September 15, 20196 yr Author Tomorrow Im off to Portugal. Very happy to: • be packing my suitcase without a rush • have enough money for this trip • look around at the airport and enjoy the buzz, instead of being on the lookout for a smoking zone • have energy, walk walk walk, enjoy every single moment perfectly happy without a cigarette, climbing steep streets with enough air.... And so much more! Funny, while writing this, its actually a bit awkward to say the words 'cigarette' and 'smoking' more than once... they truly moved to a section in my brain where theres not much activity anymore. Yet, I want to focus from time to time on the effects and rewards of quitting by writing here. Because, this quit is meant to last!
September 21, 20196 yr Author Coming here, bc I need to.. having smokey thoughts and a difficult time adressing them properly. There's wine, there's arguments, there's this typical 'holiday tension' thing... how on earth can it seem like a cigarette would solve all of that right now? This seems like a major, major case of examining HALT.. ?
September 21, 20196 yr OMG MLMR! Don't give into those nasty thoughts. You have come to far. I guess that is why we will always be addicts because it creeps upon us when unexpe ted. Just breath gurl. This too shall pass.
September 21, 20196 yr 1 hour ago, MLMR said: Coming here, bc I need to.. having smokey thoughts and a difficult time adressing them properly. There's wine, there's arguments, there's this typical 'holiday tension' thing... how on earth can it seem like a cigarette would solve all of that right now? This seems like a major, major case of examining HALT.. ? You know better than to let go of your power. **** cigarettes. Drink some cafe, have a Pastel de Belém
September 21, 20196 yr 5 hours ago, MLMR said: how on earth can it seem like a cigarette would solve all of that right now? The lies of addiction that we accepted as gospel truth can, and usually will, linger around long after we ash out that last cigarette. Decades of addiction and conditioning has a way of making straight lines crooked. The only answer is: remind yourself that it is a lie. The whole smoking cycle is built upon a foundation of lies. The goal of quitting is not to eliminate the lies of the past. The goal is to see the lies for what they are and commit to never step in that trap again.
September 21, 20196 yr Good on you for posting MLMR, this too shall pass and it will be yet another hurdle conquered, xoxo
September 22, 20196 yr Keep thinking about how happy you've been lately to be smoke free, and you'll be back there before you know it and these passing thoughts will be long gone.
September 22, 20196 yr New location and situation for you likely so those thoughts get dredged up from somewhere deep in your subconscious maybe? In any case, handle it the same way you did in the thick of your quit. You managed to use logical thought then to figure out what the truths were and which path to follow. I have complete faith that you will do the same now because you are a nonsmoker and want to remain one for life - right?
September 26, 20196 yr Author I appreciate your answers a lot, thanks so much. I hate it, to have these strong thoughts about smoking after such a long time. I dont really know what else to say, but it didnt seem right to say nothing at all.. so...yeah.
September 26, 20196 yr "I appreciate your answers a lot, thanks so much. I hate it, to have these strong thoughts about smoking after such a long time. I dont really know what else to say, but it didnt seem right to say nothing at all.. so...yeah" How long did you smoke ? Understand that smoking changed your DNA and imprinted itself in every particle of your being for how many years ? You have been quit a year and a month. What is the ratio of freedom vs. addiction ? See ? Oh good, I just found Cristóbal's post about this, it is good. Cristóbal's Quit Days % Don't 'hate' the thoughts, that gives them too much power. Acknowledge them and blow them away like a dandelion. Edited September 26, 20196 yr by Sazerac
November 1, 20196 yr Author Been trying to write something for some time now, but kept postponing. Quitting.. it becomes more and more a 'far from my bed show' as we say in Holland. And yet, almost on a daily basis Im aware of the impact it has on me. Still entering new fases, still have moments of utter joy about quitting and what it does for me, still have the occasional 'Id like one now' moment, but so so soooo minor in comparison to everything good about quitting... Words that cross my mind when I think about what good it does to me, are: steadier, more relaxed, able to tell people to wait and 'let me get back at you', gradually coming home in my body and mind.. trusting the proces, a healthier relationship with food. I quit before, for over 3 years. But... never did I expect the journey to be like this, when 14 months ago I decided it was time to quit, once and for all, etc. It makes me even more sure about never lighting up again.. for all I know this was my last chance... the nicotine industry wont own me as a slave no more. Because I feel so much better without. Edited November 1, 20196 yr by MLMR
November 1, 20196 yr 8 minutes ago, MLMR said: Been trying to write something for some time now, but kept postponing. Quitting.. it becomes more and more a 'far from my bed show' as we say in Holland. And yet, almost on a daily basis Im aware of the impact it has on me. Still entering new fases, still have moments of utter joy about quitting and what it does for me, still have the occasional 'Id like one now' moment, but so so soooo minor in comparison to everything good about quitting... Words that cross my mind when I think about what good it does to me, are: steadier, more relaxed, able to tell people to wait and 'let me get back at you', gradually coming home in my body and mind.. trusting the proces, a healthier relationship with food. I quit before, for over 3 years. But... never did I expect the journey to be like this, when 14 months ago I decided it was time to quit, once and for all, etc. It makes me even more sure about never lighting up again.. for all I know this was my last chance... the nicotine industry wont own me as a slave no more. Because I feel so much better without. Great post. Congratulations on your quit and thanks for sharing. I love seeing others commit to the process and then reap the rewards for their effort.
