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Jetblack

My turn i guess. (trigger warnings)

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Not my typical post but we all get weak.

 

So I made it a full three months. I have not smoked since Oct 6th but for some reason yesterday and today - crave has been hitting HARD like I never imagined. My first three days were no where near this bad, Up to this point, I was thinking, "Yeah it is a little tough to quit but not so bad".

Right now it is a f*cking nightmare. My own response to my SOS has looked and sounded like, well, "Go ahead and buy some, you can quit again later, you are over 21, withdrawals are no big deal".

 

These past two days, I am pissed. I want my GD smokes! I think of the brands and types I never tried, how awesome they might be.

I keep thinking, "All I would have to do is walk into a tobacco shop and see which ones still exist that I knew about but never tried".

I think of things like, "Who the hell is the world to tell me to stop enjoying something I did for 15 years? Gotta die of something".

I know about "Just one and you are hooked again" and all that. Right now though, the logical side cannot get a word in because the emotional side is saying -

"G.D. it! To heck with all that B.S! You are gonna go out there you are gonna buy some cigarettes and you are gonna SMOKE! Enough of this "Quit" B.S. smoke smoke smoke Smoke Smoke Smoke Smoke SMOKE SMOKE SMOKE!

 

But here are the weird parts -

Not just any cancer stick would do. If it were those cowboy killers or some cheapo crap I would reject in a heart beat. There are specific brands I want to try. Who the hell gets a nicotine fit but is picky?

 

Second is I have no clue what is stopping me from actually going out and getting a pack. I think about buying them, having them, how exciting it would be to get my hands on a couple different ones I know about but never tried... Like the same rush one might get when buying a new outfit, phone, a sealed original pressing of a Barbara Mandrell LP whatever.

 

Ok I am joking. Ha ha. No one gets a rush out of buying a original pressing sealed Barbara Mandrell LP. More like The Wall. OH that would be worth some dough!

Ahem...

So, for those people here who actually smoked/chewed/dipped/drank someone else's chew spit/licked ash trays/whatever then quit but later had to fight their asses off to defeat a nicotine fit after so many months, how did you survive?

You know what I am feeling right now. How did you KTQ?

 

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Right now you're obsessing over smoking.  Turn your thoughts to something else.  You can't control what thoughts pop into your head but what you can do in control how you act on them and right now, you're playing right into the junkie frame of mind.  You're setting yourself up for a relapse.  Get out and walk/run; do something to occupy your mind until you learn to control these thoughts.

 

What you need to believe is that you're not missing out on anything by not smoking.  You're truly not and should you smoke, you'd feel like crap both physically and mentally.  Dig through this because it's only temporary and by the way, kudos for writing about it here.  It helps.  It truly does.  There is nothing that can force you to smoke; only you can willingly make that choice.  :)

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3 months woohoo!

 

Ain't addiction fun? Your inner addict fella is kicking and screaming, because he knows its him or you...and he knows he is losing.

 

Laugh, smile and shake your head at his melodramatics. Do it - laugh out loud.

 

You don't smoke anymore. You know that it never gave you anything, except the desire to have another one.

 

You quit. YOU did. Well done. Great work. 

 

Now get on with the rest of your day. ;-)

 

 

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I guess lighting up one would be like, "Well, THAT was worth blowing my quit".

Yeah I do need to think of other things.

 

This is embarrassing but I think I know what caused it - I was looking through some old cigarette (and other) ads. Yeah I like "vintage" stuff. Didn't think stupid cigarette ads would trigger anything. Oh well, lesson learned. Normally doesn't happen but came across one ad for a brand that I always had a weird fascination with (but not enough to ever buy any)

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Sweetheart...

That little nicotine monster is nagging down your ear...he knows he has a fight on his hands .

If you truly wanted to smoke....you would have just done it..not posted here...so this tells me ..deep down ..you want to save this quit...

Re write your own response to SOS...read everyone else's too..

You have been a big support to me these last few months...

Spend time here reading all the stuff pinned in green on the main board....come in to the counting game...go laugh at the cats and dogs...do anything..

Just don't smoke...

Don't make me get that cast iron frying pan out..and come hit you over the head with it...

You have 3 months for geez sake...if you throw that away ...believe me...you will be gutted....

Get to the NOPE thread. Its up and running today !!!!!

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You are on your way and nicotine is giving one last ditch effort to bring you back.  Be strong and fight for what you want.  The feeling will soon go away and you will come out being/feeling like a winner.

 

Keep on fightin' on

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Sorry you had this sudden, latent strong craving experience but full marks for posting on the SOS page :) I remember that I had an unexpected difficult couple of days 2 months into my quit and that took me by surprise because I thought I was over the heavy-duty crap by then. I never felt that I was in danger of picking up the smokes again but I did have to rally my resources and employ them big time for a short period of time. I was just hit out of the blue by a stressful life event and that was enough to rock my quit boat pretty hard for a bit. Good news is, that never happened to me again and I suspect the same will be true for you as well.

