ML....

Sorry your having to deal with some of life curve balls just now...

Rewards can be very small...nice smelling shower gel....nice bath bomb and soak...new hairbrush...it doesn't matter as long as it's a great for you....

Non smokers have some crappy times too...

You have a fabulous 3 months quit....what would be gained by smoking now ....nothing .....you would still have all the problems ,Plus you would be so disappointed ...

Don't listen to the folks telling you to smoke ...that is so negative ....keep coming here....post as much as you want ...SOS if need be......stay strong ...

 

Thanks @Doreensfree, The thing is, I don't actually crave smoking. Im put off by the thought of a smoke between my lips, by the smell, by the taste. And when I think further ... the slavery, the shame etc etc etc. Just nope nope, smoking is a big fat nope.

 

Still. Finding a new way to deal with things, which at the moment aren't really everyday-things... (not comfortable putting it up here for everyone to read). It's really about learning to deal with sh*t in a non-toxic way. Non-toxic being...healthy, or something?  Rewarding, taking GOOD showers, spoiling myself with .... things! Ahhh it's so not what I'm used to. In the first month of my quit I owned that part..

 

I think I just GOT to do it. When I feel like it, when I don't feel like it or when I'm about to smash something real hard. Got to get that dopamine production to work.  

 

 

 

 

I am way behind you so have nothing to offer in the way of quit advice. 

 

A good few years ago I felt a bit like you have lately. It wasn't because I quit smoking, it was because my marriage ended. 

 

I made a complete tit of myself trying to get him back but nothing worked. Then I was left with the reality that my whole life had changed and everything was different. 

 

It took me about six months to feel I could actually start living my new life. It was a different life but it soon became the norm. 

 

What I'm trying to say is no matter how much you try and find a solution to change how you feel it isn't always there. Time really is sometimes the only healer and you can drive yourself nuts trying to speed up the process.  

 

I read this thread every time you post on it and it's such a positive influence for all of us following in your footsteps. 

 

Sending you lots of positive vibes to get through ?

47 minutes ago, MLMR said:

Thanks @Doreensfree, The thing is, I don't actually crave smoking. Im put off by the thought of a smoke between my lips, by the smell, by the taste. And when I think further ... the slavery, the shame etc etc etc. Just nope nope, smoking is a big fat nope.

 

Still. Finding a new way to deal with things, which at the moment aren't really everyday-things... (not comfortable putting it up here for everyone to read). It's really about learning to deal with sh*t in a non-toxic way. Non-toxic being...healthy, or something?  Rewarding, taking GOOD showers, spoiling myself with .... things! Ahhh it's so not what I'm used to. In the first month of my quit I owned that part..

 

I think I just GOT to do it. When I feel like it, when I don't feel like it or when I'm about to smash something real hard. Got to get that dopamine production to work.  

 

 

 

 

 

ML....Great to hear,that smoking is off the table ...

Take a step back and think of what you are achieving.....you are amazing...you are doing what every smoker on the planet ...deep down want,s to achieve ..

I too have received some news lately will will change my life comp!etely...how will I deal with this ?.....Day By Day...and do the best I can...

That's all of any of us can do...don't be hard on yourself ....xx

 

As I look back on my smoking days, big life hits of shock, unhappiness and difficult changes were always dealt with chain smoking events and hiding in my puff of smoke never changed one thing.  It actually always made me feel lousier.   Now that I am a nonsmoker, I think I finally experience true emotion when difficult things happen.  I cry, I lean on the ones I love and have surrounded myself with authentic, true friendship.  I believe my quit friends can guide me through anything.  We are here for you MLMR and Doreen.  Life is always going to be full of crappy things.  Smoking does not have to be one of them!

Sorry you're having a tough time MLMR and I'm so glad you didn't listen to those that said go ahead and have a smoke. Don't know if the person who said that was a smoker or not but I do know that smokers hate losing a 'partner in crime' and nonsmokers have no idea the grab this addiction has on us. But we know and will be here for you to help get you through the rough spots.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel MLMR so just keep putting one foot in front of the other

P.S. @Doreensfree, we're here for you too...... 

Edited November 26, 20187 yr by jillar

ML, Life will happen with our without smokes.  So glad you're staying strong and dealing with everything without giving in.  

Well, must be 'tis the season'

I, too, have some life changing issues to suddenly deal with.

Times that I would have smothered in a shroud of smoke.

I thought....yep, these are the times I would have an endless smoke dangling from my lips...

but, these are new times,

it is a new day. 

I am no longer a slave and refuse to enslave myself ever again.

 

I am glad M'life you are working on your rewards.

These are so important

and reminds me to reward myself as well, 

we all need some extra dopamine especially in this dark time of the year.

 

* Craving is not an emergency. 

* I can do this because I am a grown woman with skills. Even during dissociation and reliving the trauma, I am still that same grown woman. 

* I am capable of doing what's best for me.

* Smoking does in no way enhance this situation. It won't make my friend have less of a fight in hospital and it won't make me steadier. It most definitely will not heal relationship wounds. 

* This is temporary. This will pass.

* There is no quick fix in this. Breath, that's all I have to do. 

* If events will take certain turns, they would have anyway. 

 

 

Great words, ML.  Hope things work out for you and your friend but you've got it right ... events will take whatever turn they need to.  You can do this, ML, you're a strong woman.

