Fed up with increased emotionality

[Ramona]

I've been off the ciggs/nicotine for over 9 months but my emotional over-reactions to every day stressors are still way out of proportion.  Situations that never bothered me now cause biochemical responses (heightened blood pressure, faster heart rate).  Hair trigger reactions take place @ the tiniest provocation.  

 

I DO NOT FEEL LIKE ME.  This "new me" is not diplomatic or dialectical.  This "new me" is sometimes a major BURDEN on those around me.  My heightened emotions are affecting my workplace relationships, my romantic relationship, and my familial relationships, etc.  It's as if my core person is forever altered - I'm a less "chill" person and I'm not proud of the transformation.  Before I quit smoking people could hurt me and I would smoke it off...now people hurt me and I'm HURT.  I hold a grudge longer and I'm uber perceptive...almost paranoid.

 

Tonight I came close to folding.  Drafted a few SOS's that I didn't post.  Seems to me if you really want to smoke you would not post an S.O.S....you would just smoke.  

 

I don't want to smoke, I don't want to be a smoker.  That's why I'm on this forum - that's why I've struggled as hard as I have.  But I do want the anesthetizing effects of nicotine.  I do want to be comfortably numb.  

[DCCXXVII]

(((TEW))) it truly does get better... it's part of relearning how to react to past/present/future stressors without nicotine... vent away as much as you need to...  nicotine withdrawal always dictated to you when to walk away from an issue... you now have to deal with issues at the time rather than pushing them aside... this is what the old you did before you were addicted to nicotine   :)

 

Have a listen to Joel if you can... he explains it very well

 

[Ramona]

Thanks for video...

seems like it should be pretty much cured @ 9 months - - -

but it's like my anger is undergoing a renaissance.

[Doreensfree]

TEW....

My anger was a biggy for me too...my whole personality changed...I knew this wasn't me....

I listened ..and still do listen to my I pod...music in my ears...singing aloud...it really did,and still does calm me down...

Plus I found g gong.....it's not yoga....it's all slow and relaxing...check it out....it's amazing....

I know it's all you here we say ....it will pass.....

We say it because it really does....slowly....things will get back to normal....

Actually....it gets better ....it's the nicotine that keeps us highly strung....

Keep telling yourself...it will pass....

Hugs xxx

[Doreensfree]

Sorry honey...that should have said qi gong...

You can do practices on you tube....in your own home....it's changed my life....

Xxx

[babs609]

TEW. You will be ok.

 

Everyone is different. Every struggle is different

 

Some find it easy peasy. Some find it difficult.

 

Some have mental breakdowns. Some just seem to float by.

 

 

But one thing that is true for everyone. For EVERYONE.

 

SMOKING IS NOT THE ANSWER. It never was

 

Sounds like by your description--you covered pain with smoking. isn't it wonderful now that you can actually feel the emotions?? Now all you have to do is learn to sit with those emotions without running away. Just sit with it. Emotions don't kill us. It's actually not the emotion itself that makes us suffer. It's the thoughts behind the emotions. The story we tell ourselves. Daily meditation really helped me to learn how to stay present---even when it's not comfortable for me to do so.

 

You are doing fantastic. Stay on your course. It will All come together for you. Keep protecting that precious quit. Like your life depends on it. Because it does. It really does.

 

Xoxoxo

[Tink]

Maybe your "over reactions" are not "over reactions at all maybe they are reactions that are "meant to be", you say people hurt you and you let it slide in the past - tew, people don't get to hurt you and get away with it

 

Maybe people around you have noticed a different you and THEY don't like the different YOU as now you are making them accountable for their actions or words

 

I don't see different, I see stronger!

 

The anger will subside and in its place will be confidence, subconsciously there might be alot of payback going on?

 

I agree anger is an unpleasant emotion but like babs says it's good to feel these emotions

 

Quitting smoking is not just about putting down the cigs, it's a whole overhaul of ourselves I have only ever heard of good positive things from quitting smoking from long term quitters, never any negatives but it is a journey to that place some bumps in the road will occur on an emotional scale

 

Hold on tight tew, that utopia you seek is there, you are on your way you are just on your journey at the moment

 

I listen to alot of YouTube affirmations or hypnosis videos for all sorts of things have a look and see if any there are for you xxxx

[ChRiSpY]

It's a lie... smoking just gets your mind off of your issue momentarily.  It allows you to walk away for a situation.  That is bullsh*t.

