May 25, 201610 yr well most of you who have known me for nearly 3 years and know I just lay it all out there, if I am feeling something then generally you get to know about it lol you have been there through my good times and some pretty bad times, this is one of those bad times but its not a feel sorry for myself times or need hugs or encouragement times its more of I am freaking angry times i have been feeling it for the last three days, a shift in my emotional state, from being compassionate to angry, today is a year my sister committed suicide, i`ve been dreading the day, its true it takes a year to come full circle, the same as the quit and its true to have to be one step ahead of it! but i have now entered the angry circle and there aint shit i can do about it, Anger is the emotion I am not best with to handle, love, compassion etc etc is a piece of cake but ANGER is my nemesis I am sticking close to the board tonight, I cant contact family as I will make things worse, I have isolated myself from them today as I will just explode and say all sorts of crap to be honest i`m tired of wiping their arses for them and being the backbone, a spine can only take so much! and i`m guessing that`s where my sister was at! (it obviously goes much deeper and complicated then that but I will spare you all the details). I have done all the soul searching and healing I can do for the moment and the only thing left in my arsenal is jack daniels, so Moderators, please delete anything I may say or do to offend, this would be the very last thing I would want to do. I think rez might be scared to come home bless him :P any hows if i seem a bit off, blame jack :on_the_quiet2:
May 25, 201610 yr Tracey, I can't even remotely imagine what you're going through so I'm not going to post some lame platitude or other less thoughtful response. Glad that you're here and talking about it. I bet for sure Rez will be there to support you and help you through this. Sometimes you need to circle yourself with those who will lift you up, not drag you down and feed off of you and for some people, family needs to take a hiatus while you focus on you.
May 25, 201610 yr Tracey...sweetheart... Anger is a natural part of grieving...you have hardly had time to catch your breath this year... You do what you have too..to look after Tracey... Rez will understand...and will help you through this... We have the basement for you to post... All your friends are here....should you need us....xxxxx
May 25, 201610 yr Anger is Good. I find it is a splendid motivator to making things right for myself in this mean 'ol world. I am thinking of you, friend, in your Grief. A year is very short time to sort anything out. Cut yourself some slack. Rage on, Tracey. Rage for You, for your Sister, Rage against how brutal this world can be. Walk a bottle of Jack down to the tracks where you can scream like a banshee when the trains roll by. I'll be right there screaming too. Removing yourself from toxic people, be they family, friend or foe, is the righteous thing to do. I am relieved you are doing this. Stay Strong. Allow Rez to help. He is your Ally. Be Kind to Yourself. You are a Beautiful Woman, inside and out, worthy of Grace and Love and infinite Kindness. Know you are loved. SMae
May 25, 201610 yr Tracey. I wasn't around when you went through this last year and was unaware that such tragedy had struck your life. There are no words. Grief is such a personal yet painful experience and everyone's grief is so very personal. Anger is one of the stages of grief and completely normal. I once was told that it takes a full year of anniversaries before one can even begin to fully process the loss of someone. In a strange way, it is similar to smoking in that we must endure every experience without the loved one before we are able to begin to heal and then the triggers also will come. Be kind to yourself, acknowledge your anger and pain and know you have love and support in all kinds of places (including a tiny corner of the Internet). I'm sorry for your pain and only wish you a lovely Spring full of promise with your new husband and your new life.
May 26, 201610 yr Oh honey, be angry and have some drinks if you want. You seem like an amazing person to me , full of love and caring. Cuddle with Rez and your dogs tonight
May 26, 201610 yr I'm sorry for what you've been through. Of course you feel angry! Better to not hold it inside I think. Thinking of you! Take care of you.
May 26, 201610 yr Love and admire you so much, dear Tracey. I wish I could hold you in my arms as you hurt, and drink shots thinking it might get better. Pretty sure it would end up with a singing, dancing, giggling slumber party! So sorry for your pain....
May 26, 201610 yr Never apologize for anger or any other genuine feelings. Do what you need to do to protect your own sanity. Best wishes Tracey. p.s. I'm only 90 miles east of Lynchburg, so if needed I could make an emergency run to tell them to roll out another barrel of old no. 7.
May 26, 201610 yr Girl you can try to be peace and cake, but sometimes you need to be angry; THAT is healing too :) You are strong, loving but that doesn't make you a cuddle robot (to explain it xtremely) so be angry write a little talk to your sister if you angry at her... oh pm coming your way ;)
May 26, 201610 yr Author Thank you everyone I feel so much better today (heads a little fuzzy) but I feel emotionally lighter and no one was harmed through my process so it's a win/win Love this quit train family xxx
May 26, 201610 yr Don't be angry. It's a waste of time. Lots of steps to grieving and anger is one not to get stuck too long in. Move on. Roll on Let it pass No figuring out some important or hidden meaning. There isn't one. http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/
May 26, 201610 yr Sounds like you got through it OK Tracey, good for you. I'm glad you've got REZ to cheer you up, and sending over some hugs :)
May 26, 201610 yr Sorry I missed this my lovely. I can't begin to understand but sending you love. xx
June 1, 201610 yr Glad to hear you made it through a rough time... Like Marti and Bakon said, I also can't begin to understand, but I do undertand that it is not good to be stuck in any of the stages of grief. Sending out good vibes your way...
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