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Romance is dead...


Still winning

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I am the woman who is always in control. Always leading the charge and I can battle some. Offensive, not defensive. So the romance thoughts always surprise me a little.

 

What I refer to as my smoking thoughts, have ramped up a little of late. Now that's ok, cause they are pretty small for the most part considering how long, how much and often I smoked, I think I'm pretty lucky overall. My calmer reactions of god I'm surrounded by divs, huff...have been replaced by needing to get away and regroup though. My emotions are not very even although better then they were a month ago. I have been doing a lot of reiki, meditation and yoga...but I'm not there yet.

 

I have been thinking about my thoughts (don't ask, yes I overthink lol)... I have so many dumb thoughts!! Last night I thought drinking a bottle of wine was a fab plan...this morning, I don't agree. Stuff like that, nothing bad, just dumb. When someone told me I needed them today (pfft) I thought about smoking ...whassat then?? Of course I didn't, duh, I'm a non smoker and it didn't last, or grab me like a crave or anything sinister...it was just there. I said I don't think so and off it went into the brain ether again, but it's a bit weird.

 

So I'm reminding myself again that romance is pretty dead. I do not smoke and I look suspiciously on people that bring me flowers...and I'd rather a plant anyway cause it always feels a little mean to kill the flower...but they do look beautiful.

 

So this is just me remembering. The phoenix has to go into and through the flames to be born again into a new and better phoenix. I think my battle cry for this month will be "once more into the flames" and I will just accept the feelings and let them flow straight through me. I feel better having got it out of my head and into something I can read.

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You will get through this Marti, I know you will.  As smokers, we had a crutch, an excuse to ignore things.  When did smoking ever make those problems go away, though?  Quitting smoking forces us to face our problems without leaning on those nasty sticks.  This makes us stronger and helps us to evolve into who we are as non-smokers.  Keep posting to your blog Marti, it's a healthy expression of your feelings, even cathartic.  You are doing awesome, before you know it you'll be a year quit :)  

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Marti you are stronger than any romance thought of smoking and I appreciate YOU and your ability to be such a rock for so many of us. XX

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Marti, I can totally relate to how you are feeling.  I will get very random thoughts of smoking, and then remember "oh yeah, I don't do that anymore."  Im at 7 months today, so don't fret.  I think it is totally normal to have those thoughts, and as long as you are able to push them aside and move forward, you are doing exactly the right thing.

 

Stay strong my friend.

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I'm sorry you are struggling right now but it sounds like you're being strong. Just because you're thinking the thoughts of smoking doesn't make them a reality, they're just thoughts. Thank you for sharing and keep up with the blog.

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