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*A lifetime of freedom from nicotine. *Worldwide support from members in all phases of quitting and who know and can relate to what you may go through at any given time in your quit. *Tons of educational material about our addiction to nicotine. Be it by reading, watching videos or asking other members. We have it all So what do you have to lose by becoming a member?

So you've relapsed again for the umpteenth time. You come to the board admitting your failure and get a mixture of responses. Some positive and it makes you get right back to your quit. Some negative and you're afraid to post or start again because you'll only fail and upset people. But the truth is, who cares what we think? It's your life, your quit. You decide when you're ready to quit. We offer the support, along with a huge library of education. We also offer a ton of socializing topics to help distract you and keep your mind off smoking. Please remember that we have lots of "chronic" relapsers who finally found their forever quit and so can you. Never Give up giving up.

Over my four years of being on support forums I've seen a few people who just couldn't seem to get their sticky quit the first time. They start so gung-ho and post daily getting and even offering support from and to fellow quitters. Then one day they are gone...…….. When they resurface it's usually with tail between their legs hoping for the same support they received before they relapsed. And with the exception of some tough love, because some people just need that, they get the same level of support as they got the first time. We get it, quitting is hard for a lot of us and it sucks. Some even make new accounts out of embarrassment of their failed quits thinking too that perhaps a new account will help them get their forever quit. The problem with this is two-fold. One, you MUST OWN YOUR RELAPSE. It's the only way you can look back and see what you can do differently to help get your sticky quit. Two, it's not fair to the members who welcome you as a new quitter instead of who you are. You see the support you are going to be offered as a relapser compared to as a new quitter is quite different. Yes, we may get short at times but it's only because we care and don't want to see anyone have to continually put themselves through the hardest first few weeks of quitting over and over again. Yes, it may be embarrassing but we can offer you tips and clues based on our own relapses or on how we saved our quits from a relapse. There is nothing better for me than to see a chronic relapser finally get their forever quit. So own your relapse, come back on and lets get this done!

Just got back from donating blood. As a person who is at least 28 days from getting COVID-19 and now fully recovered, I am eligible for donating plasma that researchers will test on people who are critically ill. Would be great if it helps....fingers crossed.

Myself and my fellow Quit Train Buddies are in our Decade Year We have a few who have more years smoke free . So i am throwing a Big Party for us all... Oldies come and tell you how you are doing ..would love to hear from you Doreensfree xx

Subtitle: The Romance Is Dead! This is the time of year when many people quit smoking. Most especially, people who quit before but relapsed are trying again. I think that is wonderful (that they're coming back, not that they relapsed). Reading their posts has made me realize that in very many cases, people relapse because they are still romancing the cigarette. That means that they still WANT to smoke even though they know that smoking does nothing good for them. They still remember those quietly satisfying evenings on the deck smoking. They remember that a-a-a-h-h-h! of satisfaction with the first long draw on a cigarette. And they want that again. And so even if they are weeks or months into a quit-- even though the PHYSICAL addiction is long gone-- they essentially choose to go back to smoking because of the pull of these romantic fantasies about how good smoking was. Well, I was the poster child for romancing the cigarette. Throughout this quit and all my previous quits (of which there were several) I always wanted to smoke. I didn't smoke-- I controlled myself-- but I wanted to smoke. All the time. Almost every day. It seemed to me that after 4 or 5 months quit, almost everybody on the board was way done with smoking and happy about it. I still missed it. And that was frustrating because my rational brain KNEW that the "pleasure" of smoking was vastly over rated and mostly imaginary. I KNEW that I was romancing the cigarette and I really did not want to go back to smoking. But the seductive thoughts were there. Maybe not every day, but often enough to be very annoying. I'm here to tell you that today, more than 9 months after my quit, I realize that I am not desiring a cigarette hardly ever! This is a first for me. And this death of the romance is not just a matter of time-- I quit smoking before for periods of up to a year and still suffered from romancing. I think that the difference this time is that I educated myself about Nicodemon's lies. It's as though my rational brain has told my junkie brain over and over and over again "No, smoking is NOT pleasurable! And such small, brief pleasure as you feel when you smoke comes at way too great a cost! Forget it!" and finally, FINALLY junkie brain is quieting down. What a relief! Now I do admit that during these "romancing episodes" that I'm talking about-- those days when I really, really wanted a cigarette-- I had to remind myself over and over again about why I quit smoking in the first place and remind myself over and over again that I wanted to quit more than I wanted to smoke. I had to FIGHT to keep my quit many, many times over the months. The urge to smoke wasn't constant, but it was frequent. Sometimes it was quite miserable. I'm still jealous of people who seemed to have it easier than I did. I often thought that I was a "special snowflake" and I had it harder than other quitters-- few people admitted that they still wanted to smoke many months after a quit. But whether I had it worse than anyone else or not, I hung in there, reminded myself about why I quit, and that I was DETERMINED not to smoke. Now, at last, I can look back over the last few weeks and realize that the romance is dead. I finally, finally am at the point where I do think about smoking once in a while but it's like a vague thought that is easily dismissed, not a serious desire. I have heard others describe this "vague thought" phenomenon many months after a quit and I finally understand what they are talking about. So I guess I am writing this to say that if you are many weeks or months into a quit and you still want a cigarette, you are not alone. What you are experiencing is real. It does happen to some people (like me, for example). You are romancing the cigarette and you have to use your rational brain, your smoking education, and your strong desire to quit to fight the urge. And eventually, sooner or later, you will turn around one day and realize that the romance is dead. You really don't have to fight to keep your quit anymore-- you just have to remain vigilant and committed. Hang in there, folks! You can DO this!

