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8 hours ago, My life, my recovery said:

Yesterday I encountered one of my most crucial ones: "I'll become a boring person if I never smoke again". Obviously, NOT TRUE. How is addictive, repetative smoking making me an exciting person? Day after day after day, just because I háve to? What is exciting though, is breaking through that circle. That's what I'm doing right now. Besides that, if it were to be true... excuse me, but I could really use some boredom now and than :4_joy:

 

Those thoughts of becoming a "boring person" when we quit are in large part attributable to the lies we tell ourselves as addicts.  Years and years of social conditioning also play a major factor in those thoughts.  From Hollywood to Madison Avenue, much time and energy have been spent selling the false premise that all the beautiful people smoke, drink, and do drugs.  This is not the time or place for my conspiracy theories, so I will simply say you have to tune out the outside voices that would have you believing that a healthy lifestyle is boring and dull.  The exact opposite is true.

 

Addiction does not equal freedom.  Dependency does not equal independence.  Killing yourself does not equal living.

 

Know your reasons.  Stay true to yourself.  

 

Carry on MLMR.  To freedom, health, and independence.

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This is what would have been given to me, had I decided two days ago to smoke just one...   ■ my cough in the morning ■ my smelly hair ■ my smelly fingers after smoking ■ my c

I went away this weekend, with friends. We had laughs, good talks, great hikes, everything was there. And I had literally zero thoughts of smoking. Jup. Just like that. 😊 I am exited about being sm

Having a little halleluja moment here! ? Came home from Spain, glad to be back. I started unpacking,  doing laundry, groceries, cat cuddling and then suddenly I realised I didn't think of smoking

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✔day 4 ✔ 

Today I told myself:

* going out for dinner is fun and I am blessed that  I am able to.

* taking a long walk without smoking is just as good, even better. It's just... a walk.

* doing dishes does not have to be rewarded with a smoke, the clean kitchen is the reward in itself. 

* I had my first coffee in 3,5 days and it was delicious. 'I can't drink coffee without a cigaret' turned out to be a big fat lie! 

Edited by My life, my recovery
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@work, but I thought, I have to jump in for a second and make room for my thoughts. I think a lot about smoking today. And my schedule is too busy take my time for these thoughts. But if I don't do it at all, I'll be dead tired tonight. So here goes...

* It's a lie that I can't do my job properly without smoking.  I am good at what I do.  
* It's a lie that I need smoking to ease my mind. I know number of ways to relax when I need to: tea, breathing, going outside and getting REAL fresh air/oxygen. Chewing on a delicious variety of tomatoes, cucumber, carrots, eggs, an apple, banana... oh joy!  :7_sweat_smile:   

* It's a lie that I loose my focus after a while, when I don't smoke. I'm still adjusting so maybe I am distracted easily this week, but apart from that my concentration is just fine.

Smoking is an addiction. Agitation is something that's caused by smoking, not something that was there already and one can cure by smoking.

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Your lies are all of our lies, they are the lies of addiction.

Good on you for exposing them....you can't be fooled anymore, you know too much !

Take extra good care of yourself and lavish yourself with rewards, this jump starts your brain's pleasure centers to run for YOU and not nicotine.

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@Sslip thank you :)

@Sazerac it's comforting to know that we all sort of deal with the same lies. It's easier for me to make it less personal and less of an 'it's my own fault'thing. While still taking responsability  for MY quit. Thanks for your support.

@Christa326 good to know :1_grinning:. I have not much looked into other blogs/stories, still have to find my way around here. But I believe I read that you are somewhere in your second week or so?

 

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19 minutes ago, My life, my recovery said:

@Sslip thank you :)

@Sazerac it's comforting to know that we all sort of deal with the same lies. It's easier for me to make it less personal and less of an 'it's my own fault'thing. While still taking responsability  for MY quit. Thanks for your support.

@Christa326 good to know :1_grinning:. I have not much looked into other blogs/stories, still have to find my way around here. But I believe I read that you are somewhere in your second week or so?

 

Yes 15 days!! 

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I am nearing my 5-days mark. I am happy about that because it means that before  I know it, I will have the first week under my belt.

 

The past five days my fear of depression has almost vanished. That's extraordinary and a bit uhm, unusual as well. Where other people are sure they will gain at least 60 pound (and heck, that fear feels realistic), my quit fear has always been the sadness and the darkness. I won't dwell on it for too long, but trust me. For me, that fear is about life and death. I carry a heavy heart... and worked my ass off all these years to make it lighter. And now, I suddenly am not so sure anymore about quitting and depression. I question the relation between the two. That's ... HUGE!!!. Imagine... what if I could do this without hitting rock bottom again? How awesome would that be, to see this addiction for what it is? Ahhhh. While I write this, I hear this little voice, it says: 'Hah! Being cocky and everything, well girl, just wait for it! I'll get you some!'. I think I will continue listening to Allen Carr's audiobook and give this voice a taste of his own medicine. :7_sweat_smile:

 

Going to bed early. Last night was crap. I have never been able to sleep well for the first months of quitting and I do know that has a great impact on my moods. I tried everything from late night walks to baths, super gross lavender sleep tea and listening to delta waves. I would like to hear your golden tip, if you have one! 

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On 8/26/2018 at 2:36 AM, Boo said:

Addiction does not equal freedom.  Dependency does not equal independence.  Killing yourself does not equal living.

