Yesterday I went for a beer with a good friend. This friend had quit smoking for just over 8 months. Suddenly she leaves the pub, only to return three minutes later with a pack of cigarettes. I stared at her and continued my conversation. Like a boss. 

Edited October 6, 20187 yr by MLMR

Well done !!!!.....

You saw smoking for what it is ..a horrible killer addiction...sorry your friend three away a great quit...

Awesome MLMR! 

There comes a time when it's just NOPE and that's it. My mom and sister smoke around me all the time. My sister STILL offers me a "drag". NOPE (and for the record, sister, smoking IS a drag.)

Almost high on oxygen this morning, biked for two hours and my lungs were having a party! I also notice my heart isn't ticking like a madman during exercise and the amount of extra energy is amazing. 

 

'You look less stressed than usual, I can see it in your face', someone said to me the other day. Uhh, say again...?! I like that!! 

 

Regarding moodswings, I decided it is what it is for now. I think my worries about them are actually of heavier weight than the blues itself. ?

 

 

 

 

Sounds like you had a much deserved good day MLMR. Love your positive attitude

Your story is so encouraging, M'life, and it is a real joy to see you develop your strengths.  You have great power and will learn every day how to use it.

7 weeks in!

And boy,  how I not miss to...

* put on my jacket and smell hints of smoke 

* hear myself squeeking during the night,  annoyed but mostly worried 

* check for smoking gear whenever I go somewhere else

* have this internal debate whether or not to go for a smoke when I'm with nonsmokers 

* be silently worried about my health, ALL THE TIME

* judge myself for smoking, at least 27 out of 28 times a day (the day starter was the exception). I don't miss that one by the way, honestly. But had you told me that 6 weeks ago... would not have bought that from you! 

Edited October 10, 20187 yr by MLMR

At seven weeks you have lived smoke free through a slew of craves and triggers and succeeded at every turn.

You are building yourself a very fine quit, indeed.

You are doing exceptionally well MLMR. I'm proud of the commitment you have given to this and the support you give to all those following by detailing the journey. You may be surprised, but it keeps getting better as you progress. Keep up the good work. 

You're doing awesome, Supergirl ML!

 

Great to see your positive posts.  I can so relate to the smell of smoke on jackets and the little squeaking at night.  Isn't it nice to be able to go biking and feel good about the workout the lungs get?

 

Stay strong!

You are doing great, MLMR!  Thanks for sharing your experiences with us and keep up the awesome work!

Edited October 10, 20187 yr by johnny5

Whoa ... ? 

Right now I couldnt be more happy about the work i've done in the early stages, in identifying triggers and understanding their impact. 

 

Started with the SAD lamp this morning,  third year in a row. Made myself a nice coffee and had some papers ready, to prepare for today. So I am sitting behind this absurdly bright light and suddenly this intense crave hits me... omg!!! In a flash I see myself lighting up, immediately having that 'Ahhhhh'moment, so at first I'm all 'wtf is this, where does this come from, oh nooo'. Panick in the disco, 'Will this ever st....'

 

And then it dawns on me. The lamp is HEAVILY connected with morning smoking rituals. Waking up, coffee, lamp, one or two cigarettes (the only ones during all seasons I allowed myself to smoke IN the house,  as to ease and boost myself for REALLY doing this lamp thing, waddajamean fvcking up my reward system), and I kidd you not, the crave eases out the second I understand  the connection. Knowing this intens 'wanting' is nothing more than a brainfart, a result of programming. Knowing that here and now, in this moment, I cut yet another tie with this darned addiction! 

 

Have a good day!  

Edited October 11, 20187 yr by MLMR

You are doing great MLMR

*Sigh*. Work to do. Is this a crave or just fearing a crave and thereby inducing it?

 

My alarmclock wakes me up and I know, light therapy time. BAMMM, almost húngry for a cigarette. Immediately. Though I haven't had morning craves in at least 4 weeks, apart from the strong one that I had yesterday. Doesn't make sense. So could it be that the intense crave I had yesterday, regarding that lamp, somehow linguered and showed up this morning again? Just because I am not totally there yet, in this particular situation? 

 

Actually, I think I know. This was not a crave. This probably was a thought right after waking up (or I could have been dreaming about craves/fears/lamps, whatever!), the thought may have frightened me and voila, thinking/fearing mess with me and I experience something like a craving. Hmmmmmm. 

 

The good thing is, by now I have analysed this thing to death, so it's lost all its allure. 

 

Over-thinkers anonymous: 'Then, 18 years ago, I had a moment of clarity. Ever since, I've been working the program, hoping for another one'. 

Edited October 12, 20187 yr by MLMR

MLMR there is a thread somewhere about how nearly became phobic of the sewing machine... because I associated it with some bad craves from the first week of my quit... and up there in your last post you just laid it bare... it was more the anticipation of a crave and having to deal with it than an actual crave... it was the nicotine using fear to try and sway us. Tiring work all that over analysis but it makes us who we are... you my dear are so rocking this quit... congratulations for making the connections between triggers and snipping those ties. This thread of yours is going to save someones life one day, if it hasn't already... what a brilliant read and guide for someone coming behind you or for someone who needs that final push that they too can be free.