To all the newbies who are active or lurking, I can tell you that quitting smoking is definitely something you can do and it is worth the early struggles. I quit after roughly 20 years as a smoker, and the last few years of my smoking life was spent struggling with short quits, trying to cut down, relapsing, etc. What helped me was joining a site like this and reaching out for support and reading about others' experiences in their quits. I also tried to take it one week, day, hour, minute at a time.....whatever it took. Don't worry about craves that might happen a day or two from now. Just focus on pushing through and defeating any craves that you may be currently experiencing.. Each crave you fight through makes your quit stronger. Quitting smoking is very doable and I encourage anyone who wants to quit to take the leap. It is worth it.

Hello, I managed to stay smoke-free for almost two days, but unfortunately smoked 3 ciggarettes today, as the brain fog became unbearable at work :(. I threw my pack, lighter and ashtray, and I am ready to jump on the Quit Train! My story: Smoked since I was 14, now I'm 23, and decided I should end this addiction for good. I'm happy to find this community and I am confident that I will manage to stay quit with the help and support provided by this forum, and hope that when the time comes I can help others quit as well. I will no longer smoke and punish myself everyday with this addiction!

Ok, that was just to get your attention.... My sister is going to quit smoking - she just started Chantix. She has the normal fears, alright....she's scared out of her wits. She calls me with her new "fear" OR "I was wondering..." I am able to give her an intelligent answer! Imagine that???? I guess two and a half years of reading, reading & more reading not only helped me but just might help my sister reach her sticky quit. KTQ

It just doesn't seem real that I am coming up on 10 years quit! To all who are considering quitting...you CAN do it...and it is so worth the discomfort (and yes, some times misery) you have to go through. I smoked for 40 years, and I know if I can quit, anyone can!! Happy 10th to us!!

Still around sometimes……

Woohoo, six years quit today!!! I couldn't have done it without all the support I received, especially my first year quit. I've been fortunate to be able to be here to pay it forward and have made great friendships with people all over the world and for that I feel so grateful

So I finally pulled the trigger on replacing a storm door that's needed replaced for about 6 months. It's one of those tedious, sometimes aggravating projects, w/ lots of steps that I really didn't want to do but it had to be done. From tearing off the old one to installing, then cleaning up the mess took about 6hrs. I was having huge cravings multiple times. This is the kind of project a cigarette would have given me a reason to take a break from the job. In the past, multiple times I would have come up w/ a reason to leave in my car (need a fresh fountain drink, probably need a tube of caulk, etc) so I could go have a cigarette and give myself a break. Instead, I just worked on it for 6hrs straight, forgetting to even eat lunch, just because I wanted it over with. So many times I thought how much I wanted to leave and go smoke. So many times I thought how when the project was done, I could tell my wife I was going to go hike, but buy a pack on the way. Nobody would know. And darn straight I would have enjoyed every last puff. But I made it through. I wanted to smoke about 6. But I did not want the 7000 that would come with the 6. And I didn't want to spend $4000 for those 6. I know full well I would lose all my mojo if I have even 1 and it always takes me well over a year before I can bring myself to start a serious quit. Should have taken a break and gotten on here cause it was getting real. But, it's good to get some experience learning how to deal w/ an aggravating situation w/o nicotene. OK, that's my whine.

