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Of course your feeling overwhelmed, who wouldn't be. I can't add anything really because all our lovely fellow quitters have covered it. You have a lot on but despite that you are hanging in there. What would happen if you rang your brothers and said that's it, you're done and walking away from the situation for 2 weeks. Say you wanted to pack up the camper and the fur babies and hit the road for 2 weeks with the hubby??.... do you have that option? Your first priority needs to be you and your quit, then you and your hubby.... So maybe its time for some tough love... if you walked away your parents would have no option other than getting the home help in. Surely with the hygiene issue the hospital could have involved social services and forced home help... can't you tell you parents if they don't accept home help they will need to go into a home because you can't do it all? Just be prepared to follow through if they call your bluff. There are no easy answers and it is hard being a carer, it is worse when it is unappreciated and used against you. I wish there was an easy answer or an easy fix. Just know, if you do decide to remove your support from your parents it does not make you a bad person, it means you are taking whatever actions you need to to keep you healthy, physically, emotionally and psychologically.

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Hello NOPErs and welcome to another week of fun. So today is Swap Ideas Day which is no fun because every day on the Quit Train is swap ideas day. We swap ideas on who to beat a crave, and how to KTQ, and how to encourage our loved ones to join us on the journey. We are always swapping ideas here and that's what makes us so successful. Today is also International Suicide Prevention Day ... so don't be afraid to ask a mate or co-worker or family member who isn't being themselves if they are ok. Just being asked that 3 word question and having some notice might be the light for someone in trouble to get help. So around the world today (10th September) the International Association for Suicide Prevention invites you to light a candle at 8 PM near a window at to show your support for suicide prevention, to remember a lost loved one and for the survivors of suicide. In a way, as smokers we were committing suicide, just a slow prolonged form of it. NOPE - cos my life is too valuable.

((Linda Thomas)) I'm glad you are here and still smoke free! Lots of good advice from above...all I would add is change out the bathroom towels for useable (but still pretty) ones so dad can get in there...he needs it. Take her out for new kitchen stuff? Or get them new recliners with like a cooler in between for drinks and a couple tray tables...just sit down guys!! ?I joke only a little because I want you to take a load off your heart. When my daughter got sick, man, I literally hated life..I felt resentment toward my husband because he never had to make that drive and stay at the hospital (usually with at least one of the other kids) I felt angry with the kids but I was really angry with myself but since I had smoked my whole life, all of these emotions were also new to me so I just cried. all. the. time. But, in the middle of the shit, I found me time, Chocolate time, paint my nails when they went to bed time, lavender oil in the bath, youtube videos...just anything. Come here Linda Thomas and I'll load up the glitter gun and chase your ass down the block with it!!

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Thank you all for your support. These monthly milestones are still important to me, as an opportunity to reflect on progress. There are ups and downs, but this month has definitely been the easiest to date. Long may that continue.

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Hi Linda, you are such a badass for keeping that quit. I can imagine it's hard when you have that many worries. But please, make yourself a priority! It must feel unnatural to do when taking care for your parents, even when there's such a history as with you and them. But there's only one of you. Quit smoking meant making a choice for yourself. I think part of the proces is to remake that choice, over and over again. You are the centre here, not your parents or anyone else!! Whishing you lots of selfcare and courage, hope you will sleep well and tomorrow will be better for you.

Well done keeping your quit. It does sound awful Linda. My gran has what we call here home helps. They come in 4 times a day. At the beginning she was very resistant but I suppose most old folk are, so they are used to that. And presumably trained on how to deal with it. Now so is totally fine with them, she refers to them as her 'pals! It very reassuring to know they are checking in throughout the day. You need help Linda! Outside help and from your siblings! Could you make a few calls and enquire about home health care? There's no harm in making a few calls and finding out a bit more.

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G'day its NOPE for me C

Hi Linda, just wanted to add my 2 cents here......It is tough to get old, even tougher when you get old and you are sick. It is also tough to be the only caregiver in the family! But you are one tough cookie in beating those urges to put poison sticks in your mouth and light them on fire....it wouldn't help alleviate anything anyway! PS Going through similar scenario with my Mom.....we could compare the crazy situations we find ourselves in!

Nope. I walk 3 miles each day now for the past month. Could not possibly smoke and walk that far. Nope.

