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Know any funny jokes or quotes ..

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Watching a cooking show with the kid...

The kid: "She wants to open an Indian-French fusion resteraunt, wots she gunna serve curried snails?"

Gday

smoking warning on a Ukrainian cig packet…..,

”You Should Give Up Smoking So You Get To See How Putin Dies”

 

 

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Time to fire up the grilling memes...

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Here's one for Doreen.  I know she's a big Queen fan...

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Cupid has had just about enough of this guy's shit...

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G’day 

 

I thought it was the dryer making my clothes shrink but it turns out it was the refrigerator.

SQUIRRELS

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

But the Catholic church came up with a very creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue; they took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven't seen a squirrel since.

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