 

Why these things happen when they do I can't say. I'm sure other deeper thinkers than I would have some ideas. All I know is that you need to be prepared for unexpected surges in that lure back to the addiction even after you think you have it beat. Long as you keep that in the back of your mind always and are prepared to defend your hard won quit - you are golden :)

 

Good Job JB!

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You’re doing awesome JB! Keep your eyes on the prize 👀 Free from Smoking! No need to focus on old Ads...you have come too far to blow it. Honestly, this craving you are feeling for a smoke is just a figment of pleasure in your imagination....it’s not what you think it will be at all...you would be disappointed in that drag & disappointed in yourself. Refocus. Think clean & fresh. Some of these urges are pretty strong...I can identify with that as can many others....but they go away. It sucks when the strong urges hit but you have to physically remove yourself from them....go for a walk, immerse yourself in some other activity. That nicotine addict in you is having a tantrum & you have to ignore it in the same way you would ignore any tantrum. 

You’re doing great! This is an unfortunate part of the journey. Be proud and stay proud. Stay away from Ads. And believe in yourself. 🤗

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Everyone's experiences are different.  The onset, duration, and intensity of cravings differ between each one of us.  Our triggers also vary.  If you've identified a trigger you can avoid or alter, do it.

Right now you're romancing the cigarette.  It's important to realize that and use your logical brain to override those feelings.  Know that nothing good ever comes from smoking.....only devastation, despair and death.

 

Keep that beautiful 3 month quit going Jetblack.  It's such an amazing gift.

 

 

Edited by BKP
*
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JB, I had a similar experience somewhere around month 2-3. I let my thoughts and emotions run wild and it fed the cravings and fueled the romance. And I was miserable. But I held tight to my quit and even though I was miserable and pissed off not understanding why this would happen after x amount of time quit, I just didn’t smoke. Eventually I realized  I had allowed those thoughts in and on some level I think I was making it so difficult for myself so that I’d have an excuse to give in. I didn’t though and when I copped to what I was doing to myself the whole dynamic changed.  I wouldn’t want it to happen again but having no gone through that has made my quit stronger.  You can get through it too JB. Kick that nicodemon to the curb, sweep smoking off the table and any of those romantic images out of your mind and set yourself right. You can do it!  You’ll be so glad you did. If you smoke, you’ll be so miserable and broken-hearted that you did. 

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9 hours ago, Jetblack said:

I guess lighting up one would be like, "Well, THAT was worth blowing my quit".

 

In the throes of addicted reasoning you would think that.  However, the imagined relief that cigarette will provide and the reality of actually smoking that cigarette are far removed.  I threw away enough quits in the past to have firsthand experience with this.  Not only will that "just this one" cigarette not cause feelings of relief and euphoria, it will only compound your problems.  Apart from not solving anything and failing to make me feel better, I remember the feeling of defeat and weakness that came with each decision to bail on a quit and choose the cigarette over myself.

 

Cylindrical tubes filled with tobacco and carcinogens are not the answer to anything.  We got hooked.  We got smart and left them behind.  We move on.

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Check in Jet. Those ‘later in the quit’ craves suck but you can get through it. It’s all mental even though it feels physical. I noticed that you said you ‘have no clue about what is stopping you from going out and buying a pack. I know what is stopping you. The fact that you don’t want to smoke, you want to protect that quit. 

Did you write a “Pre-Response to your SOS”? If so, go read it. If not then go to the thread and write one. Also, go back into the NOPE pledge for the day and pledge again. Pledge every hour if you have to. I used to NOPE (just for today). I couldn’t promise tomorrow but for that one day I wouldn’t puff. Do it hour to hour if you have to. 

You’ve got this. 

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10 hours ago, Jetblack said:

I guess lighting up one would be like, "Well, THAT was worth blowing my quit".

Yeah I do need to think of other things.

 

This is embarrassing but I think I know what caused it - I was looking through some old cigarette (and other) ads. Yeah I like "vintage" stuff. Didn't think stupid cigarette ads would trigger anything. Oh well, lesson learned. Normally doesn't happen but came across one ad for a brand that I always had a weird fascination with (but not enough to ever buy any)

Go buy yourself some other wonderful treat!!

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I am fine. Not feeling bad today.  I am not going to be one of those who sign up here, get motivated about their quits, have a hard time, give up, and vanish.

 

I still kind of want one but I keep thinking of how someone on here told me that trying to quit again after relapses is harder. I do not want to find out if that is true.

Plus there are those stories on here and wherever about smokers who had to have this or that removed. I kind of want to go to my grave in one piece a long time from now.

