February 2, 20197 yr Author 5th night in a row with poor sleep. The past days have been whirlwinds, so many thoughts. Suddenly the crave's back: darn receptors scream for their candy. Why now, suddenly? Yet, conciously thinking about smoking makes me want to vomit. What then is it? Probably the huge inconvenience of being by myself and the spooky images I create when I'm not paying close attention. First weekend alone. Well not entirely, will be helping a friend painting in her new home. It's like with quitting.... debunking thoughts.... did that past week... but now I'm kinda done with that and just want proper sleep and no more uncanny-stomach-achish background noise. I do care. I do care and just to be sure, I DO CARE.
February 2, 20197 yr Aww sorry your not getting much sleep M.... That nico monster is still tapping your shoulder and whispering ...Hey Remember Me !!!!!! Take it steady ...still one minute at a time ...I know you won't smoke ...he will eventually give up ....you are stronger than him... Painting will be a great way of keeping busy ...tell that mister to ...Go Do One !!!!!
February 2, 20197 yr MLMR, those craves seem to really rear their heads when we are low, struggling with other feelings and exhausted. Distraction is the best. Painting will give you a feeling of accomplishment and hopefully a sense of tired from the work. I know a virtual hug just does not cut it like the real thing. I so wished I lived closer that we could help each other through the tough times. Just keep pampering yourself, you so deserve that right now.
February 2, 20197 yr Sorry you're going through all this right now MLMR, and as long as you do care then your quit is safe! Keep caring, keep busy, it will get better, I promise....
February 2, 20197 yr G’day Can you live on a promise? I promise it does get better.... So Much Better. Youll get to a point where you’ll have a bad nights sleep and never even think about the smokes. Trust me that is freedom and you’ll get to that place that you deserve to be! Chris
February 2, 20197 yr Author 1 hour ago, Cbdave said: G’day Can you live on a promise? Yes. I have to. I really don't have another option, do I?
February 3, 20197 yr 11 hours ago, MLMR said: Yes. I have to. I really don't have another option, do I? G’day I got pneumonia in the Sept 2015, by the end of the month I was on champix and by oct 10 stopped. My choice My decision. My power. Never I thought that I was somehow trapped into making it or feelings of being trapped. Saying you have no choice gives the smokes more power than they deserve! Don’t forget you have just pulled off “a death defining act”. GoodOnYa!
February 3, 20197 yr Author I know you are right. My energy is being drained by dealing with breakup, since last weekend. Not only did I lose my man, I also have to discard an image of what our future would have been like. Every crave I thought id dealt with in the past 5 months, is back. Am not sure how, only know that I HAVE to get through without lighting up. I do have a choice and I make it time and time again. You are right @Cbdave
February 3, 20197 yr G’day A relationship break up? Yep you’ve got double trouble cause giving up the smokes is giving away a relationship in a way. There comes a time in any breakup when you’ve got to get a bit of old fashioned HATE going! You owe yourself, none of this civilized sh1t. Time to hate. Youve been wronged. You deserve better. Its time to move ahead, cause you need to grow and these remains of a relationship are just a hinderence ...... Chris
February 16, 20197 yr Author "It'll give you a sense of relief!" No. It will give me a sense of dizzyness, sickness and it will taste like fresh diarrea butt. Smoking will trap me and sooner or later, probably at the very first puff, I will regret it with all my heart. "Smoke a cigaret and you will be more like your old self!" Yeah, like my old anxious self that is. I quit for a very special reason remember? "Smoking fits your mood." Smoking has nothing to do with moods whatsoever. I smoked because i am addicted. Now that I am breaking free of that for almost 6 months, I really need to see that smoking does not lift mood or spirit. I have plenty of other (great!) options to do something about my mood. Even when it gets me by the throat. Same principles. "What does it matter anyway?" It matters, as in cancer. As in all sorts of life-decreasing illnesses. As in slowly suffocating myself. It matters as in life or death, really. "You will feel less alone." If I light up now, Ill be probably more alone with my stinkcig then I ever was in the past 6 months without. Junkie thinking, please get your ass out of here. You don't serve me well. Edited February 16, 20197 yr by MLMR
February 16, 20197 yr 3 hours ago, MLMR said: It'll give you a sense of relief!" No. It will give me a sense of dizzyness, sickness and it will taste like fresh diarrea butt. Smoking will trap me and sooner or later, probably at the very first puff, I will regret it with all my heart. "Smoke a cigaret and you will be more like your old self!" Yeah, like my old anxious self that is. I quit for a very special reason remember? "Smoking fits your mood." Smoking has nothing to do with moods whatsoever. I smoked because i am addicted. Now that I am breaking free of that for almost 6 months, I really need to see that smoking does not lift mood or spirit. I have plenty of other (great!) options to do something about my mood. Even when it gets me by the throat. Same principles. "What does it matter anyway?" It matters, as in cancer. As in all sorts of life-decreasing illnesses. As in slowly suffocating myself. It matters as in life or death, really. "You will feel less alone." If I light up now, Ill be probably more alone with my stinkcig then I ever was in the past 6 months without. Junkie thinking, please get your ass out of here. You don't serve me well. MLMR, that definitely says it all. What a great way to work through the craves. Writing down the questions and answering them. I think you have answered them for all of us. You read these and wonder how we can even let that thought of smoking creep in.
