MLMR

I know you are right Jo. You must be, like other people who tell me it gets better. Heck, I've been there myself for three years. It annoys the crap out of me that it's like this now and I know that being irritated about doesn't make it better at all, it probably does the contrary. I don't want to give up, I want to continue and quit this sh*tty addiction once and for all. I don't want no more stinking no more junking no more coughing no more grey skin no more risk for all sorts of diseases no more shame no more self loathing. You are also darn right, I know that. No one ever came back from relapsing saying how nice it was. Thanks for you answer Reci. Really appreciate the time you and others take, also in the diary section. I don't always answer but I read everything more than once and try to indulge and really get what you guys say. Gotta go forward and accept this stage as well, just as I did with the other stages. Apparantly it just is like this right now. Nope and move on -> continue that for as long as necessary. Thanks Tammy for your support. I like how you see it as evolution. You are right, I'm fighting for it, but it's costing me a lot of energy. I really think now is the time to take it easy .. uhm and just float a long?!?! But it's not like that and I can jump up and down, it feels out of my hands! And I want to go on with my life ffs! But like many people justly say, it is IN my hands. As long as I... Just. Dont. Smoke. Sigh. And now back to work. Imagining telling you guys I smoked makes me cringe. If I can't reach for my own motivation maybe thát should be it for the time being. I'd be mortified

Nope.

Thanks @notsmokinjo. Seriously doubt how long I can/want to keep on doing this ?. I know I am in a dangerous place thinking that. Must again focus on JUST IN DAY AT A TIME. And maybe even hours.

Ok, you know what... just read my own SOS answer and Id be an ass for lighting up. I do care, I don't smoke and yes I am unable to reach reasons and whatever. Nevermind this post. Grrrrrrr.

It's almost 4:30 am and I've been imagining myself driving to the 24h gas station over 40 times. I don't want to reach that point where I no longer care and think, ahh to hell with it. How can my initial reasons and perseverance be so far away all of a sudden? Can't seem to quit the bloody romancing, though somewhere in the back of my mind I know it's rubbish. I did everything in my power the first two months and now I can't get back at that? What kind of stupid circle is this? 75 days in, wouldnt want to throw that away right? Ohhhh man crazy stuff!!!

Welcome @Foe and thanks for introducing yourself Take a good look around. There are many usefull threads all over the board. Take care these coming days, body's working hard to get rid of all the toxins. And if you feel like it, please let us know how youre doing!

Nope. Even though I see 'm marching Disney like through my room. Nope. Breath in breath out.

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Tammy, listen. I'm usualy not one for the guilt game, but ill make an exception. The thing is, I look up to you. I follow Linda and then YOU, in your well carved footsteps. You can't let me down, so smoking would not be an option anyway. Ha! No seriously. I hope you will be in a better brighter place real soon. The only way is NOPE. But, make your nope with a tea, or hot honey water. Take care of yourself ok?

Dear Tammy, please don't. X

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Hi Linda, congratulations on three months. Thanks for sharing your quit so openly. Sending good vibes your way. X

Hi @catlover, whishing you happy things for your nine month aniversary! Congratulations ? You are on 3/4, yeah!!

Hey @TobacNO! Let us know how youre doing, mkay?

@DragonsFancy how are you doing?

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Ahhw Linda. My condolences on the loss of your dear, dear friend. What a great picture of you both. Smoking is isolation, that is a key discovery.. Whishing you good things, dwell in warm memoires. Please take care these coming days. X

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Whuuuuut.....?!

Hey Linda, you do a lot of caring for everyone these days, more than usual even! Glad to hear you went to the lake and had a moment for yourself. Proud of you for KTQ and can you visualise it too? How this moment made your quit even stronger than it was? This is how you quit!

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A quiz, a nice way to do some more rewiring (the explanation to given answers is education in itself) and at the same time to test your susceptibility to all of the Whyquit material ;-). Some questions are obviously a bit tame, but hey, we can't brainwash ourselves enough with all this knowledge! Why Quit Smoking Quiz

Seriously, have you ever thought about starting your own quit clinic? Thanks so much for taking the time to write all of this down, Jo. The beauty is, it's very educating to others and at the same time I bet it plays a part in your own journey (heading towards one year, you go girl!). You have a lot to look back at.. darn. Do know your story is rediculously inspiring!