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Blogs

It's time for a journey

Catching me by surprise.

I’m more than two weeks smokefree. Yay me!   i just sat down to work email and wanted to, visualized it actually, reaching for my pack of cigarettes. Like a ghost or shadow it was. It caught me by surprise.    Reminder: I have not given anything up by not smoking. This is just the many, many years of habit acting on my brain and physical being. The muscle memory.  It will take time to rewire me so I have to be patient and not give any more thought space to smoking thoughts th
TravellingSunny

Day 3

Day 3 lasted for-freaking-ever.  First day back to work after quitting, and I had exactly zero concentration.  Glued to my support system all day, I really didn't get anything productive accomplished.  While it feels like I wasted the entire day mooning over the emptiness of not smoking, I can't really say it was a waste, can I?  I mean, that's one more day under my quit belt - and the last day (supposedly) of nicotine in my system.   So, with the physical withdrawals done (mine consis
TravellingSunny

Day 2

Tempting and teasing my addiction was probably not the best approach to the second day of this quit.  I mean... how much harder do I really need to make this for myself.   Against all odds, I survived Day Two with my quit intact. Drinking. Partying with friends. Escorting my best friend outside for her smoke breaks. The resulting urges to smoke were, needless to say, powerful. I discovered that my poor and slow texting abilities are a boon to using this forum. By the time I type it all
TravellingSunny

Day 1

I wasn't prepared to write my first blog post ever in my life tonight - but, I mean, here's this option right here and this site has just made it so easy and I always said I wanted organize my old posts to remember how awful it was...   Here I am. Again with the first day. Again with the relentless discomfort that follows every life segment. Wake up. Remind myself that "No. You don't smoke anymore." Drink coffee. "No. You don't smoke anymore." Driving. "NOPE."  Finished breakfast. "NOP
It's time for a journey

Coping with Outside Stresses

I've faced a lot of stressful situations since the weekend. Tax day. Relationship stress. Work stress. I was not particularly graceful or dignified but overall not too bad. I snapped like a child, instead of talked. I cursed like a sailor. I paced like a mad person. What I didn't do was smoke. In fact, having a smoke wasn't even my first thought when I was hit with a wave of stress...until someone reminded me by saying, "Why don't you go and smoke?" Nice. Thanks for your support. Victory was min
It's time for a journey

Eight and Ate

8 days smokefree. Yeehaw!    Oops. Didn’t start that 21-day fitness thing yet.    Two things on my mind are rewards and the bottomless pit of what seems to be hunger. Yesterday, I had several moments where I wanted to smoke but I didn’t seriously consider it. I noticed around lunchtime just how hungry I was and I ate a normal portion of leftover lo mein and then I finished it with a second helping. I still felt hungry. I had two cookies. Luckily that was just about all the fo
It's time for a journey

1 week down

As joyful and as awesome as Saturday was for me, Sunday was that much of blah. It’s a roller coaster ride.    I found myself missing smoking at several times throughout the day yesterday. I guess that’s romanticizing smoking...thinking of the enjoyment of it, etc. I had to remind myself to just live in and be present in this moment; to decide not to smoke right now.    I have some PTSD-like things that come up every now and again and while i manage them much better than I use
It's time for a journey

Smoke Free Saturday

I am still smokefree!!!    Yesterday I drove 3 hours without smoking. I held a straw in my left hand for most of the trip. At one point I actually flicked it as if to get the ash off out the window. That was totally out of habit and without thinking. I thought it was kind of funny. It made me realize how much of this is the habit of smoking, the muscle memory.    I was also also thinking about what seems different about this quit for me. It’s not as much of a struggle for me
It's time for a journey

Saved by a bic pen, a straw, and the quit train

Yesterday was a bit of a roller coaster for me but i made it through. Just when I felt confident I had a major trigger that I've not dealt with before and panicked. All of my planning went out the window but I got great suggestions in SOS to use a straw like a cigarette, deep breathe, and lollipops or other hard candies. I didn't have a straw so I used a bic pen. I made it through just fine.  I read today that once you experience and deal with a cue/trigger that it won't impact you as much the n
It's time for a journey

Nicotine Free

It amazes me how in such a short time, you can get a real boost to your self esteem and sense of accomplishment by quitting something so bad for you. That is where I am today (at least for the moment).  I was actually able to concentrate on my work this morning for two hours without even thinking about smoking. Well, actually that's not true but I was able to quickly brush aside smoking thoughts and carry on. Someone else said it but I think I agree that the Chantix must truly be a wonder drug f
It's time for a journey

Uphill but following signs

This is my day 3. When I woke up today I felt it would be different -- more challenging -- uphill road, maybe covered in ice. I'm pretty sure "nicodemon" was whispering in my ear. I don't want to feed my anxieties and fears and make more of them than I need to. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I read one of the posts yesterday about how we should make it hard to smoke instead of make it hard to quit. That makes a lot of sense to me...very practical, sensible, logical. I also read a bit a
It's time for a journey

