sgt.barney

10 down, two to go and The Sarge will present you with your well-earned Sergeant Stripes. Time for The Special Dance, Cousin Easy Peasy

The Sarge has a pair of pants. A special pair of hiking/climbing pants. A gift from Mrs. Sarge long ago. The are Sarge's Magic Pants. They have been to Europe. Through mile after mile of the catacombs outside Rome, they've sat on Caesar's seat at the Flavian Ampitheatre (the "Colloseum). They run laps around the Circus Maximus. These pants have been to the bottom of The Grand Canyon, and will soon be to the top of The Grand Teton. They have hiked Tuolomne Meadows, been up and down exposed granite in the Sierra Nevadas. They've climbed formations on the back side of Mt. Rushmore, and sat on the summit Cairn of Devil's Tower. The Sarge almost lost them on the way through the Black Hills last year and slid 40 fet downhill on his ass wearing them (NOTE the recently patched holes in the arse) in The Badlands where he heard these words for the first (and only time) from Mrs. Sarge: "F*ck that! I ain't goin' there ... " when he begged her to follow. . The Magical Pants, these days, (every other weekend) tromp through the Hollows of Red River Gorge and Muir Valley (Kentucky) They have crawled underneath the Canadian side of Niagra Falls. They've been dipped in the waters of The Pacific, The Atlantic, The Gulf of Mexico, The Great Salt Lake, The Mediteranian, each and every one of The Great Lakes (and a metric crap-ton of minor ones too). They've gone canyoneering in Death Valley and spelunking in Mammoth Cave. They flew to Paris for a month of backpacking and came out on the other side of the mountains of Switzerland ... passing by (but sadly not climbing) both The Matterhorn and The Eiger. The Pants took a looooong walk up Vesuvius, a small walk down into the mouth of the beast, and traveled downflow to spend time with the stray dogs and corpses in Pompeii. They've seen Big Trees in California and Big Presidents in South Dakota. The Pants made thousands of stairs up to the domes and cupolas of St. Pete's in Vatican City, The Duomo in Florence, and Notre Dame in Paris. They climbed the stairs to the top of theEiffel (back when you were allowed to) and rode the elevator to the top of This. Most recently, this year they tromped through the Mojave Desert and Colorado Desert and climbed dozens of world-class climbs in Joshua Tree. Hell, these pants have been everywhere with The Sarge since ... well ... 199-something ... ('92? '93? maybe). The Sarge can't even remember where all they've been with him and The Mrs. And through it all - through every mile of hike, every meter of climb, every boring 12-hour plane ride, overnight train through some unknown city, cheapo rental car miles, subways both decrepit and new ... through it all they have carried the advice that The Sarge recommends to everyone to get through life. Here are the pants: And here is the advice: So when you're feeling down, and blue, and whiney, and emotional, and just generally can't handle your quit at the moment, remember what The Sarge's Ass told you to do ... and do it. Harden The F*ck Up! [1] Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] The Sarge first heard that phrase from a visiting Drill Sergeant (not one of his own) stopping by to observe training one day waaaay back in 1987. It has served him well when things get rough.

Thanks. There's not much to do out in cornfield and soybean country, so Sarge piddles around the yard a lot. He laughs at those suburbanites and their 1/4 acre plots who Complain Loudly about the 23 minutes it takes them to mow every week - and oh the trajedy (Trajedy, I tell ya) of the extra 7 minutes with the WeedEater and HedgeTrimmers! There's 9 acres, 2 ponds, an orchard, a vinyard, and the biggest back-yard garden you've ever seen (about 3 acres). He laughs at the inconvenience of having to drag out a lawn mower for 23 minutes a week. Weeding the driveway (it's 1/3 of a mile long) is a job in itself. Yard maintenance is a full-time job 'round The Sarges' Homestead. [1] Thanks for noticing. Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] If this semi-retirement thing doesn't work out, Sarge could always get a job as a GroundsKeeper/Lawnboy somewhere...