 

Know your reasons.  Stay true to yourself.

 

<3 @these. Making them part of my mantra's. And would like to hear more about your theories (:116_eye:) but you are right, here and now it's probably not the right place.

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3 hours ago, My life, my recovery said:

Going to bed early. Last night was crap. I have never been able to sleep well for the first months of quitting and I do know that has a great impact on my moods. I tried everything from late night walks to baths, super gross lavender sleep tea and listening to delta waves. I would like to hear your golden tip, if you have one! 

 

I never had much trouble sleeping, even in the early days of my quit.  So I may not be the best equipped to give advice.

 

I am a big fan of deep breathing exercises though.  I usually do a 4-4-8 pattern: inhale through the nose for a count of four seconds, hold the breath for four seconds, and exhale slowly through the mouth for eight seconds.  Calms the mind and body.

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I took a otc night time bayer a couple times a week and that worked to get my sleep pattern back on track. You're doing great mylife :) 

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I'll be needing those tips, tonight was awfull. Slept  few hours, then woke up, doze off, only to wake 20' later to stare at the ceiling for the rest of the night. I am worried, I hoped that during this quit my sleeping pattern would not be so badly influenced. Sleep is my main trigger in moodswings... :37_disappointed:

 

Head up high, off to work. Day 6. :108_metal:

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My life, I'm afraid I'm just about to give you the stupidest bit of advice. Try to relax about the sleep. I know it is a real pain while struggling with the early quit insomnia and all people adjust at different rates, but for me it lasted no longer than two weeks. 

 

The point? Well, really just to say it is temporary and passes. A couple of weeks after quitting I started sleeping better than I had done in years. No jumping out of bed at the first opportunity to get that desperate first fix of the morning. 

 

You will get there soon, in the meantime there is no harm in temporarily using ANOTC sleep aid. 

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I know you are right @Sslip. And at the same time it's the hardest thing to do, not worry about the lack of sleep when that same lack of sleep is such an issue.. I always try to say to myself, when I lay awake for 3 hours, my brain thinks I've slept 1,5. Lying down is resting as well. And I think what they say is true, during those insomnia nights you always sleep more then you are aware off, even when it's these little in-between-naps. I'll try to keep in mind that it might just be a few weeks...    

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OK before I started on my new medication (which has been making me sleep heaps) I was a chronic insomniac.... so much so that I didn't really notice a change with quitting.... I will take sleeping tablets when I need them because I could go for days on 1-2 hours of sleep and become completely irrational. I know a few people have used the night time cold and flu tablets to get through the insomnia stage. You know your the best one to make decisions about what you can and can't take but if a lack of sleep is going to push your resolve there are options.... the insomnia is an early stage thing from what I have read with others, as I said it was no different for me before quitting and after, so you can just push through this or you can try camomile tea or malted honey milk or see your doctor about a sleep aid.

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I breathe like @Boo and slow it down, way down.  I also tuck the palm of my thumb into my solar plexus.

The rest will get you by, it is the anxiety about sleeplessness that has to go.

Some people like guided meditation tapes.

Are your screens turned off ?  It is recommended that you stop watching telly or your computer for at least an hour before bedtime.

OTC sleep aids work for me, and the Chamomile or Honey toddies from @notsmokinjo

When sleep is completely evasive, I get up and do something (NO computer or any screens). I am usually tired enough to sleep in an hour or so.

s

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I am thankfull for all of your tips, I really do appreciate you all thinking with me and with eachother. I decided to call my doctor tomorrow morning and discuss this with her. In general, I avoid medication if I can, but... now is not a general occasion. And my sleep is worth a lot to me! I think I want to give it one week and if it's not any better by then I'll contact her again and then she can subscribe me something without an appointment, because she knows what's going on. 

@notsmokinjoyou said somehing about flu and cold tablets....? What's that? And @Sazerac you are right about the screens. Tonight I am going to walk for one hour, then take a shower and go to bed. There will be no screens involved ;)

 

Today I had some new triggers to digest. Holiday season is over, so there was a lot of traffic. Queing, no cigaret... ugh. Instead, I started thinking about how I can remove the stench from my house on wheels. I might make a project out of that, next weekend.

Many people asked me today how I am doing and although I think it's sweet, it was a bit too much. While I told them I'm doing surprisingly well, I'm like.... ahhh I want to run away for a cigaretbreak. So... went to the restroom and thought about what was really going on: I'm just not so good at being the center of attention. Besides that, I know the way it works... people will forget about it in some time, but for me the journey continues. And somehow that thought made me feel alone and thus craving for a smoke. This addiction has interesting ways of work... :34_rolling_eyes:

 

Lies debunked today: 

* I can't be in traffic jam without smoking. Well.... yes, ofcourse I can. Unfortunately, traffic jam is traffic jam and I am in it, smoke or no smoke :4_joy:

* I will never be able to drink coffee at work again, without wanting to smoke. Uh... yes I can drink coffee and just continue with what I am doing. But... for the first time I realised how disgusting this machine coffee actually is. And since I have these sleep issues, I will rule out coffee anyway, for some time. Kinda strange, since I came from at least 6 mugs a day. I guess body and mind are adjusting and maybe it's my job to give in to that for now. 

 

-edit- omg!!! Tomorrow evening it's a week already!!!

Edited by My life, my recovery
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