Still winning

Merry christmas to all on the qt :) May your dreams be merry and you eat too much and fall asleep on the sofa :D

Well done you, no seriously, like big well done!! Takes guts to pass that stage!! Be really proud of yourself :) I hope it works out perfectly for you :)

I really respect those who can just move forward. I admire the head up, chest out approach, I am quite a proud person and trying to keep the peace and accept this has taken a toll on me. I just struggle with the obligation side of it, for me, not for what anyone else says. My nature is to look after people. So I need to get my head around it and adjust better then...there...done...I would just never live with myself. I wish I had of not felt guilty all those years ago though. I don't regret a thing but my first marriage was a minefield at times trying to calm two opposing battalions and I do wonder sometimes how it would of been. But now I have Chris, and I really don't want anything but him and his twatishness to jeopardise things lol.

I rent, the lease is in my name, however I get money from the council for what's effectively "her part" of the rent. I have an appointment booked for the 30th to talk things through with my benefits advisor (as I am her registered carer too, it's all very interlinked). I'm not saying it's not the right thing to seperate Chrys, my initial thoughts and you guys thoughts match. But I'm not going to steam in unknowingly and it's still my Mum at the end of the day. I know she has big credit card bills etc and I want to hold my head high for myself to be honest. She will think I'm scum no matter what initially...but I need to live with the how's of doing this. My family don't help. One sister moved to Florida and the other offered to give me a "day off" once a month mid this year...so far 2 days out which weren't whole days... Now the same sister has a house without a downstairs toilet so no extra time there. I promise that I am very in touch with my kids and their feelings. They will more likely miss their Nan then notice the issues.

Thank you for your thoughts and for those people who messaged me. I rarely say a lot as I hate the pity party and for the most part, I am able to rise above it or calm things before they escalate. SO I am comfortable that whilst my girls have seen the odd argument, they don't feel the full force of the crazy that is. I have always assumed I am part responsible as in causing things. I can be very combative, but because I feel peed off with it, I am not like it with anyone else. I think I've recognised that now. However, things are not straightforward. She has rights apparently. I'm not sure what they are but if itcomes to me having to leave this house and take another to make her homeless, or apply to a court to evict my own mother...well I don't feel ideal about that, quite apart from those things take time. So I will take some advice I think. That said, I needed to hear that this wasn't right, so thank you. I get very caught up in the guilt of what I should be doing and that needs to stop now so I can view things sensibly. x

I am sorry you lost your quit. Not sure what else to say but genuinely feel for you.

I realize I can't ask for your advice, it would be unfair. However can I ask what you would do if you found yourself in my situation. My mother and I have always had an emotional relationship. In a nutshell I stayed after finding out I was pregnant with Milly and due to marry because she told me she would be alone. She continues to play the victim card periodically. It has become apparent since I quit that my ability to bury my head in the sand is not possible. My mother says she is the same, I have changed and this is true. I cared for her (properly actually) for years, she continues to abuse me verbally whenever she feels like it, she does not accept this is true, telling me she can say what she wants, I'm being sensitive or any excuse basically to continue to say what she likes. Often deliberately. She interupts me telling my children off to basically insult my parenting. I get called all kinds of things, bully, lazy, intimidating, c word, menopausal bitch, etc etc. I gave up about a month ago. Basically said I couldn't live like this anymore. I was happy for her to live here, and be her carer or not...but our mother daughter relationship was damaged beyond repair. I want to be clear I could have been nastier but I didn't pull my punches either. She has been convinced I am trying to kick her out ever since...to be clear I just don't want the unending shit advice about what a wanker I am, or chris is..or how I'm this that and the other. She is rude and manipulative. Yesterday she caused a row in the car with the kids there, saying I need to move because she's unhappy. I told her she was welcome to but I was staying here due to kids being settled. That itdidn't need to be an argument, I was happy for her to do either. She kinda let it drop. Today my kids are being swines. They are from time to time. Bella refused to do something so I told her to do it or lose her new toy (harsh, but bella is the "pushing" age and I need to establish ground I think). She came in all nan in shining armour...won't back off, telling me in front of bella I'm this that and the other. I tell her to back off, that I'm no longer interested...she went mad. Screaming she's taken legal advice, she can stay in the house and I can't do anything about it. Swearing and cursing, I was bad and retaliated verbally, it wasn't pretty but I'm sick to death of being abused and saying nothing to keep the peace until I end up so wound up that I blow! That said, she has nowhere to go! She is also a little unhinged. She continues to smoke occasionally in the house, is disrepectful and demands stuff gets done. I Don't know what to do anymore. I barely sleep, I feel sick a lot and it makes my craves really strong for the last month...which is bothering me. Would you try and seek some proper mediation from say a carer's club or doctors etc. Relinquish carer duties and hope getting a job and being not together so much calms things down. Or pursue seperating for good.

