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Perfect storm is making me nervous


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There's a dangerous serious of events gathering that's creating the perfect craving storm:
Wife is going out w/ her friends tonight,
I'm bored,
I'm tired.
My old boss called and wants to know if I would consider taking a job in his dept which would mean much more money and benefits, but give up a job that pays reasonably well and that I love and have a lot of freedom in.  Tough decision.

Perfect time for me to sneak out, buy a pack, and enjoy 5 or 6 cigarettes while taking a slow, enjoyable walk in the woods.  
Wife would never know.
Plus, it's been 36 days and I really do deserve a break from the cravings for just one night.
I'm sure I could start again tomorrow and no one would be the wiser.

Except I know it will never turn out like that.  If I smoke tonight, I'll throw the pack away tonight in a fit of rage, swearing this was just a one time thing.
Then tomorrow, with my confidence and mojo gone, I'll buy another pack.  And I won't stop.  It always plays out that way.  
It'll be well over a year before I get the courage and inner strength to try again.
Tonights smoke will cost me $4000 and require I smoke at least 7000 more in that one year.
Do I really want to start sneaking around and scheduling my time around smoking again?  Leaving or avoiding activities because it would interfere w/ my getting my fix?

Am I really that stupid that I would give up a 36day quit and pay $4000 for the 5 or 6 cigarettes.
36 days ago I was desperate to be where I am now.  With one reckless behavior tonight, I could place myself right back there again.
I would prefer hitting my head w/ a skillet or my thumb w/ a hammer over that.

Time to stop whining like a little B. (my private mantra)
I will make tomorrow day 37.

Thanks for listening.
Typing is a great distraction.

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Good on you for posting and getting it out, I hope the craving lost its strength from you doing that :) 

6 minutes ago, JustinHoot99 said:

Plus, it's been 36 days and I really do deserve a break from the cravings for just one night.

You'll get your break much faster by not caving to a crave. That will only start your addiction all over again. I know you don't really want to smoke or else you would have never posting this SOS so well done Justin :) 

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you got this my friend.  it's just another weed in your quit garden.  sift down through this and find all the roots and pull them out.  yeah it's a struggle and your gonna get dirty but that's how gardens are made beautiful.  through sweat and tears and vigilant maintenance.  your success will be a sweet victory for all of us!!

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56 minutes ago, Doreensfree said:

You won your battle Justin ....keep winning them and you will win your war ..

Smart move coming here ...this means you really want this quit ...

We are always here ,if and when you need us ...otherwise !!!!

My frying pan is hanging close to hand ....

Nothin like a good skillet to provide some attitude adjustment.

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