As usual, my mother's capability to totally throw me off my game and make me feel worthless.  They transferred my dad to rehab today and she totally yelled at me all the way there.  My mother so totally hurts me with the way she just praises on her boys, who do nothing, and picks on me.  If I speak up for myself she tells me it is my fault the boys are the way they are.  

This has always been my deepest hurt and why I try to be that perfect daughter.

How can she be so cruel when she has such a caring daughter.

It's sad Sweetheart your mother carnt see what a loving caring beautiful daughter she has ....this  is her failing ..not yours ...

Linda ....you are not responsible for any one else ....some folks will never change ,no matter what you do for them... 

Your Quit is yours ...dont lose it ,because of someone else ....

Stop trying ...remind yourself ..your doing the best you can right now ...and that's all anybody can do ...

You can PM me anytime ...you stay strong ....xxx

My mother lives with me. I feel ya. 

 

I smoked for forty years because nicotine is addictive. It had nothing to do with all the stories I told myself as to why I "needed" to smoke.

Nicotine is a stimulant, so it has NO effect on sedating your emotions. All smoking will get you is more guilt than you are already possibly feeling.

 

Hang in there; craves generally pass much more quickly, 3-5 minutes, than I usually think they will. 

Fight Linda....smoking won't make your Mum a nicer person ...all it will do is upset you further ..

Don't make me get a flight ..with my  Frying Pan ....you stay strong ....

 

Holding on but still crying.  I know smoking will not change my mom.  I just needed to feel loved and I know I have that here.  Tomorrow she will be on her own.  May be have to call one of her son's.  I need to to recoup.  I think smoking is just a way my way of dealing with the low self esteem.  

Linda

 

I'm going to say this out of concern for YOU.  I truly hope you see it as caring advice and not criticism.

 

You're allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat.  Maybe the way to get the type of praise she bestows upon your brothers is to treat her like your brothers do.  In other words, step back.  She is not likely to change at age 90.  You're the one who needs change.  Give her the ultimatum that this constant disapproval will no longer be tolerated.  Either she can stop this abusive behavior or you'll join your brothers in disregarding her.  You'll never be the perfect daughter by enabling this unacceptable behavior. 

 

That said, even if you continue this relationship as you always have, please understand that your quit is the one positive gift you have given yourself.  Don't let your mother damage that too.  Wishing you only the best in these difficult times. 

 

Keep your beautiful quit!

 

Oh Linda don't let your mother ruin your awesome quit. She's a miserable person who knows she can pick on you and you will still be there for them. You remind me so much of my sister who also was bullied by our mom except that you are an ex smoker now!

Stand proud and know that you are loved by so many. We know and appreciate how special you are. Xoxo

Quote

I think smoking is just a way my way of dealing with the low self esteem.

 

 

You should be proud of your quit, smoking would take that away.  We're proud that you come this far and truly want the best for you (hint: doesn't include smoking).

You don't smoke anymore, Linda.

Any 'relief' you think that cigarettes can provide

is a big fat LIE.

Sure, if you re-start your addiction, you will get relief....

but, that will be relief from withdrawals only.

There is no relief in cigarettes for the drama/trauma you are dealing with.

 

Please, get some help in getting your mother unit to your dad's rehab place.

You cannot do this all on your own.

Nobody should.

Please put yourself and your quit FIRST.

 

I know you won't smoke

but, can you distance yourself from this family insanity ?

I hope so.

We support you,

S

You ARE loved ...by a train full of people here..... Keeping your quit will do wonders for your self asteem...you will look back here one day ...and be so grateful you fought like hell to keep this quit ..no matter what is thrown at you ...trust me I know !!!!......

Do your brothers not back  you up..????....do they know  how mean she is to you ?????

Maybe if one of them pointed out to her how mean she is ...I would expect support of my brother ..specially if I asked him ...xxx

 

BKP  You have told me nothing more than what many people (and counseling) has told me).   I know for my sanity I need to heed that advise.  Thank you.

Time to get those hairy balls out again Linda...we saw them the other day...Get  em .out girl....stand tall and proud xxx

Okay.  I am good.  Cried it out.  I think you truley understand and got my back.  

Thanks.  Don't want to inconvenience Doreen to have her fly out here.  Love you all.

 

Take some really deep breaths.

You walked away from abusing yourself with cigarettes.

You will walk away from this abusive situation.

 

Once the dust settles, you can use the same lessons you 

learned in quitting smoking and apply it to your abusive parents.

Not One Puff Ever....Not One More Abusive Tirade EVER.