 

Have you ever tried Meditation?  Sh*t is not that serious..... don't take things so personal.  Try not to judge or have an opinion on stuff that has nothing to do with you.

 

Just my 2 cents... changed my life.

 

And the sky is blue!

[bakon]

Your emotional? Or pissed off? Smoking won't change that.

You are right about 9 months and should be passed it. I don't think smoking made you a better person to be around. The smell alone is bad. Breath. Health. So you were able to shake off things better? Conflicts were easier? No.

Sorry to be blunt and you can join the Anti-bakon-haters group for those insulted if I seem harsh but I call bullshit. Smoking made you THINK that, ok. But in reality it only made things fuzzy at best

 

It did not make you better person or less emotional. It did not calm the anger, just delayed it or suppressed it till nicotine wore off. Your state of mind is yours to set. I will repeat this....only you control when your mad

[Evelyn]

I have a loads of emotions i freak out from sometimes, am i bitch sometimes or vunerable yea but both make a more honest woman that stands for herself and a non smoker :)

 

SO ARE YOU

[babs609]

whenever I would struggle I would remember 1 thing.  Non smokers have issues.  Non smokers have problems.  Non smokers have emotions.  How do they deal with it?  Same way I would have to deal with it. 

 

When we quit smoking we think anything new...anything different than we felt or acted before we quit was a result of quitting smoking...when the fact really is....it was because we smoked in the first place.  If you never smoked in your whole life....you would have already had healthy tools in your tool box to deal with life's issues.  When we are smokers...that toolbox is pretty lame... We had a smoke and a lighter.  Now that you stopped killing yourself...You tossed them...and are developing new skills in their place.   It gets better!  I promise!

[Devil Doll]

TEW I know that you keep hearing this ad nauseum but it does pass, it does get better, you do go back to normal. There is a point where you get yourself back.

I was exactly where you are at 9 months still wondering when I would start to get that feeling that everyone but me seemed to be having. I still struggled daily, and I waivered many times. I did not give in when I wanted to and one day it freakin happened. Please hang on because it will happen for you too.

[Still winning]

Honey, why have you decided in 9 months you should be at xyz? I feel like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself lately.

 

If people get on your nerves, tell em! Oi tosh, knock it off. Yes you drugged yourself before and that was not a good plan, now you are noticing all kinds of divs and not responding softly softly, good! Sounds like you may be a bit tetchy and over the top but jeez, it's not for nothing is it.

 

I hope Beacon comes through, she was mad for ages bless her and wondered if she'd ever get over it. I was glad she posted, cause I wondered if I would ever not be mad too a few months later, now you. It really is a phase but while it's here - maybe a few people around you need a good old shake up :)

 

PS I ditched half my family at that stage - nb, they are still gone and the cull was a blessing in disguise even if it was prompted by bat shizzle moments, which passed. This too shall pass TEW, hold fire chick. 

 

x

[sgt.barney]

If you want to come up with excuses to smoke ... you're tryin' real hard with this post.

 

Get over it.

 

You're long since past that bullsh_t, right?

 

You know better.

 

Right?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[El Bandito]

Hey TEW

 

Have a smoke. You will be super diplomatic then.

 

Ha!

 

Stop beating yourself up. Stop looking for the entire world to have tilted on its axis because you stopped wilfully poisoning yourself.

 

Life can be a pain in the ass, even for us non-smokers.

 

I got restless. Full of renewed energy...I realised that there lots of things that I could look at in how I was living. I took the confidence that the quit gave me and applied it to other things.

 

You have done a great thing TEW. You don't want to smoke.

[beacon]

Huge anger issues here too for the longest time. I thought everyone was conspiring against me at work, for example. And with no way to suck the anger down again into a pile of smoke I have learned other ways to cope such as exercise, meditation, making some changes to things that no longer appear to be acceptable. It took awhile. And even if I am no longer as carefree as I once was, I am still not smoking

[Ria]

I've been off the ciggs/nicotine for over 9 months but my emotional over-reactions to every day stressors are still way out of proportion.  Situations that never bothered me now cause biochemical responses (heightened blood pressure, faster heart rate).  Hair trigger reactions take place @ the tiniest provocation.  

