April 30, 201412 yr I have been asked "why I left" and I know some of you really want to know (and deserve to know). First of all...you all are an amazing group of people....I can honestly say that it was a pleasure "riding" with you. You all were with me during hard times and happy times. I quit smoking on my own, but you all made me stronger! However! Even though I consider myself a nice person (mostly) I am a "no bullshit person with a wicked sense of humor" in real life. I will always tell you the truth...for two reasons a) because it's the only way that counts and B) I forget things, so lying is not an option! I am always polite, but make myself very clear! This is a great forum, great understanding for each other, great support! Maybe too much support sometimes. I read a thread the other day written by a Staff member and the headline said "Relapse is not a crime"! I thought "OK it means we don't kill you".... and I opened it and the first post was a picture with "famous failures" and the first response in my mind was "are you shitting me?". A staff member writes that...what is this "an invitation for relapse?" "Hey, no worries lets try it again"? Is it a crime..."of course not"! But there should be more tough love, that's my opinion. You can be comforting and tough in one post "hey glad you came back...but please now get your head out of your ass"! Beyond is an article from whyquit.com on relapse....and this one I would sign, because it stands for what I stand for! I like motivation and inspiration...I don't need slogans and I don't listen when somebody preaches. Lot's of preaching here....but it doesn't reach me. Talking about "the other place" Christobal, Frank, Markus and John (wish I would have met him) reached me with their style...although one of Craig's posts hit my nerve! I will stay quit...I have no question in my mind. I will continue to send people here (but I although send them to whyquit.com). You can delete my account MQ, please read my PM! Edited May 1, 201412 yr by MarylandQuitter Per Joel, when using an article from his site he requires a link back to his site. This post did not contain that therefore I had to remove the article.
May 1, 201412 yr I'm sorry you want to leave LB. I think you were a wonderful support to folks here. To me a support forum has to have room for a lot of different opinions and styles in order to really be able to reach most people. No one forum could be a perfect match for all. TAC is a good man who shared his thoughts, posssibly because of the incidents recently where people who had relapsed feared coming back to the board. The place they needed to be most. As more and more people join the site it will become more diverse and have more to offer everyone. KTQ!
May 1, 201412 yr Well, that was pretty lame for a swan song, heh heh. Happy trails bug, it was good having you here. Nothing wrong with dropping something that isn't doing anything for you.
May 1, 201412 yr I also think he was trying to be supportive in a way he knows how ......it is not one size fits all we need different styles of support so we can help more people some people respond better to a tougher approach and some do not in fact it is the opposite. I hop e you reconsider leaving because it takes all kinds to help everyone. The point is we do not want someone who relapsed to be fearful of coming back to the board. We need all approaches and they are all equally important.........yours, mine and others opinions are always important we do not have to always agree and that is ok we are human after all...... KTQ
May 1, 201412 yr if you don't like something you only have a couple of choices, ignore, argue against, leave it as a differing opinion, but you don't quit. sorry bug, not letting you off that easy. I ignored the thread, clicked on it a couple times to say it was stupid, but saw the other side and thought it could help someone. not me. but someone might come in an talk. so I ignored it.. come on back and we will call something else stupid...
May 1, 201412 yr Yea..call me stupid. I've been called worse. Personally I think we are all a little wacky. . We all used to stick rolled up little cancer sticks in our mouths and light them on fire every 20 minutes or so. Right there....that's a little indication that there may be something off.
May 1, 201412 yr And so it is...the story of us. While relapse is not part of the "ideal" of the quit process, it is part of the actual quit that some people work through, and eventually they get it right. I think LB should have had a good talk with Beth, the Queen of Green. Apparently being part of a place that allows relapsed members to find their sticky quit does not sit well with some people. And that is a choice they have to make. Whether we like it or not we have to accept their decision. Goodbye Ladybug! Best of everything to you. :) Markus
May 1, 201412 yr Ladybug, please come back. I understood what he was saying and I understand what your saying. We had to "learn" how to enjoy smoking...... and we have to "learn" how to enjoy being quit. Someone said it better when they said "quitting is not an action, it's a process" and I think he was saying that although relapsing doesnt' have to be part of the process, it doesn't define one as a failure either. And I also understand where your coming from..... if one coddles too much, the help is not really there. But for whatever it's worth, it's not worth losing you over. There are too many positive things you bring to this board and that shouldn't be ommitted over one thread. Tough love is here. I see it. It may not be as harsh as maybe some others do but that will happen with time. The board is growing right now and it's going to have to get to that point. And you being here will help that growth. I am asking you to please reconsider. Think about it. It's all about reaching out and you can't do that if your not here.
