MLMR

Nope

Context: work. Sitting in my car. Thinking about today. Am I satisfied? Not at all. Was it worth my time? Nope. Did we come to some mutual understanding, something fundamental, something that makes us a serious party to take in account? I seriously doubt that. Contemplating everything that has been said during the meeting. It is not ok. This is not how we planned it. And I saw it coming and shared my worries long ago, for nothing. And then suddenly I have this anger coming up, al the way from my toes crawling up, it’s hot, it’s swirling. I am mad as hell. And it’s crystal clear rage. Not blinded, not tempered, my heart beating like crazy but for a very genuine reason and I just let it beat like that. My hands are glued to my steeringwheel, I’m surprised the thing doesn’t melt in my hot hands. I’ve not felt such anger in ages. In the background the radio is having a party with Ravel and his Bolero, reaching a climax. I seriously did not have a part in that. Pure coincidence. Not once does smoking cross my mind. Somehow I’m able to experience this rage in all it’s rawness, it’s beauty even. And when the final notes die away, my heart is beating slower, I loosen my grip. My breathing is back to normal, maybe even a bit deeper than normal. Let's go home and may tomorrow take care of it. Man, do I like quitting and feeling everything that I’m supposed to feel right now.

@c9jane29 aTexas squirl, huh? Better warn the Sticks then ...

Well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a brilliant amount of time, two years. Congrats! Thanks for commenting now and then on my writings. It is of such value, to be supported by people who've been there and have a solid and trustworthy approach. I whish you many smokefree years to come!

Good to know your still here! And... moan all you want. I had sleep issues as well. It lasted for about 2,5 weeks (but starting after the first week, where I actually slept like a beast). I really hope you'll find something that works for you, to help you through this period. Take care!

These dutch carrots will haunt me forever ... spoke about them only once ... in my very first introduction post for carrots' sake ...

Hi GM, welcome and thanks for introducing yourself. It would be great to read your progres here! My tip: find something new to do, to learn. It helps to get your mind off smoking and will benefit you in rewiring your addict brain. Take extra good care of yourself these coming days

..about quitting? What was not as bad as you anticipated? What went surprisingly well?

Comitting is one thing, accepting and embracing everything that comes with it is a second. For me that's the hard part. If I 'just' commit, I become hardened and solely do it to prove myself that I'm not a ... loser. I don't want to do it like that anymore. After eight weeks (!!!) I find that's its less and less about not smoking, but merely to do things differently. And I love that because I know what I learn now, is for life

Incence sticks and music. Let's forget about lustyness for a while and meditate. We can still save our soul.

Nope

Thanks for letting us know. Sounds like you had an ok first day. Gardening is so nice! Is the weather in France also still exeptionally good for this time of the year? I hope you sleep tight tonight and get your well deserved rest.

Worst means sausage in Dutch. Just sayin'.

Yes, I know! They even made a movie about her! Oke now I am about to pee MY pants...

@Doreensfree want this for your birthday? I do hope it's not a meat eating toilet though ?

How are you doing, @Pumpkin?

No comment.

What helped me, was knowing that feeling awfull with these dreams doesn't mean that I am close(er) to smoking or should be anymore on guard than I already am, but that I definitely made the right decision and don't want to go back and jeopardize my quit. Apparantly the actual taste of a cigarette in such a dream can be real, bc your lungs are cleaning up tar. I'm not sure though for how long thats the case. In any way these dreams can be pretty gruesome, huh?

Nope

So these moments are worth diving in to, right? Because thats where everything comes together and you make the difference (or not). And apparantly you want to and you do care for your health and wallet

@c9jane29 I'd love to be having that coffee with you! Looks so creamy! But wait, let me first water my plants.

So you already know a lot about quitting, good! Try to see this as a completely different quit, because it might just as well turn out like one. But do use the knowledge you gained back then. It's already in your head. Just need to freshen everything up and grow it from the start. I know you can do it, even with the anxiety. Which s*cks by the way, but it's definitely managable. How did that go back then?

Hi Pumpkin, 'wanting to do this' is the best start you can imagine. Do you also know why you want to quit? I found it helped me to write all my reasons down, even the obvious ones. To get some motivation and reality checks, when the going gets tough. Got your fruit juices and water bottles present, to speed up detoxing and balancing blood sugar? Have a good start, hang in there and take care!