The Great Celery Experiment of 2014 (Photo album here ...) Found the idea here a couple of weeks back and decided to try. Guess what? It's working: Easy Peasy

Moderately fast 10k on the treadmill tonight: 1% grade @ 47:25 (7:39/mile) . Time to start picking up the distance and speed. Half-marathon approaching in June. (13.1 miles) Going for a PR (current @ 1:44:10. Goal of 1:41 (7:42 pace) for the race in June) - managed slightly better than that pace tonight, but for less than half the distance. Lotsa work to do between now and then. Run, Forrest, Run ...

What would happen if Jack Black met Jack White? Would they explode and form a new universe? Easy Peasy

Alpha: Nothing can get someone else to quit. Nothing. Next question ... Bravo: Made "summer sausage" from deer one time - ayup: Bambi makes good eats! Haven't made the traditional pork, though. Does that count (deer) ?

This is The Sarges' somewhat unique Japanese Maple out in the front yard. 12-ish years ago, a root sucker came up that we didn't see to trim off (it used to be surrounded by bushes so couldn't see down low.) When we removed the bushes, it looked healthy so The Sarge left it. The tree is a red-leaf variety grafted onto a green-leaf rootstock. The root sucker shot up with green leaves. The grafted trunk with the red leaves lived. The two grew close enough together that they eventually fused into a single trunk. Now we have a Japanese Maple Conjoined Twin pair in a single tree. Did the Japanese Maple turn into a Siamese Maple? Easy Peasy

She was sitting enjoying a Mud Pie at our favorite restaurant at the time. Easy Peasy

Eat less. Seriously. For The Sarge - it's 95% kitchen and 5% treadmill/gym. You can wipe out an entire day's gym with a single snack. The eating is far, far more important than the exercise. You can exercise for 2 solid hours and lose 500 calories or so ... only to replace it (all and then some) with a single coffee "treat" that "you deserve" because you just worked out. The Sarge knows he's losing weight if he's hungry and his belly is growling. If no noise from the belly on a regular basis throughout the day, he's probably not losing weight. It's all about discomfort. The more discomfort you can take, the faster you'll lose the weight. The less you like being uncomfortable and hungry, the slower you will lose the weight or the more quickly you will gain it back. ... But no one ever likes Sarge's advice on this topic. Easy Peasy

Sucks for her, then, huh? Easy Peasy

Not, you, Julie - but the generic "you" to anyone belonging to the set: Stupid People. Easy Peasy

The procedure: Inguinal Orchiectomy Miserable. The Sarge doesn't like brain fog, so he didn't fill the pain meds Rx. The pain was abdominal, not where you would think. They go in from the lower abdominals and pull everything up through the same tube that many men have hernia problems with. The cut is in the (very lower) abdominal muscles. Muscles you use to do just about everything. They warned about laughing. Caughing. Sneezing. Pain. Pain. and Pain. They didn't warn about taking a crap. Just try to push one out without squeezing abdominals. Try it. The Sarge dares you. It can't be done. Took two days to be able to get out of bed without a walker/cane. Again - try to swing those legs around to the floor from the bed without using abdominals ... and about 4 days to walk normally. Running again within a week. It's out-patient. Not even a real hospital. Total time out: less than 40 minutes. Time in the operating room: 18-minutes. It's a quick, clean, and easy procedure. You could watch one on youtube ... but The Sarge warns against that. It's quick and easy ... but if blood and guts and pieces/parts bother you ... better stay away from the youtube vidies. What's to cope? So you don't have sex for a week. Not really a big deal. Everything's pretty much the same, except there's only one to play with ... oh - and even though it's the Left that remains, you'd never know it. It kinda centered up and rides in the middle now. Easy Peasy

