September 16, 20214 yr I see so many and much around me as normal that I have never felt, I guess what other people would call normal. I am not going into detail why I feel so called "different'. We all have some issue to deal with. I just know that I have had a good life, I am happy with the life I have. It is nothing special to anyone else but me. I do wish I had quit smoking sooner, I think that would have been a better choice but I can't change that now, I can only change what I do now. That gives me some peace, some power, control of my future. K
September 25, 20214 yr Author “Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.” ~ Cheryl Strayed Edited September 25, 20214 yr by MLMR
October 5, 20214 yr Author Can’t believe it - 100 days sober already. Its definitely not all fun and games, but worth it in every way. I think this is the longest time, since I was sixteen, that I’ve been both off meds, cannabis, nicotine and alcohol at the same time. I've had really tough nights, but also the wonderful experience of being less anxious. Childhood memories bubbling up both super sad and very joyous. Some days my senses are completely numb, but there’s also the odd moment that colors seem brighter and everything in me just seems at peace. I cherish these moments and I know they will eventually happen more and more often. Its a big thing for me, to see beauty in slow progress. It takes courage and patience. Its much more a matter of not doing things and being with the uncomfortable, than to throw myself in battle and fight. I’d love for my cheery self to come back soon.. when she does, I welcome her with open arms! Edited October 5, 20214 yr by MLMR
October 5, 20214 yr So proud of you @MLMR! Your strength and determination to succeed in this fight are amazing! I’m looking forward to your 200th day update! 🤗
October 5, 20214 yr As a medical professional, I need to ask, What exactly do you mean by “off meds?”Is that a decision Your Doctor made? If not, is he or she O.K. With it?
October 6, 20214 yr Author That's a very personal question Kat, which I'm not going to answer. Edited October 6, 20214 yr by MLMR
October 6, 20214 yr 28 minutes ago, MLMR said: That's a very personal question Kat, which I'm not going to answer. I'm here for peersupport , not unsolicited medical advise. Sorry about that. It just jumped out at me, for more personal than professional reasons, actually. Forgive me. My bad. Edited October 6, 20214 yr by Katgirl
October 27, 20214 yr Author For the last two, three days thoughts about smoking have been creeping up on me. I’ve not been paying too much attention, but I remembered where that brought me last time: I had to reset my quit date.That is not too long ago, just a little over four months. Reality check! Both my mental and physical health are important to me. I want to keep it that way. Smoking would jeopardize both. I need to figure out what the thoughts represent, there’s probably some part of me that I’ve been ignoring. Note to self: figure out the meaning and bring your attention to that. Edited October 27, 20214 yr by MLMR
October 27, 20214 yr 15 minutes ago, MLMR said: I need to figure out what the thoughts represent Maybe they meant it was time to check in here😊 You got this!🤗
October 27, 20214 yr We are Nicotine Addicts ..So thoughts are bound to happen ... Its what we do with these thoughts that matter.... Coming here and not buying cigarettes means you don't want to smoke .... Your doing just fine ML....😁
October 27, 20214 yr I think you’ll figured it out MLMR. You are making great strides in improving your physical and mental health. Recognizing that some additional attention is needed speaks volumes on your commitment to yourself. You are doing great!!!
October 27, 20214 yr When I start to think about smoking, even fleetingly, it’s because something is stressing me out. It’s probably the same for you. What’s going on in your life that is causing you to feel off balance? Figure that out, fix it, and your cravings will dissipate.
November 20, 20214 yr Author Rock bottem. Been smoking on and off for two, three weeks. I dont even know exactly. What a shame nightmare. Nothing left but to start all over again. Grrrrr. Its giving me headaches and inflamations and moodswings. Its effing stinky. I hate this addiction and my own weakness! Djiez. Must face this bs addiction again from day 1. So here goes. My own words, because no one is going to do this for me: So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Maybe it's the depression, anxiety, or just some sh☆tty situation. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey.
November 20, 20214 yr Sorry to hear that you fell off the train. Get up, dust yourself off and get back on it. You are right, tho, nobody can do it for you. I'd quit for everyone if I could but that would be selfish as shit to deny them all the struggle and the strength that comes with it. You are stronger than you know. Here's where you find out just how strong you can be. Now get back to it and kick some ass.
November 20, 20214 yr Love your tenacity! Kick butts girl! I and I’m sure everyone else is still behind you. Stick close to the train. It is my lifeline!
November 20, 20214 yr I am heartbroken for you because I understand the effort, the strength you have put into this. We can only do the best we can do on any given day. I don't know what happened and I don't care, we are all in this together. If you are in trouble, if you are struggling, just come here and read. If you need to talk to someone, we all will listen and try to help. I would suggest that you contact Jillar or Doreen if it is something you need to discuss and work through. They will help you or suggest what you might do to find an answer. You are not alone in this, we all have to find away to get past the challenges set in front of us. Yes, you have had a setback but that does not mean you have failed. I fail everyday at some things, but those things do not matter in the big picture. That is what I tell myself. I can do the dishes tomorrow, I can vacuum tomorrow. I can clean the oven tomorrow. What I can't do tomorrow is stop taking care of myself and my health. So, today I take care of me and so should you. This is the gift you give to yourself. Do not wallow in the fact that you slipped, get back up and start again because you are worth it!!! K
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