November 1, 20196 yr I too love this post.... You have had a wonderful journey ...I'm so proud of you ....and happy I was with you every step of the way. The rewards still keep coming ... Your a insperation....
November 2, 20196 yr 17 hours ago, MLMR said: Been trying to write something for some time now, but kept postponing. Quitting.. it becomes more and more a 'far from my bed show' as we say in Holland. And yet, almost on a daily basis Im aware of the impact it has on me. Still entering new fases, still have moments of utter joy about quitting and what it does for me, still have the occasional 'Id like one now' moment, but so so soooo minor in comparison to everything good about quitting... Words that cross my mind when I think about what good it does to me, are: steadier, more relaxed, able to tell people to wait and 'let me get back at you', gradually coming home in my body and mind.. trusting the proces, a healthier relationship with food. I quit before, for over 3 years. But... never did I expect the journey to be like this, when 14 months ago I decided it was time to quit, once and for all, etc. It makes me even more sure about never lighting up again.. for all I know this was my last chance... the nicotine industry wont own me as a slave no more. Because I feel so much better without. Quitting smoking is often an opportunity to examine deeper into ourselves. Accepting the truth that we are nicotine addicts leads to accepting other truths and of recognizing truths without denial. This has been one of the greatest gifts that my quit has given me, that I have given myself. The honesty to delve deep, the compassion to accept and learn to understand what I find in my excavations... It has been remarkable to learn about your journey which, in many ways, resembles all of our journeys. I thank you for your awareness, your honesty and your willingness to express your journey here, M.
November 2, 20196 yr I like to read the updates of ppl on this train! It's motivating and hopeful! Thank you fellow dutchie!
November 22, 20196 yr Author Ai, actually just had a receptor turning in it's grave. No apparant reason, I think I'll stash it under 'Brains Whatever'. It was a darn sturdy receptor though. Shush, go back to your beautiful sleep now. Counting the days and noticing its been exactly 15 months since I quit. I think I'll treat myself today! Edited November 22, 20196 yr by MLMR
November 22, 20196 yr This is exactly how to handle these rogue receptors...reward them with a delight as you reclaim them all !
November 22, 20196 yr Author 1 hour ago, Sazerac said: This is exactly how to handle these rogue receptors...reward them with a delight as you reclaim them all ! Think I got myself a pretty good delight (@leatherjacket in sales)
November 27, 20196 yr Author Yesterday morning, no coffee left. Long day ahead so I thought, l might as wel buy coffee stash and some coffee to go at the same time. Left the mall all cafeiniated and zzzjwoooosh.... it came over me, I could almost taste the cigarette. And so I thought of how I.... .... dont mis having smelly nicotine fingers. Dont miss clearing my throat all the time. Dont miss the internal debate of guilt, shame and bargaining. Dont miss having an empty bank account. Dont miss the fear of self inflicted cancer. Dont miss my lack of oxygen while hiking. Surely dont miss the first year of getting off nicotine. Dont miss the ever ongoing 'First a cig, then the world and my responsabilities'. Dont miss my morning rattle. Dont miss my grey skin. Dont miss my dull hair. Dont miss waking up at night, smoking one in the kitchen though I have the deal with myself to not do that. Dont miss breaking promisses. Dont miss smoking one before hopping on the bus, aware of my brute stench. Dont miss slavery. Dont miss not being able to breath aaaaallllll the way through. Dont miss to postpone life. Dont miss to 'prepare' for quitting. Dont miss to set quit dates, only to disappoint myself later on. Dont miss having to admit about smoking. Dont miss smelly coats in my hallway. Dont miss leaving a restaurant dinner for a smoke. Dont miss buying a pack and realising the insane financial toll smoking takes. Dont miss leaving the warm comfort of indoors, to smoke a cig out in the cold. Dont miss the idea of not being able to do whatever, before the first cigarette of the day, or three, or sometimes five. Dont miss not being able to withstand a craving. Surely dont miss the huge impact smoking had on my life and the thousand and one excuses I made up to trivialize that. I dont miss smoking. And I know that whenever a situation will occur where Im inclined to believe something other than that, this list backs me up. Always.
December 8, 20196 yr Author Pre respond to my own sos. So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Maybe it's the depression, anxiety, or just some sh☆tty situation. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey. Note to self: this WILL pass. By now you should know that this is nothing more than some old dusty brain pathway. Let it be. The connection will die out eventually. Focus on breathing through and everything will be fine in the end.
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