Still winning

This is what I have just blogged: My emotions are still up and down like a yo yo. I have smoked since I was 13 years old. My first cigarette was age 9! I am now 38, never in all my adult years have I "coped" as a non smoker. I did quit for 364 days, but I was massively protected in that time and the first real drama, I smoked again. So I will forgive myself that sometimes I don't know how to/who to be? I feel like a child sometimes! I am now learning how to deal with my emotions. Ironically, I am teaching my 8 and 4 year old daughters how to do the same haha. I get really sad, really down but then I come bouncing back up. I will learn without smoking how to do this, how to be calm. What I need to check, is, Is this normal? Is it a phase or is this how things are henceforth? I will be ok with whatever the answers are but feel like I need to know. I have been using exercise to push these feelings down and create natural "feel good" feelings but today I can't. Pesky kidney infection ouch. So it's more noticeable and I think others thoughts and experiances would help here. Triggers still happen, it is still tricky but not hard like it was early days, I got that - emotions - wow they got me!!

My emotions are still up and down like a yo yo. I have smoked since I was 13 years old. My first cigarette was age 9! I am now 38, never in all my adult years have I "coped" as a non smoker. I did quit for 364 days, but I was massively protected in that time and the first real drama, I smoked again. So I will forgive myself that sometimes I don't know how to/who to be? I feel like a child sometimes! I am now learning how to deal with my emotions. Ironically, I am teaching my 8 and 4 year old daughters how to do the same haha. I get really sad, really down but then I come bouncing back up. I will learn without smoking how to do this, how to be calm. So the triggers are now easier but there. Only being around smokers is harder, but still, I can manage that in a dismissive way by putting my thought process together and remember one cigarette goes with 30 a day and that is DONE! However, I would be a liar if I said it didn't still exist, but it's ok and easier week by week I honestly think. The emotions -truly a work of art/work in progress?!

I am mortified, the one time I am absolutely brassic :( Will end of next week help at all, I see you've gone over but maybe to contribute towards the monthly cost? Tiffany, Can I just say you have a beautiful soul. How wonderful you would do this. xx

How lovely is Tiff!! Jimmy, will keep you in our thoughts. xx

Congrats to you both. Hope the anniversary went well too. x

nope for me.

Not in my particular gang lol, but can't see a thread! SOOO massive congrats on 3 months!! Thanks for all you do, I like reading your kind and gentle ways and I'm super happy you are quit ahead of me to follow. :yahoo: xx

I can't believe the medical profession blame smoking for everything, what non smokers don't get cancer...this was my war cry. I would get angry if docs blamed something I had on smoking, like they weren't trying to work it out. Now I daily listen to "but I'm barely smoking at all" from a failed quitter! It's a failure to smoke when you meant to give up, argh! So many years being a big old dopey twonk to be honest. Lesson finally learnt.

At the risk of tmi, I am doing the more sex, every night, poor blokes knackered!! I also worked out, I'm still lardee. Just ordered that Jillian 30 day shred thing...poor Chris needs a break ;) I can't believe I did that much (all inclusive) and lost 1 pesky lb (that pesky is abridged). Meh!

I need help in a big way. I am very unhappy carrying extra weight, I get it's bad to admit but I am massively vain! So I don't care what it take anymore, I need your best tips to shift a few pounds. Exercise/diet ideas. x

I spent the weekend walking and pub crawling. Kept meeting up with smoking friends and would think awww for a second, then remember everything that comes with it and I was ok again. Strange sensations. Done a lot more exercise then I've done in years over the week, didn't ache so don't think I'm doing enough but pleased my fitness level is still ok to not ache and ready to ramp it up this week. So that's all good. Fella had that whole body crave thing on Sat night, wow that's horrendous to watch and pants to be on the recieivng end of the temper, but great, it's done and we are ok. BUT, about weight! Yes I know there are bigger problems in the world but really, I'm over a stone heavier. I know it's vain and I should be all "oh I quit smoking yay" but that's not me. I don't make a big deal of it but I overly care what I look like. I am the one with the boob job and capped teeth across the front of my mouth cause I wasn't happy. I have managed my weight since my first child, refusing to be that mum who didn't lose it. I don't know what to do and am covering up the fact this is awful for me, looking in the mirror right now is awful and I do care. I won't smoke but jeez. Over a month of my skin itching like it's on fire and my skin is awful and now I'm a fat lardee bloater too. Am going to try and up the intensity of the workouts and cut out more foods. I have a wedding to attend at the end of the month and I will look dreadful :( Just needed to write it down somewhere I think that I'm not ok with that one bit, the rest rocks! Still would choose lardy over smoker, just sucks, that's all.

Oh dear Rachael, bet you're a virgo :) She best watch out hey! PS, being really nice to you henceforth.

How the ******* hell am I the same weight as I started at with doing exercise 4 times and going on a long walk, nooooooo (but then stopped for pub lunch which maybe cancelled that walk out actually). Moody as **** and sulking at stoopid wanky tubby body!

Massive congrats on your 8 months Beacon. Really enjoy reading about your changing lifestyle. x

Excellent work on your 2 months Donna, made it, phew :) Congrats to you. x

Happy triple digits plus one day! Brilliant and I too like milestones. Sympathy on the pants size lol.

10 mins mopping, 20 mins ab workout, 10 min bike riding. Someone else must now own my legs cause I can't feel them lol.

Massive congrats Dors, 2 months and a hatrid of all things tobacco to boot :) Awesome!! x

nope, none for me.

I love this!! Exercise makes all the difference in the world, literally never a crave while you're working out. I've gone from couch to a 4 times a weeker lol, you will love it. Make sure you treat your body kind though, wow a trainer too, how posh :) xx

This makes me smile Soozie, brilliant!! These feeling pass, they ALWAYS pass but if you've smoked you have to start again, if you haven't it feels like a massive accomplishment and gives you strength for the journey! Way to show the addiction whose boss! xx

1688 added to the memory of Mike. The evils of tobacco long gone for Mike and may he rest in peace now. Strength and love to his family and friends and Paul. x

Paul, I am so very sorry. My heart goes outto you and your friends family. xx Jackie, I can't believe we could do what we did, believe we would be ok. Plain scary justification. Never again! x

Hey, SO excited and pleased to read this my friend. x I hope you, your friends and your husband have a wonderful time. It's hard when people smoke around you honey, I know, I had it the whole way through this quit, but people like you and me, we have the strength to demand what we're worth. Don't be tempted honey, the repurcussions look scary as all hell from where I sit. And what if you inspire just one of those people to quit and be free too, how amazing would that be!! One day at a time, sending you strength and resolve. Be strong Soozie and be happy, you have this!! xx

nope for me, not today.