February 16, 20197 yr You needn't let any junkie thoughts take a hold of you. You needn't listen to any complete sentences, squish them mid phrase and replace them with your true thoughts and reward yourself for every junkie thought squelched. What you are doing is re-claiming your brain, one receptor at a time. I yelled, 'FREE YOUR HEAD' mid phrase and drowned them out as quick as I could.
February 16, 20197 yr I agree with Linda MLMR, this thread is going to, and probably already has, helped a lot of people.
February 16, 20197 yr Absolutely..... This post has been honest ....and I'm certain it has helped more folks than you think ... I don't know how many times I yelled ..Smoking is not on the table ..!!!!!.....
February 16, 20197 yr You could actually copy and paste this post to the "Pre Respond to Your Own SOS" thread because all the statements are true and reading them makes you stop and consider reality vs junkie thinking sweet-talk.
February 23, 20197 yr Author 3 O'clock midnight. Too many things to worry about and too little sleep. Junkie thinking keeps interfering. Its absurd and it drives me mad. How can 'I really got this now, I had a definite click moment!' be so close to 'ahh, well... what would it matter...'. Not even the slightest doubt about lighting up. No room for discussion. And yet, that annoying prick of junkie thinking over and over again. 'Oh you thought you had coffee, driving, meals covered, for more than 5 months now? Not anymore, since breakup! Go have fun figuring it out all over a-fvucking-gain!' 'You reduced panick and even felt better afterwards? HA-HA! Life sheds a different light now, so enjoy adjusting!' So, listen up, ogre of a shit addiction. I wont buy cigarettes. I wont smoke. I stand my ground. 'This too shall pass' and all the cliché postcard texts together!!!!! I have come this far and I promis myself again: Not One Puff Ever. Aaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhh!! Edited February 23, 20197 yr by MLMR
February 23, 20197 yr Keep telling the monster to Fvck Off... He will get the message M...one day he will give up trying ....
February 23, 20197 yr Sometimes, the ferocity of a crave is mind blowing especially in the first year when your brain finds yet another connection to nicotine. Do not be discouraged. One by one, each and every brain receptor will be re-claimed. This is why rewards are essential.
February 23, 20197 yr Yes it's surprisingly tough at times throughout that first year and this far along there can be huge WTF moments because you believe you are further along and shouldn't be feeling tested so strongly again. Thing is, they are just moments now and not upon you constantly as they were in the beginning. Proof you're winning! Stay strong - stay committed and you'll be fine. Remember, it's a process. A rather long one at times.
February 23, 20197 yr I'm glad you have this thread to vent on MLMR, writing the words down always seems to make the feelings less powerful. Why let a breakup come between you and your awesome quit? Keep going girl and just remember that everything happens for a reason. Your special someone is out there
February 23, 20197 yr Author 1 hour ago, jillar said: Your special someone is out there I usually dont believe in special someones... bit of a love cynic here, but above all too fond of my freedom. But with him, it was different. I thought. Never ever did I think about buying a house with someone (aka, building a future) untill I met that guy. And yet .... this is where we are at. The situation calls upon my sanity and patience. And sooner or later, just with quitting smoking, things will ease out and ill be able to move on. But first, wine and brownies ?
February 23, 20197 yr 51 minutes ago, MLMR said: But first, wine and brownies ? Yes, wine and brownies can always brighten a day
February 28, 20197 yr Author Note to self: stay sharp. Know what this is about. "When I saw his casket being lowered into the ground, I lost every single ounce of desire for a cigarette. I quit cold turkey without any cravings or thoughts of cigarettes anymore. I did not have withdrawal symptoms, or if I did, I didn't notice them because my heart was broken and grieving desperately for my only brother who laid six feet under ground. Cigarettes can and will kill you. Sometimes you die slowly, sometimes you die quickly, it all depends on what disease you get from smoking. It took a heart wrenching horrific tragedy to open my eyes. Don't wait until it's too late, quit smoking today and embrace life to the fullest without lethal cigarettes in your system. You can do it." https://whyquit.com/whyquit/Memorial.html
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