NOPE just for today.

Just struggling a bit with life...So it's good to get the link out of my brain so it doesn't fester and grow. Thank you for your support. x

I think there is a lot of "heavy" energy around, forcing people to really delve deep...not something we usually do. I certainly feel it. Maybe try and think on it not as a feeling you should cosy up with - but a time to get a greater understanding to make some choices that will work better for you. x

I am the woman who is always in control. Always leading the charge and I can battle some. Offensive, not defensive. So the romance thoughts always surprise me a little. What I refer to as my smoking thoughts, have ramped up a little of late. Now that's ok, cause they are pretty small for the most part considering how long, how much and often I smoked, I think I'm pretty lucky overall. My calmer reactions of god I'm surrounded by divs, huff...have been replaced by needing to get away and regroup though. My emotions are not very even although better then they were a month ago. I have been doing a lot of reiki, meditation and yoga...but I'm not there yet. I have been thinking about my thoughts (don't ask, yes I overthink lol)... I have so many dumb thoughts!! Last night I thought drinking a bottle of wine was a fab plan...this morning, I don't agree. Stuff like that, nothing bad, just dumb. When someone told me I needed them today (pfft) I thought about smoking ...whassat then?? Of course I didn't, duh, I'm a non smoker and it didn't last, or grab me like a crave or anything sinister...it was just there. I said I don't think so and off it went into the brain ether again, but it's a bit weird. So I'm reminding myself again that romance is pretty dead. I do not smoke and I look suspiciously on people that bring me flowers...and I'd rather a plant anyway cause it always feels a little mean to kill the flower...but they do look beautiful. So this is just me remembering. The phoenix has to go into and through the flames to be born again into a new and better phoenix. I think my battle cry for this month will be "once more into the flames" and I will just accept the feelings and let them flow straight through me. I feel better having got it out of my head and into something I can read.

When things feel tough, remind yourself that you have 100% success rate of making it through alive!! Might not have been pretty, but it didn't kill you. When romance comes, remember the reality is sharing a house with someone else's smelly socks...cigs don't smell any better. Smile at the crave, no I'm not nuts, scientifically it can change your mindset!! Smile that it can't have you, it's just a thought. Man, we all have LOADS of dumb thoughts, every day...it's just a thought...think of something else...quickly! We are all non smokers now. So we can't smoke, cause non smokers don't do that. So now smoking is off the table for today...what else can we do...that's where you retrain your mind too...that's when it feels easier to move past a trigger.

Solstice Blessings :) NOPE. x

Good for you! Like midnight mass type of thing do you mean?

I don't want to be all modern woman...but hungry men are more amenable men....I would be threatening strike... I hope you find a better more grown up way of talking through your issues together tho. I hear you on the being stuck in. Perhaps he was looking forward to spending time with you upon retiring...or perhaps a tad threatened...either way I hope you guys get to the bottom of it. x

Saturday, 25 mins yoga, 30 mins areobic workout with some arm weights too.

35 per day.

Tracey, I am so very sorry for your sister and you and your family. I hope she continues to recover but also is able to get some support and move forward. Sending you strength for the journey, and lots of hugs cause what a terribel shock to get that call ((Tracey)) x

nope.

First for me. Hoping this means I don't accidently burn anything this year lol.

I would have if I dropped it.... yuk!

Teriyaki stir fry, this was 228 calories and I was full all night! Anyone looking for a tasty low calorie meal who likes tilapia really filling but looking for a different fish or chicken option. Recipe for 1 Teriyaki marinade 10ml 27 calories Pan fried tilapia 70g 90 calories Saute spinach 50g 15 calories Brocoli saute 30g 11 calories 4 strips pepper red 9 calories 15g egg noodles 26 calories mango/chilli dip sauce 30g 50 calories Clove of garlic in some olive oil for the saute veg. It was really nice but the fish isn't my thing. x

Have fun but watch out...Bandit's right, police are calling it black friday and they are expecting record levels of hosp admissions with fights an stuff. Stay local chick. xx

Oh oh I actually did watch this program, at least 2 series, was there a 3rd...any idea where we're up to haha.

Aww Bakon, I love ya dude but you're as mad as they come!! So are pink poodles for christmas ;) You do make me chuckle.