MLMR

Thanks all. ?

It's beautiful here. So nice to walk these steep streets without grasping for air and coughing all the time! Woke up early this morning, sat a while outside. It was still pirch dark and quiet. It bugged me that all I could think of was a smoke, while I'm in this beautiful village, on a roof, under the stars ... all the more reason to go on today and to solidify my quit.

I expect my junkie thinking to roar for the next nine days. Thing is: I'll be flying Spain-wards. 28°C (82.400°F), blue sky, no complaints. One thing that stands out for me in this proces: the more I expect and thus prepare for triggers, the steadier I get through. I know the thoughts by now that cause uproar and I am pretty strong in countering them. I suspect that I already practiced with at least half of the triggers I will come across.. (One of them is wine, ha!). Had tapas last week, my man vapes, lots of people smoke but that's also the case where I work and I've had smokeless drinks in the sun. So, nothing new there. Smoking is not romantic, does not enhance cozy get togethers, does definitely NOT make you more relaxed. And remember, when everything else fails: You DO care. A lot. Just NOPE your'e way through the moment and you'll be absolutely fine. Putting time between me and my last cigarette (forgive me if quoting wrongly, like it like this anyway). Now I come to think of it... there's truly not that much to be scared of. I sort of already did everything that would wake junkie thinking, except for that it wasn't in Spain. And that I haven't been waiting for planes in the last 4 weeks. Ok, so.. that's that. Gonna stay as close to the board as possible. And rant and SOS when I need it. And post a funny stickpic now and then. Bye! ??

Hi Allen, though I'm only 4 weeks in... I'd still like to comment. My irritability is almost back to normal proportions (but if a bad mood hits... chances are I blame quitting again, while that's not the case!!). I don't experience any heavy cravings, but I do have a lot of smoking thoughts during the day. They truly are just patterns that I need to get rid of. And yes, sometimes they annoy the sh*t out of me. And they do scare me at times. But, whatever. I'm smarter anyway. Cravings, irritability etc. fading into the background is not something that happens overnight. They just... fade. And return. And fade further. And suddenly return. And then... wow, didn't have a real craving for three days now! Etc. As much as you'd like a time frame for that, I personally haven't heard of one yet. Each day you encounter new triggers. Together these moments build up and lead to a stronger you, which eventually should lead not only to a 'normal' you again, but to a healthier and more balanced you. When I quit for over three years, I fully experienced this new normal around my one year mark, but on my way there I had lots and lots of 'new normal' moments. This morning I thought, 'wow, how disgusting to smoke in your car. So pleased I'm not doing that anymore'. It wasn't a forced happy thought to push away craving... it was a honest, genuine thoght. Woohoo, normality is on it's way!

NOPE! Or else...

Cant wait for someone else to post first. Quit smoking ala, but I will NOT hold myself back on sticks.

You are SO dutch.

@notsmokinjo yes, almost one month. I am in control I am in control I am in control. Reminds me of oeuf du fromage, on repeat at night, to learn french. My own little woohoo thread, yeah!!! @Sslip I guess you are right. These are the days that count double .. Had I smoked today, I would not have tried for another 7 decades or so. I should be proud. I'm sure proudness for overcoming this day will sink in soon. @reciprocity I am holding tight. Noping and reaching out was what got me through. And ... laughing about this whole circus. Man oh man... it sure is something. @Doreensfree upwards and onwards it is. I really like your catchy oneliners! @c9jane29 yes. I guess these days are great for learning new skills. I received the glitter and accidentely spoiled some on someone annoying today. I think you don't mind. @Sazerac mijn dag was beter dan ik had gedacht. Ik ben nu wel heel moe en nog een beetje verdwaasd maar dat is ok. Je praat goed Nederlands !

@notsmokinjo and @Sslip bedankt voor jullie steun. Zulke toffe lui hier hè. Heel waardevol. Het gaat redelijk. Het is een geruststelling dat ik me vandaag van mezelf alleen hoef vast te houden aan NOPE. Als ik het eind van de dag maar haal, dan is het goed.

NOPE.