Some great advice and nothing additional I can add, but I just wanted to echo Sazerac and say I am incredibly proud of both the way you handle your quit and your kindness in the face of a horrible situation with your parents. Do whatever you can to reward yourself because you truly deserve it.

Wow. Ok so, let me say that you have a shit-ton of willpower in keeping the quit. Some smoke more when stressed, some smoke more when happy (like I did). I imagine most smoke more when stressed. Sounds like his falls are more of a non-event. About them refusing help - Yes, aging parents are stubborn as an old mule. I guess no one wants to face up to the day that they are no longer on shape to take care of themselves. I am not in much position to give "advice" but sooner or later they will end up in the hospital and you might have to secretly get social services involved, find out what options there are, etc. Home hospice may be the answer. When my mom was to a point where she just could not live on her own due to failing health, one time I had to call an ambulance because doing it myself was just beyond my ability. I am no medical professional. But with home hospice, a nurse comes by the house to make sure things are taken care of, gives meds, brings whatever needed medical equipment, etc. And if you are wondering, yes, my mom died in her own home when her time came. Just call one of the home hospice places and find out what requirements are. It is not a fun decision to have to make but when our parents are older, WE become the care takers. Our parents sure as hell are not going to say, "Oh great! Oh yes, I am thrilled about the prospect of making final decisions!" No, it is more like, "I don't want to think about it right now". This might seem overwhelming but you don't have to do this on your own, in fact you probably can't do it on your own. BTW, I asked one member on this forum to contact you about caring for aging parents, but I do not know if this person is in a position to right now or not. If they do, don't be surprised or anything.

Linda, I'm glad you vented and I hope that helped a little. You HAVE to make time for you. Your parents would have no choice but to accept the help of a home health aide if you weren't there but you need to make that time for yourself. Obviously it's not just going to be given to you. Call your brothers and tell them you need a break. If they're unwilling to help then get the aide. Tell your parents your taking a trip if you need to but you have to give yourself the break. And this applies even if you've never smoked a cigarette in your life. And when you get that time, kiss your hubby with that smoke free breath and enjoy something just for yourself. But no one is going to give it to you, you have to take it. I'm so glad that you didn't smoke, have a good night and please take a break

Great to hear you didn't give in. Do post back and let us know how you're doing. Stay strong.

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Praying for all you in her path. I have a nephew in Raleigh. It just seems like there is so much more devastation with the weather than there used to be.

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A lot of rain this afternoon. Flash flooding in spots. No high winds to speak of. Things have slowed to a steady downpour in the last hour or so. For those of you closer to the frontlines of these storms: godspeed and hunker down.

Well they arrived OK....high as a kite...lol...so we went shopping ...hit a brick wall about 8 pm.... Up early this morning......off to Paris till Thursday ( business)..... So I'm free for a few days...

Gday NOPE for me C

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Oh, Linda. I've been thinking of you all day and wondering how you were. I am glad to see you vent and sorry you are having a hard time. It is great you are able to keep your quit separate from your life. You quit is one of the really great things you are doing for yourself and I am so proud of you. Tomorrow is another day and I hope one is easier for you. Please try and reward yourself with something....even if it is small because you are doing such great work for yourself. Love, s

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NOPE - I don't smoke anymore.

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Christa, If I remember correctly, you have also lost a step child. My heart goes out to you and your family. You must be a pillar of strength. I know you are just starting you quit but if we hang together hopefully we will achieve success together. Thanks so much for your words of support.

I do feel pretty amazed I haven't given into that smoke. Brilliant and Strong are pretty big shoes to fill but I am working on it. Happiness will be living the rest of my life smoke free. Thanks so much for all your words of encouragement. You are some pretty amazing people

