Piggys right. I almost forgot already how hard it was. Climbing walls for 5 months and stuff. I won. You shall win too...persevere.

You're doing awesome, My life.

 

Successes ... reminds me that I'd want to 'celebrate' one week quit, one month quit etc with ... a smoke.  We have to constantly be on guard as this monster has a habit of trying to sneak in when we start to feel comfortable.

 

I'm following your journey and cheering you on. 

What a day. Though I understand it's a trick of the addict mind, it's almost like the first few days. Foggy, staring at peoples faces when they tell me something while having no clue what its about. I wonder what my face looks like when I do that. Whenever my mind drifts off to smoking, I start singing or talking out loud about something. Working is a joke today, literally nothing usefull comes out of my hands. I am counting hours, till next wednesday evening, 20:08. That will mark three weeks. Not so sure how to 'embrace' what's going on now. It annoys me, it scares me a bit, I have no muscles ready to attack junkie thinking. I am sure about not smoking, definitely. But I wish I were sure about this state of mind being temporary! It has to be! I would be the first on earth to be dealing with these withdrawl symptoms like forever! Just can't be !! Soon the washing drum will make easy, enjoyable rounds, instead of this wild tumbling program. And then I'll be like clean, white sheets ?

MLMR, I think you already ETQ (I can tell from every post you've made that you OWN this quit and are making it a part of your life instead of just waiting for it to happen. You are actively changing your routines and mindset to take on your new life as a non-smoker.)

I think today was just a bad day and that's okay because even non-smokers have bad days. I would do the same talk, sing, I would even say out loud "I'm so glad I quit smoking!" (Eat chocolate)? 

The brain fog does go away! Or we would all be in the corner sucking our thumbs or smoking again!

I know it doesn't help to hear that it gets better while you are in the middle of it, but this is that "fake it til you make it" time frame...even on the bad days remember how much you love your quit and everyday you don't smoke and instead come here; grows those muscles against junkie thinking. Don't wait another week to reward yourself, find something small to do for yourself everyday if you can. Paint your nails, do a charcoal face mask (go out of your comfort zone a little because the non-smoking you might like things now that you didn't as a smoker) 

I think you're doing great so please have a treat and good night sleep!!

Also...keep glitter handy for mouthy co-workers!! 

My life, my recovery,

 

Your post today brought back a flood of memories from when I was at your point in time after I stopped smoking. The memories are as if no time has passed. The emotions were so strong. I also was going through days in a heavy fog and wondering how it was perceived by the people around me. I had told nobody that I stopped smoking for about 5 weeks. I was very surprised to find that nobody had noticed any change in me during that time. While I was definitely obsessed with the emotional changes and felt that I was wandering around in a thick fog, those around me were oblivious to any change in me. I was not concerned that I would smoke, but like you, I was very concerned about how long that state of mind would persist. I can sure understand how scary the thought of forever can be. Unfortunately, I can't offer an answer to those questions. I can only offer an understanding to much of what you are now experiencing. I know that at just under 3 weeks quit I just kept moving forward in very small time increments. Sometimes it was just one deep breath after another, or one distraction after another. You are doing great, and there is nothing unusual about what you are experiencing. 

Well how nice is that, apparantly I've been ETQing all a long. ..  but you are right @c9jane29, I am committed to making this work.

 

During a day like this, I have at least 3 moments where I am so happy about quitting, even if it's just seconds. The other day I read something that said, when you quit, whatever you feel, it's intense. The good stuff also! I totally agree. And these moments hold promises for what it will be like in the future, I trust in that.
I know that I'm dealing with patterns here, not some real time demon or monster. How come it is so tempting to think about it in that way? 
The anxiety/depression thing came up frequently today. ('Ah, with my history it must be extra hard. What if I don't succeed?' and  'Be prepared to feel like this for at least a year!'). While the matter of fact is: since quitting I do NOT experience any more anxiety than I usualy do and I have NO sense of that hardcore depression I know all too well. In fact, my brain is more lively  than usual,  I feel connected to people here, I live my life, I do my things, I make no major f*ck-ups. I think about rewarding myself, I wonder about self care, I try to make things as easy and enjoyable as possible for myself. And there's also the occasional fog, the crying, the bitching, the binging and the unrest. Apparantly thats just part of the deal, for now. It's funny, many people here tell me it will pass and then say right away 'although it won't be of any comfort now' but... it really is of comfort!!!  When I tell myself that, it doesn't really have the same magic effect, I guess I need some practice at that. 'This too shall pass'.

 

@Joe7 that's extraordinary, that the world in your mind was so different from what people around you perceived. Thanks for sharing. 