 

Shortly before I quit, I was thinking this a lot - "what if I am one of the 33% of smokers who dies of smoking related problems?"

 

Guess i will have to forego my dream of being as sexy as Debi Austin

 

 

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Glad to hear JB, although I never doubted you would figure it out on your own and stay on the path forward. I too have relied on a lot of relapse stories I have come across and it is always the same story ..... actual smoke was no where near as pleasurable as what they thought it would be. They are always left devastated emotionally as well which I can see. I too do not want to ever experience that. We've all worked too hard to go back there!

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Yeah I think it mostly passed because today i have not wanted to smoke any more than I usually do, which the craves are rather weak. Hopefully it is gone anyways. I didn't really do much other than write here about getting hit with an "out of nowhere" crave.

 

I NOW know exactly what caused it though-

Have you ever heard the expression "When I have sex it is so good that even the neighbors need a cigarette after"?

I believe my neighbor was getting pretty "romantic". Weird thing was, the crave hit about two hours after my neighbor's husband left for work and some other car pulled into the driveway.

Good thing I do not live next to newlyweds. My "Quit" would be done long ago.

 

 

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I long for three months no smoke LOL. One of the biggest things to keep me from relapse is throwing away the time I have. And l only have six days LOL( in my seventh day today). I couldn’t imagine being tempted to throw away three months. I’m glad you’re feeling better today.

 

They do nothing for us.  They take our money, our time and our health. They have nothing to offer.

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I've yet to see someone come on here who has relapsed,and said they were so happy to be back in the chains of addiction...

Once you get passed the uncomfortable stage...the feeling of being free will fill you with self satisfaction... And pride...a wonderful place to be..trust me !!!

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Congratulations on three months of Freedom.

You are no longer 'pushing a new broom''

and may get blindsided by the reality of Addiction.

No worries, NOPE and all will be well.

You may find solace in this thread about '

I bumped it in 'discussions' also.

Power to You,

S

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16 hours ago, Octain said:

I long for three months no smoke LOL. One of the biggest things to keep me from relapse is throwing away the time I have. And l only have six days LOL( in my seventh day today). I couldn’t imagine being tempted to throw away three months. I’m glad you’re feeling better today.

 

They do nothing for us.  They take our money, our time and our health. They have nothing to offer.

I get a real kick out of posts like this where new quitters are in awe of people with 2 or 3 months quit and those with 2 or 3 months quit can't imagine having a whole year quit. It seems like yesterday, that was me. Completely gob-smacked by people with a couple months quit. I could not even relate to people with a year or more quit back then. What the hell could they know about what I was going through. They were long safe in their new non-smoking lives and well .... I was certainly different from them.

 

Now I'm almost a year quit myself and looking back at those who came after me admiring their courage, knowing their daily struggle. It is the same as I had every day not that long ago. I almost miss those daily battles with the addiction that enslaved me for so many years. I now know that all those things the "elders" told me back when I was a few days or weeks quit was absolutely true. A strong personal commitment, education about this addiction, support from your peers here and a daily pledge of NOPE is all any of us needs to make it to freedom. Truly an amazing journey :)

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23 hours ago, Octain said:

I long for three months no smoke LOL. One of the biggest things to keep me from relapse is throwing away the time I have. And l only have six days LOL( in my seventh day today). I couldn’t imagine being tempted to throw away three months. I’m glad you’re feeling better today.

 

They do nothing for us.  They take our money, our time and our health. They have nothing to offer.

 

Three months might have a battle in store. I was stupid though, looking through some smoking related junk on the web, old ads. But as quick as the hard crave came, it went.

 

BTW, it looks now like you are on your 8th day, meaning MORE than a week Quit.

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22 minutes ago, Jetblack said:

 

 

BTW, it looks now like you are on your 8th day, meaning MORE than a week Quit.

 

Yep, 8th underway. 

 I never believed  that I’d be a non-smoker. 

 One day at a time.

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Update -

I only smoked about 12 packs of Camel non-filters since starting this thread so I am not doing too bad. Only two packs a day.

 

OK kidding aside - I managed to make it through that tough period. At some point Sunday Jan 14th, it is like the intense craves just kind of stopped. They hit hard and sudden then just... gone. So I guess it is back down to "I would like one" instead of going nuts wanting one.

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3 hours ago, Jetblack said:

 I managed to make it through that tough period. At some point Sunday Jan 14th, it is like the intense craves just kind of stopped. They hit hard and sudden then just... gone. So I guess it is back down to "I would like one" instead of going nuts wanting one.

 

The cravings pass.  They go away.

 

For all the fear and trepidation concerning withdrawal symptoms.  All that buildup...they just go away.  There's a lot of things you can do to deal with the symptoms or you can choose to do absolutely nothing and the result is always the same...they go away.

 

What I'm trying to say is: they go away.

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