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"Autistic crisis means "new" = *flat-line*= no plan.. nothing besides the chaos and sounds, feelings, lights, voices (that you can't decipher while they are definitely speak the same language as you right?) and all are dumped on a brain that just cannot process it ." I relate to this so much. I have sensory-processing sensitivity (bordering on disorder), and when I'm overloaded there is no plan. There is only survival. And it's when utter panic sets in that I struggle to keep my quit. It has always been a moment of crisis that sent me running back to smoking. And I'm not sure exactly how to deal with this in the future, because, as you said, it's so hard to break through the mental chaos in those moments. All I see, hear, and feel during those moments (besides the lights and sounds and overwhelming emotions) are the CRAVINGS. It's like a blinking red neon sign in my brain. Maybe we can help each other formulate a plan. Sensory disorders present unique challenges, but I'm convinced we can figure out a way to deal with them!

I enjoyed lots of bad things...for a bit....

“Pay it forward” Express your quit. Your first, second, third, the sticky. Every battle, every loss, every win. Victory!!! Each and every expression on this site has impressed upon me an affirmation, a warning, guidance, and encouragement to stay on the train. I would be drowning in all kinds of anti-self mental states without the input of other passengers. I am so thankful I found this forum and that I have found my quit.

The fallacy of enjoyment came from the release of endorphins that nicotine triggered. Nicotine appropriated our brain receptors for pleasure, then they would only respond by administering nicotine. One by one we claim these receptors back. This is why rewards are so important. Here is a great thread by MLMR with a super video Educational Video on Nicotine and The Brain and a scientific study on Reward Processing and Smoking

honestly...even tho i've been quit for a few weeks, the cigs are still in control. I'm still an abstaining smoker. Most of my thoughts are dominated by the quit but that's okay. it has to be this way. my quit is a garden and right now it's full of weeds so it's going to take all my focus and effort to get all the weeds pulled. then once all the weeds are pulled it's going to take daily monitoring for new sprouts of weeds so i can dig down and find the roots. later it will take weekly monitoring for more weed sprouts so i can dig down further and get the rest of the roots. and then when i've gotten all the roots out and all the weeds are gone and there are only beautiful blooming flowers in my quit garden i still have to be vigilant in monitoring for weeds cause seeds will blow in on the wind from who knows where and they will pop up when and where i least expect them. but that is life. the garden, whatever it is be it quitting smoking or playing piano, must be tended. to do otherwise is to stop living.

@abbynormal let's do that! We could start in pm or a brainstormtopic.. -First I need to finish dinner We can make a difference!

That post Abby, thank you for sharing. So many of us experienced those same feelings...

Oh Abby, I also was so ashamed of smoking. I felt like such a weakling because I could not quit and knew that I was going to die of a smoking related illness. I promise you that you will gain so much power as your quit keeps going and then one day, it is not even a thought. You are doing great. Keep that quit going.!

Vivian, I have dealt with very abusive parents in my lifetime and over the last three years I have been taking care of them because they are old and have failing health. I was so beat down and very depressed. I then found this forum and started to quit smoking. As I posted SOS's and my feelings, many people here noted that I was dealing with abuse. They encouraged me and made sure I knew that I was gaining power with my quit. It is now a year later and I have walked away from the burden and feel so powerful and in control of my life. Yes the addiction is going to try and play on these emotions but you need to realize how strong you are. I have been so impressed with the way you are pushing through your quit. I promise that as you keep powering through, you will become so strong. You are an awesome woman and your new relationship sounds wonderful. I know you are going to have a happy smoke free life!

