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Blogs

redemption3

Celebrating my first week without cigarettes !!

Its been a hell of week But i survived   Nicotine gums are  like my new best friend   I could not have done without it   Thanks to all the people who have supported me   I believe the ability to think is blessed. If you can think about a situation, you can deal with it. The big struggle is to keep your head clear enough to think. -  Richard Pryor
Tranquil, Tensile or Tormented

Cacophony and Silence (Tormented)

It seems like there's a fight going on inside, Words going stark raving mad to take flight. I hesitate, but they want a deluge To hide is something they absolutely refuse. I ponder, wait and consider all angles They run unchecked, unhinged, untangled. Do I open the gates, I wonder Would the flood tear my life asunder? They just want to be free, not like freedom today In the true sense, totally uninhibited No judging, no boundaries, no questions Free to choose their destin
  • Tammy
Tranquil, Tensile or Tormented

Tensile and Taut

A very reflective weekend this one, on the back of a semi-hectic week at work. On Saturday, watched a play related to the 26th November 2008 attacks on Mumbai (today is the 10th anniversary of those horrific attacks).  The play was a monologue of the man behind the attacks - David Coleman Headley, an American Pakistani who orchestrated these attacks and conducted the recce which was used to plan and map out where they would take place. The actor (someone I know personally) potrayed that par
  • Tammy
Lilly

Week Two

I sailed through the first week but this week has been a lot harder.   On Day 9 I became obsessed with the "have I quit too late" thought. I had read a few personal stories where people had got a smoking related health problem after they had quit, and the seed of fear spiralled out of control in my mind. I don't really regret anything in my life but I do regret relapsing so many times.    I don't think I can ignore the damage smoking does or that it is a killer. I do think th
  • Lilly
Tranquil, Tensile or Tormented

Tranquil with a smattering of Tensile

Well, there are days when I feel like a hamster running in the wheel, huffing and puffing (figuratively, not literally), but getting nowhere.   Then there are days when the sun is shining, the colours are sharper, everyone I meet is smiling and everything is just right with the world. Then come the days of Grey. When it's neither dark nor light, the day is just there...like a blob of paint that falls on the floor.   I know I've got enough grit to get through the craves, and w
  • Tammy
Lilly

Week One

Today I am celebrating my first week of freedom ?   I have bought lots of great food and just plan on relaxing and enjoying the day (will obviously watch the Joel Spitzer videos for today at some point).   I thought about what reward I could give myself to mark this special day, then I realised I have already given myself the greatest gift of all .......... I quit smoking ?  
  • Lilly
Lilly

Day 6

Day 6 is done.  As always I watched the Joel Spitzer videos for today and then was out for the rest of the day.   I am amazed by my stats. Look at all those cigarettes not smoked in 6 days ??  I worked it out and I won't be setting alight £389.00 a month.   The benefits just keep coming ?    
  • Lilly
Lilly

Day 4

Today I read my Day 4 material from Joel Spitzer as usual, but I also learnt something by myself.    The last three days were tough in places and if there was a day to throw in the towel it would have been yesterday. I woke up this morning and I realised I felt great.     If I had given up on this quit yesterday I wouldn't have experienced the great day I had today.    I am now in Day 5.
  • Lilly
Lilly

Day 3

Day 3 was difficult as I have been extremely emotional. I am not sure if I can explain my feelings in words but will try.    I was watching my Day 3 videos by Joel Spitzer and there was one that I had watched before. When I watched it the first time I felt sad but continued to smoke. When I watched it earlier it brought out feelings in me that I didn't even realise were there.    After watching it today I sobbed for hours for my own mum. I watched my mum die due to smok
  • Lilly
Lilly

Day 2

Day 2 is done but today I felt a little less upbeat than yesterday.    The ulcer in my mouth seems to have moved it's friends in. I can now feel a few ulcers which is making eating virtually impossible due to the pain. I'm drinking plenty but I think I really could do with a proper meal. I thought I would have some soup tonight but for some reason I didn't even enjoy it. I don't know if that's because of the ulcers, if my taste buds are changing or if it's the two tubes of Bonjela I ha
  • Lilly
Lilly

Day 1

The first day is done and I am giving myself a massive pat on the back and having my own little celebration.    I'm really proud that I got through today. Mentally wasn't too bad and physically it was bearable. Only negative is I have a really big ulcer in my mouth which is so painful and no amount of Bonjela will help.    Joel Spitzer has put together videos to watch during the first week which are on the link below. I watched all the Day 1 section today and learnt so much,
  • Lilly
Lilly

Continuous Relapsing

I have been in a constant cycle of quit/relapse/quit/relapse for such a long time and it's exhausting.    If you are in that relapse cycle too and really want to quit, educate yourself properly by watching the Joel Spitzer videos on this forum, head over to the WhyQuit website to watch even more and spend lots of time here for support, encouragement and distraction.   A good starting point if you are planning to quit is on the link below.    https://whyquit.com/joel
  • Lilly
Beat the Demon

Week Two Hurdle Cleared

I posted a celebration and mentioned some things I'd lost because I quit smoking, but I also want to mention what I've gained … the QuitTrain Community. Every has been so very supportive and I know that I can come hang out any time I need support or want to be supportive. THANK YOU ALL!   I'm celebrating my losses... My last thought before heading home is no longer "do I need to stop for smokes?" I no longer park in the back lot where the smoking area is; I park in the front
Beat the Demon

Learning

Everyone tells me how important it is to increase my quitting education. Today I learned that I have reduced my chance of a heart attack. I wouldn't have believed that last night when it felt like I was having one. It's also good to know my energy levels will start to increase--all I did yesterday (all day) was yawn. I am, however, enjoying the occasional dizziness, but I was recently put on blood pressure meds and should probably get it checked.  
Beat the Demon

Hanging In

I'm still hanging on. My biggest challenge so far was morning break--I was so tempted. I spent the time reading the SOS posts. I laughed when I recognized several I had been thinking at that very moment.  Now lunch time is almost over and I have QuitTrain and solitaire to thank.
Lust4Life

Friends

I have several circles of friends.  I divide them up.  Maintain relations with each of them . We are all in varying stages of life, big kids, little kids, no kids, stress, remorse, and contentment.  I never really thought about how I categorize(d) my friends.  Perhaps it was mentioned in passing many years ago in between banter with the bartender.  I see it -so much more clearly now that I observe my young child's social interactions.  I observe through a microscope and telescope.  Both are equa
Sazerac

Riffing on H. A. L. T

I have read about the acronym, H A L T, in recovery paraphernalia and have used it to a great degree of success in changing my patterns from a nicotine addict to a Free person.     Having a Crave ? H. A. L. T.   Are you Hungry - Thirsty - need a deep breath of Oxygen ? Angry - Happy - Emotional ? Lonesome - Bored ? Tired ?     In many, many instances, when I would reach for a smoke, my poor body was actual

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