So things to remember.... If you have a smoke it: WILL NOT change your parents attitudes WILL NOT let you parents be able to care for themselves WILL NOT make your brother's pull their heads out of their arses WILL NOT make you feel better or stronger WILL NOT fix any of your problems. WILL make you feel like shit WILL give your parents the opportunity to say "I told you so" WILL be bad for your health WILL make things worse, your health, your self respect, your confidence. Sweetie, your whole life your parents and/or your smokes have controlled your life... but you have said NOPE, not happening no more, no how... you are taking back control... so the nicotine receptors you wired into your brain are being re-wired but are protesting with those crave things and urges. Just remember a few weeks ago how hard it was not to give into those and how much easier it is getting because you are the one in control and you have the power. Go back and read your first posts and see how much you have grown as a person, in both confidence and self respect... see that's the unexpected bonus of giving up smoking, you learn just how strong you are, you learn to love and respect yourself again... you learn how to stand on your own two feet its an amazing gift you are giving yourself. So as you progress with your quit and become stronger and more confident and more assertive just like those nicotine receptors are going to buck the re-wiring your parents are going to fight the New Linda, Wonder Woman Extraordinaire... they still want the control and you know that nothing controls you but you... not anymore. (Oh, and for some bonus motivation... what's the first thing your parents are going to say if you smoke... "see we told you so, we knew you couldn't do it".... don't you just want to give them a big F.U. by prooving them wrong?). I've told you before I think you are amazing for doing so much for your parents considering your childhood.... they should be on their knees chanting "we're not worthy, we're not worthy" not making you feel bad about yourself that you aren't caring for them properly... especially when neither of them is doing anything to help themselves. So you told them enough was enough, they cut you out then your mum got sick... that was not your fault, that was their fault, they made those decisions, not you, they chose to cut their noses off to spite themselves not you.... so don't you take any blame or guilt for that, that's on them. So repeat after me: I am Linda. I do not smoke today. I am AMAZING and BRILLIANT and STRONG.I deserve happiness.

Good Morning fellow NOPErs. September 11, 2001 was just another day, another square on a calendar and then in the blink of an eye evil had a small win and all our lives were changed forever. September 11 is now remembered as Patriot Day and today, around the world we remember the victims of the 9/11 terror attacks and the day that changed the world. The innocent people from 90 countries who are lost to us, the first responders and hundreds of thousands of New Yorkers who are still suffering the after affects. We remember the survivors and we remember those left behind. The hundred plus kids who were born after their dad's had gone and the thousands of kids who grew up without a parent because they went to work one day or caught a plane and 19 pieces of evil scum murdered them. We will never forget the horror of that day and the days that followed. So today, sending extra special thoughts out for our New York, Washington DC and Pennsylvania members in particular and any of our members who were personally affected. A special shout out to the Brits also, September 11 is the biggest single loss of life of British during a peace time terror attack and I hope it stays that way. Never again. NOPE .... I don't today.

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Nice post. After relapsing after a 1 year quit previously, I know to stay vigilant. i am confident that if I remember I could ruin my quit at any time with “just one”, I am unlikely to lose my quit.

Hi All! I know this journey can be such a hard one so i wanted to share some of the greatness i have encountered during this quit, in hopes anyone struggling will read this and be motivated!! I am happy to say this quit has been much easier than my last. During my last, i didn't want to leave my house for months. I was pretty miserable. Now, i notice my anxiety has gone down SO much and my shortness of breath (and it is only been 29 days) More pluses: my husband said my skin is glowing! (i know smoking was making me look "gray??") if that makes sense...i notice this in other smokers i know. I have so much more uninterrupted play/cuddle time with my kids. I do not have to wash my hands before play/cuddles (we love to cuddle in my house lol) or spray perfume all over myself, which only masked the stink anyway. I was on the train with my little girl and a smoker sat next to me, he smelled terrible...this is what i used to smell like i am sure! Lastly, i did have a health scare (which thank God turned out to be nothing) which is maybe why this time is easier,.BUT---trust me people, you DO NOT want to have that fear in your heart. Knowing full well you could have stopped this, prevented a sickness, by quitting. I have never been so scared while waiting for results, so please, keep up the good work everyone!

