Smokey memories. Went away with sis yesterday, to get my very first diving lesson ever (birthday present, so cool). 

Have not spent together-time with her other dan dinner or drinks, for the last 6 months. So there it was: right when she picked me up for the 2,5 hr drive, I was thinking about our first smoke stop. That thought kinda stayed with me all day and whenever it presented itself again, I told myself how I was using this day to pave at least one new brain pathway.

 

About the diving itself.... uhm ... well, let's just say challenging. But after the initial ohmygodiamcrazyfordoingthis I picked myself up and did it anyway. 

I didn't see no fishy at all, though the tank was crowded with it. I was way too busy belly breathing and adjusting the air in my uhm whats it called, vest? Conclusion: swimming and diving are two totally different sports and I'll stick to the first.

 

And when we left the place, people smoking everywhere. The smell, disgusting! The gap between mental ' wanting'  and the physical attraction of smoking is growing. To me it looks sad and lonely on people, even when they smoke together. I see a junky getting his fix, nothing more to it. But obviously memories still need to be dissected, one by one. 

 

And how I long for the day even thát part is over! 

 

 

 

Edited March 3, 20197 yr by MLMR

Love the positivity in this post @MLMR.....its great when the light bulb goes on !!!!!!

I started driving late ..O.M G...it took me 18 months and 4 tests....to finally pass....I blamed the driving inspector every time ...lol....

Never could dive either....so ..your not alone....well done sweetheart....

7 hours ago, MLMR said:

 And when we left the place, people smoking everywhere. The smell, disgusting! The gap between mental ' wanting'  and the physical attraction of smoking is growing. To me it looks sad and lonely on people, even when they smoke together. I see a junky getting his fix, nothing more to it. But obviously memories still need to be dissected, one by one. 

 

You've just made yet another step closer to being permanently free of this crazy addiction  It's shocking how dramatically our perception of smoking situations changes when we become non smokers.

 

Similar situation for me. The pic below is on a cruise ship. The area circled in Red is "Smokers Corner". The only place on the ship where a person can smoke. A little hard to see because it's a dark corner hidden away from everything else where the sun never shines. I used to frequent this place when I smoked. Now I walk by and feel only pity for those faces I see huddled under the deck there - always the same people, getting their fix while the fun part of life goes on in the sunshine all around them.

Aside from pity I feel a little embarrassed that that was me under there in the past. Never again!

That big black cloud of shame ...I know it well ...it's a great feeling to be finally be free of it ....

Great update @MLMR, it's so great to watch you growing in your freedom from this addiction. And kudos to you for trying diving, I'm too chicken to try lol.

@reciprocity your smokers corner pic reminds me of the dark room thread. Hopefully someday they too will see the light

Edited March 3, 20197 yr by jillar

@Doreensfree i love it when people obtain their license later on! It shows courage to start the lessons and eventually do the testing. How nice you made it! And ofcourse it was your instructors fault. They do that on purpose, tsss.?

 

@reciprocity 

1 hour ago, reciprocity said:

 

You've just made yet another step closer to being permanently free of this crazy addiction  

I think so too.

 

The cruise you spent your quit-savings on is one of the many inspirations this board gave me, did i ever tell you that? Blackened lungs and little breath on one side, oceans, bright skies and lots of sun on another. Easy pick!

 

@jillar thanks. This morning i read back from page 1 to 19, heartwarming to read every single response. I almost cant believe where I was six months ago, frightened and nervous. Determination came with every week passed.. I know i am not there yet. But I know I am going steady regardless of everything that happened lately.  Yes!

 

 

Edited March 3, 20197 yr by MLMR

1 hour ago, MLMR said:

 

 

@jillar thanks. This morning i read back from page 1 to 19, heartwarming to read every single response. I almost cant believe where I was six months ago, frightened and nervous. Determination came with every week passed.. I know i am not there yet. But I know I am going steady regardless of everything that happened lately.  Yes!

 

 

 

 

M, this thread is a great testimonial.  I have read through it all myself and it is so wonderful to see your metamorphosis.  Thank you for all your writings.

You are leaving an important legacy here.

 

Every day will find your brain adjusting to a smoke free environment and your confidence will continue to build.

^^^^ This!

I am in a vacuüm! No mans land the 2nd!

 

Smoking stinks and repels me and yet i think about it 59 times a day! And i have nothing sensible to say about it.

 

And I miss @c9jane29 as hell. 

 

Is it tomorrow allready?

 

Edited March 7, 20197 yr by MLMR

Thoughts of smoking are pretty common at 6 or 7 months quit but they are just that ..... thoughts. Those have no power unless you act on them and I know you won't. Frequency, length and intensity of those thoughts will continue to diminish over time. Yes, it takes awhile but it will continue to get better gradually so just carry on and you'll be fine. 

I too an sorry Jane has disappeared. She did a lot to help new quitters but, sometimes, people just decide to move on. She may resurface one day. Life if full of surprises.

