(((Evelyn)))
I am so very sorry to hear about your parents. That must be so difficult! I also lost my mother to lung cancer and it was devastating. I know what you mean when you say "and you still smoke?". I have felt nonsmokers (and even ex smokers) look at me like that so many times. They think that quitting should be easy for us because we have lost someone due to this nasty addiction but it's not. That's how strong the addiction is. I didn't quit when she passed because I was so angry and I actually started smoking more for a LONG time! It will be 16 years in May since my mom passed and I am just now making a REAL attempt at quitting. And it's OK to mourn and to cry! It's good to get it out!!
So you relapsed...the important thing is that you jumped right back on the train. I have relapsed twice in the past seven weeks so I am starting over again too. But as Scottinpa told me "The only thing worse than to relapse... is to relapse and not start a new quit!!!" I am determined to make this my sticky quit and I can see that you are too. I know that you want this! And you can do it! Stay close to the board and get the support you need. We have to want to KTQ more than we want to smoke. I believe that we do.
You have a friend in me, Evelyn. I believe in you!