lml

I love and read the older posts you guys find and repost. Someday, I will hopefully figure out how to search the forum and find things like you guys do. Some very interesting and helpful advice and good reading. Thank you for your time and effort. I appreciate it and am learning :).

everywhere any time

Are words all knowledge entities Sleep

Congratulations!

Well done Matty! Nicotine has just lost some of its power!!! Everytime I go through this, I get stronger and the urge gets weaker. Congratulations. You should be proud of yourself. P.S. Weird, because I am so happy that you defeated nicotine! As happy as when I do it. hmmmm

I went to the art museum Saturday. For several hours, I immersed myself in the various types of art on display and let it take me away ? . After I had been there an hour, the thought of going out to have a cigarette interrupted my wonderful experience. And I chuckled to myself…What? Go have a cigarette? I don’t smoke! And poof…the thought disappeared; without a fuss. How powerful it is: I don’t smoke; I don’t want to smoke! It is that simple! Later, I began thinking of all the different museums, in various countries, that I was not able to fully enjoy because all the way through, a part of me was thinking about how I could get out quickly enough to have a cigarette soon. Yet this time, I fully enjoyed the beauty of each piece of art – not just saw it but experienced it, because there was time and nicotine was not controlling me. This is wonderful! I really enjoying this.

Thanks for sharing this wonderful experience reciprocity. I needed to see it many times from several you before it finally got through; But it did. For me, Taking it "completely, for real, forever and sincerely" off the table was a major battle and the the "thoughts" of having "just one" have been easier to dismiss. Your lawn looks beautiful!

Good morning. Nope.

Thanks for posting this.

Congratulations!

So what have I learned so far: NICOTINE is addictive It changed my brain It changed my DNA I needed a fix every hour It hurt my lungs, my heart, and other body parts Cost me a fortune Took a lot of my time Controlled much of my life I spoke to my daughter and she said of course I am addicted to nicotine. She gave me examples and now, what she had been telling me for years now made sense. I was not in control of when I had a cig, it was in control of me. Why was I resisting acknowledging that I was an addict? I always "prided" myself with the "fact" that I was in control. Yet, with an addiction, one is not in control. Yet it is obvious to me now, that part of me is out of control. I have given that power and that control to nicotine. I AM AN ADDICT. While that was difficult to admit to myself, it was paramount to be able to begin my healing, to come to a place where I really wanted to quit...forever, where I realized the lies I told myself to rationalize my addiction. For now that I know and acknowledge I am an addict and out of control with this addiction, the choice is for me to leave that part of me out of control or do something about it. I choose to do something about it. I choose to heal my addicted part and become whole. I choose to take back the power I gave to my addiction. No more fear. Each time I have the urge to Smoke, I will face and challenge the urge and absorb its power. And before long, I will have accumulated the power over my addiction and the addiction will lose its power over me. I look forward to each urge. I look forward to becoming whole again at to becoming free. NOPE

Nope!

Ok. So it is the smoking that is making it a "little" difficult for me to breathe. the nicotine is ok...it is all that other stuff i am smoking that is bad. I can quit smoking and the nicotine patch will help me not smoke. Good we have such caring big tobacco companies that provide patches and stuff like that. My quit date is set. I got the patch. And...i am happy, ready to go!!! Put the patch on and I am off. No problems, no withdrawal, no smoking. I am learning to live without a cigarette, no withdrawal. I knew I wasn't a bad addict. Besides, smoking and nicotine is LEGAL!!! Then I join a forum on day 4 of my quit and someone asks me (not mentioning any names...saz) why I am using an nrt to put nicotine in my body. Hmmmm. My rationalization abilities are pretty good if I do say so myself. My goal is to quit smoking, the patch will make that easier and take edge off withdrawl. Made perfect sense, right? But...another crack. I begin googling about nicotine and I begin reading about nicotine receptors in my brain that have hijacked my normal receptors. What? And these nicotine receptors demand nicotine; if you supply the nicotine you relax and can focus and get dopamine, if you don't you get increasingly more irritable and stressed. No dopamine. What? You mean the nicotine receptors caused me to get stressed and irritable? when I had a cigarette, it appeased the nico receptors for about 1/2 hour. Ahhh I was relaxed and happy. But then the nicotine receptors would demand a fix again. What a vicious cycle. Ok. Nicotine is addictive...but I am not an ADDICT. Well, not a "bad" addict. I'll just take off the patch. Yes, i am afraid of the big bad withdrawl. I am in fear of what will happen. But, Saz says I am stronger than a crave. At this point, i was Beginning to think maybe..no way...could I really be an addict? What does that really mean?

