I'm coming back.....

[...]

I don't want to do this anymore.

 

I'm losing my oomph.

 

The only thing that's keeping me from lighting up is I know that I will still feel bad. Just in a different way.

 

I'm having a hard time catching my breath. I'm not short of breath or struggling to breathe, but it's like I can't breathe deep enough. I'm tired. And I'm sad.

 

I feel like I'm in a limbo and I can't get out. I know there's no relief in smoking and I am really not trying to be negative......I hate being on here. I hate not being able to do this on my own. I just don't have the strength right now......

 

I'm not gonna smoke. I'm just having a sad party and wanting it to end.

[sharonsiff]

I don't want to do this anymore.

I'm losing my oomph.

The only thing that's keeping me from lighting up is I know that I will still feel bad. Just in a different way.

I'm having a hard time catching my breath. I'm not short of breath or struggling to breathe, but it's like I can't breathe deep enough. I'm tired. And I'm sad.

I feel like I'm in a limbo and I can't get out. I know there's no relief in smoking and I am really not trying to be negative......I hate being on here. I hate not being able to do this on my own. I just don't have the strength right now......

I'm not gonna smoke. I'm just having a sad party and wanting it to end.

It will end, although I know that's not much comfort in the hear and now.

 

You do have the strength..the very fact that you put finger to keypad, and posted. You could have easily not..and just smoked and thought well I don't have the strength.

 

Limbo is crap..no doubt about it..not great, however, just keep doing what you're doing, have moan if it helps, keep posting and keep up this rinse and repeat.

 

With regards to your anxiety and breathing..have you had your bloods checked recently? I only ask as my daughter has anxiety (and actual panic attacks) finally they agreed to test her blood..thyroid problems, on meds, helping a lot.

 

Don't forget tomorrow's update Mrs..or one later if you feel the need. Getting late in the UK so switching off..

[Sazerac]

I don't want to do this anymore.

 

I'm losing my oomph.

 

The only thing that's keeping me from lighting up is I know that I will still feel bad. Just in a different way.

 

I'm having a hard time catching my breath. I'm not short of breath or struggling to breathe, but it's like I can't breathe deep enough. I'm tired. And I'm sad.

 

I feel like I'm in a limbo and I can't get out. I know there's no relief in smoking and I am really not trying to be negative......I hate being on here. I hate not being able to do this on my own. I just don't have the strength right now......

 

I'm not gonna smoke. I'm just having a sad party and wanting it to end.

 

 

We can't necessarily change things

but, we can certainly change our attitude towards things.

 

Keep educating yourself about addiction

because once you truly accept it, it gets a lot easier.

 

 

You ARE doing this on your own. You are the one not sucking on poison fire.

We are just here to witness.

[Petra]

I'm not gonna smoke. 

 

YAY!!!  We're happy to hear that most of all.!!!  Keep at it! :)

[Doreensfree]

Don't over think this...one day at a time...

Today you are a fabulous non smoker....

[ChRiSpY]

Yeap...it sucks to quit... it is hard and it sucks.  And it sucks. And it is hard.  And  it sucks.

 

But the payoff is soooooooo worth it.

 

Onward and upward... good things are a comin'

 

Keepin on keepin on.

[...]

Just checking in.......

 

Still smoke free.

 

It's getting better.

[Still winning]

Fabulous my darling. You are doing so well, even if it doesn't feel like it in every moment. Strong lady, keep it up. x

[sharonsiff]

Just checking in.......

Still smoke free.

It's getting better.

Fabulous...enjoy the rest of your day x

[...]

So I just sat here for the last 3 hours doing schedules and I just realized.......

 

I haven't thought of a cigarette NOT ONE TIME.  I haven't had a crave.  Not a sad thought.  

 

I was just doing what I would do anyways.  And I didn't have to take a break to go smoke.  

 

I also started reading Allen Carr again and I signed up for meditation yoga.  I start the yoga tomorrow night.  

 

I'm getting there...... 

[El Bandito]

Nice work Tiff.

 

It gets better and better.