You can search TheOtherPlace for history, but The Sarge has described it in the past as "two days of mild discomfort followed by ... nothing. Easy Peasy". The first day, The Sarge wasn't sure of himself ... and Mrs. Sarge giving in before the end of the first day (not even 12 hours in) didn't help - but by the end of the second day he knew. Minor cravings here and there but nothing more than expected. All The Sarge can say is that there really must be a lot of folks who have zero discomfort in their lives if they complain about this. The Sarge has seen many difficult and uncomfortable things in his life, but this ain't one of 'em [1] Easy Peasy FOOTNOTES: [1] Then again, he runs 26 mile races, jumps out of airplanes, and scales 500 ft. walls on a length of what looks like not much more than dental floss for "fun" so ... he's different that way.

Really? Who do you know that would stay with a partner for 25+ years without romance? [1] Easy Peasy FOOTNOTE: [1] HINT: That's an implied "yes".

US Army 1987-89. Infantry. Served the whole 2-year hitch with 29th Infantry in Ft. Benning, Georgia. Initially 11B (Ground pounding grunt - foot soldier) but transferred to 11C (Mortars). Mechanized mortars. Became an instructor teaching new Infantry basic trainees at Benning the finer points of trying to hit targets more than a mile away with the biggest mortar in the Army inventory at the time. Did the minimum two years and got out to go to college. BS CS (Bachelor Science, Computer Science) received in 1994. Graduated and got a job with IBM as a programmer/analyst in 1995 left in 1997 to start my own gig and ran a software development firm until 2009, sold out, and semi-retired. ) Signed up with the Ohio Army National Guard (Weekend Warrior) a few months before starting school. 1990 through 1996 did a 6-year enlistment with the 197th Infantry out of Cincinnati, Ohio. 11C (Mortars) again, only this time wasn't an instructor. Transferred off the gun line (the guys actually firing the mortars) to FDC (Fire Directon Center) about 2 years in. This is the command center that directs combat operations for a mortar section. Got out in '96, hung around and helped out / volunteer work with the unit for another 6 months or so and finally left in 1997 never to return again. The Sarge doesn't miss it for a second. Easy Peasy

No kids - never saw a reason ... and one of us has to be broken ... Married for 16 years, live-in/shack-up for 8 years prior and no "whoopsie" accidents. Something is broken, but neither of us ever really wanted kids so we never checked it out. She's had problems her whole life with a regular cycle and for the last 2.5 The Sarge himself is only firing on one cylinder. Had dogs our whole lives. Back in 2011 we lost the last one (Ginger - a beagle/shepard mix) had her for 15 years at time of death. No idea how old she was - she was a shelter rescue so we don't know how old she was when we got her. Haven't replaced her yet as its been nice to travel without worrying about who's going to take care of The Dogs while we're gone, and nobody has to rush home to feed her and take her out every day. Freedom is nice. Easy Peasy

F_ck. Half of the Peach Trees have picked up some unidentified disease. It's not Leaf Curl, it's not Powdery Mildew - two of The Sarge's normal Evil Nemesis in the orchard. No peaches this year ... and 5 or 6 well established trees may just die. Those were the first trees Sarge put in the orchard 8 years ago. They were 5 year old transplants. 13 years of growth down the drain. F_cking mother nature ... OTOH - Pears, Apples, Cherries, Plums, Grapes and the Berry Patch are hummin' along just fine. Lost one of last year's new Asian Pear trees to fireblight, but that's to be expected in this area with pear trees. One of five - 20% is about right for almost new, second year transplants. They're not really strong enough to fight off the disease and one out of four or one out of five is pretty normal loss on seedlings. Time to answer some questions ... Easy Peasy

Ask Me Anything (AMA)[1] (in response to this topic) Easy Peasy FOOTNOTES: [1] A rare spring good-weather (no-rain) day so answers will have to wait until evening. The Sarge is going back out to the orchard and vinyard to get some work done ...

It ain't the drivers. It's the back-stabbing co-workers who throw you under the bus any chance they get. Easy Peasy