take that daily route every workday before they moved our office so being familiar with the area and knowing the backstreets helped a lot. Only 4 more radiation treatments left and each one seems to go by faster than the last. And talk about a small world!!! Turns out the A/C guys that are here doing the install happen to be an old friend from high school and his two sons! On top of my mom being close with the owner and them all knowing my situation just makes me that much more at ease!! I told them to just take run of the house and if they needed anything from us to just knock on the den door and let us know. It's so funny how things just seem to work out when they do even when everything else seems against you. I'm just going to enjoy the good vibes of this week and maybe even catch a kat-nap!!

Love this post sunny, good on you for getting past it. And your hubby is an angel for not being that guy I'm so glad that @Sslip was there for you too I remember those hard first few months and it was my own posts, as well as many others, that kept reminding me I don't want to go through those early days again either!

Everything you said is right on!! Anticipating whatever triggers you can allows you to take them on much easier. When you realize that you can get past these situations, the addiction gets weaker and you get stronger. That's why it's recommended you stick around for at least a year - all seasons. Each may have their own set of triggers for you. Christmas/New Years with parties and family gatherings. That kind of thing. Each season has different situations coming along for the first time since you've quit. And yes - this quit is for YOU! It's a benefit to your loved ones too but it's your quit. You own it and YOU are responsible for it and when you have that solid long term quit, YOU are the one who reaps the rewards. Carry on Rose - doing great

Noooooooooooo!!!!! ******* no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wonderful! I wish you would copy and paste to "Quit Smoking Discussions" so that everyone will be sure to see!!

Round one complete, and it's Team Deadpool's hellkatbaby for the win!!! Ugh on the hair loss, but as everyone has said, it will grow back. It will be like that really short haircut you get and then aren't so sure about for a while, but it all works out. In the meantime, you are going to ROCK the bald and beautiful and will probably end up becoming a famous turban designer and we can all say we knew you when. Speaking of rocking it, Tank is owning those devil ears and what a sweet baby smile he has. Luna is gorgeous, too -- that's a beautiful pair of pups you have taking care of you. Time for more rib bones. Yoga on the beach sounds like a perfect way to relax, so hopefully your docs will give you the go ahead. Otherwise, maybe that group has other meet ups that you can attend until you're beach yoga ready.

We'll be right beside you tomorrow, celebrating and ringing in the end of round one. Here's to you and to all of your spectacular tomorrows to come!

Excellent suggestion. Thank you. And I'm the special one too...lets go build our own special people island where smokings not allowed lol

I'm happy you took the time to reason things out properly Kate because that's very important! Our minds play tricks on us when there's an addiction involved. Our mind suggests relief from our struggle will be the reward if we give in and light up but that is just a lie. The truth is, we will be back in chains again, a slave to this addiction that brings nothing but misery and even death. Many have come to this realization too late - AFTER they went and bough that pack and lit one up! Stay strong because you are really doing a great job and this post proves you know how to rationalize the pros and cons of smoking. That's a very useful tool to have at your disposal going forward!

Sunny, your post above was one of the most powerful ones I've ever read in my 14 months of living on "quit smoking message boards". Sharing your struggle helps us all, and will certainly help newbies in times to come. Thank you. (eta): Duh. And oh yeah, AWESOME job on hanging onto your quit. It's true what they say, every time you successfully face down the demons, you get stronger. You're doing great.

Great post Rose - all is true and tomorrow is always a better day to quit than today unless .... those smokes you consume the rest of today are the ones that become the catalyst to some horrible disease? Go ask our Doreen who is currently going through a huge personal loss because of smoking and had her own close call with the impact of years of smoking. I too had no plan to quit when I did. I, like you, took it 1 minute, 1 hour and 1 day at a time for the first while. I didn't know if I could make it or if I even want to make it badly enough. Here I am a year and a bit later still not smoking. I'm proud of that but sorry I didn't do this sooner and I know I'll have to be vigilant my whole life to avoid slipping back into the clutches of nicotine addiction. I can't change the past but I CAN shape my future - so can YOU! Go do it. We'll help in supporting you as needed

Never give up.....don't wait for the scary health risks.... I was faced with having my both feet amputated..... Jump right back on.....I didn't think it would happen to me either.... If I can quit ....you can....I promise.....

Look at you go super hero. After that initial loss with the hair, give it a day or so and you don't notice it. Just remember when it grows back it's an exciting new present .... it could be the same or completely different. Love the wigs you chose though, they are very nice.

Well I know where I am going to come when I have an insurance question. I think the Cleveland Clinic has the worst billing system. I can't tell you how many times I have received a bill a year or two after the fact. I have gone and sat with their billing people and come out with my head spinning. They are making it more and more confusing. Hellkatbaby, I know you must feel exhausted but sleep has to be around the corner. Radiation does zap your strength. It took about a week and I was sleeping a lot. I love the mask idea. Go Team Deadpool!