So I did start my new AM routine this morning and have to say - I feel really good and proud of myself! I found something nice on from the Livestrong foundation by the YMCA that seems perfect and low impact. I even have a new checklist to go down each AM to start my day. When I wake up I drink 8oz of water 1st thing. I don't chug it but just drink it and then use mindful breathing for 5 min. I make sure I eat protein, veggies and good fats for breakfast. Then rest and do some more mindful breathing before I start my exercises. Practicing my balance, the wall and clock crawl. Simple leg lifts to standing on one leg and then the other. Breathing exercises that are mindful for sleep and stress. They even have a cooling breath for those hot flashes!! Simple but useful things like hand and toe curls and using a stress ball. I really think this will be so helpful in just my new daily morning and evening routine. (or whenever I feel like it) At the end there is a fatigue assessment test to take and I have to admit on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst I would say I'm at a good 5 at the moment. Everything just feels right!! I know over time I will work myself up and get stronger and just the effort is the payoff! I think I have started to find that new balance and just had to share!! My mind is so at peace right now and I don't feel all jittery like I have to go clean something lol. I just feel good!!

Well - 2AM finds me this time but that's ok. I got a lot of much needed R&R yesterday so it's a nice even balance I guess. I just woke up with so many ideas and things I want to do that I just couldn't lay still any longer. After today's treatment I will only have 3 left!! They said within the next coming weeks I should notice a bit more side effects in the fatigue department and again the possible loss of hair. Friday will be my 1st 'alone' day and I plan to start the exercise program to help build and keep the muscles which also help fight the fatigue as much as possible. Not a bad routine to slip into my daily zipping around. I just need to make sure I recognize what my limits are and not push the bounds too much. That new A/C unit just rocks! I mean those guys really went above and beyond! The APCO-X air treatment system with the blue light at the top and bottom is like night and day! It even has a huge X in the middle for - X-MEN lol! But when they talked about the change and smell in the quality of the air of course I was a bit hmmm. But no lie - the air itself does have this 'smell' it's hard to describe. I don't want to say medicinal but that's the only thing I really can relate it to just CLEAN. The installers all have this blue light system in their own homes and admit due to my condition this is a higher grade and that I should notice a difference in no time. Boy were they right! The filter itself only needs to be changed twice a year so we have it all set up on a service plan to where they handle it all for us so no fuss no muss! You can even see the blue light glowing from the bottom almost like a night light in the hallway - it's pretty cool. The BF is ready to get painting on the inside of the house and knock a few rooms out over the weekend. I'll stay at my mom's of course but I need to find my color! You know it has to be all about the color at least lol! I figured I could grab me a nice filtered mask while at the hardware store and start caulking up some of the kitchen and bathroom seams. Nothing back breaking, I'll leave the base boards and bending over parts for him to do lol. Then hit the last few cabinets in the kitchen where all the missing parts of the pots and pans and odds and ends seem to end up and give them a good toss. Easy peasy stuff really. The next ticket item on the list is a new - well newer fridge I should say. I know ours has got to be at least 15yrs old. Single door with all the missing trays and slats definitely time for an upgrade to the double doors. Figured we'd hit the scratch and dent sale as were slowly finding with all the new foods there just isn't enough room to hold it all w/out it spilling out every time we open the door and it's just not functional any more plain and simple. And ah the recipes I've been googling and how to store my fruits and veggies properly to get the best shelf life is definitely my new 'obsession'. Another new notebook to add just for food!! I've been just making lists of the good vs the bad foods. Playing with all different menus for breakfast lunch and dinner. Trying to find that good balance so there is a nice solid 'weekly' menu in place that can be switched up with out having to put all this research into it later. Just really trying to get ahead and stay ahead of this fight I have. I've been trying to find as much as possible about this 'gene' thing as I can. I've tried to stick to the .orgs vs all the others for now and so far this is what I have found in regards to taking a pill a day vs the whole chemo route: with this 'lock and key' targeted therapy. Again - it's a deep rabbit hole and each gene apparently has it's own symbol (which I'm very curious to know about.) My appt. on the 28th is to go over a discuss everything in GREAT detail. Exactly which drug, which gene, all the possible side effects and so forth. I'm glad my sister/notetaker will be back in town or that part!! But so far this is what I have found - again without plunging too far down that great rabbit hole just yet: Monoclonal antibodies that deliver toxic molecules can cause the death of cancer cells specifically. Once the antibody has bound to its target cell, the toxic molecule that is linked to the antibody—such as a radioactive substance or a poisonous chemical—is taken up by the cell, ultimately killing that cell. The toxin will not affect cells that lack the target for the antibody—i.e., the vast majority of cells in the body. Now this treatment also has it's side effects as well - The most common side effects seen with targeted therapies are diarrhea and liver problems, such as hepatitis and elevated liver enzymes. Other side effects seen with targeted therapies include: Skin problems (acneiform rash, dry skin, nail changes, hair depigmentation) Problems with blood clotting and wound healing High blood pressure Gastrointestinal perforation (a rare side effect of some targeted therapies) This is where it's very KEY that I take care of myself - body, mind and spirit. Eat the right foods, doing my exercises and everything else on MY PART that I possibly can when it comes to my Battle Royal Deadpool Style. Just something I thought was pretty interesting. The more I find out the more I will be able to post about in greater detail. But until that appt. comes there's no use in fretting over what I cant control. Like sleep - so I'll just 'roll with it' as best I can until then. I hope everyone has a wonderful day! The weekend is almost here and another beautiful sunrise awaits us all!! Team Deadpool over and out!