This was my note to self, in the pre-respond SOS topic. I know I am going to need it today. I asked a few people around me if they will support me just that little bit of extra today. This is such a day where, in previous quits, I would 'suddenly' find myself smoking, beating myself up afterwards. Little time and energy today for paying attention to junkie thinking, some things just need to be done. Straight Noping HAS to be one of them. *So, somehow you feel like you don't care anymore. Maybe it's the depression, anxiety, or just some sh☆tty situation. Let me tell you this: you do care and you definitely give a lot about it. You used to think you didn't care, because it was easier and less vulnerable. Back then, it was your only way to survive. But now things are different, you have changed. Be honest with yourself and listen to the soft voices. They want to be heard. They will help you continue this journey.*

♡

Just got home from work. It was a foggy day again.. so weird how the days seem completely randomly affected by that. Current mood: I want you all to understand dutch so I'm able to rant and write fluently without having to think of words/grammar. I hardly talk to people around me about quitting, I want to spare them and I don't want to be the annoying exsmoker talking about bloody quitting ALL THE TIME. But the truth is, it is on my mind a lot during the day.. people closest to me know about it and they are a support, really. I know that I am not fighting any monster, or battling against myself for that matter. But trying to figure this addiction thing out, understanding what it means, while tumbling in that bl**dy washing drum....pfiewww. It's like trying to make head, heart and hands work together (I'm not sure if that's a saying in english. But whatever, I think it's obvious). Tomorrow it's four weeks. They went so fast and so slow at the same time. It must be junkie thinking messing with perception.

@d2e8b8 yes, it does. But I will be careful .. I don't think I left wash drum phase yet. On a day like this I do have my down moments as well, but I try to focus almost exessively on the positives and keep the 'fake it untill you make it' attitude. Reverse brainwashing. Walking goes well. Did it every day since last wednesday, usualy around 45'. When I have a hard time I go for a very quick walk around the building (work or at home). With quitting, it's like having two jobs.. Ha. I still spend a lot of time reading and adjusting in day to day life. About paying it forward, hope I will be able to do that. Don't really feel confident enough in my own quit yet to 'have a right to speak', so to say... but that will change overtime and then 'llI be more than happy to support others. So important to know you're not alone in this.

Starting to notice a few things, since quitting almost 4 weeks ago * My agitation of the first two weeks is diminishing! I can still be very snappy sometimes, but it’s easier to regulate. * The Great Fog is very slowly dissolving. Concentration is better, though still far from what it used to be. I find it hard to focus on something for a longer period of time, whether it’s a conversation, computerwork, a meeting, a movie... but I notice that I don’t have the distraction of wanting to smoke any longer, that constant need to deal with withdrawl symptoms (because that’s what ‘wanting’ to smoke is. So happy to get that now). Taking my time and checking on H.A.L.T. (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) helps. * More and more often I realise I haven’t been thinking of smoking for a while. * Everything feels more intense: the bad stuff, but also definitely the good stuff. Once in a while I have these moments where I feel so satisfied, in the moment, grounded. It’s new to me, but I think I like it a lot and it makes me hopeful for the future. * Last but not least, healthy skin!

Good choice, Nik! When I first came here, not too long ago, I got the advise to nurture my quit. I started reading, writing, challenging every junkie thought that crossed my mind. It helped me a great deal and my confidence is growing by the day. Figure out what helps you, and try to avoid things that might sabotage you, these first days. Whishing you strength! Oh and just wondering, what are your motivations to quit?

Conquered new triggers in the past 24 hours ? ● Went to a great open air concert. Pushed junkie thinking away, wasnt going to let it ruin the music. It came back a few times, it helped to look at how calm the other non-smokers seemed to be. I want that for myself in the near future and there's only one way to get there: No smoking. I am proud for talking myself through the night! ● Had a hangover this morning, without the additional dead rat's taste/lack of energy because of chain smoking the entire evening. And did definitely NOT miss the hardship of having to smoke while too hungover to even 'like' it. ● Went outside for a delicious afternoon recovery coffee. Warm weather, nice and sunny. Smoking people everywhere. This was a tough one, but I did it. ?

'Not stopping smoking, look like me you will in the end'