September 3, 20187 yr Long story short... let's continue! Great post M !!!....upwards and onwards !!!
September 3, 20187 yr Author Ok, for some reason I'm having a difficult moment, just a few quick words to reassure myself. * don't want to go back to craving, spending meetings waiting for a moment to get out and smoke, losing money over a body- and soul destroying addiction. * I am going to book the sauna * I will make myself tea when I come home, cook dinner and do a flying bear, wild goose or flowing river. * ................................................................. * <-- quit smoking leaves room for new things!!!
September 3, 20187 yr *smoking can not, will not, does not, has not ever done anything for you. We smoked because we were well trained nicotine slaves. Congrats on KTQ...it truly honestly does get better!
September 4, 20187 yr Author 16 hours ago, c9jane29 said: Congrats on KTQ...it truly honestly does get better! KTQ....?!
September 4, 20187 yr Author The past 30 hours I learned some valuable lessons. * https://purrli.com is a great website to ride out panic attacks, especially when breathing exercise fails and your'e too frozen to comfort yourself. Or when you like cat purring but are having cat allergy. * asking for help when unable to reach own self, is worth gold. I used to think that being that close to smoking meant assured failure. But being that close to smoking ánd reaching out, while everything about that act feels uncomfortable and awkward, is a major thing. * starting Qi Gong and over-doing the flying bear, wild waves, loose goose, poisenous snake etc. might not be such a good idea, early on during quitting. There's a change you'd spoil all the Qi you have left and thus freak out. Takin' it nice and easy and maybe just start with a lazy buddha posture. * KTQ = keep(ing) the quit. Which I did.
September 4, 20187 yr You're doing a great job of expanding your learning and building on the tools that work for you. Really good work My life. It's very useful to others that you are recapping what you have found beneficial. It's a smart way of filing all those handy lessons away for the next time you want to use them.
September 4, 20187 yr Author Ok, risking the case that I might come across as manic... but I had yet anóther epiphany. I was thinking, how do all my previous quits (of one month, half a year, one week, few days etc) differ from the one that lasted nearly three years and cost me, after a month or 10, 11, almost no effort? (and got spoiled by my total stupidity and arrogance, that of a first time quitter) And I suddenly realised.. for me it's about confusing being a quit smoker with being a non smoker. I always thought, addiction is forever. It's about not puffing anymore. And ofcourse that's correct. But that does not mean I remain a smoker who happens not to smoke, by choice. Because... I, uh...quit. oke, does this make sense? So, I am a non smoker with an addiction, not a quit smoker with an addiction. Maybe it's about getting into character after all. And by that, de-identifying myself from being 'a smoker'. By now I am totally unsure if what I think comes from a clean brain or a deluted, crazed and sleep deprived brain... My thoughts run wild. I guess it's ok and part of the process
September 4, 20187 yr It is okay to keep your mind running wild because you are changing your mindset for the good. I think that the key to quitting the addiction is changing our mindset. You sound perfectly logical to me! Keep going girl. Your are going to win this!
September 4, 20187 yr It's perfectly 'normal' to have these kinds of thoughts. Your body and brain are learning new ways of living. By now, I'm sure you're at the point where taking a deep breath actually feels enjoyable rather than something that makes you cough. I used to love that about quitting (and still do). You're doing really well. Keep posting here . Folks who tend to stay close to the board and share their experiences seem to have a greater chance of success. Stay strong.