I am responding here to this post of yours "As a smoker for 38 years I appreciate this thread because I struggle and struggle and relapse and relapse, then find myself wondering why others are able to stay quit and why I give in to the junkie thinking and make the choice to smoke again ("just one last pack because ABC") over and over and over again, fully aware of what I'm doing but "feeling" powerless to stop (note I am aware I'm "feeling" powerless, not truly powerless in reality) Please don't read into this post as giving myself an excuse to relapse. Thats not what I mean. I mean, I am trying not to kick myself in the head everytime I relapse, but to stay aware of the fact that when you smoke for as long as some of us have smoked, its going to be hard, its going to be tough and instead of hating on ourselves and criticizing ourselves (that will lead to giving up trying) its better to acknowledge that its going to continue to be hard and that its time to try something different...take suggestions...try new things to avoid giving in. I need to shake up this quit. I'm tired of coming in here with a new quit over and over again. Its embarrassing and humbling for sure. ..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... and my response... Being honest with myself and using self critique as a tool has only led to me being a better human being to myself and others. Truth is my friend. How can it not be ? @MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore, you've been coming here since March 2015. This weekend I read over a lot of your old threads looking for a clue as to why you won't keep a quit. Perhaps, you can find the clue. Here they are. You have to stop ******* around if you actually want to quit smoking. This isn't rocket science. I smoked for over 45 years. I thought I was 'a dedicated smoker' until I learned I was just addicted and no more addicted than any other nicotine addict on the planet. None of us are special snowflakes. Yes, I had some gnarly hours, days, weeks, months but, so what ? I wasn't being bombed, wasn't in ER, wasn't starving to death. What else was I doing with my time ? Feeding addiction or learning how to Live FREE ? This is all about addiction and the education thereof. I am not stronger, smarter or, better than any other nicotine addict. The only difference lays in the fact that I committed to myself, near on six years ago to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF. NOT ONE PUFF EVER. This did not take Herculean Power, all it took was standing my ground, honoring myself and my commitment and blessed TIME. You know the drill. When will you honor a commitment to yourself and your quit ?

Thanks for bumping this, @jillar. Now that I'm well beyond the chemical withdrawal phase of my quit, I'm noticing that my actual urges to smoke have not gone away. They are more manageable - and I have a stronger toolkit for coping with them. But The deep desire/urge to smoke persists. This post points to part of why. One factor that contributed to my smoking was trying to numb-out and evade some inner conflicts (and some outer ones, too). Another was unmet needs. Now that I've quit smoking, I'm called into a deeper reckoning with these forces in my life. Ouch. I believe that denial is "nature's shock absorber." It serves a purpose in our psyche, and shouldn't be entirely avoided. I used smoking to serve this purpose, but quitting does not mean I have to be relentlessly hammered with discomfort. Talk about a disincentive to keep the quit! All it means is that I need to come up with some different ways to take a break or shift my energies when needed... ways that don't entail sticking something toxic in my mouth and setting it on fire. As @Boo has said elsewhere on the forum (and I'm paraphrasing), there are 999 things I can do with this moment, and just one thing I can't do - smoke. Here's to focusing on the 999.

