September 26, 20187 yr Author Twelve hours away from being smokefree for 5 weeks and very proud I got through the past days. Although smoking was not an option, it cost me something! Pfiew. I think I am starting to get some enjoyment back. I was afraid depression was knocking on the door, an old but not so friendly acquaintance. But now I think, it was merely the Great Fog playing tricks in an environment where I thought I HAD to feel good and happy etc. That made me afraid et voila... I panicked. So glad I can see that now. Imagine: a Spanish village, pensionado's (the arty, freaky weirdo type, so friendly and open minded, impressive life stories). But like I said before... they ALL smoke. There's smoke and vape and marihuana surrounding me constantly, it's absurd really. Nature here is so beautiful, the Alpujarras in the Sierra Nevada, the old town of Grenada with a beautiful view on the Alhambra, beautiful beaches, sunsets in the mountains and driving offroad because navigation scr*wed up, goats on the road, gorges... [Scenery right now: I am in bed, typing this. I hear our host and el novio talking, about addiction to mobile phones, drugs etc. Meanwhile, I see clouds of smoke and vape passing by and I think to myself ... 'ha! You guys... know nothing! I am the real hero here!' ?] Heard this song yesterday while driving through this magnificent landscape. Suddenly had this very strong sense of 'I am doing this!!!' There's no trying, no 'what if...' no, this is it! And it's perfectly ok to do this my own way, because so far it works!! Starry starry night
September 26, 20187 yr Yes! You are the hero. By the way love starry starry night. I remember what you mean about the feeling of depression, but the joy we feel when we are free of the addiction seems purer, not tainted by a nicotine fix. It is just somehow better. Sounds like a beautiful place. Enjoy it and great work.
September 26, 20187 yr Sounds to me like you did rise above the challenge. Great job. Be proud of yourself!
September 27, 20187 yr 5 weeks!! Feeling good? Feeling NOPE? It's okay if you feel SNOT too (Smoking is Not an Option Today)...just whatever works? Congrats to you today! Remember your reward!
September 28, 20187 yr Author Yesterday, el novio and I were having a beer in Sevilla after having walked all day. It was hot and I was tired ... but not from smoking and a tight chest! It is such a difference, I am feeling much better physically. I think I am starting to 'ground' a bit. Sometimes 2 or 3 hours pass, without one single thought of smoking. I am somewhat more at peace, between the difficult moments. And breathing freely is sooo good! This morning I had a little heart attack though. I was looking for something in my bag pack, checked a little pocket and grabbed something that felt exactly like a pack of cigs. For one second I freaked out, but then I realised what it was and immediately thought, 'and so what, if it were cigs?' Yeah ?
September 28, 20187 yr Congratulations My Life... sounds like your having a great holiday. Its also great that you are finding that KTQ is getting easier.
September 28, 20187 yr M'life, Everyday is a brand new day and you don't smoke. It is great to see you accumulating your strength. s
September 30, 20187 yr Author Having a little halleluja moment here! ? Came home from Spain, glad to be back. I started unpacking, doing laundry, groceries, cat cuddling and then suddenly I realised I didn't think of smoking at all and above that, I was very straightforward in eh, dealing with what should be done after vacation! Usually it takes me at least an hour to land so to speak and to get started. What a great feeling ? Edited September 30, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery
September 30, 20187 yr Welcome home my life and massive well done getting through your first holiday smoke free! That is a biggie and you should be immensely proud of yourself!! Good for you!
September 30, 20187 yr High Five !!!! ML... It's a great feeling...when you click...your brain has disconnected itself from the nico monster...no matter how long ...it's still a wonderful moment ...
September 30, 20187 yr You faced your challenges with grace and fortitude, M'life. Please reward yourself, you have a whole lot to celebrate !
October 1, 20187 yr It's such a great feeling when you suddenly realize just how much positive progress you've made in battling this addiction and setting yourself free Great Job and congrats!
October 1, 20187 yr And, your home doesn't smell of stale smoke from the clothes being unpacked! Welcome home! Bubble bath, feet up, get a wine glass(beer? Milk? Carrot juice?) in your hand; you earned it!
