What do you call an Afghan virgin.?

 

Mever bin laid on...

 

 

 

 

How do you get a little sweet 80 yr old lady to say the F word...

 

Get another sweet old lady to yell ! BINGO !...

 

 

Make me laugh xxxx

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."

 

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."

 

The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."           

Bakon thinks he is so smart.

 

He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.           

_{In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching."}

 

_{Further down the line is a pile of cookies. Boo makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."}           

Can Jimmy the Bully jump higher than the Empire State Building?

 

Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.           

LMAO....knew you could do it..x

Doctor! Doctor ..I carnt stop singing ..the Green Green Grass of Home..

That's what us doctors call ..the tom Jones syndrome

Oh really is not common ?

It's not unusual...

 

 

 

A shipment of Viagra was hijacked last week....

Police are lookin for two hardened criminals...

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A POLICEMAN

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-- I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

-- Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize I was driving.

-- Wow, you must've been doing about 125 mph to keep up with me!

-- I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

-- You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

-- You look just like my girlfriend's deadbeat ex-husband.

-- The question is -- do YOU know why you pulled me over?

-- I was trying to keep up with traffic, and it's miles ahead of me.

-- If you have to ask if I've been drinking, I'm not going to tell you, dude.





 

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Iv'e just heard on the news that Roy Hodgson has been elected PM Apparently, he will get us out of the EU in 90 minutes and not the expected 2 yrs

Well ive managed to spit out my coffees today...wet myself ...and giggled alot..

Brilliant...

WIFE.....Darling,I look fat,can you give me a compliment...

 

HUSBAND....You have perfect eyesight....

 

 

 

 

A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station...

A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped...

Have you arrested her?...asks the sergeant...

!No !...not yet ...the floors still wet....

I found some old "Far Side" comics online.

 

 

 

Lol...loved these boo...thanx xx

Boo walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck.

 

The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."   

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.           

Spitting my coffee out ..yet again...I'll be back when I've cleaned my pad ...

Two women at a cocktail party..

One says to the other..Arnt you wearing your wedding ring ,on the wrong finger?

The other replies..Yes I am....I married the wrong bloke..

A dyslexic man walks in to a bra.!!!

 

 

When you get a bladder infection....urine trouble!!!