Seriously, today was one of the best days in weeks, quit-wise. Only had a few mild thoughts about it and immediately and easily replaced them.  

 

So, what's new since I quit? 

 

* I have an infinite amount of extra time. At first I was awkward with that, because what to do and where to go.. ? But by now, in the morning I use the extra minutes to snooze longer, take more time (and with that, ease) for groceries, my kisses last longer and i spent many, many, MANY minutes online reading stuff about chopsticks. 

* My constant and ever present stress is gone!! Where-to-how-to-not-too-long-I-want-but-can't-I'm-broke-it's-bad-I-need-need-need-need-need-it-now. 

* at work, I use the extra time to prep whatever it is I have to do. Whether it's seeing a client or attending a meeting, I take four to five minutes to breath and be ok with whatever is presenting itself. 

* I suddenly have money! Nicely piling up, waiting to be spend on a piano.

 

I am nearing the two-months mark. And I am proud!  ?

 

Love this !!!!!......

4 hours ago, MLMR said:

i spent many, many, MANY minutes online reading stuff about chopsticks. 

?I have lots of time to research pogo sticks...

Awesome, MLMR!  You're doing so well.

You should be rightly proud and thrilled you had such a good day. Those days feel so great after the early effort you have put in don't they? 

18 hours ago, MLMR said:

Seriously, today was one of the best days in weeks, quit-wise. Only had a few mild thoughts about it and immediately and easily replaced them.  

 

So, what's new since I quit? 

 

* I have an infinite amount of extra time. At first I was awkward with that, because what to do and where to go.. ? But by now, in the morning I use the extra minutes to snooze longer, take more time (and with that, ease) for groceries, my kisses last longer and i spent many, many, MANY minutes online reading stuff about chopsticks. 

* My constant and ever present stress is gone!! Where-to-how-to-not-too-long-I-want-but-can't-I'm-broke-it's-bad-I-need-need-need-need-need-it-now. 

* at work, I use the extra time to prep whatever it is I have to do. Whether it's seeing a client or attending a meeting, I take four to five minutes to breath and be ok with whatever is presenting itself. 

* I suddenly have money! Nicely piling up, waiting to be spend on a piano.

 

I am nearing the two-months mark. And I am proud!  ?

 

 

 

This is Great M'Life.

More Proud, Thrilled, Happy for you to come !

Context: work.

Sitting in my car. Thinking about today. Am I satisfied? Not at all. Was it worth my time? Nope. Did we come to some mutual understanding, something fundamental, something that makes us  a serious party to take in account?  I seriously doubt that.

Contemplating everything that has been said during the meeting. It is not ok. This is not how we planned it. And I saw it coming and shared my worries long ago, for nothing.    

And then suddenly I have this anger coming up, al the way from my toes crawling up, it’s hot, it’s swirling. I am mad as hell. And it’s crystal clear rage. Not blinded, not tempered, my heart beating like crazy but for a very genuine reason and I just let it beat like that. My hands are glued to my steeringwheel, I’m surprised the thing doesn’t melt in my hot hands.

I’ve not felt such anger in ages. In the background the radio is having a party with Ravel and his Bolero, reaching a climax.  I seriously did not have a part in that. Pure coincidence.

Not once does smoking cross my mind. Somehow I’m able to experience this rage in all it’s rawness, it’s beauty even.

 

And when the final notes die away, my heart is beating slower, I loosen my grip. My breathing is back to normal, maybe even a bit deeper than normal. Let's go home and may tomorrow take care of it.  

Man, do I like quitting and feeling everything that I’m supposed to feel right now.

 

Edited October 18, 20187 yr by MLMR

Wow!  Do you understand what happened.

Perhaps, as smokers, we get used to managing our emotions by smoking and now the emotions really have a chance to express themselves?

In any case, you're doing really well.  Stay Strong, ML.

2 hours ago, MLMR said:

Somehow I’m able to experience this rage in all it’s rawness, it’s beauty even.

2 hours ago, MLMR said:

Man, do I like quitting and feeling everything that I’m supposed to feel right now.

 

 

I could hug you right now!!

Yes!! Embrace! The! Quit!!!!

Edited October 18, 20187 yr by c9jane29

3 hours ago, d2e8b8 said:

Wow!  Do you understand what happened.

Perhaps, as smokers, we get used to managing our emotions by smoking and now the emotions really have a chance to express themselves?

In any case, you're doing really well.  Stay Strong, ML.

 

No 'perhaps' about it d2e8b8'

I would hide all my emotions behind a cloud of smoke.

When they first emerged as a nicotine free person, I was v. surprised and had to learn again how to FEEL.

 

great post as always, M'life.  Thank you.

Edited October 19, 20187 yr by Sazerac