This is, perhaps, an odd one: Not rattling as I walk down a hiking/birding trail. I used to always keep a hardpack of smokes in the right leg pocket of my cargo pants. Because the pack was usually half-gone, it used to rattle with every step I took. In the same pocket, also used to carry a black rubber film cannister for my butts, so that I didn't leave them lying around on trail. And of course they rattled, too. I now see so much wrong with this picture: being fastidious about not leaving butts on the ground while totally ignoring the smoke I put inside me... being literally a walking ashtray. Rattle. Rattle. Rattle. Nope, not this year! I look forward to hearing what the world sounds like.

I love your gratitude list! And I'm so happy for you to make it through these intense moments. Good for you!!!!!!!

Love this post Abby, and I'm so happy for you

The enjoyment argument is destroyed in Allen Carr's book. It's big misconception that there is enjoyment involved because we confuse it with addiction. The best counter-argument for me is the glue-sniffing comparison. If we see a glue-sniffer on the street we don't think, "That looks so good, I'm missing out on a pleasure." Of course not, we see it for what it is, a sad and harmful addiction. The glue-sniffer is probably thinking something else and is arguably 'enjoying' it. I view smoking in the same light as glue-sniffing.

I too felt all of these feelings associated with smoking,, abbynormal, the shame was the worst thing. I have never been ashamed of much, but when society gives you the flick so to speak, then this really hurt me to the core. I have looked at the research given out from sazerac for the reward system and the brain function.. I believe in getting rewards for something you are proud of, the only comment I need to make is; that in my day the rewards were given out for smoking in oh so subtle ways. Like role models on movies which convinced you that it was "cool" to smoke, women especially were given the tag subconsciously of being emancipated if you lit up especially with a long cigarette holder, then you were truly emancipated and sophisticated at the same time. That is no excuse, but in those days no education was readily available. Later on I developed the need for getting away from boring chit chat, which the cigarette gave me another excuse to use. Now, I know better of course, and I feel happier in society, and as far as boring chit chat is, I have taken the position of listening a lot more, and I think I have succeeded in this a whole lot. My life now is not boring, and I have so much to look forward to there is not enough hours in the day. I start buying candles tomorrow, no more cakes.

Great honest post ... This is why this addiction is evil....it tricks the brain into thinking it's enjoyable ...which in reality it's the complete opposite....

Hi. I’m L4L and I’m a former “closet” smoker. @abbynormal I know exactly what you are referencing in this great post. Guilt? check. Shame? check. Embarrassment? check. Joy? I guess I was joyful my withdrawal craves were calmed by smoking...

And how great is it that you are here now!! Making it permanent! Took a while, but hey - we are doing it anyway! FU Big Tobacco!

Hi Viv, I've had depression for most of my adult life and it's a bitch. It feels like it's not the real me but that side can be a bully and kick away the real me from time to time. I know where you're coming from. I like to think that only intelligent people get depression so I comfort myself with that sometimes. In the smoking context, we both know cigs do jack shit to help anything or are a medication for any condition. My level of depression is not changed one iota with or without cigs so I may as well be depressed without smoking than be depressed with COPD or cancer. I've been on and off anti-depressants for years and it's about time we removed the stigma from such maladies and openly say, "Yeah, I've got depression. I've a job and family and it's managed. It's a physical illness, what's the big deal with you knowing?" Of course other folks may not be able to be employed with the condition but the above is just my example. There are many levels of depression and I'm mostly OK but when I'm not, my world seems to have a grey coating on it where nothing seems interesting or worth the effort and there's a lot of pessimism about big and even small matters eg. I'm not even going to watch England play, I know they'll lose. That was a 'small matter' example by the way. So there it is for all the World to read - I've got managed depression and if anyone thinks less of me for that, they can f**k off! Comon Viv, we can whinge and moan together but never with a cigarette in hand, that's the only stipulation.