October 1, 20187 yr Author 11 hours ago, c9jane29 said: And, your home doesn't smell of stale smoke from the clothes being unpacked! Welcome home! Bubble bath, feet up, get a wine glass(beer? Milk? Carrot juice?) in your hand; you earned it! Exactly! Instead they just smelled of a mixture of stale garlic and sunblock ... I drank tea as reward. Have seen a bit too many delicious Spanish wines lately. But seriously, I was só happy ...!! It's like my mental energy is starting to catch up with my physical vitality. Yeah!! 15 hours ago, Parsley said: Congratulations!!!! Thanks You are also doing an awesome job yourself! 11 hours ago, reciprocity said: It's such a great feeling when you suddenly realize just how much positive progress you've made in battling this addiction and setting yourself free Great Job and congrats! It is! Sometimes it just overflows me ... it's a tingeling, happy, proud and zen feeling at the same time. I am thankfull this is already happening so early in my quit. I do feel my excessive writing and reading and learning of the first three to four weeks are starting to pay off. And... what a contrast to 8 days ago, when I SOS-ed! 16 hours ago, Sazerac said: You faced your challenges with grace and fortitude, M'life. Please reward yourself, you have a whole lot to celebrate ! Thanks. We both know what we talk about here. THANKS, for being there and for providing such essential information!! 17 hours ago, Doreensfree said: High Five !!!! ML... It's a great feeling...when you click...your brain has disconnected itself from the nico monster...no matter how long ...it's still a wonderful moment ... Yes, exactly that, a wonderful moment. High five back at ya! 18 hours ago, WeegieWoman said: Welcome home my life and massive well done getting through your first holiday smoke free! That is a biggie and you should be immensely proud of yourself!! Good for you! Yay, thanks! Edited October 1, 20187 yr by My life, my recovery
October 1, 20187 yr Awesome, My Life. You're doing so great. You faced the challenges, shared your experience here and are a few successful weeks into your quit. Great to see your journey. Stay strong.
October 2, 20187 yr Author Bliss has come to a temporarily end... bleghh. Apparantly someone hit my car last night, thank god they left a note and number. Quite some damage. Didn't manage to get rid of the mood all day during work and I had serveral thoughts of smoking. Ofcourse I did not act on them, but a nagging voice followed me through the whole day. I have this basic junkie thinking of 'I need to consume/smoke/whatever'. Or, 'Something is not right and there has to be done something about it'. And that being said, I really DON'T WANT TO SMOKE, I just really don't!! It's more about not being able to deal with what is. And at the same time I am dealing with what is, but it has to be better, stronger, more productive, less whining, just do it etc. A BIG FAT BLEGHHHHH!
October 2, 20187 yr Sorry about your car my life ? Just try to focus on the positives. They left a note, that's HUGE! You didn't smoke, that's even more HUGE! Your car will be fixed just as well as your body is being fixed by quitting.
October 2, 20187 yr Author I know you are right @jillar. No casualties, they left a note, good insurance system. And it will be fixed. And there are many many many things worse than this. And all these words don't change sh*t about the junkie thinking right now. Gotta buckle up, grrrrrrrrr.
October 2, 20187 yr Author Two hours later and calmth has somewhat returned. Took a cold-warm-cold-warm shower and made tea. And searched for weird crochet projects to start (among inspiration: https://croshame.com). I hear people talk about this Nicodemon a lot. Thought, maybe the little fella would like to be personified, since so many people speak of him as a real thing (note: definitely don't want to do this myself. I am a firm believer of outsmarting addiction instead of 'batteling some non-existent being'). Anyway. Now I am googling images of demons and cigarettes, in order to start a new design. I think this one is cute:
October 3, 20187 yr Author 'Let me be clear. Smoking is the number one cause of lung cancer. Everyone knows that fact. Does everyone know the number two cause of lung cancer? Is it common knowledge that lung cancer among never smokers kills more Americans than AIDS, drunk driving, drownings or home fires? Even though many lifestyle factors contribute to other diseases, what kind of person would ask an AIDS patient “Are you gay?” At best, that would be insensitive. Then why do people think it is acceptable to ask lung cancer patients about their smoking history?' https://lungcancer.net/living/stigma-kills/
October 3, 20187 yr You're right about the association most everyone make between lung cancer and smoking. Smoking is a major factor in a large number of diseases you never want to get but still people link it with lung cancer. Maybe because that link has been popularized by the media over many years and it's a scary concept people can visualize and understand. If you told someone that long term smoking could lead to Buerger's Disease, they would probably look at you with a puzzled look on their face. That's as real a possibility as lung cancer from smoking but many people just aren't aware.
October 5, 20187 yr Author Note to self: Joel Spitzer, letters regarding mental health issues. https://whyquit.com/joels-videos/resources-regarding-mental-health-issues/ 'Don't give cigarettes the legitimacy to treat feelings. They don't. They make them worse. They in effect minimize your ability to communicate and grow. Growth may hurt, but it beats carrying on unresolved feelings that slowly may deteriorate the quality of your life.' Edited October 5, 20187 yr by MLMR
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