November 3, 20169 yr I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
November 3, 20169 yr "Give it to me! Give it to me!" Mammy yelled, "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted to.I was keeping the umbrella.
November 3, 20169 yr How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"
November 3, 20169 yr I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there. lol i laughed hard
November 4, 20169 yr Boo's comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Boo asks, "Why are you so happy?" His wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped Boo, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
November 4, 20169 yr A man asks his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" His wife says, "Take half and leave your ass!" The man replies, "Great! I won 12 bucks, here is six, now get out!"
November 4, 20169 yr Bakon and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. Bakon sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
November 4, 20169 yr A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered "What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!" Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, "Honey, can you fix the faucet?" The husband replied, "What do I look like to you? A Plumber?!" Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, "Honey, can you change the light bulb?" His reply was, "What am I? An electrician?!" A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, "Honey, what happened here?" The wife replies, "You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything." The husband says, "Honey, how did you pay him?!" "Oh, you know," the wife says, "he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him." Somewhat relieved the husband asks, "Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him?" The wife replies, "Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!"
November 19, 20169 yr Author Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S.prison service,for not servicing the electric chair... He says...in his professional opinion it was a death trap
November 19, 20169 yr Author Paddy and mick are trying to estimate the height of a flag pole..a builder walks past ,and the explain their problem.. He says..that's simple fella,s watch this.. He unbolts it,lies it down and measures it.. Paddy says to Mick..f*****g idiot...we wanted to know the height ,not the f*****g lengh...
December 6, 20169 yr Author Confucius says... Man who is impotent will have Willy - nilly.. Man who nstands on toilet high on pot Chinese couple who have white baby name it Sum Ting Wong Man with headnup ass carntnsee for shit
January 9, 20179 yr Guy comes home from work - girlfriend throwing stuff in a suitcase. Says what are you doing? She says leaving you... you're a pedophile He says well that's a pretty big word for a nine year old.
January 11, 20179 yr Author A man Rob's a bank wearing a Balaclava.. Did you see my face? he says to a teller...just a bit she says.. Bang..he shoots her.. Did you see my face?he says to another teller..only briefly he says.. Bang he shoots him.. He turns to a Jewish man standing beside him..did you see my face ? No. Says the man..but my wife got a real good look...
January 11, 20179 yr Author Sold my guitar to a man with no arms.. I asked him..how's it going to work ? He replied..I'm going to play it by ear..
January 12, 20179 yr Mammy wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Boo was sitting next to Mammy and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Mammy jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Boo poked Mammy again and she yelled out, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Boo poked Mammy again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your ass!"
January 12, 20179 yr bakon "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Chrispy: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." bakon "As if." Chrispy: "Yeah, just ask your sister." bakon "I don't have a sister." Chrispy "You will in about nine months."
January 16, 20179 yr Did you hear about the two-story whorehouse that went out of business? There was too much f***ing overhead.
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