 

You are a beautiful grown up woman

who has quit a deadly addiction...

I know you will be kind to yourself and remove yourself from abuse.

We will help all we can

because we know how precious and beautiful you truly are.

Just now, Linda Thomas said:

Okay.  I am good.  Cried it out.  I think you truley understand and got my back.  

Thanks.  Don't want to inconvenience Doreen to have her fly out here.  Love you all.

 

We love ya back .xxxxx

We love you too Linda. 

 

OK Gunna be blunt... Your mum is a bitch, she is also ungrateful not just to you and your family but ungrateful for the blessings and advantages life bestowed upon her. Sure be angry at her, she deserves that from you and be disappointed but don't forget to pity the miserable old cow...she feels so sad with her life that her only way to feel better and safe within her self is to cut her only daughter to shreds? You don't have problems darl she does.. you, are amazing...despite the horrors of life, despite the abusive upbringing you:

*Broke the cycle and became a warm, open loving, giving and caring woman.

*You are rising above the scars and taking back your self worth.

*You are developing a backbone of steel but still have a heart of fricking gold. 

Edited January 17, 20197 yr by notsmokinjo

Dear Linda, I am concerned for you and agree with what BKP said. Smoking will only cause double the abuse you are going through at the moment. Step back and let your brothers do some of the running around, she would soon see who really is there for her.

Thinking of you, take care, stay strong, and keep hold of that beautiful quit of yours. (((Hugs))))

Linda , you helped talk me off the ledge the other day when I was going over. You have done so much good and have helped so many people here with your kind words and caring. Now it's our turn. Hang in there and stay strong. You are a super lady! Don't let anyone make you think less. You can and will do this, you have worked to hard to go back now. 

 

Stay true darlin and know we are all thinking and wishing you the best.

I'm sorry how things are going with your mom but I'm glad you posted an SOS and fought your way through this.  Lighting up a cigarette will not change the situation for the better in any way whatsoever.

 

1 hour ago, Linda Thomas said:

 I think smoking is just a way my way of dealing with the low self esteem.  

 

You are doing a truly great thing in quitting smoking.  This is a huge accomplishment many people really struggle with.  As Paul723 said, you should be very proud of what you have accomplished by quitting.  Gain strength from that.  Many smokers would love to be where you are now.  Don't let anything ruin your fantastic quit.

Your resolve to keep your quit is stronger than your mother’s ability to hurt you. The power is yours. Not hers.

 

Coming here for help and some good ears shows how much you value yourself and your quit. 

 

Let your quit grow. It will empower you. 

 

 

What a hero you are Linda, for so many reasons.

 

Hang in there. 

2 hours ago, Sazerac said:

You are a beautiful grown up woman

In my weak moments, I let that needy child creep out.  I so know better than this.  It has just been a very long, nonstop week. 

The pull of the addiction takes advantage of those weak moments.

I am a little ashamed at coming so close. 

Know that I will be sure to protect my quit.  I am getting stronger and know that I need to step back right now.  I am sure my Dad is out of danger now and do not feel I need to be there all the time.

Thanks for your loving words.  

3 hours ago, Doreensfree said:

You ARE loved ...by a train full of people here.....

I know you all care.  You have all worked so hard to make me a non smoker.  Your dedication and encouragement means so much to me.  Thanks for helping me through.

1 hour ago, Lust4Life said:

Your resolve to keep your quit is stronger than your mother’s ability to hurt you. The power is yours. Not hers

 

1 hour ago, MLMR said:

What a hero you are Linda, for so many reasons.

 

3 hours ago, Wantsit said:

Stay true darlin and know we are all thinking and wishing you the best.

 

3 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

Your mum is a bitch, she is also ungrateful not just to you and your family but ungrateful for the blessings and advantages life bestowed upon her

 

3 hours ago, catlover said:

Dear Linda, I am concerned for you and agree with what BKP said. Smoking will only cause double the abuse you are going through at the moment

Oh my goodness.  I paid for years of therapy and I am still crying.  I come here and you all lay it out for me.  I feel so fortunate to have found this safe place of support and kindness.  I know I can do this because I have you all to get me through the tough times.  I have taken heed to your advice and know how important it is to protect myself and my quit.  

Don't be ashamed for 'coming so close'.

We are human and can only take so much.

You are under tremendous strain,  aside from your mother's abuse.

'Coming close' is allowed,

posting an SOS is brilliant,

protecting yourself and your quit is magnificent !

 

Get some rest, I can only imagine how tired you are.