A few short months ago I was spazzing, fighting off those urges!!!! there were days when I was in a constant battle!!! But persistence always wins. I was determined to beat this. I CAN do this!! no matter what my mind was saying, I couldn't give up the fight!!! Just some reflecting of times past!

The place in your brain that is responsible for your survival on an emotional level is also where the nicotine receptors are located. That's why nicotine addiction is tricky to overcome, your brain without nicotine will often switch over to a survival mode and dump adrenaline into your body. This creates a panic and edgy feeling. What helps is to start recognizing what's happening and use your rational brain to calm yourself. This episode started with a dream. Dreams aren't reality. The reality is you have a kind and supportive boyfriend. The reality is you haven't smoked. Go for a walk to burn off the adrenaline. Have you read about HALT? Your strength is still there. Have you read MLMR journey in the thread Introsucksion?

You are a very strong person. Living with an abusive partner takes so much strength and courage. You dreamt of two negatives from your past but the important piece is you left them both behind. They ruined your life and your quit but they are gone. You have to keep your mind in the present and focus on your quit and your awesome partner. That is all that matters and all that is important. Don't give either of those two past negatives in your life any power. Be glad they are both gone. If you smoked under these circumstances all you will do is give your ex that manipulating abusive power back. You're worth so much more x x

I bet your friend will not forget that encounter - lol Good for you in facing that and winning! Shows your commitment is strong and you are on solid ground. And you're right. Being around a group of others with the same commitment as you and who have experienced the same stuff as you are now going through is a powerful tool. That will become even more important down the road as many around you may start taking it for granted that your quit is done and in the past when in reality, you will still have work to do in crafting your new smoke free life. I would definitely post up in the 1 year pledge. You know there are different seasonal triggers that come up with the changing of the seasons. Those can present new challenges you haven't had to deal with yet. That's what makes the 1 year celebration (the Lido party) such a big deal. Doesn't mean you are completely done building your life long quit but it does mean you have likely seen all the triggers you will need to deal with.

The small things count as well. It could be, "Have I got my fags?" "Damn, I've forgot my lighter. Oh no, It's empty, I'll have to nip to a shop on the way to work. Have I time?" I've got eight fags left....erm....is that enough until I get home tonight? Let's see, two on the way to work. Six on my breaks. Bugger, none for my journey home. Mmmmm... not enough but I've no money left. I'll ration them better." Etc.etc. All that palaver is gone now. The freedom comes in many guises.

I smoked roughly 25 cigs a day which consumed approx. 7 minutes each one. That's 3 hours a day just smoking. Whether it's work breaks or personal time - you've got more of it now. You need to find productive ways to fill that void and you will. It seemed to just happen naturally to me - no plan and no strategy. It just got filled with other, healthier things. There's a post around here somewhere called "Filling The Pages"; or something like that and it speaks to this issue exactly

Red is my color! I also worked on an assembly line for a fancy schmancy cosmetic company for a while in college....putting liners and caps on jars of expensive skin creams, boxing up bottles of perfume and cologne, etc....at times it was like that episode of I Love Lucy with the candy coming down the conveyor belt...lol. Can't tell you how many times my thumb would go into the little jars as they would fly by....

I got to come home early today, as there was a ton of people there today! Plus there's a bit of a long story behind it - I have a worker's comp case open, I will explain it one day! Here's my pic:

You'll do fine mrsguest, because you want this Your pic didn't post but I did assembly work years ago so I know how monotonous it can be.

