I’ve now been without a punch in the face and without the chains of nicotine for 5 months. This is pretty amazing, I feel good, I know my lungs are better, my wounds have healed and my skin looks great. Everything is kind of perky!

 

I know I’m mentally a mess. I cry, often, for no good reason. I shouldn’t be crying I’ve dumped everything that is bad for me, well, still have wine, but I digress. I desperately crave all the hugs I can get, I know I hug people just a bit too much and a bit too hard.

 

I get hugs from this forum. I love you all. Genuinely. You have changed my life.

 

I know I will get better.

 

I wish I had a well thought out conclusion to this post.

 

I don’t.

 

Just as it takes time to learn to live without cigarettes in our lives, so does it too to live without an abusive relationship.  When you cry it is for good reason.  It's a release from all things that were destroying you.

 

People in our society don't hug enough.  Sometimes I'll see an old lady in the store who looks so lonely and I just want to give her a big hug.

thanks for sharing. I learned and live by a simple saying. "If you think its wrong, it is."

 

Stories of how something happened seem out of wack or reason for being late or missing work, lunch, drink date...if you think a lie is being told to hide something...there is a reason and you are probably right questioning the entire story..

 

This can be used for just about everything.... "if you think something is going on, it is" or there is a reason you believe it is. Meaning if your suspect someone's story doesn't add up, it doesn't and there is a reason it doesn't.

 

Back to msniceass's situation

 

People want to believe the world is safe and the evil part isn't going to touch them. We ignore the "signs" and want things to be good. But evil lives in your neighborhood and we should all be taking an extra minute to listen to people. Someone maybe one sentence away from telling you something important or asking for help. Just need one more minute to spill the truth.

 

Now interrogation 101

So when you feel something might be going on, a friend abused or a person not telling the truth, there is a sixth sense or something telling you something isn't adding up, then take a minute and ask another question.

• If the person hesitates only for a few seconds and then adds just one detail to the story, the next thing out of their mouth is probably a lie. They hesitated to think up something. you will know by how long the hesitation is...its a feel thing...you will feel them making it up. There is no exact time to this...practice it on a child, they are funny when they lie about something, you can see them look up to think of the answer. in their mind they are "looking" for the right thing to say. Same goes for big people. A short second to two is not a lie, 5 seconds probably should get another question to see if it will all fit together. 10 seconds without something said is just odd. So there is a feel for the time.
• If they repeat what they said earlier, they haven't thought out the story completely enough. No details and we all have too many details to our stories, so something isn't right.
• If there is a change in body position, a sinking of the eyes, or shoulders go down, wait ...and they might ask you for help. or confess, or spill the truth.
• where is the truth???if you suspect a story is "off" that feeling will go away with the right answer. a light bulb moment where you get it. But the repeating of a story again and again doesn't make it true. There is a lot to reading body language with interviewing. But in a nut shell direct eye contact and not getting overly emotional, excited or mad and being able to add details that make sense to the story are usually truthful answers. Just like ordering a sandwich at a counter. An easy conversation without a weird smile or looking away.

But nobody needs pressured into telling the truth. Either way they answer, accept it and allow a moment of silence. They will ask when comfortable, not when pressured. But you will KNOW the real answer by their response and be ready next time.

 

Now go fight crime you Legion of Super Hero's

((( Sarah ))) - just saw this - super proud that you eradicated 2 demons from your life .... Would love to give you a real hug but for now sending you hugs over the inter web ! I'm here if ever you need it .. Love ya Hun xx

I refuse to be sad after reading your post.  I am celebrating a victory for you....and you should be too.

 

You escaped Sarah...you are a warrior.

 

You are stronger today than you were yesterday

You learned a lot from this experience

You continue to grow and learn every day
You are who you are today, because of what you have endured

 

You are smart and intelligent and beautiful

 

No....I am not sad at all

 

I am overjoyed for you.  :)

{{Sarah}}.. you are such an incredibly strong woman,.. I hope you know this.. REALLY know it..

 

you said you didn't know why you were putting this here...I believe things happen for a reason,.. and it could very well be that somewhere out "there" a woman will read this and because of your strength, she will leave an abusive relationship too... your example could be just what someone needs to say, "if Sarah leave  AND stop smoking.. so can I ".....

 

The others are right hun, we are are here for you.. you wonderful, beautiful, strong, powerful Lady {{{{{{HUG}}}}}}

(( Sarah))

How are you feeling Sarah?

Every body has already said what I would have said so I will just send a big squeezy hug :)

 

 

 

(((HUGS)))

Every body has already said what I would have said so I will just send a big squeezy hug :)

 

 

 

 

(((HUGS)))

+1

Wow, that takes a lot of courage. I´m really sorry you had to go through a horrible abusive experience, but you came out stronger! 

Keep close and we´ll be here anytime you need it.

Hug!

-Nat

Yes...you seem crazy... but the good kind o' crazy.

What's crazy is reading this now, and how long ago this feels.

 

For everyone doubting being able to quit, you can!

Sweetheart....you are a strong young lady...and have been a insperation here....

You are so right...it's doable....xx

Not sure what more I can add but there's this, ((((hugs))) from the heart.

Sarah, I'm so happy for you! It's very rare that a woman has the strength to get out of an abusive relationship but you did it! And you quit smoking at the same time. Incredible! And now you are reaping the rewards-- going into the New Year with a healthier and happier mind and body. Yours is a very inspiring story. Thank you for sharing it!