You are so right saz. I want to capture this all before I get too far along. And there were several of you I want to share this with. I am very excited and you are right about this too ...i am at the cusp of something ?

While this is so obvious to me now, a couple weeks ago I the thought never entered my mind. I smoked since I was 15 and I am now almost 65; I graduated from college, have a successful business career, raised a wonderful daughter, was a good mother and wife, was married for 35 years, etc. See, I didn't have to Smoke, I enjoyed smoking. I liked it. I could quit IF I wanted to, but why would I want to? It released my stress, calmed me Down, helped me maintain my edge in being a quick thinker and I liked smoking...it did me no harm. For 50 years, I rationalized my addiction and clothed it in beauty and gave it so many wonderful attributes, I really believed smoking was beneficial to me. I don't really know how or why, at this time in my life, a crack in my rationalization occurred and from there, all my wonderful rationalization began to unravel, stich after stitch, thread after thread. It all started because I wanted to breathe better on my next vacation, climbing up the mountainous stairs to various places in Japan. Ok, doing good on incline on treadmill to prepare for next year, but...darn breathng Was taking a long time to improve. So I decied Not to Smoke until I got up to 5 miles, incline 10, speed 3 mph for 3 miles. That was the first crack...wait did I just admit to myself that smoking was causing me harm? Was it impacting my breathing? So I set a quit date and the closer the date got the more panicky I became. Oh dear me, I was fearful of the withdrawal and thought I was too weak to quit on my own. But never fear, nicotine would help me get through it. Now everything in my rationalization of smoking came tumbling down.

After much reading and much advice, I understand there is a method or process to become free, to become whole, to heal from an addiction. While I no longer want to smoke and have made the commitment to myelf never to take another puff, I also want to heal in all areas. So from this moment on, I am taking full responsibility for any choice I make; I will lead a conscious and caring life. With each crave I overcome, I will regain inner power i have unconciously given away to my addiction. Yes, each time I grow stronger and it grows weaker. This will be one interesting journey and strangely enough, I am looking forward to it.

Nope.

Nope

It is soooo beautiful and I love reading it. But it does make me cry ?

For the most part, my quit has consumed my thoughts and attention the past several weeks. But each time I thought of the quit lasting more than the next moment or a day, I began to get overwhelmed. I was at lunch, in my deep thought and meditation state, asking myself...What do I want from this? A moment, a day, a week, a month? And I came to a calm place with the answer...I want to never smoke a cigarette again ... ever! And rather than get overwhelmed, I was at peace with myself. I understand there will be battles with my thoughts, but as someone wise and experienced said...the war is won. I ALREADY QUIT. I don't need to continue fighting that war; but I must be diligent and strong in fighting the isolated battles/attacks to keep my freedom. I commit to 1 year here. But don't be suprised if you have to put with me for a lot longer.

So sorry for all your losses BKP.

I am glued to my seat Doreen . I humbly bow to you all in appreciation for the invite, acceptance and support. And for the first time in my life, I am learning patience. This is something I have to go THROUGH. I may be sometimes be dense in this area, but eventually it gets through to me. And saz, I think I am beginning to understand what you talked about. There is an emotional side to it that I am dealing with now, that I did not expect at all. Very, very cathartic. And I am beginning to BELIEVE in the promise of a better life you all are so generous to share with me. I CHOOSE to trust you all, as I am now free to do so.

Jim, whispers and christian, My deepest condolences on your losses. And to everyone: Doreen says it so well:

I am moving into the taking my life seriously stage saz. Thanks for planting the seed, which others are now watering.

Thank you so much jillar. His writing touches my "soul".