When I quit smoking on Sept 7, I printed a Sept calendar sheet so I could put a red X on something each day I didn't smoke. Today marks 23 days and is the last day of the month. Felt great to have to print out a new sheet for October. Not a month of not smoking yet, but just the action of having to change the calendar felt so good. And taped at the bottom of my calendar is a small sheet that says: "If you quit now... You'll end up right back where you first began. And when you first began, you were desperate to be right where you are now. Keep going." Those red X's remind me of all I would be giving up if I take even one puff.

Why not take a seat and join us .... You,ll be surprised how better it is ,with friends who understand your fears and concerns ... Quitting can be fun ... What you waiting for

As many of you know I was officially diagnosed with severe emphysema and COPD after I had respiratory failure in January of 2020. Most of you also know that for years I was struggling with breathing issues that I was told was asthma. In the two years leading up to my respiratory failure I went from 110 pounds on a 5'5" frame to just 79 when I was admitted into the ICU. My prognosis at that time was pretty grim, get better or go home on hospice. But either way I was also going home on oxygen. Since then I have put most of the weight back on and continue to feel myself get stronger each day. So then what's the point of this post you may be asking and its this.... I found a great group for people with COPD on Facebook which is ironic because I never used Facebook pre pandemic but the group is awesome. So many people that can relate and answer the many questions those of us newly diagnosed have. Much like our community does. Here's the sad part, I read post after post from members of that group still smoking. Some are on oxygen and still smoke! I of course pass our site on to them and I hope they find their way here. Its just really sad to see. There's even a few who's Drs have refused certain procedures because they're smoking. Life saving procedures too I might add. COPD is a progressive disease with no known cure. It can be slowed with proper medications and quitting smoking. Sadly we can have it for years and not even know it until we get an exacerbation. Mine was thought to be asthma. My day consists of trying to keep my 50' oxygen tubing out of the walkways and from getting caught in the doors. I'm embarrassed to go anywhere because people will be whispering things like "that's what happens when you smoke" etc. My poor dog and cat also have to dodge it while I'm walking down the hall to feed them. Its no way to live. I'm not looking for any sympathy I just want to put a brutal face to this terrible addiction in the hopes it helps someone quit or keep their quit.....

G’day NOPE .......and a pinch and a punch for the first of the month

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min Hour Day as required!)

Hello, everyone I am still here lurking and reading. I make sure I come here everyday to pledge nope for the day. Then I check it periodically throughout the day. I am still smoke free. I Haven't had a cigarette in 11 days. I have been keeping busy cleaning our the house and car. Going fishing, and hanging out with family and friends. Dealing with everyone and everything. Like I said I am coming here when I need to, sometimes reading, sometime posting on my blog or on the forum. Just wanted to let people know I am okay.

I haven't been smoke free all that long but I am slowly seeing some of the benefits. For example, I've started to breathe better and I believe my blood pressure is at a much better level. I still get cravings but they at a totally manageable. I don't miss worrying about wether I have enough smokes to last the day. I think I smoked the most when I was bored but I realize that I got better things to do in my down time. It's quite a revelation to know that life's tough moments don't involve smoking to get through them.

Rozuki In 25 days, I will celebrate 3 yrs quit!! I have had a few health issues in those 3 years, but survived a stroke in 2017 and CABG x 3 open heart surgery in 2018. No complaints and my doctors are happy with how I am doing. Gained quite a few lbs\kg (due to the heart surgery, not the fact that I quit smoking!!) but have managed to lose a few of 'em...will be doubling down on the exercise as I need to fit into a bathing suit the week of May 1st!!! I retired January 2019 and in process of getting my house ready to sell this summer...fingers crossed it goes quickly and smoothly. Here is a cute pic of one of my dogs, his name is Panda....he is a Morkie (Maltese/Yorkie) and is a sweetie-pie of a little tuff guy!

Me !!!l.... Horney Toad,Doorbell,Boos Soddy Daisy..... Over 6 years Quit...thanks to the good folks here ...after puffing myself through 52 years.... Just done a round trip to Australia and back ....alone .....another massive achievement.... On arrival back ...I see my grandson is bigger than me .....

Linda 537 days quit I have entered the next phase of my life. I turned 65 yrs old yesterday.. My husband retired on December 31st. I do find he is a little hooked to my hip but it is wonderful to pick up and do what we want. I hope we can navigate this new period of our lives with little bumps. Hopefully quitting smoking gives us more time together and we stay healthy. I did gain quite a few quit smoking pounds but started the new year dieting. My husband and I have both lost 8 pounds each.