22 minutes ago, reciprocity said:

Yes, it takes awhile but it will continue to get better gradually so just carry on and you'll be fine. 

I know but im impatient! It seems so stupid to be hatin' it and yet still so strangely obsessed!   

 

But, heck... I can do this once more... on friggin day 198...

Cleaner lungs less risk for cancer less depression no smokey smellin' noooo smokey shame better health overall and. All. The. Other. Benefits. One. Can. Possibly. Imagine. 

 

Goodbye sleep tight, adios. 

 

Edited March 7, 20197 yr by MLMR

1 minute ago, MLMR said:

 

 But, heck... I can do this once more... on friggin day 198...

You smoked for some number of years I'm guessing. Every day of that time you reinforced your commitment to be a smoker. Smoking was part of everything, especially anxiety and stressful moments. Now it's time to reverse all that thinking so is it any wonder that it takes quite awhile? It won't take nearly as long as the time you smoked but it doesn't happen over night. My own thoughts about smoking have continued to diminish well after my 1 year quit mark. 

 

These distorted thoughts and memories of smoking are the only cards your addiction has left in it's deck because you've already shown your dedication in fighting it since August 22nd of 2018.  Continue to heal by using the logic and truths about smoking that you have acquired since then when smoking thoughts come calling. That is the tool that will erase those thoughts for good eventually. Outsmarting your addiction is the right path. 

Soon it will fall away like a snowflake, you'll hardly notice when it's over.  Please remember to tell us when it happens, it's coming soon.

Horror and more horror. Great way to start a monday morning, ahum. Counting down to 7 months. Only 11 days to go. 

 

"We would have many more lung cancers than we do if smokers could live long enough to get them. When many people with fatal heart attacks or strokes are autopsied, there are often precancerous lesions found that indicate that if these people had a few more years to live they would have eventually succumbed to these smoking induced diseases."

 

"Each day thousands upon thousands of children become lifetime slaves to nicotine and their youthful error in judgment will cost at least one-third of them their life. Yes, there are habits associated with nicotine addiction but they result from our addiction forcing each of us to select regular feeding times."

 

 

 

 

SHIT. It happened, quitting became my religion.

 

Bumped into a collegue. Started talking about month 5 and 6, the grief cycle and Keeping The Quit. With my 'listen to me, this shit is SO important' face.

She drifted off and I fell silent. 'You know what, nevermind'. And we parted.

 

I need a smokeless antidote! A good portion of carelessness. Wanting my 'f... that' attitude back. 

 

 

 

 

Edited March 12, 20197 yr by MLMR

So take the bull by the horns and go do something that would have been completely foreign and unexpected for you in your former "smokers life". 

I did that when going through a significant life change many years ago. Go shake things up cuz no one else is gonna do it for ya  It will make you feel alive again!

 

Spring is coming and your quit is gaining momentum.

On 3/3/2019 at 11:03 AM, jillar said:

Great update @MLMR, it's so great to watch you growing in your freedom from this addiction. And kudos to you for trying diving, I'm too chicken to try lol.

@reciprocity your smokers corner pic reminds me of the dark room thread. Hopefully someday they too will see the light

 

@jillar and @MLMR, I am a diver! With proper training it is a wonderful thing...so many amazing creatures and other sights to see! Would you believe that after every dive trip (usually about 2 hours total spent breathing underwater with a 1/2 hour or so surface interval on the boat between the dives...I would spend my surface time smoking a poison stick!! Ugh, when I think about that now....but at least I never threw any butts in the water.....kept 'em contained in an empty water bottle and disposed of them in the trash bin when back on land.

'Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong' - Johann Hari

 

About rediscovering purpose, connection and all that. 

I think I miss smoking, because i am addicted. Its not because the weather is so nice, or because I miss a person. Its not because of anxiety, or smoking being some magic cure. Its because i am adicted to nicotine and therefor have all these associations and so I tend to believe my thoughts. I dont have to believe them. I can choose not to.

 

This is that particulair point in time, I have been here before. I can do this. Its 221 days now. Wouldnt want to throw that away, would I? 

 

Smoking is not comforting, soothing, easing, whatever. Smoking is giving in to addiction and slowly killing myself. Wouldnt want that, would I? 

 

 

Hi sweetie ....

You have this .!!!!.....Smoking does NOTHING ..for us ....xxx

Thanks @Doreensfree. Got to get through this evening in one piece! 

6 minutes ago, MLMR said:

Thanks @Doreensfree. Got to get through this evening in one piece! 

 

I have full faith in you MLMR. I know you're not going to blow that awesome 221 days, you got this girl!  

 

Just woke up, had a smokey dream. One after another, not bothered at all.

 

It took me over 15 minutes after waking up to ditch the thought of failure and to realise it was just a dream! Only just gradually coming back again... ahhh, I didnt. It was only a dream and I am just as smokefree as I was yesterday or will be tomorrow! Working towards 8 months!