September 5, 20187 yr 6 hours ago, My life, my recovery said: Ok, risking the case that I might come across as manic... but I had yet anóther epiphany. I was thinking, how do all my previous quits (of one month, half a year, one week, few days etc) differ from the one that lasted nearly three years and cost me, after a month or 10, 11, almost no effort? (and got spoiled by my total stupidity and arrogance, that of a first time quitter) And I suddenly realised.. for me it's about confusing being a quit smoker with being a non smoker. I always thought, addiction is forever. It's about not puffing anymore. And ofcourse that's correct. But that does not mean I remain a smoker who happens not to smoke, by choice. Because... I, uh...quit. oke, does this make sense? So, I am a non smoker with an addiction, not a quit smoker with an addiction. Maybe it's about getting into character after all. And by that, de-identifying myself from being 'a smoker'. Absolutely makes sense! The day I quit I became a non-smoker. That was it. Non-smokers don't smoke so; there is nothing that would make me want to smoke because non-smoker doesn't smoke their problems away. I had a pretty delicate situation happen in my early quit that forged my quit in fire; a test of my resolve and new found self esteem/awareness...those moments make a quit, so keep the powerful feeling of overcoming those urges in your heart to carry you thru the low times. That said...it is party time!!! Glitter guns out! Cuz MLMR is learning how to quit!! N.O.P.E.
September 5, 20187 yr Author @Linda Thomas yeah, thanks. @d2e8b8 yes, had that this morning when I woke up. Somehow I still have the 'habit' of coughing when I open my eyes after sleep, but there's not much left to cough, ha. Feels great! And the need to rush out for coffee and a cigarette is also disappearing. @c9jane29 thanks for sharing that about your early quit. I too believe these experiences can make us succesfull in what we try to achieve here. The relief of still being smokefree after a (mini) crisis is priceless. And relief turning in to pride, which is happening with me right now. -edit- by the way, got to be carefull with this glittergun, tonight I am celebrating the two-week-birthday of baby quit Chamele. Poor guy will go crazy Edited September 5, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery
September 6, 20187 yr Author This is what would have been given to me, had I decided two days ago to smoke just one... ■ my cough in the morning ■ my smelly hair ■ my smelly fingers after smoking ■ my cough during the day ■ squeeking during moments I definitely didn't want to squeek ■ smelling smokey fingers/hands when taking a shower and washing my face ■ smoke that would sneak into my house when puffing outside ■ the disgusted look on my cat's face when I accidentely blew smoke in her direction ■ the stench in my clothes ■ brushing my teeth, after a smoke, knowing it would hardly matter ■ being ashamed about my smelly breath during a kiss ■ when someone drove with me, the shame about my stinky car ■ searching for a lighter ■ before leaving the house, always checkin' on cigarets and lighters ■ thinking of smoking during dinner ■ thinking of smoking during breakfast ■ thinking of smoking during visiting my granny, who is then dying of cancer in the hospital ■ thinking of smoking during smoking ■ after a night drinking and smoking sounding like someone with only half a vocal chord ■ the fortune I not only waisted, but used to destroy myself gradually ■ the giant health risk I took ■ knowing smoking contributes to depression and dissociation and still not being able to give up ■ lack of breath during panic attacks ■ wanting to smoke during that same panick attack ■ being nervous all the time about not having enough cigarettes ■ hating myself for smoking and then, mortiefied, lighting up to cope with the shame ■ knowing that I am stuck in some sort of trap ■ knowing that the fear I harbor for this trap, keeps me trapped ■ the sheer dependency ■ wrinkels ■ elephant skin ■ dull, greyish skin ■ dull hair ■ yellow fingers. Oh my god, these disgusting yellow fingertips. ■ stinky ashtrays ■ leaving the ashtray outside and then it's starting to rain ■ forgetting to empty the garbage can, opening it and meeting a hell of rotten vegetables and ashtray ■ looking in the mirror, knowing that smoking has starting to have it's effect on me ■ knowing that my lungs will be pretty blackish by now, but not being able to care for that ■ the constant lack of energy ■ feeling dizzy during a heavy walk on the beach ■ the shame during a roadtrip with nonsmokers, to ask for a quick pitstop ■ delaying everything in life by smoking: nehh, first a smoke and thén... ■ not being able to cut back on smoking ■ swimming and seeing black in front of my eyes ■ the effect it had on daily interactions between me and other people ■ days revolving around smoking ■ the way cigarettes dictated pretty much my every action ■ hating myself, for knowing better, but ... ■ having worked so hard in so many areas on myself and still having this cigarette bossing me around ■ ash on my couch ■ ash in my car ■ burning cigarettes in my car, coming back through the window to haunt me ■ ash on my clothes ■ knocking down full ashtrays ■ trying to light a cigarette's rear end and feeling like a fool ■ begging a stranger for a cigarette, when I lost my wallet ■ trying to light a cigarette in the storm ■ trying to light a cigarette in the rain ■ shame about smoking for the 100th time at work ■ feeling bad about myself when smoking with kids around ■ visiting my best friends new born, wanting to hold her but ashamed of my own smell ■ craving during movies, theatre, shows, shopping, reading, talking, meetings, birthdays, flights -edit- pretty impressive gift, huh?! Edited September 7, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery
September 6, 20187 yr That's one hell of a list to stay smoke free.... Great post !!!! I can only add....would this have been the one....that started a smoke related illness....!!!!