Hello, Unless you were on QSMB years ago, you probably do not remember or know about Jonny 5. However, this very inspirational poster is celebrating his 8 years anniversary today !!! Happy 8 Years, Jonny 5 !!! Below is a re-post of one of Jonny 5´s famous posts from QSMB - Enjoy !!! YOU AND I ARE NICOTINE ADDICTS, THESE ARE THE RULES Posted 26 January 2014 - 02:48 PM If you smoked, and continued to smoke, even knowing it was very dangerous, then like me, you are a nicotine addict. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ADDICTED TO NICOTINE, CHANGES HAVE TAKEN PLACE THAT CAN'T BE REVERSED because you are a nicotine addict, you can never casually use nicotine without reawakening the addiction THE GOOD NEWS IS YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE TO USE NICOTINE BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ADDICT You can put the addiction to sleep, and live as if you have never smoked, never troubled, or distracted by cravings. TO ESCAPE YOU MUST NEVER INGEST NICOTINE EVER AGAIN, OR YOU WILL GO THROUGH WITHDRAWAL AGAIN sure, the habit part of the addiction may have been disrupted or broken through your quit time, but following relapse the physical withdrawals could lead you back to full time smoking again. I UNDERSTAND THAT MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY HAS BEEN ALTERED. I UNDERSTAND THE CONSEQUENCES OF INTRODUCING NICOTINE INTO MY BODY, I UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN NEVER TAKE NICOTINE WITHOUT MY ALTERED BRAIN RESTARTING THE ADDICT CRAVINGS ALL OVER AGAIN DO YOU?

Still loving my badges! Well I made it though the first 30 days! There have been some cravings. But all in all not to bad. I have the habit I think the most at this point. But I’m finding I like not having cigarettes running the show! I don’t have to worry did I remember my cigarettes and lighter, when am I going to get to a smoking area etc. I feel free when this happens now! And the times I think about smoking are becoming less and less. And thanks again to everyone who has supported me in my quest to become a non smoker! This forum has been invaluable to me and my success! I may not always post but I’m here everyday reading.

Day 13 here, day 2 with no nicotine gum. It took me a while, but I finally made it. There's really no withdrawl to speak of, just substituting regular gum and it works just fine. I'm really glad I quit this way, it worked well for me now the rest without nicotine at all is up to me. Luckily, I forgot to bring the nicotine gum to work with me a couple of times and I didn't smoke so I have no fear of relapsing at work anymore. This quit will be as long or short as I make it, glad to be back in the drivers seat. Thank you all for your support.

I’m a newcomer pinging in to say hello. I’ve been lurking on the site for a while, but I set up a profile today so that I could participate. Thanks for the experiences and the compassionate, nonjudgmental encouragement shared here. Reading the info and comments has helped me through some white-knuckle moments. My last smoke was 17 days ago. It was not a planned quit. I was having oral surgery, and at midnight the night before I learned that smoking through the post-op was a really bad idea. (As if all the other harms of smoking for the last 40 years were somehow a really good idea?! Yeah, go figure.) Anyway, I slammed into this quit bass ackwards… unprepared mentally, emotionally or physically. I didn’t have any tools to hand, and hadn’t thought through how to be intentional to set myself up to succeed. Just boom. But I’m trying hard to make it work. There’s more than just a dental emergency at play. I want this quit and the suffering it entails to count for something. I’ve been ambivalent about smoking for some time, have been living in denial about the consequences, and have let smoking control my life for too long. Cold turkey was not an option for me, personally. (Did that before, didn’t stick.) So I’m using the patch on a step-down system. I’m constantly fiddling with silly putty. Trying to stay busy. Doing a lot of wall pushups. Attempting to stay positive. Getting a grip on my triggers. Making lists of alternative things to do in those moments. Re-reading the science. Doing more wall push-ups. I’m struggling with feelings of despair and intense physical discomfort as my body adjusts to a lot less nicotine. But this week, on average, was a bit easier than the last. So maybe that’s progress? I think addiction likes to hide in the dark. It feeds on shame and distortions, and whispers false justifications to us. So I guess part of why I am joining this QT community is to fend off those shadows by reaching out for reinforcement, to try to fill my brain with something different. I need to banish that voice from the dark that says nicotine is my best friend (it’s not) and says that I can’t exist without my smokes (I can, and I have 17 days of evidence to prove it). Today I am grateful for having your voices in my head, instead. You are helping me to rewire. Thanks for listening and bearing witness in return. DenaliBlues