A cause for celebration

Woohoo!!! I made it through day 1 and am on day 2. A few strong cravings yesterday but I've actually had an hour or so at a time where I didn't actually think about smoking. I think that's the thing that I hated most the last time I quit -- obsessing over smoking for the first three months or so. The cool thing is that even though the last time I quit smoking was 15 years ago, a lot of the things I learned then kicked in yesterday. That's good news.   My husband received a stressful ca
It's time for a journey

Taking the non-smoking road

I wasn't really prepared to quit. I've been putting it off for a year and half. My doctor gave me chantix and she picked a quit date for me. It passed on February 1, 2018.   So April 9 is the day I quit smoking.  Two months later than I promised my Doctor. But better late than never.   I've been smoking since I was 13, off and on until about 21 when I took up smoking in earnest. I averaged about 10-13 cigarettes a day until, at 51, I experienced some personal trauma and I beg
The Journey to a Smoke Free Life

April 5, 2018

DD and I made it home safe and sound. And as I had anticipated the urge to smoke was very strong, knowing that I had money and a store just 5 miles down the road, I had to battle the urge to go and buy a pack, just for one. But I did not. I NOPE-d every time I felt the desire to. I was surprised that the urge was mental and not physical. It was just fleeting thoughts that I had to work through. No anxiousness, it was somewhat a loneliness, which seemed a bit strange.   Now this morning
The Journey to a Smoke Free Life

April 3, 2018

Day 2 and I am smoke free. It has been easy up to this point. I knew I would not be smoking anyway. I did not sleep well last night but I am sure it is from staying in a hotel bed as opposed to my own bed. I really have not had any cravings. I have only chewed 4 pieces of gum. DD and I ate at lunch at CookOut and I did have a deep longing for a "smoke" when I tried to drink my milkshake. I guess the pull on the straw as I was trying to get the think milkshake through the straw "inspired the desi
The Journey to a Smoke Free Life

April 2, 2018

Today is the day that I "Quit The Beast".  My DD and I are on a trip to for her final college visitation. So it is a good fit. Travel time is 6.5 hours and I do not smoke around my family so it is a nice cushion to make this day as my mind will not be totally focused on smoking. I have become very accustomed to not smoking around my family and know that it would make the first two days easier, as I would not be smoking anyway.    I have bought along some munchies for the evening t
The Journey to a Smoke Free Life

Future Focused!

Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks Oh! My!   Well I blow my quit back in 2015, not that is was a very long quit but none the less it was a quit and I never came back. Flash forward almost 3 years and life is out of control.  Teenage son (17) who is making all the wrong decisons Teenage daughter (18) who graduates this year and leaves for college 7 hours away in the fall Menopause is knocking at my back door along with all the hormonal shifts I teach high s
Sazerac

The Significance of Rewards

This is an old post of mine that still resonates with me and I thought to stash in in my blog so it is easy for me to locate.   Nicotine stimulates the reward path in our brain and by replenishing ourselves with nicotine, we were rewarded with Dopamine. Many times a day we went from the panic of, 'I've gotta have a smoke' to 'Ahhh', the brief relief of satisfying addiction.   We were jerking our own chain every twenty minutes or so....for years.  
Edie

Day 3

As I begin the third day of not smoking I am faced with the hardest decision I will make during this journey.  My wife is still smoking.  So do I say it's okay if she wants to smoke in the house since it is so bitterly cold outside and it is her house too.  Or do I just say nothing.  I know she had to make the commitment to quit herself but I also know it would be so easy for me to buy a pack to "support her" which is just an excuse to go back.  I know I am not going to give up what I have accom
  • Edie
Edie

Day 2

Day 2 of my quit.  Last night was a bit rough.  I could feel myself getting irritated with stupid stuff.  Today's focus is going to be not letting things irritate me as much.  A week ago I was not easily irritated so I want to go back to that person.  I feel good about myself.  I know this is what I want to do.  I have to remind myself that I am not suffering any kind of loss by not smoking.  And I love what I read on someone's blog today "stop the craving early by telling yourself it is not an
  • Edie
Turkey Time

I Didn't Click "Send"

"Hey, buy me a pack of smokes on your way home..." "Stop by the smoke shop and bring me a pack?" "Rough day, can you grab me some smokes?" I typed those out in my head, to my husband, over and over this afternoon, but I never sent them. I haven't had a cigarette since October 16th.  No nicotine since last Thursday and here we are on Tuesday and I'm still hyper obsessed with cravings and withdrawals.  Seems they have been lasting all morning for several hours the last few days
Turkey Time

*Cough Cough*

Just a quick recording for personal reference.   So, it's coming up now on 4 weeks since I smoked a cigarette.  I never developed a daily "smoker's cough" or found myself clearing my throat regularly, but I assumed that after quitting I'd probably end up coughing a lot just as part of the healing process.  Well, nothing happened.  Nothing until a couple of days ago anyway. I started in late September/early October replacing smoking with vaping a few times a day and from then through mi

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