Well how nice is that, apparantly I've been ETQing all a long. .. but you are right @c9jane29, I am committed to making this work. During a day like this, I have at least 3 moments where I am so happy about quitting, even if it's just seconds. The other day I read something that said, when you quit, whatever you feel, it's intense. The good stuff also! I totally agree. And these moments hold promises for what it will be like in the future, I trust in that. I know that I'm dealing with patterns here, not some real time demon or monster. How come it is so tempting to think about it in that way? The anxiety/depression thing came up frequently today. ('Ah, with my history it must be extra hard. What if I don't succeed?' and 'Be prepared to feel like this for at least a year!'). While the matter of fact is: since quitting I do NOT experience any more anxiety than I usualy do and I have NO sense of that hardcore depression I know all too well. In fact, my brain is more lively than usual, I feel connected to people here, I live my life, I do my things, I make no major f*ck-ups. I think about rewarding myself, I wonder about self care, I try to make things as easy and enjoyable as possible for myself. And there's also the occasional fog, the crying, the bitching, the binging and the unrest. Apparantly thats just part of the deal, for now. It's funny, many people here tell me it will pass and then say right away 'although it won't be of any comfort now' but... it really is of comfort!!! When I tell myself that, it doesn't really have the same magic effect, I guess I need some practice at that. 'This too shall pass'. @Joe7 that's extraordinary, that the world in your mind was so different from what people around you perceived. Thanks for sharing.

My life, my recovery, Your post today brought back a flood of memories from when I was at your point in time after I stopped smoking. The memories are as if no time has passed. The emotions were so strong. I also was going through days in a heavy fog and wondering how it was perceived by the people around me. I had told nobody that I stopped smoking for about 5 weeks. I was very surprised to find that nobody had noticed any change in me during that time. While I was definitely obsessed with the emotional changes and felt that I was wandering around in a thick fog, those around me were oblivious to any change in me. I was not concerned that I would smoke, but like you, I was very concerned about how long that state of mind would persist. I can sure understand how scary the thought of forever can be. Unfortunately, I can't offer an answer to those questions. I can only offer an understanding to much of what you are now experiencing. I know that at just under 3 weeks quit I just kept moving forward in very small time increments. Sometimes it was just one deep breath after another, or one distraction after another. You are doing great, and there is nothing unusual about what you are experiencing.

Hi Linda. I am a full time carer for Hubby...emphysema... And recently diagnosed with vascular dementia... I'm surprised the hospital havnt asked you ,while your dad was there ,what circumstances does he live at home with... It was the hospital ,who arranged for a social worker to speak to us both...she decided we both needed help ...and arranged it all.. Hubby wasn't willing to go into respite ,so I could have a break... The social worker came out to the house and explained to him ,of why this was important for us both.. When it came from another source ...not me...he accepted.... And now goes willingly... Every time... If I can help in any way ...feel free to PM me ,I will try and answer what questions you might have ... Well done for keeping the quit.....you have to put yourself first...sometimes hard ,but important....

MLMR, I think you already ETQ (I can tell from every post you've made that you OWN this quit and are making it a part of your life instead of just waiting for it to happen. You are actively changing your routines and mindset to take on your new life as a non-smoker.) I think today was just a bad day and that's okay because even non-smokers have bad days. I would do the same talk, sing, I would even say out loud "I'm so glad I quit smoking!" (Eat chocolate)? The brain fog does go away! Or we would all be in the corner sucking our thumbs or smoking again! I know it doesn't help to hear that it gets better while you are in the middle of it, but this is that "fake it til you make it" time frame...even on the bad days remember how much you love your quit and everyday you don't smoke and instead come here; grows those muscles against junkie thinking. Don't wait another week to reward yourself, find something small to do for yourself everyday if you can. Paint your nails, do a charcoal face mask (go out of your comfort zone a little because the non-smoking you might like things now that you didn't as a smoker) I think you're doing great so please have a treat and good night sleep!! Also...keep glitter handy for mouthy co-workers!!

What a day. Though I understand it's a trick of the addict mind, it's almost like the first few days. Foggy, staring at peoples faces when they tell me something while having no clue what its about. I wonder what my face looks like when I do that. Whenever my mind drifts off to smoking, I start singing or talking out loud about something. Working is a joke today, literally nothing usefull comes out of my hands. I am counting hours, till next wednesday evening, 20:08. That will mark three weeks. Not so sure how to 'embrace' what's going on now. It annoys me, it scares me a bit, I have no muscles ready to attack junkie thinking. I am sure about not smoking, definitely. But I wish I were sure about this state of mind being temporary! It has to be! I would be the first on earth to be dealing with these withdrawl symptoms like forever! Just can't be !! Soon the washing drum will make easy, enjoyable rounds, instead of this wild tumbling program. And then I'll be like clean, white sheets ?