Talked for a little while with a guy who started out as a professional acquaintance but has become a friend. He is a mechanic and shop owner. We send any company trucks that need repaired to him. He's a good mechanic and a great guy. He's also a smoker, a heavy smoker. Every time he would take a drag off of his cigarette, he would cough and clear his throat. Then he had a terrible coughing fit that went on for a while. He was out of breath. His face turned red. His eyes watered-up from coughing so hard. I have noticed a change in his demeanor lately. He seems tired all the time. He doesn't laugh as much as he used to and when he does laugh it sets off a coughing spell. The cigarettes are beginning to take a toll on him. He has asked me about quitting before and I was more than happy to tell him about my experience. Unfortunately, it never really took with him. His "quits" would start in the morning and be over before noon. It's a damn shame. He could quit right now, but I seriously doubt he ever will. He is beginning to feel the heavy burden of smoking and that load only gets heavier going forward. I quit four years-ago. Smoking is a distant memory and I am a bit complacent about my quit most days. However, today was a reminder of how grateful I am to have quit smoking.

It certainly has been a long and winding road for me on this quitting journey. I am definitely in a much better place now...both physically and mentally. I still remember those early days of my quit and how I thought "Will I ever get to a place where I am not constantly fighting the craves?". It was so exhausting but I kept trudging forward, ever so slowly! I am still here to let you know you eventually will get to that place and it will be a source of immense pride!! I truly think I couldn't have done it without the online support of a site like QuitTrain or QSMB (my first support group which is no longer around). Thanks for acknowledging my 5 yr (!!!!!!!) milestone, Rozuki the Rockstar

A new month ... It's time to see who's still sitting on the Train .... Of course the Crazy Frog Woman is still Here ....

Ohhhh boy do I have a story to tell. Some of you know me and some of you don’t. However, I can’t expect you to remember me. It’s been an incredibly long and arduous journey. But it’s been my journey and it’s been a decent one so far. I’ve gone by many names in the past; some born from shame, some merely from forgetting my login information. Probably the most prominent username I’d been known by was HonorAmongstThieves; although many of you endearingly referred to me as HAT. Well, I could not pinpoint any username on this website, so I had to make a new one some time ago, which, as per usual it had remained dormant due to being a smoker. You see, my quit smoking journey unintentionally began on 1 January 2011. It was New Years and I only hd a couple cigarettes left but I didn’t want to go out so late to buy more. I decided to see if I could quit. And I did for about 4 months. I relapsed; which I would soon learn would be a recurring theme in my life. On the first night of my quit I came across a now defunct website, the QSMB, which is where I met many of you trying to accomplish the same thing that I was. I didn’t make an account until I was 72 hours free of nicotine in case I couldn’t hack it. I learned many techniques and coping skills that did help me through my initial 4 month quit. But alas, I was weaker than the cigarette and I fell back into my old ways. This is much how the past decade had gone for me. When I got wind of wanting to quit again, I’d lurk around, quit, be active for awhile, and then eventually relapse again. I met so many wonderful people through that website. I was even around during the great migration to this website, though I relapsed and when I came back, that website, to my surprise, was completely gone. But that’s alright because change is good. I began doing the same things here, lurking, quitting and being active here, and then relapsing. So many amazing and wonderful things have happened in my life over the past 11 years that I have tried to quit. I have worked incredibly hard to make changes in my life and I’m proud to say that I am not the same immature young adult that I was 11 years ago. Even then, I still kept smoking. Quitting. Relapsing. It’s a vicious cycle. Through all the personal struggle, the drama on the QSMB, the difficult and often painful pangs of growing and maturing, it’s all been worth it. But like Frankie said, “Regrets, I’ve had a few, but then again, to few to mention.” Still, if there was one thing I could change about my life, I would never pick up those first cigarettes. They took too much of my life, my health, my money, my looks; too much of everything. I always wondered if I would ever be back to this place, other than lurking. Even now, I still do. It’s been hard. So many countless, blurry nights where I told myself that I hated myself. That I would never change. That I told myself I didn’t have what it takes to be a better person. Even those days aren’t that long ago. But I made gradual, sometimes baby-step, changes in my life and I’m a better man now. A better husband, father, provider. I often look back to that fateful night, 11 years ago and cringe with regret. If hadn’t relapsed, I’d be preparing to celebrate 11 years of freedom from nicotine. It was exactly that thinking that kept me bogged down, unable to advance. It seemed so far away. So impossibly out of reach. I’ve honestly had to fight myself from coming back to this board and posting, and being active. Not because it’s bad, lol that is NOT the case. I learned so much about quitting smoking from the people here…but I also learned about myself. I didn’t come back because I wanted to do it on my own. With my support group at home; my wife and children; my family and friends. My mentors and peers who believed in me. But I did tell myself I would be back. I told promised myself that I would not forget the people who helped me get to this point in my life, which certainly consists of many of you who tried to educate me. For those who believed in me and never gave up on me. I came back for you. Because I believe that I owed it to you to let you know how things have been. How much my struggle with nicotine impacted my life and my decisions to this point. But most importantly, I believe I owe it to you to tell you that, as I submit this post, for the first time in my life since I began smoking, I can openly and honestly say, unequivocally, that I am happy to be here to celebrate with you that I am officially one year free from nicotine! I have waited more than a year to share this post. It is literally 11 years in the making. I don’t expect to be a full time poster here, but I will try to check in from time to time. Just know that I am finally free from this beast. It’s an amazing feeling and I cannot imagine going back to it. I know it happens. I know that people who are many years quit sometimes relapse. Just know that I am doing well, I am happy, and I am nicotine free. What a time to be alive. Thank you for never giving up on me after my many relapses and thank you all for teaching me how to kick this habit. For any new quitters, it gets better. Take it one day at a time, or one minute at a time if need be. It’s invigorating to finally be on this side of the quit. For anyone lurking, what are you waiting for? The water is perfect, come on in. As Sarge always used to say, “eazy peazy.” Very Respectfully, Your old pal HAT