Edited July 15, 20197 yr by MLMR

Here is some info about "brain fog":

https://www.quittrain.com/topic/10324-the-great-smoke-free-mental-fog/ 

I told myself that it didn't matter, everything else could wait on me a bit so I could concentrate on quitting.  Your mind and body will heal itself from the damage done to it by smoking.  Unfortunately we smoked for years and healing takes time.  Do your best to keep your attitude up.

34 minutes ago, My life, my recovery said:

The anxiety/depression thing came up frequently today. ('Ah, with my history it must be extra hard.

I also have a history of depression and anxiety  with panic attacks.  You might check with your physician to see if they can adjust medication during your quit.  When you are feeling down, just follow Doreen.  She is full of a lot of humor and fun.  ?

37 minutes ago, Paul723 said:

Here is some info about "brain fog":

https://www.quittrain.com/topic/10324-the-great-smoke-free-mental-fog/ 

I told myself that it didn't matter, everything else could wait on me a bit so I could concentrate on quitting.  Your mind and body will heal itself from the damage done to it by smoking.  Unfortunately we smoked for years and healing takes time.  Do your best to keep your attitude up.

Thanks! Will read it ?And you are right. Quitting is my no1 priority right now. I do wonder when it will become less of an obsession though... must be heaven! 

33 minutes ago, Linda Thomas said:

I also have a history of depression and anxiety  with panic attacks.  You might check with your physician to see if they can adjust medication during your quit.  When you are feeling down, just follow Doreen.  She is full of a lot of humor and fun.  ?

Well the thing is, to my surprise I don't have any extra symptoms of all of that. Nothing other than what is to be expected in the first weeks of quitting. Chance is, during bad days you will hear me say something completely different... but thats about perspective, ha!

Edited September 10, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery

My life, it will pass :).

Physical activity seems to help, walking, running, cycling - whatever works for you.

 

Stay strong.

Saw this add today, I believe it was in an old thread, think @notsmokinjo posted it. Funny and uplifting! Watched it twice today, when I had mehhh-moments. Thanks!

Oh and I thought of something. Today is just as important as any milestone. Because it is what will get me there!   

 

Edited September 11, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery

My Life, I love i!

I am going beserk! These thoughts keep coming and coming and coming. I do everything in my power and it's just not enough to feel normal. When will this stop for f'ss?! I am NOT stupid, I try so hard to understand, to debunk, to outsmart and to breath through. Ahhhhh to hell with it. I will never ever go through this again and to prevent that I am not going to smoke, maybe that's all it has to be about now. I have endless lists and writings. Is it too much maybe?  Am I obsessed? I just dont know and it's driving me insane. They call this hellweek and wether or not I 'believe' in something like that, it IS a bloody fight at the moment. What's with this sh*t?! I did not reach this part of quitting to give up once again, right?! 

Edited September 12, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery

Right!

Ok, who am I kidding. Ofcourse this is part of the deal and also part of the reason I wanted to quit in the first place. No more dependency. It is what it is right now and it will. Not. Stay. That. Way. As. Long. As. I. Don't. Smoke. 

I think you're in WTF week now my life and you're seeing why it's named that! Everything you're going through is normal. Just keep on plugging along day by day and you will get out of it and feel so much better  

Yes, don't rush the process because you can't. You need to let it all happen and deal with the craves for the first while then the readjustment of your way of thinking as it relates to smoking. You'll see. Over time smoking just no longer fits into your life and you don't subconsciously think about needing a cig. after you experience some sort of emotion whether that be sadness, joy, boredom or loneliness. Life is so much better after you pay your quitting dues and, you'll never, ever have to go through this again   Just carry on through these early days and come here to rant and rave when you need to.

The first three weeks are in the pocket!! Still a bit battered from these last few days. But! Incredibly happy I'm here at this point now. I powered through, yeah. Next week's challenge: daily walking, so I will see more of what's in the world, instead of focussing on what's happening inside. 

 

? Ahhhhh I AM DOING THIS!!  ?

You are doing this and doing it well! That third week for me was the worst of the lot for a reason I don't understand to this day. Congratulations to you, fantastic achievement, keep it going. 

Congrats MLMR!! 3 weeks down! Party time!!

You don't smoke anymore, M'life !

and each moment, each day will add to your confidence.

Smoking is something you used to do,

Now, you are a free woman.

Congratulations !

Awesome, My life, Congratulations!

 

You're doing so well and ... one day you'll be telling someone that these symptoms are all normal.

Yay my life, congrats  

Wonderful....your doing great !!!!