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My life, my recovery

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About My life, my recovery

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  • Quit Date
    22-08-2018 20:08 PM

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  1. My life, my recovery

    Help again

    Thanks a lot. The internet connection us crap here, but when I can, I read your answer. Hanging in, at least for today I decided.
  2. My life, my recovery

    Help again

    Please help 😢 I am loosing touch with my decision rapidly. It's getting harder to stay positive.. I'm not sure what's happening. It's like I am mourning, though I don't actively miss smoking. I really do my best to enjoy what I would normally enjoy, but... it sort of doesn't happen. It resembles so much the early start of depression, which I am all too familiair with. I really don't want to go there and rationally I know this probably isn't that. I don't want to lose this and I don't know how to ETQ in a gentlest-as-possible-way the moment.
  3. My life, my recovery

    My Life, My Recovery is 1 month smoke free.

    Thanks all. 😊
  4. My life, my recovery


    It's beautiful here. So nice to walk these steep streets without grasping for air and coughing all the time! Woke up early this morning, sat a while outside. It was still pirch dark and quiet. It bugged me that all I could think of was a smoke, while I'm in this beautiful village, on a roof, under the stars ... all the more reason to go on today and to solidify my quit.
  5. My life, my recovery


    I expect my junkie thinking to roar for the next nine days. Thing is: I'll be flying Spain-wards. 28°C (82.400°F), blue sky, no complaints. One thing that stands out for me in this proces: the more I expect and thus prepare for triggers, the steadier I get through. I know the thoughts by now that cause uproar and I am pretty strong in countering them. I suspect that I already practiced with at least half of the triggers I will come across.. (One of them is wine, ha!). Had tapas last week, my man vapes, lots of people smoke but that's also the case where I work and I've had smokeless drinks in the sun. So, nothing new there. Smoking is not romantic, does not enhance cozy get togethers, does definitely NOT make you more relaxed. And remember, when everything else fails: You DO care. A lot. Just NOPE your'e way through the moment and you'll be absolutely fine. Putting time between me and my last cigarette (forgive me if quoting wrongly, like it like this anyway). Now I come to think of it... there's truly not that much to be scared of. I sort of already did everything that would wake junkie thinking, except for that it wasn't in Spain. And that I haven't been waiting for planes in the last 4 weeks. Ok, so.. that's that. Gonna stay as close to the board as possible. And rant and SOS when I need it. And post a funny stickpic now and then. Bye! 😁🙅
  6. My life, my recovery

    How long did it take?

    Hi Allen, though I'm only 4 weeks in... I'd still like to comment. My irritability is almost back to normal proportions (but if a bad mood hits... chances are I blame quitting again, while that's not the case!!). I don't experience any heavy cravings, but I do have a lot of smoking thoughts during the day. They truly are just patterns that I need to get rid of. And yes, sometimes they annoy the sh*t out of me. And they do scare me at times. But, whatever. I'm smarter anyway. Cravings, irritability etc. fading into the background is not something that happens overnight. They just... fade. And return. And fade further. And suddenly return. And then... wow, didn't have a real craving for three days now! Etc. As much as you'd like a time frame for that, I personally haven't heard of one yet. Each day you encounter new triggers. Together these moments build up and lead to a stronger you, which eventually should lead not only to a 'normal' you again, but to a healthier and more balanced you. When I quit for over three years, I fully experienced this new normal around my one year mark, but on my way there I had lots and lots of 'new normal' moments. This morning I thought, 'wow, how disgusting to smoke in your car. So pleased I'm not doing that anymore'. It wasn't a forced happy thought to push away craving... it was a honest, genuine thoght. Woohoo, normality is on it's way!
  7. My life, my recovery

    Thursday 20th September 2018

    NOPE! Or else...
  8. My life, my recovery


    You are SO dutch.
  9. My life, my recovery

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  10. My life, my recovery


    @notsmokinjo yes, almost one month. I am in control I am in control I am in control. Reminds me of oeuf du fromage, on repeat at night, to learn french. My own little woohoo thread, yeah!!! @Sslip I guess you are right. These are the days that count double .. Had I smoked today, I would not have tried for another 7 decades or so. I should be proud. I'm sure proudness for overcoming this day will sink in soon. @reciprocity I am holding tight. Noping and reaching out was what got me through. And ... laughing about this whole circus. Man oh man... it sure is something. @Doreensfree upwards and onwards it is. I really like your catchy oneliners! @c9jane29 yes. I guess these days are great for learning new skills. I received the glitter and accidentely spoiled some on someone annoying today. I think you don't mind. @Sazerac mijn dag was beter dan ik had gedacht. Ik ben nu wel heel moe en nog een beetje verdwaasd maar dat is ok. Je praat goed Nederlands !
  11. My life, my recovery


    @notsmokinjo and @Sslip bedankt voor jullie steun. Zulke toffe lui hier hè. Heel waardevol. Het gaat redelijk. Het is een geruststelling dat ik me vandaag van mezelf alleen hoef vast te houden aan NOPE. Als ik het eind van de dag maar haal, dan is het goed.
  12. My life, my recovery

    Wednesday 19th September 2018

  13. My life, my recovery


    This was my note to self, in the pre-respond SOS topic. I know I am going to need it today. I asked a few people around me if they will support me just that little bit of extra today. This is such a day where, in previous quits, I would 'suddenly' find myself smoking, beating myself up afterwards. Little time and energy today for paying attention to junkie thinking, some things just need to be done. Straight Noping HAS to be one of them. *So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Maybe it's the depression, anxiety, or just some sh☆tty situation. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey.*
  14. My life, my recovery

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  15. My life, my recovery


    Just got home from work. It was a foggy day again.. so weird how the days seem completely randomly affected by that. Current mood: I want you all to understand dutch so I'm able to rant and write fluently without having to think of words/grammar. I hardly talk to people around me about quitting, I want to spare them and I don't want to be the annoying exsmoker talking about bloody quitting ALL THE TIME. But the truth is, it is on my mind a lot during the day.. people closest to me know about it and they are a support, really. I know that I am not fighting any monster, or battling against myself for that matter. But trying to figure this addiction thing out, understanding what it means, while tumbling in that bl**dy washing drum....pfiewww. It's like trying to make head, heart and hands work together (I'm not sure if that's a saying in english. But whatever, I think it's obvious). Tomorrow it's four weeks. They went so fast and so slow at the same time. It must be junkie thinking messing with perception.

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