Four years ago I decided I'd had enough. I decided that I wasn't going to go out the same way my Old Man did at the age of 56 with lung cancer. That was it. It was my decision and my commitment. Once I'd made that decision, it was a done deal. I knew I would never smoke again, and I haven't. It wasn't easy at first, but it's easy now. I rarely even think about smoking anymore and when I do, it's such a far away memory it doesn't even seem real. It also terrifies me to think about what I would feel like if I'd kept smoking. The toll those 30,000+ cigarettes I would have smoked would have had on my body. To be honest, I sometimes wonder if I'd still be alive if I hadn't quit. I loved cigarettes as much as anyone else and if I was able to quit, you can too. If you're struggling, toughen up and stick with it. I promise it will be worth it! NOPE!

I had to go in for prostate surgery last Thursday and was discharged over the weekend. It was nice when they asked if I quit smoking and I could answer a confident yes! It will be a couple of weeks til I feel normal. Except for a couple of "smoking dreams" during the last week, I still have no desire or cravings. Thank goodness.

G’day NOPE .....Not One Puff Ever.... (replace Ever with Min Hour Day as required!)

nope

nope

Nope!

NOPE!

No more breath mints, no clothes smelling awful, more money.

This ^^^ Everything I did had to be in 15-20 minute pieces between smokes.

I am over here now....home and staying safe!

NOPE - I don't smoke anymore.

NOPE

If it wasnt for quitting smoking, I wouldnt have been... • gradually, over the past year, deep cleaning my house to the point where I feel at home and at ease again • succesfully negotiating my job position and salary • taking up yoga classes (and even liking them) • saving money for a piano ánd being able to deal with some unexpected financial surprises • picking up writing again • losing 22 lbs • re-doing my bedroom And on a more subtle, but very meaningful level: • accepting and adjusting to some major changes in my personal life • coming to a new understanding with anxiety • learning to say 'I need some time. Let me get back at that'. • learning to be less (self)judgemental • slowly gaining back some concentration, which I use to read. Thats major, after years of depression and fighting for my sanity. The other day I ran into someone I havent talked to in a long time. She said these unforgettable words: 'its like you are more at peace now, not being haunted by some invisible raging inner critic'. And thats exactly how it is! At the time it all seemed to go sooo veeeeerryyyyy sloooow. I nearly lost patience and kept complaining about the time it took for the patterns to, well, die. I clearly remember my desperation at smokey thoughts: "does this ever stop?!". And now I am almost three months into my second year and Im able to look back at that time, with nothing less than satisfaction and an insane amount of gratitude. To the hero strugglers, keep going. You will feel better at some point, you will get there. Every day done and dusted is another promis for change. Thoughts about smoking will diminish, unrest will settle and you will find ways to give different meaning to whatever personal issues this addiction forces you to work with. It is doable and more than worth it, for me as well as for you!