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Know any funny jokes or quotes ..

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I have been blacked out since 2010 so I have no idea what you are talking about.  Are you still in California or are you back home in Chicago where I thought you were? LOL

5 hours ago, Kris said:

I have been blacked out since 2010 so I have no idea what you are talking about.  Are you still in California or are you back home in Chicago where I thought you were? LOL

California 

The squirrels must be gathering nuts

three of my neighbours have disappeared

Women are angels

and when someone

breaks our wings

we continue to fly

on our brooms we're 

flexible like that

After you turn 50

You can't recognize 

letters up close

but you can recognize

idiots from far away

I know this is the joke page but just wanted to put this out there. I'm looking for four people to go on a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon with me. We'll fly over it and land at the bottom for a nice lunch then fly to the Coast for a splendid dinner complete with champagne aboard a private yacht in the Pacific Ocean. 

Please pm me if you're interested in going. And also if you have a helicopter and yacht otherwise we can't go.......

Edited by jillar

Self-Defense Tip of the Day

If you are attacked by a group of clowns, go straight for the juggler.

Gday

Q: Where can single men over the age of 60 find younger women who are interested in them?

A:Try a bookstore, under Fiction .

Q:What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy . If you're handy with tools, you can finish the basement .. When you're done, you will have a place to live .

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible. Is that true?

Where can it be found?

A: Yes . Matthew 14:92:

"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt . . .. "

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-60-year-old husband?

A: Tell him you're pregnant .

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses .

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow's feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless . It will usually pull them out . .

Q: Why should 60-plus-year-old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don't forget where they park your car .

Q: Is it common for 60-plus-year-olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem ..

Q:As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon .

Q: Where should 60-plus-year-olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads .

Q:What is the most common remark made by 60-plus-year-olds when they enter antique stores?

A: "Gosh, I remember these!"

SMILE, You've still got your senses....

 

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