April 10, 20197 yr I think it was about 8 months in when I had my one and only smoking dream...woke up in a panic but realized within a few minutes (or maybe it was only seconds?) that it was a dream! I was so happy about that! God knows I did not want to ever have to start my quit over again.....keep it going, @MLMR, you are doing great! 😎 Edited April 10, 20197 yr by Rozuki link
May 1, 20197 yr Author Just drove home after a long day at work. The radio played this: Ive loved that piece like forever. Felt a rush of all things good: no more smoking misère, proud, relieved, thankfull and chuckling over the drama of the first 3, 4 months. How i never ever want ro re-do that. As long as i can remember ive been short of breath . Combination of smoking and anxiety. For the first time ever i am starting to experience calm breathing. I eat more conciously. I have fewer speeding tickets. I arive in time for work instead of rushing and still being late. Might sound dull, but its actually what ive been longing for, for so long . Yeah. I am happy with quitting
May 1, 20197 yr I'm glad you're seeing so many awesome benefits of quitting MLMR, thanks for sharing 😊
May 2, 20197 yr Author Sadly, my mom learned today that she's got a kidney tumor. It was discovered by accident, because she was preparing for surgery and had a ctscan because of that. The positive news is that its only 4,5 cm, she will be called within 6 weeks to have it removed. Only then will they be able to tell about possible metastases. Not one second did I concider smoking, though I am a bit in shock by this unexpected news. I guess its another opportunity to genuinely feel what there is to feel, instead of hiding behind a veil of smoke.
May 2, 20197 yr Exactly MLMR - hiding behind that veil of smoke is what we all did, telling ourselves it helped us calm down and deal with life - ha, what a lie! We were hiding from life. It's good to just deal with things up front now isn't it? I''m sorry to hear of your mother's issue. A good friend of mine was diagnosed with the same issue about a two years ago and he is now fit as a fiddle, Had one kidney removed and the other treated with chemo for a bit and is cancer free now so take heart and let's hope for the best in your Mom's case
May 2, 20197 yr Sorry to hear your Mum is going to have to through this ....but Wow !!!!....I'm so proud of you .....high five....for not making this a reason to lose your fab quit ....
May 2, 20197 yr MLMR, prayers for your mom. She is so lucky to have you by her side. You are becoming stronger every day. You will get through this.
May 2, 20197 yr Author @reciprocity, it certainly is good to deal with life upfront. Better for me, better for her. And... glad I dont have to leave the room to light up. That would embarras me, but I'd still do it. Everything for that fix... Her surgery and therefor that ctscan were initially planned in october, so technically that thing has been discovered 6 months early. Thats sheer luck. I have my hopes up for her story to end as well as your friend's. @Doreensfree, thanks. It may sound inappropriate, dont mean it like that, but I am really thankfull to experience the result of my perseverance so far. It would be so, so shitty to have to battle urges right now, while I actually want to be there for my mom. @Linda Thomas 😘
May 2, 20197 yr I am so sorry MLMR. Mums are so precious and I hope for nothing but a positive outcome for yours. Just look how far you have come. You faced and won challenge after challenge. Right now you're facing an enormous challenge and you're still smoke free. You're pretty amazing really x
May 3, 20197 yr Sorry to read this MLMR, so glad she got her ctscan now instead of waiting until October. Someone is looking over her And good job realizing smoking would have done nothing but make you feel miserable!
May 3, 20197 yr Author @Lilly, my relationship with my mom has never been the most momdaughterlovish .. thats what makes this even more difficult. We have our challenges, to put it nicely. She's been through cancer before, many memories. Hopefully this wont be anywhere near that. @jillar exactly. She got a call today, she's scheduled for the 29th of may to have it removed. Quicker than we initially thought, nice! Edited May 3, 20197 yr by MLMR
May 16, 20197 yr Author Note to self. Dont allow these wondering thoughts. Smoking isnt on the menu anymore, period.
May 17, 20197 yr 1 hour ago, MLMR said: Dont allow these wondering thoughts. Smoking isnt on the menu anymore, period. It is funny that those thoughts do not enter my mind anymore, unless I am really f****cking mad. I associate it with self destructive thoughts. I have learned to release my anger and have used a few choice words that I never thought I would use. I am hoping this too is just a phase and not an addiction!!!😁
May 17, 20197 yr Author @Linda Thomas Im not sure what caused it last night. I found myself romancing smoking just a liiiitle bit, but it could have easily been the start of sabotaging my quit. But.. away with that!
May 17, 20197 yr 5 hours ago, MLMR said: but it could have easily been the start of sabotaging my quit. We will have none of that girl. You are doing awesome. Keep posting when you feel like that. We are here!!!!!!!
May 17, 20197 yr 18 hours ago, MLMR said: Note to self. Dont allow these wondering thoughts. Smoking isnt on the menu anymore, period. I wouldn't worry too much about thoughts, they come and they go. Every thought has exactly as much power as we give it. Just keep on keeping on.
May 17, 20197 yr 13 minutes ago, Boo said: Every thought has exactly as much power as we give it. ^^^^^ This is it! We all have thoughts about smoking. Our brains were conditioned for so long toward smoking activity that those thoughts just come to us even though we might be disgusted by the thought of smoking again. Providing you just dismiss those thoughts when they come to you, then all's fine. Dismissing those thoughts becomes easier and easier to do the further along your are in your quit.
May 18, 20197 yr Well done on beating those thoughts. It's really tiring constantly battling so you did really well x
May 19, 20197 yr Author 20 hours ago, Lilly said: Well done on beating those thoughts. It's really tiring constantly battling so you did really well x Lilly, I want to make clear that this really wasnt battling. They were just unexpected thoughts, and I caught myself in not immediately dismissing them, like Ive been doing for almost 9 months now. So thats why I wrote that note to self. Its been a few good months now since I thought of this proces as a battle.
May 19, 20197 yr 2 hours ago, MLMR said: Its been a few good months now since I thought of this proces as a battle. The battle is over. Victory is yours.
May 24, 20197 yr Author Surprised by a strong cigarette-hot sunny day- pattern thought. Hush! So, note to self: Imagine the hot days where you were too short of breath to actually feel good. Remember the summer nights were you smoked so much while cursing yourself for throwing away all that money and for deliberately f*cking up your breathing. Think back at all those cigarettes you hated smoking but had too anyway. And how about dull stale cigarette stench that always seemed to rise from the couch/car/jackets in the hall as soon as the weather grew hotter? Yeah, exactly. Bye pattern, you dont fool me at nine months!
May 29, 20197 yr Author Just brought my mom to the hospital for her surgery. And now... having like a thousand smokey memories. What do I need right now? Acknoledge that i feel a bit scared. Knowing that hospitals are yet unconquered triggers. Breath. I will not let this get a hold of me. 9+ months. I will keep going no matter what.
May 29, 20197 yr You are a strong woman MLMR - so proud of you. Sending lots of positive thoughts for you and your mum x
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