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MLMR last won the day on October 11

MLMR had the most liked content!

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About MLMR

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    Versed Member

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  • Quit Date
    22-08-2018 20:08 PM

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  1. Yes, we were having a conversation yesterday and I told her I was still educating myself as much as possible, checking out this lecture and that etc., she was the one to suggest Id post it here because of the educational value. You were right, she loved it ('Nerdy and good' )
  2. Great video. Definitely didn't pick up everything but I will be watching again. As far as I get it: There's different types of nicotine receptors, all binding to nicotine but all different properties and all giving off different signals. Some for learning, some for fight or flight response, another one that allows your heart rate to come up. They are widespread through the brain and are affecting many behaviours. Gives me a clue as to why I unconciously perceived it as a wonderdrug. Watch, to understand how the different nicotine receptors are hijacked by smoking. Oh and... tar is not just an unfortunate byproduct of cigarettes, it's actually a feature of the drug delivery device: it carries nicotine to the lungs, so it can reach the brain rapidly. Very important aspect of this addiction. Yuck.
  3. MLMR


    Yep, I certainly do! And the best part was, I had a flashback, was thinking of so many moments when I actually got angry, but managed to dull it away with smoking. In other words, saying to myself: It's NOT ok to have this emotion, it must go away. Yeah!! That's right. It hit me.. Djeez. Ofcourse I knew it was about nicotine and giving myself a false sense of consolation, ease. But I never thought of the fact that smoking in these particular situations, while being sad, angry, bored, etc. is a repetetive way of telling myself that it's not ok to feel the way I do. I am actually a bit bewildered now 😳
  4. MLMR

    Feeling a little vulnerable

    Dear Linda, I am so sorry to hear this. Glad you take the oldies home early. They probably won't understand anyway but that doesn't matter. But for you I whish you can be with whatever emotion you have, without having to deal with them in ways that are too demanding right now. Promiss to post whenever you want. That goes for the SOS section as well. Take care!
  5. MLMR

    What are cigarretes to you ?

    Oh, alright then
  6. MLMR

    What are cigarretes to you ?

    And @pottanramu quit the nonsense already.. Nothing 'warm' about cigarettes, please don't make such a romance out of it. Hug your two year old, talk to a good friend or, like Doreen suggested, try a hot cocoa. That's warmth. Got to buckle up and kick these lies to the land of fantasies.
  7. MLMR

    What are cigarretes to you ?

    .... Scotch?! Well, I prefer to drink that stuff!
  8. MLMR


    Context: work. Sitting in my car. Thinking about today. Am I satisfied? Not at all. Was it worth my time? Nope. Did we come to some mutual understanding, something fundamental, something that makes us a serious party to take in account? I seriously doubt that. Contemplating everything that has been said during the meeting. It is not ok. This is not how we planned it. And I saw it coming and shared my worries long ago, for nothing. And then suddenly I have this anger coming up, al the way from my toes crawling up, it’s hot, it’s swirling. I am mad as hell. And it’s crystal clear rage. Not blinded, not tempered, my heart beating like crazy but for a very genuine reason and I just let it beat like that. My hands are glued to my steeringwheel, I’m surprised the thing doesn’t melt in my hot hands. I’ve not felt such anger in ages. In the background the radio is having a party with Ravel and his Bolero, reaching a climax. I seriously did not have a part in that. Pure coincidence. Not once does smoking cross my mind. Somehow I’m able to experience this rage in all it’s rawness, it’s beauty even. And when the final notes die away, my heart is beating slower, I loosen my grip. My breathing is back to normal, maybe even a bit deeper than normal. Let's go home and may tomorrow take care of it. Man, do I like quitting and feeling everything that I’m supposed to feel right now.
  9. MLMR

    Kdad is 1 Month Smoke Free!

    Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  10. MLMR

    d2e8b8 is 2 years smoke free

    What a brilliant amount of time, two years. Congrats! Thanks for commenting now and then on my writings. It is of such value, to be supported by people who've been there and have a solid and trustworthy approach. I whish you many smokefree years to come!
  11. MLMR

    still here

    Good to know your still here! And... moan all you want. I had sleep issues as well. It lasted for about 2,5 weeks (but starting after the first week, where I actually slept like a beast). I really hope you'll find something that works for you, to help you through this period. Take care!
  12. Hi GM, welcome and thanks for introducing yourself. It would be great to read your progres here! My tip: find something new to do, to learn. It helps to get your mind off smoking and will benefit you in rewiring your addict brain. Take extra good care of yourself these coming days
  13. ..about quitting? What was not as bad as you anticipated? What went surprisingly well?

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