May 1, 201412 yr Hey LB You and I get along. Paramount is your quit - and you must do what is right for it and you. If that means not being here so much - fair enough. You value honesty - and honestly, I think your logic is flimsy - and contains a cheap shot or two. 'Staff' here, are, to my knowledge volunteers who quit smoking. They have not been to 'counselling school', nor have they signed up to a particular school of dealing with addiction. Relapse and how support communities deal with it is always going to be a hot topic, with many different views. A thread prompting discussion of it, is, I believe valuable and important. I found the thread in question thought-provoking. I do know that a genuine discussion about relapse and tough love will not happen with 'Deleted' posts and absent members. Be good LB! I'll miss you here.
May 1, 201412 yr http://www.get.gg/perspectives.htm Different Perspectives The probably familiar images of two straight lines (of equal length) and a candlestick or wine glass (or two faces) show us that things are often not as they first seem, and there’s almost always a different perspective. When there's a traffic accident, police ask for witnesses to come forward and describe what happened. They like to have as many witness statements as possible so that they can build up enough evidence to give them a broader, more realistic version of events. In a traffic accident, there will be many different perspectives on what happened. The driver of one car will have one view, another driver or a passenger will have yet another view. Each onlooker who witnessed the accident will have a slightly different perspective, depending on where they were, how far they were, how good a view they had, what else was going on, how much danger they felt they were in, how the accident affected them, what the accident means to them. It's the same principle with everything - each situation, event, conversation, means something different to all those involved, and also to those not involved. We give different meanings, according to our belief systems, and how we are affected by the event. We all have our own realities. Anais Nin said “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”. We look at situations, events, and interpret what other people say and do, according to our own set of past experiences, culture, faith, values, all of which help us form our beliefs about ourselves, about others, and about the world in general. The meaning we give events, the way we make sense of our world, is based upon our set of core beliefs.
May 1, 201412 yr I've used that quote before. Love it! Great one to remember. I might add it to my sig. “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”.
May 1, 201412 yr LadyBug, I will be straight with you, too. You are throwing out the baby with the bath water, and that is a big mistake. You provide great help for others, and I assume take some for yourself as well. So one thread you didn't agree with..so what? And why have your account deleted? Then we will not even be able to search and find your great posts. Seems to me you are having a bit of a tantrum. With that said, best wishes to you, always, regardless of your decision.
May 1, 201412 yr I have never understood how one post can make a person leave? I saw this go on at The Other Place where people I really liked left because what appeared to be stuff contained in one thread. I read things all of the time where I think, "I don't agree with that," but because there are so many threads and differing opinions, one idea does not constitute the theme or set in stone philosophy of the entire board population. In addition, I notice there are themes that are particularly difficult for these boards, which include "how to respond to a relapser" and "is quitting easy or tough"? The debates on this topic are endless......I think that it is good to have many differing opinions, both ---quitting smoking is hard; no it is not; quitting is easy---- to help diferent types of newbies. Otherwise, we all will just agree with each other and post pictures of cats. .
May 2, 201412 yr She just needs a little break from Crazy Town. We all do every now and then. Hey, who ya calling crazy Fishface!! lol :laugh2:
May 4, 201412 yr I'm sorry... call me whatever, but if someone wants to leave because of ONE post or thread he/she didn't like, well then... good bye. NOTHING is perfect... and expecting or demanding perfection is unrealistic and unreasonable. So good-bye, LB... best of luck to you!
May 8, 201412 yr I know posting like the herd is always the smart thing to do-BUT................if you're leaving cause you've been told to tone it down or else then yeah I would leave to. Thats the biggest reason why when TJ from the QSMB implied I "could" return if I agreed to x,y,z I basically told him "no thanks" except not that nicely. Hope you reconsider. :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
March 27, 201511 yr Bump I like this too Jenny- “We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are”
April 5, 201511 yr Pick me... I am getting use to taking the rap for rogue profiles I knew it was you from the get go! :mafia:
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