 

I DO NOT FEEL LIKE ME.  This "new me" is not diplomatic or dialectical.  This "new me" is sometimes a major BURDEN on those around me.  My heightened emotions are affecting my workplace relationships, my romantic relationship, and my familial relationships, etc.  It's as if my core person is forever altered - I'm a less "chill" person and I'm not proud of the transformation.  Before I quit smoking people could hurt me and I would smoke it off...now people hurt me and I'm HURT.  I hold a grudge longer and I'm uber perceptive...almost paranoid.

 

Tonight I came close to folding.  Drafted a few SOS's that I didn't post.  Seems to me if you really want to smoke you would not post an S.O.S....you would just smoke.  

 

I don't want to smoke, I don't want to be a smoker.  That's why I'm on this forum - that's why I've struggled as hard as I have.  But I do want the anesthetizing effects of nicotine.  I do want to be comfortably numb.  

 

 

Perhaps it's not the quit causing this?  (((TEW))) xox

[Nicole Diver]

Honestly thoughts like this caused me to relapse last time.

I became fixated on the idea that I wasn't me anymore and I didn't like the non smoking me.

It's all a matter of getting your head in the right place in my opInion. Have you tried listening to Allen Carr audible? I listened to it many times and found the help/comfort it gave me really made the difference.

[DCCXXVII]

TEW hold onto life... it is so precious... nothing good ever comes from smoking... you know this

[Ramona]

Wow, lots of help and responses here.  Thanks...will try to read and re-read all of them in order to soak up the advice

 

I like Marti's reference to "bat shizzle" moments resulting in "culling." Hahaha!!  Awesome.

 

I don't want to be a less "carefree" person.  I think I'd like to be more carefree (if possible).

 

Probably more on this because I experience bat shizzle moments on the reg these days.

[El Bandito]

TEW

 

Whatever life throws at us - we know we can cope. We quit smoking.

 

Never smokers laugh at me when I say that - but I know that when somebody or something kicks off - I can deal with it. It is unlikely to be as bad as kilting myself slowly with cigarettes.

 

When you get those strong emotional reactions - take a second to enjoy them. I once described it as having lived as a smoker in a world that grimy and sepia - and now suddenly it is glorious technicolour.

 

Neversmokers will never understand that, but thats OK - I do.

 

Go sing. Sing like nobody can hear you. ;)

[bakon]

Glad you understood SMarti, cuz she talks batshit crazy and one of the worst of the islanders, burrito is pretty bad at times too and trevor is third place.

[Still winning]

Shush up now moped boy ;)

 

Tew, onto my point.  I been thinking about your post and I want to thank you. I think you identified my turning point in my quit and I'm hoping this explanation may help you back. 

 

What if...this was the turning point to the you that you were always supposed to be? Question what parts of your personality you do and don't like. Feel free to make amendments and new choices in how you act and react.  Smoking was never that answer, it's just a hiding hole we gave ourselves but jeez chick, such a bad plan!! 

 

You worry about keeping yourself in check and my devils advocate says, did they deserve that emotional check that you had to do - or should they just have managed themselves better?? You aren't in charge of other peoples choices and battles, only your own.

 

So - will you ever be calm...well yes actually. I am seriously more chilled then I have ever been, even my really sad is no where near how I was when I was constantly needing and looking to top myself up with drugs. That's not a quit smoking site analysis, it's actually real life. 

 

You deserve more than this conversation that you are having with yourself, and you are having it because your addict is screaming, which is because you are close to breaking through. Who cares about timings, but do care about freedom...it really does end up coming to that simple thought. Give the time some time and quit doubting yourself. You quit smoking, you can achieve anything you set your mind too!  

 

(and you will calm down too, honest) xx

[Ramona]

I really appreciate everyone here - like Tracey said - I'm sticking up for myself more.  But there are some issues that HONESTLY never felt like they bothered me, that now seem to strike a reaction in me.  I think these issues probably bothered me at a subconscious level but I didn't realize it. Someone here posted about that.  On a logical level - I still don't want these issues to bother me!!!  So it's a matter of (like Babs & Pema say) cutting out the story line, experiencing the feelings, and moving on.  I don't have to be bothered (as Chrispy said) by other peoples' life choices.  

 

Okay,

makin' a bundt cake.

(oh yah, sugar thing went out the window pretty hard)

[Ria]

Way to go!!! ;) :wub: