I am sure you all guessed that I smoked on my birthday due to my lack of updates. 

 

I drank way too much and learnt that I can't be trusted around alcohol. 

 

I wasn't sure whether I should show my face here again and feel really embarrassed. I realised today that beating myself up was not helping in any way. I was just running towards smoking and getting further away from a quit. So I've stopped the self pity and restarted the clock. 

 

 

 

 

If you have learned a lesson because of what happened to you on the weekend and can put that to use in your new quit then that's a good thing. You shouldn't worry about what others might think but be only concerned for your own well being and that would include a successful quit! That one should be at the top of your list for a better life. You did all the planning before so, let's get you off those smokes for good. Stay close to this place for the first while anyway. Support and education about smoking is important in the early days. Welcome back Lilly  

Edited October 18, 20187 yr by reciprocity

7 minutes ago, Lilly said:

I am sure you all guessed that I smoked on my birthday due to my lack of updates. 

 

I drank way too much and learnt that I can't be trusted around alcohol. 

 

I wasn't sure whether I should show my face here again and feel really embarrassed. I realised today that beating myself up was not helping in any way. I was just running towards smoking and getting further away from a quit. So I've stopped the self pity and restarted the clock. 

 

 

 

 

I have blown quite a few quits when drinking/drunk. I avoided drinking for 1 year(the trigger) . Have a plan next time you drink and like most of us know your limit with alcohol(the hard part)...

Thanks Reci. 

 

Pottanramu I'm a bit confused why you did a laughing smiley?

I don't keep any cigarettes Pottanramu. That would be a disaster waiting to happen. 

 

I'm staying well away from alcohol Whispers. 

Well, now you know alcohol and birthdays are triggers; please stay away from both!!

I'm glad you realized that a birthday isn't any excuse to forget about quitting. 

This time we commit to the quit! we embrace the quit!  we love the quit! This quit is the one that will save your life.

Agree with everything Jane especially this -

 

This time we commit to the quit! we embrace the quit!  we love the quit! This quit is the one that will save your life.

Glad you're back Lilly after all you did promise to show us all those awesome charms you are going to get with each month quit...….

And I promise you will see all 12 charms Jillar ?

I was just thinking about you today, Lilly and I'm glad you are back !

You quit smoking tonight and this is great news !

I stayed away from alcohol for a few weeks, when I drank again no craves ever popped up.

They popped up other places having to do with ritual and habit but, drinking didn't summon smokes for me.

 

I absolutely LOVE what @c9jane29 said,

 

This time we commit to the quit! we embrace the quit!  we love the quit! This quit is the one that will save your life.

 

 

 

Glad to see you back, and great you are sounding so  confident about your charm bracelet.

Glad your back Lilly.  It shows your determination.  Everyday is a new day, so let this be your new beginning.  You can do this.

I was really scared logging in but I'm so glad I did. Thanks everyone. 

1 minute ago, Lilly said:

I was really scared logging in but I'm so glad I did. Thanks everyone. 

 

If everyone who lost a new quit was scared to log back in it would be a pretty lonely place. Never ever be scared to show your vulnerabilities. But also please let us help you past them so that you can succeed  

24 minutes ago, Lilly said:

promise you will see all 12 charms Jillar ?

I promised Jillar I'd see her on the lido deck around 4mons into my quit and I made good on it!! You can too!!

I am glad your back... Coming back after a lost quit is the best way forward. Learn from last time and apply the lessons. So great to see you back in the saddle.

I feel absolutely disgusted at myself but I'm chain smoking, crying and feeling terrified.

 

I have had a sore in my mouth for weeks and I don't have my own teeth so at first thought that was the cause. I can feel it with my tongue and this morning it feels much bigger. I got the thought of it being cancer in my head and the thought has spiralled out of control. I can't tell anyone as it just doesn't seem right to scare everyone else. I have got doctors at 3.50 but my mind is just going into overdrive. 

 

The stupidest part of all is I'm sobbing at the thought of cancer, but lighting up the very thing that causes it. 

 

I'm sorry I'm just really scared and needed to talk to someone but this probably isn't the right place. 

@Lilly, I hope you re-read that post and really really understand that your drug addiction has over-ridden your desire for survival.

"I don't want to die, but I'll keep drinking the poison"

You need to get educated about your addiction.

Yes, please, go to the Dr., get the medicine for your sore and maybe mention that you are a smoker and want to quit. Your Dr. could help deciding on NRT if that's what you need.

I will not take excuses, and no kid gloves right now; I tried nice.

Early in my quit, I had to drive 7hrs (one way) to a pediatric cardiologist, stay in a hotel for 3-4 days at a time and drive back by myself...sometimes with 3 kids in tow. I did this for months!

Had to watch my daughter go thru...hell. Hell for a 2yr old.

Never. Not. One. Time. Did I put a cigarette in my mouth. (Or her's)

That's why no excuse will work with me.

The ONLY way you will EVER quit is to STOP putting the damn things in your mouth.

That's it. The end. NOPE.

 

Edited October 19, 20187 yr by c9jane29

I completely understand addiction Jane which is why I said what I did about the fear but smoking at the same time. 

 

I hope nobody else decides to take the kid gloves off because right now isn't the time to kick me. 

 

If all people can see in that post is a relapse then I hope they will just walk away and not contribute. 

Lilly.  I felt like you.  Smoking and knowing I would most likely get cancer.  Heck I smoked through breast cancer and radiation!  Now I am praying that I quit in time to avoid a horrible death.  How could I have been so stupid.  I was addicted and thought I could not live a life without cigs.  I tried smoking clinics and hypnosis and nothing helped until I landed here.  There is courage and support here and none of us are judging you.  We are hurting for you because we have all been there.  Together we have been able to shed the dreaded addiction. 

While I was on vacation, I found myself looking at smokers as if they were aliens.  Never did I ever feel this was possible but it is.  

Get yourself checked and we will go from there.  Know that I will be right there with you praying.  Together all things are possible.

I'm not "kicking" you. I'm telling you the truth. 

People are going to "contribute" things that you don't want to hear. Take it or leave it but I'm pretty passionate about helping people quit smoking so I'm not going to keep fluffing your butt.

 I hate knowing that your addiction has activated enought "woe-is-me" areas of your brain that you lost a quit over night (twice that I know of)

I will stop posting on your thread here, but I beg you to continue learning about the changes nicotine makes in your brain; this is the only way you will build the defense to fight against it. 

 

I spent the last few cigarettes with tears too....I knew something was not right with my feet / ank!es....i was right....

I was told STOP SMOKING NOW.....Lilly I did....and slowly I started healing...

You need to get checked out....throw the cigs down the toilet ....and commit to NOPE......

People are not  kicking you Lily ..they are being totally honest with you ...

Smoking will never make things better..only worse....

 

You fear smoking will kill you, and when you are afraid you smoke to calm your nerves.

 

I recommend that you step back and review.

 

Transcede this death-spiral or be claimed by it.

 

I'm not judging you, merely pointing out that this is where you stand.

 

You are at the edge where the winds of limbo roar.

 

I have faith that you can succeed.  That you have the resolve within you.

 

Crisis is the knife edge that can fuel your break through.

 

Have faith in yourself. 

Focus on your goal. 

Understand that the pain is transitory,

but the freedom from addiction will last as long as you want it.

 

What we pay for most dearly we prize most highly.  

You will look back and swear that quitting was the best decision you ever made.

 

...and keep posting.  Win-lose-draw everyone on this train is rooting for you.

 

Never quit quitting.

 

Lilly, Lilly, Lilly

Either you want to quit or you want to smoke.

This is a simple choice and I hope you choose LIFE

but, I cannot choose for you nor, commit to your NOPE.

You must do the work and I know you can.

We quit and we are not special snowflakes.

 

This is no time for kid gloves, sugar.  This is your friggin' LIFE we are talking about.

Please get serious about your life and your health !

You have gotten a fearful physical wake up call....use it to your advantage. Use it to motivate your quit.

 

Hope your MD sorts you out right quick 

and you begin to understand the damage you are doing to yourself by smoking

and STOP causing yourself trauma and injury.

 

Quitting smoking is not that hard once you are educated and committed....and every day of freedom is glorious.

 

Do let us know you are OK, Lilly.  We worry.

 

Love,

Sazerac

 

p.s.   I am in full agreement with @c9jane29's thoughts and advice and really honored she told us a part of her amazing story.

 

Tough Love is real love and honest love

just like the warm fluffy love. 

It is all LOVE. 

 

I have this advise 

#1  Remember, We All Want To See You Have A Successful Quit.

#2  Take What You Need And Leave The Rest.

No one here wants to hurt you, we want to help you stop poisoning yourself.

 

S

 

 

Edited October 19, 20187 yr by Sazerac

I'm hoping you find its only a canker sore Lilly and use that as a wake up call. We just lost a friend to oral cancer. He was only 47 and he fought so hard to beat it that he had his teeth removed, parts of his jaw, cheeks and half his tongue before the drs told him there was nothing else they could do.

Chain smoking isn't going to make that bump any better, so it's time to put on your big girl panties and get back to your quit!

Edited October 19, 20187 yr by jillar
stupid auto correct