I actually canceled the wig and rarely wear the one I did get. I really think I was just emotionally all over the place at the time I ordered them. I've found that wearing a turban or scarf is way more comfortable and cooler and are my go to when I go out. When around my family I just rock the natural bald look - well stubbly look at this point lol. I know it's been a while since I've updated my blog so here's a bit of what's been going on: This Saturday will be 1 wk since I've been on the chemo pill Tagrisso and so far so good. I go back in a week for them to do an EKG and labs to make sure all is going A-OK. The fatigue of the radiation seems to be wearing off as I've had more energy this week however the loss of appetite is still there even when my stomach growls. I make sure that I have protein shakes on hand and try to eat several small meals through out the day. At first I was more worried about eating all 'good foods' but for now I just eat what I want so I'm not losing weight. I figure better something than nothing. I also set up an appt. to speak with their counselors hoping they would be a good sounding board for me, I've never been to one so not sure what to expect. In the mean time and in between time we try to get out at least 3x during the week which is perfect. On the off days we just Netflix and chill. My sister is joining me for yoga classes for cancer patients at our local YMCA and a mediation class once a week. We also booked a trip to Orlando in October for a girls only trip so looking forward to that. Other than that I'm just taking it all day by day and keeping up the good fight! I know theres alot forgetting and will try to update more as I go along.

Just my thoughts for you here about the wig thing ..................... My neighbor has lung cancer and has been in treatments for the past year. She wears a wig when she goes out and I have had interactions with her both with and without her wig on. I prefer to see her without it because to me it represents the courage she has in fighting her cancer with tenacity and complete dignity. I do understand wanting a wig for when one goes out in general public when you are exposed to people you don't know or have any connection with but, I think that maybe those who know you and what you are going through might have a very different perspective. I know it inspires me when I see her in her natural state.

Yes Kate, PLEASE at least try using the air cigarette. It really did the job at getting me through the cravings. You've been at this a long time, years, so at this point it wouldn't hurt to try the clues that worked for us. I REALLY want you to succeed and I know you can. You just have to believe it too

Sending good thoughts your way and wishing you the very best (and hopefully some sense of relief) as you start Round 2 of this battle tomorrow. I hope you've been able to rest up along with getting some healthful eating and exercise in to put yourself in a good mental and physical place as you continue to plow through all the obstacles. Cheers to you and to winning this battle one day at a time.

Thank you for the reminder @notsmokinjoI told myself it would be small potatoes and when I woke up this AM the cap had slipped off and the hair was piled inside and still coming out. So - bald and beautiful it will be. I just need to figure out if I'll use a #2 guard or a #1?? Any suggestions would be welcome! I've already taken a few old t-shirts and cut them off right under the arms and learned to make a turban with them. I put that one on this AM and seem to work pretty darn good!!

Thank you Jordan7 - I've always been one who really dives into strange rabbit holes however this one I am treading lightly as it can be a bit much to take all at once. I have been researching that Trial medication 'Memantine' and some of the case studies on it, especially after they said if they were to cut 1 drug that would be the one which made me stop and think 'ok wait a second - take it but don't take it.' Time to dig into that one - so all in all the studies are pretty much inconclusive. I then moved on to the side effects over time as you increase the drug dosage from one pill a day to 4 a day over time and they include: dizziness, headaches, constipation, fatigue, weight loss, swelling, increased heart rate and aggression. So in MY personal conclusion that is a big fat NOPE. You can keep that trial drug to yourself thank you very much! I'll stick with my puzzles and mind/memory games vs putting my body through all that crap. It is a healthy habit that even I forgot about and does make a huge difference. It's funny how we forget just the simplest of things while taking care of ourselves. For the most part all I drink now is water aside of a glass of orange juice. I even picked up some protein powder to make my shakes for the afternoons to help build that muscle mass I'm going to need. I think today I'll try the milk, banana and peanut butter one first - mmmm. Of course I picked the chocolate flavor!! Tonight we are doing a 'family' dinner vs going out. I'm having my son and mom over and just having a nice homecooked meal with everyone around the table and then break out the game boards! I might run by the goodwill when they open at 10 to see what board games they may have. Got to love a good thrift!!!