"...no more Michelle Bashing, for that will not help" And the support and encouragement has worked really great, right? You are in deep denial my friend. You don't even come out and say "I smoked". Instead you talk in some abstract terms about your junkie thinking telling you to have one. I had to read your post twice to figure out that you actually relapsed. Again. I, for one, am going to put you on "ignore" because I think that's exactly what you are doing with the advice you are getting here. Hope you figure this all out. You don't know what you're missing.

Something to warm your soul This trip paid for from saving on buying cigs The benefits keep on comin"!!

Good for you, Dragon....solitaire was my go-to and still is! If I knew how to knit or crochet, I would have probably made thousands of things by now....?

Love that you're already experiencing the joys of not being a slave to nicotine Rose, I'm really happy for you

Sunny, I saw you poking around the SOS threads and worried and watched for an SOS from you. Then when you signed out, I felt OK about it, it looked like you had gotten what you needed. I am so glad Sslip made contact, what a hero. Yay Sslip !!! Your husband is a hero, too and YOU are a hero to yourself. Well done, you. You don't smoke anymore. There is no reward in smoking anymore, those days are fcking OVER. New Day. New Rules. Reward yourself, Sunny. Something awesome.

Lisa...just want to point out one thing: Definition: Slip - An accidental misstep causing a fall. Choice - the act of choosing involving judgement. Lighting a cigarette is not an accident. It requires you to make a choice. Please get right back on the horse and make the choice to stay on. Let us know before you light up that you need help or support. You can do this!

Thanks R. :) I'm working on being a little more open with things. I usually just get through in private, but I think there can be value to others and ourselves when we share a bit more. Working on it! My version of therapy. ;)

I wish I had done a blog... It would be good to look back ,to see just how far I had come.. Good for you...x

Not yet. The forum will be down for a short time during the transfer. :) Once I get everything coordinated I'll update everybody.

Quit now and let your body get to the business of healing itself. :)

Oh no... Come on Smudge, you can do it! I am sending prayers for the little guy, and if you know how much I love cats, you will know how big prayers will be... (((Smudge)))

Im so glad i found u guys too! And its alllll thabks to Marti!!! Cheers hun! And thanks to all u beautiful people to! This journey is actually quite fun lol

Great blog, Sazerac. You know, I wonder... Many people have said that one of the most important "benefits" of smoking is that it allowed them some distance from their emotions. Whenever they felt some strong emotion, the few minutes required to step outside, find, light and savor a cigarette gave them time to process those emotions and choose how to react. The rituals of smoking are also calming. Many people say that they feel emotions more strongly after quitting than before. Negative emotions, of course, but also positive emotions. Sort of like--when they feel bad they feel very, very bad. But when they feel good they feel GREAT!! For anyone involved in a creative pursuit where you have to reach down inside yourself and express your emotions for the world to see, I suspect that quitting smoking (or any other type of drug) will really throw a monkey wrench into your work for a while. You probably will have to push your way through it, force yourself to work when you are not feeling "comfortable" or "normal". Eventually you will get used to your new normal and you will be able to work easily again. I bet that your work product will be a little different than it was when you were smoking, and maybe that will be a good thing.

he felt bad as he hasn`t done what you have done - I bet when he walked away he admired you and if he did not - then he is a total tool! good for you for being strong jackie - very proud of you x

Yes..... I love to randomly shout out things...….So out of character which makes it funny...…….which makes me laugh...….which causes a distraction.....which diminishes a thought...… I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!

It is going through a reaction... its called detox....use the gum... I did... but to really quit you will need to give the gum up eventually too.... but your brain is screaming for its nicotine hit... it can't re-wire properly while you are still having the gum... so sure, use it for the worst of it but eventually you need to man up and face the detox horror head on without the gum or you will never truely be free.

It's wonderful you are having some of those days already. Feels great doesn't it? It's the ah ha moment when you know you finally have the upper hand on the Nicodemon

Although the nicotine is gone, the receptors in your brain are still craving that stimulation that nicotine used to provide. That will gradually die off. Also, think about when you smoked. How much of your day was consumed by smoking related thoughts and activities? Not smoking itself but all the stuff surrounding smoking. All that time you used to spend planning and thinking about smoking related stuff is no longer a factor so you need to start to develop new routines to fill all that free time productively. You also need to learn new ways to deal with all life's situations: stress, happy times, sad times and just relaxing times. These were probably all times you relied on smoking as an emotional response to those life situations. Now that's no longer available and was never really necessary in the first place. This is the part that takes time. It's a slow process but as you go through it, your reliance on smoking as a go to for life experiences will be less and less each day from here on in until, after a while, you won't think about smoking right away when life situations arise. That's when you know you really have a handle on this addiction :)

