Having a rough day today! Have one of closest friends diagnosed with bone cancer, which is not going to be treatable. She quit smoking 25 years ago.So don't you know I want to smoke!!! Now I know shit happens,but it sure makes me question things. I know smoking will not change anything trying to convince myself that I care. Struggling today. Even after reading some of my thoughts for today. trying to be more positive but its not working

Oh no. I’m so sad for you and your dear friend. I’m sorry that you are hurting.  Losing loved ones is the worst. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and even though it was stage IV he lived for two more years. I understand the desire to put yourself into a nicotine laden stupor but please be true to your quit. Please show your friend that you will be strong when she can’t be. Please show your friend that she will be leaving behind someone who is a fighter, someone who is capable to live life to it’s fullest without chains. Let her know that it will be a tribute to her. You can and will do this for yourself but in her name. 🙏🏻

Major traumatic experiences have derailed many a quit. Get over this by doing just what you said you were doing, rationalizing the benefits or lack there of should you light up is all you can do. That should work for you. Reacting irrationally is NOT what you want to do because that'll just lead to regret and a ruined quit. Getting past this means you're pretty much golden in terms of the strength of the foundation of your quit. It's a major hurdle! Treat it as such.

I'm so sorry @Linda, you don't always have to be positive in these types of situations, you just need to stay quit. Remind yourself that smoking won't help your friend. It may also make her feel bad that her diagnosis led to you relapsing and I know you don't want that!

Grieve with your friend, be there for her, hug her and make sure she knows how much you love her. 

That is what making so hard no one can even see her because of f...... Covid not even her husband so she is having to deal with this tragic news all alone

36 minutes ago, Gus said:

Oh no. I’m so sad for you and your dear friend. I’m sorry that you are hurting.  Losing loved ones is the worst. My husband was diagnosed with cancer and even though it was stage IV he lived for two more years. I understand the desire to put yourself into a nicotine laden stupor but please be true to your quit. Please show your friend that you will be strong when she can’t be. Please show your friend that she will be leaving behind someone who is a fighter, someone who is capable to live life to it’s fullest without chains. Let her know that it will be a tribute to her. You can and will do this for yourself but in her name. 🙏🏻

Thank you Gus, what a beautiful post I don't know if I'm that strong.

@Linda, you can do a zoom call or face time call with her. I discovered them this past year and they're wonderful

3 minutes ago, jillar said:

@Linda, you can do a zoom call or face time call with her. I discovered them this past year and they're wonderful

@jillar Thanks Jill

Sorry about this awful news Linda.  I know you can defeat the urge to smoke.  You've become so much stronger and more confident over the last few months.  Hang in there and honor your friend's situation by keeping your amazing quit.

3 minutes ago, BKP said:

Sorry about this awful news Linda.  I know you can defeat the urge to smoke.  You've become so much stronger and more confident over the last few months.  Hang in there and honor your friend's situation by keeping your amazing quit.

@BKPthank you!

2 hours ago, Linda said:

Thank you Gus, what a beautiful post I don't know if I'm that strong.

You are. We are. We have to be. Please keep talking to us. We are here for you. Your thoughts for today have helped me so much. Please keep your quit. 

I'm Sorry you are having to deal with the sad news about your friend .....I too know this pain ..

I Lost my life long friend 3 years ago ...we had been by each others side for over 60 years ...

I know I'm further on in my quit ....but watching her suffer through a smoke related cancer 

Somehow made me stronger ...

Also watching my Hubby Die of Emphysema...later ....made my Quit stronger ....

Linda .....Keep your beautiful Quit ....because this is your life your fighting for ....❤

Edited April 28, 20215 yr by Doreensfree

Linda, I am so sorry about your friend.  I am sure this is devastating news.  Don't doubt yourself Linda.  You are very strong and can get through this.  Don't let your grief turn into regret.  Concentrate on being supportive in other ways you can help.  Her family may need support or meals.  I will add you and your friend to my prayers.  

23 minutes ago, Mee said:

Linda, I am so sorry about your friend.  I am sure this is devastating news.  Don't doubt yourself Linda.  You are very strong and can get through this.  Don't let your grief turn into regret.  Concentrate on being supportive in other ways you can help.  Her family may need support or meals.  I will add you and your friend to my prayers.  

@MeeThank you Mee

Sorry to hear about your friend . It's hard but I am so glad she quit smoking years ago and glad you've quit smoking now .

 

Cancer is not selective. It can hit anyone anytime , smoker or non smoker . 

 

Twenty five years quit is something to be very proud of . Not many are able to do that and it shows me that your friend is a strong person . Because she quit when she did , she had many years more that she was able to spend with good friends like you .  You and she are blessed to have each other .  I'm sorry she is alone because of this stupid covid , but one thing covid had taught us is it won't stop us from comforting one another .

Even an old fashioned letter like the good old days can be a welcomed gift in the mail and bring a smile .

 

Hearing cancer is hard for anyone and I'm sorry . I know you will continue to be in each other's hearts and be the strength that's needed for each other . What a wonderful friend you are to her and she to you . 

Edited April 28, 20215 yr by Abby

22 hours ago, Linda said:

 Even after reading some of my thoughts for today. trying to be more positive but its not working

 

Don't put added pressure on yourself by feeling the need to be positive.  Bad news elicits negative emotions, this is just the natural order of things.

 

Stay strong Linda.

6 hours ago, Abby said:

Sorry to hear about your friend . It's hard but I am so glad she quit smoking years ago and glad you've quit smoking now .

 

Cancer is not selective. It can hit anyone anytime , smoker or non smoker . 

 

Twenty five years quit is something to be very proud of . Not many are able to do that and it shows me that your friend is a strong person . Because she quit when she did , she had many years more that she was able to spend with good friends like you .  You and she are blessed to have each other .  I'm sorry she is alone because of this stupid covid , but one thing covid had taught us is it won't stop us from comforting one another .

Even an old fashioned letter like the good old days can be a welcomed gift in the mail and bring a smile .

 

Hearing cancer is hard for anyone and I'm sorry . I know you will continue to be in each other's hearts and be the strength that's needed for each other . What a wonderful friend you are to her and she to you . 

Thank you for the kind words Abby

3 hours ago, Boo said:

 

Don't put added pressure on yourself by feeling the need to be positive.  Bad news elicits negative emotions, this is just the natural order of things.

 

Stay strong Linda.

Thank you Boo

So very sorry to hear about your friend. Hope you can find peace and courage. God Bless you both.

 

Sorry about the news of your friend, Linda. Please don't smoke as that will ruin your lungs, and it won't help the situation. If you stay quit, hopefully your health outcomes will be improved. You are definitely stronger in fighting off illnesses, and able to breathe better, when you don't smoke. 

 

I think you recently hit 3 months. In the months ahead, you will start to realize how less stressed out you are because you don't smoke.  And you'll likely be better equipped to weather the emotional upheavals that are going to happen as you go through this with your friend. God bless you and your friend.  I wish you strength and serenity during this time.