 

Keep writing MLMR, and then re-read it as needed. It's all so true and I too hope your friend pulls through. You're doing great

We all wish we had some magic words to offer you MLMR that would pull you through your life struggles at this time but that's of course not possible. What we can do is encourage you and stand with you during these times. Admiration from all go your way because we do understand just how much more challenging it is to continue building your quit while other life challenges sap your emotion strength.

 

Good on you for keeping your quit intact!

On 11/27/2018 at 11:23 PM, d2e8b8 said:

ML, Life will happen with our without smokes.  So glad you're staying strong and dealing with everything without giving in.  

Yes. Life will happen. Im trying to look my receptors right into their eyes to tell 'm that. Life goes on, after smoking. Im clinging to people who say it does get better, even with the downs happening. 

 

6 hours ago, jillar said:

Keep writing MLMR, and then re-read it as needed. It's all so true and I too hope your friend pulls through. You're doing great

Thanks. Counting days. First week of month 4 has passed already. Trying to make a positive out of these things happening so early on in my quit. There' s has to follow some unicornish awareness at some point,  where I come out all changed and self confident and shiny.?

 

6 hours ago, reciprocity said:

We all wish we had some magic words to offer you MLMR that would pull you through your life struggles at this time but...

'It does get better' are magic words to me and thank god there's plenty of that on the board. Each of us has their story.. and things to go through.. I believe people who say it will be better! I believe people who say I have to force myself to humor, I believe people who say I must find a way to look at beautiful things and to (&#£×£÷&$*=)reward myself, as much of a joke that may seem right now. So yeah, there's magic words here. Thanks!!!

 

Day by day ...one day you will suddenly reolize you havnt thought of smoking very much that day.....the magic will happen ...

We are all here to tell you this wonderful news....and we will help you until then ML....

This magic moment happens at different times for different folks ....you are already giving yourself the best gift you can give yourself ....

Freedom From Addiction.....high five !!!!!

It gets better and better incrementally,

you will only notice in hindsight at first

then the good days will be running fast.

Not to say, real life won't bring conflict or worry or....well....LIFE

but, it won't be associated with smoking or not smoking.

Having a luck dragon ... also magic words :).

 

It does get better.  I'm kind of still amazed that after all those years of smoking, I can now run.  Rather than being out of breath, I worry about injuries and such ... that's pretty awesome to me and something I cherish every day.

 

I'm sure you have your own something that amazes you because of not smoking.

I'm amazed at the freedom I feel every day to do what ever I want to do without having to service my addiction every half hour or so. 

I feel good about myself for a change!

Thinking of you and imagining your face in splendid sunlight.

 So ha, I figured something out last week. I remember this was an issue before somewhere in my journal, but I guess certain topics need more than just one click.

Early on in my quit I dealt with many addict moments: coffee, driving, phonecalls etc. etc. etc. At one point I thought I had that under control. Untill I found out that whenever the going got tough, these seemingly conquered moments where challenges again.  Be it less than before, but still. Apparantly they are not just moments in time, they are all linked and flaring up whenever shit hits the fan. Smoking gave me the impression of a foundation. While, in reality, it constantly, day in day out, kept me unstable. Always looking for moments to get that dopamine fix. What that tells me is that, besides the simple fact that Im a wired nicotine addict, I have a certain need for predictability. Whenever things in life are difficult, I want to be able to fall back on something. I want to build in certainties, rythm, kindness.  These past 7 days I did that by talking to myself in the mirror: How I did well (at night) or how proud I was for heading up for another day. No matter how corny it felt, I did it. Rythm, of doing what I promised myself.

And now I realise Im almost halfway month four already. Which will be 1/3 of a year. Yeah!! 

 

 

Edited December 4, 20187 yr by MLMR

Nice post ML....

Who better to talk to you...than yourself....

We all believed the Lies as addicts......and have had to retrain our brains... And unravel the lies....

Well done ....

Your climbing that rope to Freedom !!!

I'm guessing that you are already starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter and brighter and you will start to see more and more points when you feel just "normal" again - not struggling to be something you're not comfortable being (if that makes any sense to you ). It happens to everyone at some point during that first year when we truly see that a permanent quit IS possible for us and that we can not only live with it but we welcome it! 

@reciprocity true and yes that makes sense.. it's like everything in my head is reorganizing. It' so good to know I have the power NOT to smoke, with everything thats happening right now. If you told me that in the beginning, would have laughed at ya! Telling myself that with every moment I overcome, I break another tie. And then once in a while I have this overwhelming sense of calmth and steadyness... wow. And each non-smoking day I contribute to generating more of that! 

Edited December 5, 20187 yr by MLMR

ML...has asked me to move this thread to Off The Record.....x

@MLMR, I have the feeling this thread is helping a lot of people with your honest posts about how its going. I think many a lurker was benefitting by reading it in the introduction forum. I love watching your journey and seeing your inner strength build with each new day  

@jillar it felt too open. Been dealing a lot with panick attacks lately, more than pre-quitting. Negative thoughts about myself are a huge deal of these phases and I suspect writing about quitting triggers it, partly. Old demons are forcing themselves upon me, I'm really having a tough time. I'll make it without smokes, but wow. Ugly things in my head and Im not so sure if thats for the whole world to read... but not writing is not yet an option. 

 

So thats why I asked Doreen to move this thread, at least for now.