I'm actually enjoying this relaxation thing. My body can feel it and is saying 'UM HELLO - THANK YOU!!' I don't feel near as tense or amped up and my back has already loosened up from just a few hours of chilling. We just put an an oldie but goodie - Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom! Some background noise to take a nice nap to. The pups are being sooo good. Definitely some rib bones coming out tonight when all is said and done. I did really well driving myself today, was a tad nervous but did just fine. I used to take that daily route every workday before they moved our office so being familiar with the area and knowing the backstreets helped a lot. Only 4 more radiation treatments left and each one seems to go by faster than the last. And talk about a small world!!! Turns out the A/C guys that are here doing the install happen to be an old friend from high school and his two sons! On top of my mom being close with the owner and them all knowing my situation just makes me that much more at ease!! I told them to just take run of the house and if they needed anything from us to just knock on the den door and let us know. It's so funny how things just seem to work out when they do even when everything else seems against you. I'm just going to enjoy the good vibes of this week and maybe even catch a kat-nap!!

Oh Michelle, I am so sorry to hear you have relapsed again. We are here for you but you don't even seem to reach out with an SOS. Your behavior is more like the drug addict. As long as you are isolated and don't have the means to get out, you are willing to attempt quitting. Knowing you are getting out, you are planning your next fix. That definitely is junkie thinking. I truly think you want to quit but you are not ready to commit. I think the first thing you should do, this quit, is go and read @hellkatbaby post from yesterday. It is the shocking reality of where this addiction will lead you. You can do this.

Listen to @Mee nana, she's right and the person she discovered she is is amazing. I encourage you to read her early posts and see just how far she's come. You'll get there too

Yep! So true.

Thank you Vivianne and Phil for sharing your stories. Many of our members who also have depression have found that with time they had fewer episodes since quitting. I hope this is true for you two as well

Nope!!! I will stay here as long as needed! Am even considering the year pledge..

Absolutely! It's not as fun as it might look. It's very thankless. I'm struggling to find stuff to do at break now that I'm not hurrying to smoke the whole time. It's actually a nice time!!

Thinking of you mrs, Depending on if those patches were viable or not, your body is pretty close to being nicotine free. Now, it is a matter of retraining your brain to deliver endorphins for good things instead of the tie to nicotine. So reward yourself ALL THE TIME !

You will do fine, mrs. Lots to dream about, what will you spend your new dosh on ? Oh, the places you will go ! NOPE your way through any grimy moments, they won't last long and each time you conquer your thoughts the stronger and more pliable your brain becomes.

I wouldn't think so either Linda. Doing my research it seems most Dr's are now more pro than anything. I will say I don't feel as fatigued as I had the past few days which is great! That lack of sleep wasn't helping either so hopefully it will get all turned around. I'm sure I'll have the days that hit me harder than others but at least now I know what to expect now and how to manage it. One day at a time. Alright so Team Deadpool back in action! We took a nice 20 min walk this morning - not bad for our 1st day. I'm definitely taking some 1lb weights to carry tomorrow, keep those legs and arms in action!! Her hip was giving her problems near the end so we might take it a bit slower tomorrow. Every day is progress. I figured today I would just pace myself. Rest when needed and be active when I can. Be smart and listen to my body. Starting to re-think a few things I did on impulse such as the wigs. I don't really need that 2nd wig at all. That was definitely an impulse order. Since I haven't done the try on yet it hasn't been billed to my insurance she can return it and I can save the benefit for later in the year if I decide. Just trying to be smarter on some of my decisions and not go off emotions wrapped up in the moment. So here's to the rest of the day and what it might bring. No big plans today so I'll just take it by the seat of the pants and see where it takes me!

The power to get out of that hellish cycle of withdrawal is completely and only in your hands @MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore Until you do what you already know you have to do, nothing will change. Quitting smoking is one of a very few things in this life that is completely within your control. When you finally decide to exercise that control, you will be free!

true thanks for the support true thanks for the support