MLMR

http://awkward.com/meet-the-lady-who-draws-dcks-with-her-running-routes/?fbclid=IwAR1W4DFyVoZN_dexhJQFqmeLOE2-i6Q-qRet7-NRbkelxqr1inB4gZEbTx8

Thanks so much Jo. I haven't been this proud since the start of my adventure! Been smiling all day and spent a lot of thoughts on all the good things that really have been piling up lately. As a reward I took a long hard look at my savings (a stunning 1100 euro's). Planning on buying the Yamaha CLP-675 digital piano, so I got to keep saving for a little longer.. but heck, that's going to be the best gift ever! But rewards are truly noticeable.. and the best one is experiencing a strong sense of calmth. I'm not sure how to describe it.. but I feel...older? In a good way.. steadier, able to take my time to form an opinion, less prone to immediate emotion-driven reactions. Bleghh, not sure if what I mean comes through in english... I find it shocking to realise that, by smoking, I gave myself the message 'i am not ok by feeling/thinking/experiencing this' at least 24 times a day. See, I took comfort in smoking, supressing whatever surfaced in my mind. I'm adjusting to a new mentality: I am ok and the rest will follow. Though, one thing I don't agree on with you guys. I really didnt take time to cheer on newbies.. well yes, here and there. But not in a consistent way I see others do it. I must say that it's been a deliberate choice to focus on my own proces, especially when I had that period of extreme anxiety about writing on an open space forum like this one. I felt guilty at times, but decided I had to make myself prio no1, for once. And I am pretty sure I'll be paying it forward in my own way. Thanks again for your congratulations, I am entering my sixth month with a very positive vibe!

Dear Tammy, ahhh 7 months, congratulations on that! That's awesome. Often I saw you posting a nope just before I was going to, it was often so good to know someone far away had the same intention as I did. Upwards and onwards to 8 months!

IGT, I remember some earlier posts of you were you where very happy and even proud about yourself. Please think back of that and imagine yourself like that again, because that is how it will be soon enough! You will be proud, you will be relieved and you will be so happy about not giving up! How are you now?

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Tomorrow I'll be celebrating 5 months. And where part of the third and all of the fourth month honestly seemed like they never ended, the past fifth month was one of, uhm... whats it called? Reaping what Ive sown? I think I should start saying it out loud, because I cant go around it anymore, it's too darn obvious: my anxiety attacks are rapidly decreasing in number and in ferocity. Mind this: I came from 2 to 3 HEAVY attacks per week, where time in between was just too little to unwind. They varied from sudden, fullblown 30minute apocalypses, to gradual tension build up, which could last half a day and leave me completely numb. It's been like that for years. And now... I went down to 1 in two weeks, with bits and pieces of distress in between but totally incomparable to what its been. I believe part of that is because I'm paying so much more attention to what I need, when I need it ('HALT'!). I am really learning to just be with what I feel. And yep, it still s*cks from time to time. And then that's just that. And by the way, while writing this I still have this nagging voice that says something like, 'ahhh just wait... it'll be back soon enough...dont hold your hopes so high!.'. But I know that this isn't incidental. This is progress for the long run and I am going to be so, so, so sooooo very thankful for having quit and gaining peace of mind. And... I am growing a super mighty ' I won't' muscle. Applicable on a daily basis, to many non-smoking related things!

Hi, my tip would be: educate yourself about addiction, as much as possible. Education is key. You say smoking makes you believe it is the only thing you have for yourself. Well... un-learn that belief and get to know the truth. Oh and... while youre at it, don't smoke. Before you know it, you'll be somewhere around 5 months! ?

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What a hero you are Linda, for so many reasons. Hang in there.

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Yep, sounds very familiair. It's something you have to find your way through. It won't last forever. Its a fase, it will pass. And then a different fase wiI follow... ? I did and still do lots of walking, to pass time and to stop my mind from racing on about smoking. One month, nice! Well done. ?

Disturbing. I know three people who vape and, not kidding, these people are loosing their soul ever since they started that sh*t. They treat that device like it's some precious jewel or something. They have become more nervous, less interested in the world around them. I talked to an acupuncturist, he said he's had an significant increase of customers, vapers, with anxiety problems. I don't really read a lot about this, but my instinct tells me that this is bad.

I forgot to nope today! Brilliant!

'a Journey' is the philosophical way of looking at it. 'Shitty, empowering and highly challenging' is what I'd rather call it. If there's one thing I know after 145 days of being smoke free, it's that I. WILL. NEVER. EVER. PUT. MYSELF.THROUGH. THIS. CRAP. EVER. AGAIN. Crystal clear motivation. Quitting has had an effect on my relationships, my work, my daily rhytm, my everything. It's like I am reinventing myself, but not in a gradual, beautiful way. At some point the caterpillar seemed to evolve in something completely different than a colourful butterfly... The dust is still settling. I've come to some pretty sad but strengthening conclusions: I am capable of mourning and going to a funeral of someone I hold dear and not smoke. I can find myself in the middle of relationship crisis and still stand my ground. I found some consolation in staying true to myself, regarding my quit. I can deal with heavy panick attacks and remain without cigarettes . Anxiety seems to be diminishing by the way, but since that would be a glorious hallelujah and I am so afraid of disappointing myself with hope, for now I won't be focussing on that (but yeah. It is actually less of a daily base problem. Hoooly cow. Aaahhhhhh. Imagine if that pattern persists. I would get back part of my life). I discovered that I'm pretty much through with my job but I have to endure untill I find something else. Realisation of missing out on proper grown-up education hits harder than ever, now that I'm unable to dull these thoughts. But there's a tiny glimpse of something new: 'if I can do this, I may be capable of so much more'. Shitting seven colours... but looking in to re-educating. I am learning to dance my waltz with time. If quitting does one thing, it's messing with perspective. Since one month or so, I feel like I am regaining 3D view again. I am able to see depth once more and I am learning to be here now, without losing my horison. Next week will mark five months for me. I have many reasons to continue like I do. But one thought is most empowering: it's all in my hands!

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I can't think of many scenario's where I couldnt resist smoking, but your dream scenery is pretty close ?

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