 

Well done!

[Sazerac]

This is a real breakthrough, Tiffany.

Hold your resolve and breathe !

[...]

Thank you.

 

Please understand y'all, when I say I don't want to be on here, it's not because I don't appreciate y'all's support. I do. I could not do this without y'all.

 

I just don't know how to handle the negative feelings that are associated with quitting. And it makes me want to run off.

 

I think.....ha ha, I know I have commitment issues and committing to this has been really really hard.

 

But I'm doing it and I'm going to spend the rest of my life as a non smoker. Never done that before. Lol.

 

I think the meditation yoga will help a lot. I'm a VERY energetic little person so calming my thoughts down will be a tremendous help.

 

Life is good. And I like it that way.

[Sazerac]

When I read,  ' you don't want to be here'

I didn't take that personally but, I went out on a limb and interpreted that as,

 

"I don't want to be an addict" 

"I don't want to be told I am an addict or behaving like an addict"

"I don't want to admit to being an addict"

 

and I thought, well gee, Tiff.  None of us want to be addicts but, the sorry fact is, we are.

 

Admitting to addiction was a big one for me so, I could well be projecting

but Commitment !?

 

Commitment, I thought was impossible for myself.  I was wrong.

Commitment to NOPE has brought me nothing but power and helped me to understand the benefits of commitments.

 

Your life has changed so much in the past few weeks, Tiffany.  and please remember that it just gets better.

[...]

When I read,  ' you don't want to be here'

I didn't take that personally but, I went out on a limb and interpreted that as,

 

"I don't want to be an addict" 

"I don't want to be told I am an addict or behaving like an addict"

"I don't want to admit to being an addict"

 

and I thought, well gee, Tiff.  None of us want to be addicts but, the sorry fact is, we are.

 

Admitting to addiction was a big one for me so, I could well be projecting

.

 

No. You are not projecting.

 

I have and always have had a difficult time stating that I am an addict. Tiffany and addict do not go well in the same sentence.

 

There is a level of contradiction with the term "addict" and then stating that we, as addicts, "choose" to smoke. Do I believe that nicotine alters our neurosensory function/ status ? Of course. Do I believe that we have a choice in changing that ? Absolutely. I am aware of all of the terms that nicotine or smoking engages us to sign up for when we take that first puff.

 

However, to say that I am an addict implies weakness. I am not a weak person. Lack of self control. A characteristic that I do not possess......although I do tend to possess it when speaking sometimes.

 

Per definition: To state that one is an addict is to state that they are dependent on a particular substance. Although, we are physically dependent on it while we are doing it (smoking) does not necessarily enforce the belief that we are dependent on it once we stop using it.

 

Where do you give yourself credit for changing your way of life ? Where do you state that I CHOOSE to better my life by my own actions or, in this care, lack of action ? Once you state that, then the term addiction is not an aspect of your life any longer. It is all you.

 

I choose to not smoke. When I chose to smoke, or relapse, I chose to do that too. To me, saying I'm an addict justifies my choosing to kill myself. I want to be above that.

 

Does this make sense ? Please please understand I'm not arguing with you. I just want to be a complete person. Not a person with a deficit.

[...]

I will say though my thoughts/ feelings on this may change as time goes on.

 

Let me get to the other side and look back and I may see things more clearer then.

 

I'm not against saying I'm an addict..... But only, if in fact, it is true.

 

It's my body. I have a hard time saying that I cannot control my own body.

 

It takes time to learn how to do it.......but can be done.

[Sazerac]

These are interesting issues, Tiffany, and I can see why you won't admit to being an addict.

I had a lot of the same arguments and many people here likely said the same things to themselves too.

 

Now, in my 20/20 hindsight, I see clearly how my Denial made my quit a helluva lot harder than it had to be.

This lesson has helped me look deeper inside and root out other denial hot spots.

I have learned a lot and begun to disentangle the myth from the woman in true honesty with myself.

  

There are many paths, Tiffany.

You may change and learn to accept yourself as an addict

but, it is really only semantics as long as you 

decide to stop administering the addictive drug.

