Today (yesterday?) - let's just say 8/1 since my time just merges, was a really good in sync day for the body and mind. For once they both decided to work together without me having to say 'what am I doing? Why did I just walk in this room for the 15th time!!?? That sort of ADHD unfocused yet wanting to do it all at once feeling but not really getting as much done as you thought?
But this AM I woke up, made some breakfast had a cup or 2 of decaf just for taste. A 1st normal morning I would call it. Washed up my plates and put them away when I was done vs putting them in the sink saying uhhh I'll get those later. NOPE! You'll do it NOW - no more putting things off. By noon I had a bin full of useless crap ready to drag out to the street for tomorrows trash day and a bunch of cleaned out cabinets and counter space ready to be properly organized. Nice and simple. I was quite amazed at the a tons of useless nick nacks, as cute as they are, that were just wasting space. Something else to have to pick up and dust or clean around. NOPE! Didn't even feel the need to separate for a donation bin - just get rid of what's not needed.
By the time that I was was done it was ready for my Dr. appt to have my Dead Pool mask made. It was pretty simple and took less than 20min. I think we spent more time in the waiting room then anything - but no big deal. The only thing that really bothered me was how hard that table was as I laid there - no padding except under the neck and knees and it really did a number on my upper back which I was not prepared for - but hey small potatoes. After that she said all we had to do was pick a time that I thought would work for me and they would slot me in ASAP to start the radiation. The process lasts only 5 min (minus check in and wait time) I chose the 10AM slot - after the AM rush hour traffic and before PM lunch rush. All I have to do now is wait for their call. It could be as soon as tomorrow or some point Monday or Tuesday, either way I'll be ready. As they say no make up required, dress comfy and just show up and they will do the rest.
I got to see lots of ppl at different stages of their journey while in the lobby. That was a stark reminder that this will be no walk in the park by any means. For the majority whether they were at the start, middle, or near end of their treatment you could see the fight in them. One gentleman was very nauseous and I could see him holding his head and hear him say lets do this. His wife and sister were right there by his side and I know that made all the difference. One lady looked so tired and was trying to call her friends to just come get her. That was a hard one to watch. I don't know what part of treatment she was having but she was alone, her shuttle was late forcing her to wait. The Dr.s came out trying to encourage her and she just kept saying I'm just too tired, I'm just too tired, my legs hurt. He kept telling her she had to let the antibiotic take effect and her legs would start to feel better but that she HAD to keep moving and continue her appts. not lie around like she had been. She just kept pulling out candy and eating it shaking her head no. You could see the fight going out in her right there and it was heart wrenching to say the least. I had to walk into the restroom just to collect myself and look myself in the mirror, in my own eyes and soul and say again I WILL NEVER GIVE UP!! By the time I came out they were calling my name for my fitting. Then as I was leaving I ran into a spry one - he had a kick of life in him let me tell you - that was the pick me up I needed. He lifted up his hat as he'd lost his hair and said see that's alright it will come back nice and pretty now! He was almost dancing and it filled my heart with hope again.
Came home and just piddled around in the garden a bit while the dogs ran around burning up their energy and my BF-J cooked chicken on the grill - mmmmm food lol. Then was able to hit the hay around 8:30ish as it was a long day. Woke back up at that odd 1AMish time and now that 4am is near I can hear the bed calling my name again. Each day, one day at a time. Tomorrow I plan to clear out a few more things - more out with the old and in with the new. However if they call me at 7am and say let's go - then I'll be up and at em you better believe! I called my family team to let them know things may be moving a little faster and they didn't even bat a eye - just said 'we've got this!'
Tomorrow night my son is coming over after work and we have a dinner date lol! I'm so looking forward to it too. These are the times that are MOST important - surrounded by those you love with nothing but laughter and good times!
Until then - I want everyone to keep up the fight in YOUR quit - remember to breathe deep and how good that feels, don't forget to stop and smell the flowers and appreciate the wonders the world offers all around you - all you have to do is look. My eyes are wide open now and I will never take one moment for granted again because at the end of the day it's all small potatoes. I think when I get around to doing my blog that's what I will name it - small potatoes - I like that.