Sounds pretty much normal Kell :) Certainly nothing out of the ordinary. You can expect that kind of up and down roller-coaster ride for a bit, then it will gradually start to settle down for you. As uncomfortable as it may seem at times, embrace the process. This is you healing yourself. What could be better? You are now gathering those tools you need to fight the nicodemon. Yelling back at him and refusing him his demands not only keeps your quit intact but it weakens him. Every single time you fight him off, he gets weaker and you get stronger. You're doing everything right here. Just keep pushing onward! And keep posting here. It really does help :)

Thanks for the visit Reciprocity and Dorrensfree. I am thankful to have found this community to support me as I begin the journey. My hope is that one day I can also help others.

Day 4. Woke up with a headache and a bit of a sore throat, but apart from that felt good. Have planned a day out on Sunday to Chopwell woods with hubby and dogs. Feel a bit irritable but know that this is all part of the quit and will pass soon (hopefully). Going to have to start giving the car and house a good cleaning as I am starting to smell the stale smoke and it stinks. Still feeling good about my quit and still feeling strong hopefully this will continue.

Don't believe the raging psychopath inside your head. It is just your addiction yelling at you. That voice will get quieter and softer every crave you conquer. Soon, there will be no more psychopath yelling at you. Soon, you will have your True inner voice back. The voice that loves and protects you. Hold tight, stay true. Day 5, you are in the belly of the beast...hold tight, stay true. We are on your side.

You know, I've never had a manicure or a pedicure before? Just never thought about it. I wouldn't know where to go get one. Movies, unfortunately, are too expensive. I just saw one with a friend and it almost cost me $50 for the tickets and snacks (thankfully he had a rewards card and the movie tickets were free, so I just paid about $20 in snacks). I've had some cereal, a red bean paste bun (more delicious than it sounds), a granola bar, a Clif bar (you know, those dense nutrient things) and a banana so far. Doesn't sound like much, but I fill up pretty fast. Right now I'm chilling outside in the shade with a glass of ice water and chatting with a friend on Skype. I've gone for two walks already today. Though the fourms I'm on are a little slow today so I'm still a little bored. I did read some of my Reader's Digest magazine before I grew tired of it. I don't know why, but reading books is tiring these days. That's why I like things with short snippets. I got a Chicken Soup for the Soul Women's Devotional Stories book and have been reading a story out of that each day. Today's was about change and trusting in it and how it brings blessings. When I applied that sort of thinking to smoking, it really helped me out today. I might see about going out and having tea today or something. Maybe invite my friend along.

Sorry to hear about Baxter. And yes, one day you will feel about smoking how you felt about drink in that moment. A thought association that you realize has really bad consequences so you move on and do something else. It might help to treat your quit a little like a baby. It's so new and precious and needs protecting and looking after at all times, in good times and stressful. xx

You are doing it!!! Freedom !! Glad to see you here and posting. I am in my third week of smobriety... for the most part it has been easy, ...maybe too easy?..., I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. then other times it's been an emotional rollercoaster. I'M Taking Marti's suggestion to you, for myself, and recognizing the down hills and the struggles... I can learn from both!...and stay free. nope, nope, nope

Are we moved?

Marti, as you know, I seldom wander into the mysterious world of the blogs... The strength is yours and yours alone. Smoking maybe hid and disguised the strength, but it was ever there. I know that you will triumph, over worry and over fear. You will be absolutely grand Marti. I just know it.

I like that people can blog ... but not everyone will read this.... and well... they should !!!! You are such an inspiration Marti...I want everyone to know the truth...and what you have said here really spoke to me... You are a special person in my quit...and to anyone else out there reading this...read and learn...you are getting a lesson from one of the best people here at QT :) Love ya Marti Dors

Great post Marti! You are an awesome non- smoker and an inspiration to me. :)

Jac, Crying with you now. So sad and I'm so very sorry my friend. Agree our pets sit and wait patiently for the time we can be together again. xx

RIP smudge forever in your heart, sounds like he was so loved hugs jackie xx

:( i am sorry to hear this my friend

Oh, Sandy, what a relief that must be! I am so impressed with the way you hung in there through all this messed-up sleep pattern but still kept your quit. Ordinarily, I would say, "Go out and celebrate!" but in your case I will say, "Crawl into bed and celebrate!" Enjoy!

I can't believe you are dieting lol, I was averaging 3 packets of chilli coated nuts at this stage...end up having to bloody wean off those in the end :) You are doing so great Sam, it's you doing it even if I just pestered you with quit train messages on day 1 lol. Really impressive to watch this. Your daughter must be super proud!!

Wow Jenny. :) Awesome to take a look backwards sometimes isn't it? You've come so far and I really admire you.