 

Keep Protecting your quit and holding your resolve.

You are 18 Days into your nicotine Free Life

and that is spectacular.

[...]

Thank you !!!!!

 

as long as you

decide to stop administering the addictive drug.

 

Keep Protecting your quit and holding your resolve.

Yes ma'am. Decision made. :-)

[Paul723]

I'm a nicotine addict, I can't have just one.

[Sazerac]

Me too. EVER. FOREVER.

 

p.s.  I don't know if these will help but, they helped me

 

Are You A Nicotine Junkie ?

 

Was I addicted ?

 

and don't let this last title I found throw you off because it has some pertinent bits, too.

 

I Can't Quit because I'm addicted

 

 

All from our friend, Joel.

Edited October 7, 2016 by Sazerac

[sgt.barney]

I'm not against saying I'm an addict..... But only, if in fact, it is true.

 

 

It is, in fact, quite true.

 

Not only are you an addict, but you are an addict in ridiculous and continual, long-term [and possibly terminal] denial.

 

You can't control shit about your addiction, as evidenced by the past 3+ years of failure

 

Get over it. Dig yourself out of denial...or fail again.

 

You are an addict.

 

It's not "merely semantics", it's a fact.

 

Until you full-on, no doubt, no denial can acknowledge your addiction without difficulty and without "having a hard time"... until you can do this you will fail again.

 

And you will continue to do so, again and again.

 

 

This, The Sarge promises.

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Doreensfree]

It took me 52 years to figure this out...its true...

I wish sarge could have said this to me..all those years ago...

I can now say..I am a addict..just choosing not to be using....

[...]

It is, in fact, quite true.

Not only are you an addict, but you are an addict in ridiculous and continual, long-term [and possibly terminal] denial.

You can't control shit about your addiction, as evidenced by the past 3+ years of failure

Get over it. Dig yourself out of denial...or fail again.

You are an addict.

It's not "merely semantics", it's a fact.

Until you full-on, no doubt, no denial can acknowledge your addiction without difficulty and without "having a hard time"... until you can do this you will fail again.

And you will continue to do so, again and again.

This, The Sarge promises.

Easy Peasy

Don't shame me.

 

Because I don't want to limit myself with a title.

 

So those that scream they are addicts, don't have a hard time quitting ? Those that scream they are addicts NEVER relapse ?

 

I never once said it wasn't an addictive substance. And I also stated that it does alter our chemical makeup. But to say I'm an addict for the rest of my life ???? No sir. I have a choice whether to smoke or not, therefore, I make the choice to title myself an addict.

 

But don't even try to shame me into believing that the reason I have "struggled" is because I'm not conforming to a title that I think I can overcome. One can not be an addict if they are not practicing the addiction.

 

I do not want to argue. But I don't want to be shamed into accepting your theory just because it works for you.

[sgt.barney]

Don't shame me.

 

The Sarge merely points out fact. Any associated shame is of your own free fill.

 

Sarge is not ashamed and shouts it to the world: I AM AN ADDICT.

 

You are ashamed and in denial.

 

You will remain a smoker.

 

Enjoy that next cigarette, but when you do. remember what was said here.

 

Remember what was said here. It's not as if you haven't been told again and again ... with the same damnedable outcome every damned time.

 

It's time to wake the **** up, Tiffany

 

Scew your misplaced shame. Do you want to live or not?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

[Sazerac]

I don't think this has anything to do with shame.

There is nothing shameful about Truth.

I was not shamed when I listened to Joel or read anything about addiction.

 

I didn't feel shame when I copped to being an Addict.  

I felt Empowered.

That was the beginning of a path of Truthful self-discovery for me.

 

The shame was that I gloried in Denial for so long

but,  Denial is an integral part of Nicotine Addiction, any addiction.

 

Your denial about addiction astounds me, Tiffany. 

Perhaps you are that one in a kazillion that can hold tight to their denial about addiction and have a successful quit.

Still, giving denial that much power doesn't sound very free to me when the truth is so much more rewarding.