September 6, 20187 yr My life, yes that's pretty impressive :). Cheering for you, you're doing awesome.
September 7, 20187 yr Author Today is totally crap. Moody, unsteady, too much time on my hands. Can't distract myself, reading here or anywhere else on the www does not help, afraid I will eat anyone who tells me what to do. Lucky for you guys I live far away. Day 16. Bleghhh, so early in quit and so many days to go. This is something that WILL pass. Right? Edited September 7, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery
September 7, 20187 yr Quitting is a roller coaster of emotions for sure...your still in the early days....your body is still messed up.... What can you do ..anything...eatiing is OK....snack on healthy stuff....carrots...apples...ect.... Go buy a hard jigsaw...this should keep your hands and brain busy...I did quite alot of them... Watch funny animal videos on you tube...there is tons of stuff to do....just one you can,t..smoke.... Look at you wonderful list again...and again... We have a heap of games here to keep the mind busy.... Check them out.... Stay strong ..
September 7, 20187 yr Author 18 minutes ago, Doreensfree said: Quitting is a roller coaster of emotions for sure...your still in the early days....your body is still messed up.... What can you do ..anything...eatiing is OK....snack on healthy stuff....carrots...apples...ect.... Go buy a hard jigsaw...this should keep your hands and brain busy...I did quite alot of them... Watch funny animal videos on you tube...there is tons of stuff to do....just one you can,t..smoke.... Look at you wonderful list again...and again... We have a heap of games here to keep the mind busy.... Check them out.... Stay strong .. Thanks. I ended up reading stories of people who got lungcancer or other smoke related diseases. It brutally puts an end to any romanticizing of smoking. I'm 'lucky' to be dealing with moodswings because of quitting, instead of batteling for my life because of continuing smoking.
September 7, 20187 yr Hi my life, mood swings are normal for us women in the early days/weeks of quitting. If you do need to see people maybe tell them you've quit smoking. Most people, non smokers included, will understand how difficult it is for some people and will cut you a break. Congratulations on 16 days
September 7, 20187 yr Author 9 minutes ago, jillar said: Hi my life, mood swings are normal for us women in the early days/weeks of quitting. If you do need to see people maybe tell them you've quit smoking. Most people, non smokers included, will understand how difficult it is for some people and will cut you a break. Congratulations on 16 days Yes. Unfortunately that doesn't mean I am allowed to do uhm, certain things. This afternoon, an old lady kept bumping into me with her shopping cart. I swear, I was about to tell her the ugly truth about.... well, sómething. After that, I bought myself nice new (way too expensive ) wool to make stuff with. I'm trying to bewitch the clock so it goes faster. I showered twice, I nearly drowned my plants and there's litteraly NO dust to be seen for miles around. I can't stand Joel Spitzers voice for a while, Allen Carrs audiobook has suddenly vanished from youtube and I hate myself for complaining. Oh god, I'm loosing it
September 7, 20187 yr Well I see you still have your sense of humor so that's awesome! And if you need something to dust, I have plenty so come on over. It's so dry here in Cali that our dust is actual dirt ? Dust one day, it's back the next, grrrrr. So it'll keep you busy for sure lol
September 7, 20187 yr Author Don't say such things or I'll suddenly find myself in an airplane.. I am not to be trusted right now ?
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